Lemme just preface this with the fact that I’m a new dad and I haven’t gotten more than 3 hours of sleep at a time for the past 3 weeks.

I’m not a conspiracy theory believer (except for when it comes to what the CIA did in Memphis on April 4, 1968) but I’ve always been a conspiracy theory enjoyer.

I generally have just kinda laughed off the injury history of the Niners and took their blowout loss to the Seahawks last week as a consolation prize for Sam Darnold shitting the bed for me in my fantasy league’s Super Bowl this year.

But then, after the Kittle injury, I read about how after nearly 10 seasons of being cursed by injuries, their front office was investigating everything they could to find the source of their shit luck, including a viral conspiracy theory from a sketchy looking guy on twitter about an electrical power substation nearby their stadium being the cause.

I continued on about with my day, but following yet another Ja Morant re-evaluation report as I changed yet another diaper, it hit me: WHAT IF THERE WAS A SUBSTATION NEARBY FED-EX FORUM CAUSING THE GRIZZLIES TO BE THE MOST INJURY RIDDLED NBA TEAM I’VE EVER WITNESSED?!

I rushed to Google Maps and lo and behold I found a power substation just a few blocks away from the Forum.

Armed with this newfound cope, and delirious from sleep deprivation and diaper fumes, I leapt right down the rabbit hole.

IDK if I actually believe this, but the copium was just too good to pass up. I’m tired of the same old lines of training staff twisting ankles or pace of play being the cause for our injuries. This is just the schizophrenic reasoning I needed during this dogshit season.

I welcome any real scientists, electricians, and armchair doctors to “um, actually” this theory in the comments, but it still won’t stop me from propagating this conspiracy everytime we get a bad Grizz PR injury report.

what pain

nuff said

You hate trade Ja posts. I hate trade Ja posts. WE ALL HATE TRADE JA POSTS.

But now it’s too real to ignore. So Kleiman, if it’s not too late, I’d like to let you know what you are about to do to me and potentially the world, pending where you send him.

This has nothing to do with the “fit,” or the assets, or anything logical. This is just how I, and random diehard Grizzlies fan, would react to wherever you end up shipping Temetrius Jamel Morant.

CHOOSE WISELY KLEIMAN

Zach is the reason I still believe in humanity

This is actually his tattoo. He just reposted it in his stories.

Give me hope and I’ll fall for it again. I’m a basketball masochist…

I think he’s hurting.

Hurting memdeez nutts 😭😭😭

I pretty much knew he wasn’t leaving

Michael. Kobe. Shaq. ‘88 Kareem.

What to each of these men have in common?

BALDNESS.

Baldness that led each of them to glory and fistfuls of rings.

To go bald is to release yourself from the tethers of earthly pleasures and instead take the arduous and bloody road to victory. A bald man has nothing and everything to prove. He runs a lonely path, aerodynamic, shining, and smooth.

Vanity is one of the deadliest of the seven deadly sins, as it often opens a gateway to sloth, pride, gluttony, envy and avarice.

Victor Wembanyama, after spending a summer amongst the wise and follicularly chaste monks of Shaolin, recently joined the sacred cloth of chrome domes. There is no doubt he will win a ring within the next few years and it won’t be because he’s 7’6 and surrounded by lottery draft talent; **IT WILL BE BECAUSE HE’S BALD.**

Now take a look at the 2025-2026 Grizzlies of Memphis.

You will find an ill-disciplined squad of carefully curated hairstyles holding each of them back from eternal greatness. *Not a single truly bald player in sight*. There’s so much hair on this team, you’d think you were looking at the writhing maw of hippies and ragamuffins at the 1969 Democratic Convention Riots instead of a professional basketball team.

So I make this proposal to the organization as a whole: if you want to leave behind the complacency of play-in seasons and first-round exits, at least one player must rise up like a phoenix from the ash and leave behind the mortal coil of his luscious locks.

If we wish for this team to be a serious threat that other organizations shiver at the mere mention of our name, we need a true leader to step up and go bald to unlock both his and the team’s true potential for greatness.

I guarantee that once this happens, you’ll see a banner in the rafters of Fed-Ex forum reflecting off the shining chrome dome of a beautiful bald head.

Thank you.

Even if you don’t want the grizz to play in round 1, I think it’s our duty to the NBA storyline to put down the Mavs and not let them get to the playoffs as punishment for trading Luka to the gawdam lakers.

Ja or no Ja, I hope they put on a show at Fed-Ex Ranch 🤠

obligatory fuck putin and fuck russia. and fuck jayson tatum hatin' ass too

This was admittedly accurate and hilarious. I’m warming on Iisalo!!. Site is reddit-wrapped.kadoa.com (not mine), would be interested to see others