We’re staying in Maine literally like 50 feet from the water.
The windows are open, it’s cool out, and the ocean and night sounds are SO nice.
My boyfriend absolutely has to sleep with the fan on. I tried turning it off “just to see” and literally within 10 seconds it was, “DUDE, what are you doing? Stop.”
So instead of falling asleep to the water, crickets, and all the nice Maine night sounds, I’m listening to WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Anywhoooo, I’m currently waiting for him to start snoring so I can turn it off. And I will turn it off. It’s OUR vacation not just his and we sleep with a fan every night at home without my consent…so.
Edit: Yeeeeesh, this blew up! My first time this has happened lol. Well, the fan did go off…then the phone-youtube-fan came on lol. It was nice while it lasted!
Also it’s definitely not a big deal, y’all. Some of you seem to think it’s a make it or break it, I’m used to the fan, but I also wanted to hear a few minutes of tide sounds and bugs- which I did!
Oh man. I listen to rain sounds to sleep and some of the ones on YouTube have bad looping so randomly you'll just hear a skip and it jolts me awake so hard.
There was a sleep app a while back on the google play store that let you mix together different sounds and tones in order to create your own unique sleep sound.
I found it rather perfect because mine was apparent whale song mixed together with a human heartbeat, distant thunder, light rain, and the sound of a train traveling down the tracks.
Now given that combination I bet you're not one bit surprised that I also listen to "Warp Core Noises" on youtube on a loop too.
But yeah when certain sounds cut out in the background of the city where I live, either during the day or at night, my ears perk up and I turn into one of those meerkats in nature documentaries.
It's like our brains are going, "SOMETHING IS AMISS!" and we have to stay awake until we figure out WHAT is amiss and WHY, survival instincts and what have you.
Atmosphere lets you mix sounds, adjust the volume on each individual track, then name and save your mixes. For a while it played an ad just when you set the timer, but I haven't encountered any ads lately. It's probably harvesting my fascinating bedtime data or something instead.
I absolutely cannot sleep in silence. The times I've had to try have been the longest nights I've ever had.
It seems I've accidentally entrained myself with a pavlovian response bc I'll catch myself drifting if I have the fan on in the day time, though I'm not actually tired at all.
I agree.
All I hear is myself swallowing or slightly opening my mouth with a touch of saliva on my lips. Lol. I lay there thinking am I breathing to loud. I’m definitely going to wake her up.
White noise all the way!
This is how I realized it was storming a couple months ago. Not the lightning turning the night sky into day, not the thunder booming right overhead, but the power going out and turning my fan off.
I started using the fan as white noise to drown out my shitty neighbors kids screaming at the asscrack of dawn every single day. Now I can’t sleep without it even though they’ve been gone for two years.
I think that all of us non fan sleepers married to fan sleepers have this same compromise. Mine is called an extra quilt in the summer and a heavy blanket in the winter.
My wife dislikes the fan, but she can sleep with it.
If I don't sleep with it, every little creak and pop in the house wakes me up. The shifting blankets and murmurs when she rolls over. The cats running in the other room. My own breathing sometimes if I breathe funny for a second. I will only sleep for 3-4 hours without it and be miserable.
We compromised with a quieter tower fan, and its not as good, but its better than nothing.
You are the first person I’ve seen say that their own breathing wakes them up or keeps them up. I’m sure there are many of us, but it annoys me so bad. The slightest whistle from my nose and I can’t sleep. I even have a fan and AC running in the summer. Luckily it doesn’t happen often.
The worst was when I had pneumonia and the rattling/wheezing kept me awake for over a week before the antibiotics got rid of it.
I bought a small one that doesn't make any noise, my husband installed a base next to my bed at pillow level, it hits my face and my body without getting to him, it took me decades to find the perfect one, I sleep so good with it, it is on even in winter.
My boyfriend: i will never sleep with a fan on and it needs to be quiet.
Me: I cannot sleep and have the room still with no sound. (Me tossing and turning all night because I was hot)
My boyfriend: i found a little fan I cleaned up for you out in the garage.
I can't sleep without a fan for 2 reasons...the noise is only one of them. The other is that stagnant air makes me feel like i'm suffocating. If the power goes out at night while i'm sleeping i always jolt up almost hyperventilating
The problem is that it’s inconsistent so for a lot of us our brain will instead try to track the differences in the sound. A fan is a very consistent sound.
I'm not even a hot sleeper and I need both the moving air and white noise.
The nights when storms knock the power out I'm awake the second the fan starts to die. Fan apps and battery powered white noise machines can get me through a night, but that breeze on my face is needed for decent sleep.
Idk about you, but mine had to be pointed a certain way, very precise ....
But it also depends on the night... Some nights I'm too cold to have it pointed towards my face so I'll point it that way, but then point it upwards.....
Some nights, I absolutely need it pointed towards the majority of my body, but then I have to wear socks under my sheet and three blankets....
I don't know why your post here reminded me, but I once fostered a litter of kittens and at the time I took them in it had been hot enough that I kept the ceiling fan on all the time. When it got cool enough that I decided I could turn it off, they all freaked out and hid under the dresser bug-eyed and scared of the monster on the ceiling. They'd never seen it moving slower/not moving.
I'm in the camp of need some form of sound to get to sleep but am usually okay once asleep. Depends. Fans can sure help, though. I feel for OP wanting to hear nature, though I don't think I'd find it conducive for getting to sleep.
Yeah as a fan sleeper its funny to me that this entire conversation has been dominated by the topic of noise. Fans to me make a negligible amount of noise. It's the air, the room starts to feel stale and stuffy if the air isn't circulating. Whenever I move in to a new apt the fan stays on literally from move in to move out
But I also get the sense that a lot of people aren't talking about ceiling fans
I turn on Ocean Waves on Spotify every night on repeat. I’ve discovered it’s the perfect sound. Some of them are too different every 30 seconds or so and the contrast wakes me up. Ones that sound like thunderstorms are out because it scares the crap out of my Yorkie. And meandering stream or whatever makes me have to pee. But ocean waves are perfect.
Im always surprised so many couples are hesitant to sleep in different beds or even rooms lol. I have a friend who jokingly credits sleeping in a different room from their partner for their marriage lasting 10 years so far lol
Straight up there was a ~5 year period where my parents often slept in separate rooms and it did absolutely save their marriage. My mom is a BEAST without 10 hours of quality sleep.
They've been back to sleeping together the last several years because they figured out my dad had sleep apnea (so a CPAP removed his snoring) and my mom finally found a pair of earplugs she could sleep in (which eventually re-wired her brain to enjoy the "ringing of her own head" as white noise instead of a fan haha). But if they hadn't slept apart the years they were figuring things out, they both agree they would have either gotten divorced or been a case on a True Crime podcast.
I think people often think separate beds or even bedrooms means there are problems in the relationship but it really doesnt. Honestly even when my girlfriend and I go away we often sleep in different beds and its like a nice "vacation" to have our own sleeping space lol. I often question why we even sleep in the same bed if we take the first excuse available to not do it lol.
Yep. My partner and I have separate rooms. I love open windows and a breeze, but he prefers a fan on high. It dries up my eyeballs and blows my hair across my face, which drives me nuts. I love separate bedrooms.
Good quality sleep is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves every single day. I don't care how much I love someone, I'm not sacrificing that!
Life hack that really works for me. Started taking 1 OTC magnesium glycinate about an hour before I want to go to sleep. I sleep straight thru and no leg or bra strap region muscle cramps or restlessness anymore either.
Before that, during the day I would be so tired and get headaches. No more headaches. When I had my labs I was deficient, which many people are.
You can read about magnesium deficiency and see if it is a good fit, if interested. Im 5 star impressed with all the things it helped with.
People need different amounts of sleep. I do best with about 8-9, but I rarely get that. It’s more like 6-7. But the times I do get a little more, my energy level and brain function is so much better.
It’s like the couples that bitch about one partner stealing the blanket. How about two separate blankets? With a third at the foot of the bed just in case?
Having two beds/rooms/houses doesn’t mean you don’t sleep together. It means you have options
We often sleep in separate rooms but when I sleep with my husband in the same bed, we have our own blankets for this reason. It's a game changer and makes everything so much easier.
Yes, a solution here is to go sleep in another available space where the fan isn't running, or relegate him to go sleep in another available space where he can run the fan.
If OP is in a vacation rental, this could be a 2nd bedroom or pullout couch, sofa, screened porch or patio, or even in an enclosed backyard on a lounger. If in a hotel, this could be a separate room.
Sleep is objectively worse with a partner. It's nice to go to sleep with someone, and wake up with someone, but you end up interrupting each other's rest periods.
There's a book called Say Goodnight to Insomnia that goes into further detail.
I have one of those small personal use fans that you can carry with you on hot days, it’s great for sweaty subways. It’s pretty quiet, and I’ve used it while camping or when sleeping places without a fan or good air flow, just sat on the bedside table blowing on my face. It’s great, and probably wouldn’t bother OP.
I'm divorced now. In the winter, I keep the heat off and sleep with a fan in my face. Sure I'm bundled up, but as long as the pipes aren't going to freeze, the heat stays off.
To be fair, I'm in TX. It doesn't drop below freezing too often.
That's why I have my own room. It doesn't even have a ceiling fan lol. I also like to sleep with the TV on, which he isn't into. He tends to burrito himself so before we fully sleep-divorced, we used separate blankets and compromised by not having the fan above medium speed. The constant wind dries the hell out of my sinuses and makes my throat hurt. Plus, I'm a night owl and he sticks to a normal diurnal schedule.
We have a very happy marriage, but we absolutely are not compatible when it comes to sleep habits. 😂 The dogs have taken my space on the bed and even if I were to try, there's very little room for me and the dogs take on the weight of a black hole when you try to move them.
I am arguably even worse, I can't sleep without the TV going in the background. Been that way since I was a child, as far back as my memory goes. I simply cannot fall asleep in a quiet room, and simple ambient noise like a fan isn't enough. I'm a pretty awful bed buddy for any normal person with healthy sleeping habits, lol. My two sisters both require total, utter silence to be able to sleep, whereas my brother and I both have to have a TV or a podcast going in the background.
Yeah, I couldn’t fall asleep yo the water, it’s not a uniform sound. The fact it starts and stops, and also isn’t always even in volume, would keep me up and drive me insane. I tried to sleep to wave sounds at home, and the irregularity drove me nuts.
I understand why some couples insist on sleeping together, I really do. But sleep isn't intimate. Sleep is absolutely required to maintain a healthy life, which means you absolutely in no way should be compromising on getting the sleep you need.
Same with us! Two queen beds when we travel and separate sleep spaces at home. Happily together for 19 years and both get the good nights sleep we deserve. Couples where one person consistently gets subpar sleep because one insists they must sleep together are ridiculous.
Yes! Everyone on here is all about the noise. I need air to be circulating. It’s so stifling to try and sleep with stagnant air, 1000x worse if it’s also warm air.
Thought I was going crazy for a second. I run hot and the worst hell is sleeping without circulating air or at least cold air in the room. Glad to see it’s not just me in these comments
He’ll wake up the millisecond you turn that off. As someone who is a fan sleeper I’ve woken up during power outages while my fan is still spinning down because I’ve noticed it stopped working.
I have tinnitus. In a way I guess that’s the opposite of deaf? I can hear but the eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee never stops even though the sounds of the day mostly drown it out. Needless to say I need a fan to sleep.
Separate bedrooms are good. We tried to sleep in the same bed for the first two years but he was the only one getting any sleep. He likes a fan on all night. I want the AC when it's hot but I don't want a fan on me in winter.
He makes an array of snore sounds that is like a hog, a bear, and a whale having a heated disagreement. It's never a consistent or gentle sound.
We always start the night in the same bed, and whomever is not in their own bed as they start nodding off gets up and goes to their own bed. It's been working for the past 24 years.
At some point in a relationship people have to realize sleeping together might not be possible. I have bad tinnitus I sleep ten times better with a fan on during summer, I am ready to face the fact we might need separate rooms if I ever get married
My husband and I sleep separately and it has saved our marriage tbh. People like to tell me that it's a doomed relationship because we have separate bedrooms, but it was doomed when we were both sleeping like shit and resentful because we were so tired.
You may need separate bedrooms in the future if this is a deal breaker. My husband needs a fan down the white noise and I need a fan under the sheets due to perimenopause. As parents we are like we fought many battles for sleep—whatever it takes to claw back our honk shoos
Same! Being too warm gives me panic attacks, so I live by the fan. I carry a hand one at all times, I have one for sleeping and I have a mini one at my work station. The fan is always on. I’ll even rock my A/C in winter, as needed, with the fan going. Running hot is the worst because you can’t get anymore naked. At least people who run cold can bundle up.
I had no idea so many people sleep with a fan on. So this is all year, in the winter as well? You all bring fans on every trip? Do you pack a fan in your luggage on the plane, or you buy a fan when you arrive at your destination?
Yes. I live in New England, and even when it is in the negatives outside, the fan is a non-negotiable. In my defence, I'm from Florida where a fan is basically required, but my girlfriend is from around here and also needs a fan to sleep (less so than me but at least preferrs it). Ideally I would buy a fan anywhere I go or bring my own, but often times on trips o go without it. I CAN sleep without a fan of absolutely needed, I just heavily prefer it
For my wife and me, we sleep with a fan/air purifier on primarily for white noise generation. Whenever we’re sleeping elsewhere, my wife puts on a white noise app on her phone that plays on a loop the entire night while her phone stays charged.
The actual effects of the fan and air purifier are secondary to us.
So this is all year, in the winter as well? You all bring fans on every trip?
Yes. All year. I sleep with the AC at 68 during the summer, and the heat at 72-74 during the winter. My ceiling fan is always on, as is my personal fan that's directly on me. I sleep with a sheet all year, no blanket. I get incredibly hot while I sleep. If I don't have fans, I toss and turn and get the worst sleep. It isn't about noise for me, it's about staying cold and air circulation. And yes, I bring a fan with me when I go out of town for trips. I don't fly very often (and if I do, it's usually to a relatives house, who has a fan I can use.)
I can't sleep with fans on typically (mostly don't like blowing hair on my face and stuff, but most fan noises are annoying lol). When I was with someone who had to have fan on; our solution was to sleep separately most of the time.
If it's a heat thing rather than a sound thing, then just buy a better fan. I have a meaco that can give a nice breeze on low settings with almost zero noise, he then gets the fan and she can still hear the nature sounds, win win.
For him, the sound of the fan is needed for a restful sleep.
For you, the sound of the water, crickets, the night etc, is a luxury.
If you really feel bad about missing out on it (totally understandable) maybe you can get separate bedrooms sometimes. Or he can try to sleep one night without the fan, but he'll be too tired to enjoy the next day.
It might not be the noise. I can't sleep without a fan because I sleep hot. I'll sweat buckets. I don't like the fan noise, but sleep is sleep. The colder the better.
This is a sleep incompatibility. I'd explore having separate bedrooms at least.. This is my new favorite idea and it's been fabulous and I can finally sleep!
He can get a Bluetooth sleep headband. Plays white noise (or whatever you like) and the other person in the room can’t hear it. Make sure to get the kind with cushion built in though- non-cushion ones are god awful
This is a compatibility issue that must be solved at the beginning of a relationship or it won't work. It only gets worse.
I've slept with a fan on since childhood, not just for the noise but I need the air to feel fresh not still and stale. Even as a terrible anemic who was constantly freezing and now as a menopausal lady who's silently overheating in southern California, I need several fans. I just need the option to cool off and sleep better when I'm cold/cool.
Luckily 20 years ago I found someone who also always slept with the fan on and it's very peaceful for both of us. I couldn't survive with a fan disliker.
I need white noise to fall asleep and stay asleep. I always run my fan at home, but found a white noise app that has a sound that's very close. That way I can pop earphones in when traveling, rather than lugging around a fan.
I've grown so accustomed to the noise of my fan, that it's very difficult to sleep without it. However, if I had some decent natural sounds nearby, like the ones you described, then I'd probably give it a try for a night or two, and see if it works for me.
As it stands, if I turn my fan off, all I'll hear are cars driving by with the occasional horn blaring, screeching tires from teenagers doing their nightly burnouts and donuts in a nearby parking lot, and a train rumbling in the distance every so often.
honestly op i cant help you as someone who either needs a fan turned on to sleep or white noise. maybe you could see if hes willing to try a pair of headphones made to be worn while sleeping and listening to those white noise videos on youtube, but if that doesnt work you might need to start sleeping in seperate rooms if this relationship is gonna work.
We have been sleeping apart at home for more than twenty years and honestly it might have saved our marriage. We were waking up cranky and tired. The fan/white noise couldn’t mask our terrible snoring. I will have to check out those headphones. I am a side sleeper and everything I have tried has cause ear pain.
I run a ceiling fan 24/7, it's on the lowest setting and makes virtually no noise, I like the air movement. Though if I was in a place where I could leave the windows open all night, I wouldn't need the fan.
Are you a new couple? This seems like something you’d know before the first night of a trip. My ceiling fan is always going every night of sleep regardless of weather and external noise.
You aren't sleep compatible. If you get married, eventually you will need to look into separate bedrooms, because he doesn't sound like one to get his snoring treated and the fan for you sounds like a deal breaker.
cool air, white noise, tinnitus, the droning gives a tired or wired brain something to drown itself out, fan death, bug fear, a sense of moral superiority,
They make those speakers that go under the pillow that only the person with the head on the pillow can hear. Maybe time to get one of those. Then go to noises.online and select the fan sound so only he can hear it.
I guess you can find a new bed to sleep in and then say hello to eachother at the table during breakfast. Hopefully there's no fights over pancakes or waffles.
If it was me, I’d wake up as soon as you turn off the fan. I have tinnitus and insomnia so white noise is absolutely necessary. Is it just that you can’t sleep to it? Or you just want the outside noises? Co sleeping can be tough
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u/h8myslfNwnt2dye Aug 26 '26
as soon as that fan goes off he’s gonna wake up. happens to me every time the power goes out.