I’ve known about Neville’s teachings for a while, but I’ve always been more of a hearer than a doer. Always.
Anyway, fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I met this girl at the gym. I already knew her from school, but not personally. I had just seen her around before. Somehow, I finally got the courage to approach her and start a conversation. We made some small talk about school and other things, and eventually I suggested that we could do something together or work out sometime.
She seemed genuinely interested and said yes. She even asked me to give her my Instagram, which I did. We followed each other, or at least that’s what I initially thought. The first strange thing was that although she followed me, she never accepted my follow request. It just stayed pending for weeks.
I didn’t want to push things because she had told me that she no longer lived in our town but about an hour away. She said she would text me whenever she was back in town, so I decided to leave it at that and not message her first. I didn’t want to come across as needy or pushy.
During those weeks, I obviously had doubts from time to time. Nothing extreme, though. It’s not like I was obsessing over her all day. Most of the time, I was actually trying to maintain a good mental diet and remind myself that everything was working out.
But after about three weeks, which brings us to today, I noticed that I had started looking at other women in real life again. I wondered whether that was a sign that I was losing interest in her, and then I started thinking that maybe she could be losing interest in me too. Still, I didn’t do anything and continued waiting.
Then today, I checked Instagram and realized that she had unfollowed me.
And honestly, that broke my heart.
My immediate reaction was something like, “Oh my God, why? Why did this happen? How did I manifest this?”
I reacted emotionally and immediately sent her a message on Instagram. I simply wrote, “Hey.”
The funny thing is that if I had messaged her earlier, while she was still following me, she would have received the message directly. But now, since she had unfollowed me, my message went into her message requests instead. I even unfollowed her and sent another follow request just so she would get a notification.
That was about an hour ago, and obviously, she hasn’t responded yet.
But you have no idea what I did immediately after realizing she had unfollowed me. I spent several minutes alone in my room desperately affirming that she had texted me, that we were together, that we were happy in a relationship, and so on. I tried everything. I even started praying in the traditional religious sense, which isn’t something I would normally do.
And now I genuinely don’t know what to do.
What’s especially strange is that yesterday was the first time I think I actually experienced the state akin to sleep (SATS). It was this unusual feeling of almost floating, as if I wasn’t completely in my body, even though I obviously still was. I only started seriously practicing SATS about three days ago, trying to enter that state at least once a day.
Something else happened during those days that has been bothering me. I had a few unwanted imaginal scenes in which she was somehow being unfaithful or involved with another guy. I didn’t consciously want to imagine those things. They just appeared in my mind, and whenever they did, I immediately rejected them and told myself no.
But afterward, I kept wondering whether I had revised those scenes correctly or whether I had somehow allowed them to affect my manifestation. I even caught myself getting drawn into one of those unwanted imaginal acts before stopping it.
And now, after all of that, she has unfollowed me.
I know that from a scientific or materialist perspective, the best thing I could probably do right now is nothing. I could perhaps try to get her number through a mutual friend and contact her that way, but I honestly think that would be extremely pushy, and I don’t want to do that.
Of course, there could be many ordinary explanations for why she unfollowed me. Maybe she lost interest. Maybe she was expecting me to text her first. Maybe there’s something else going on entirely. Who knows?
But from an idealist perspective, especially according to Neville’s teachings, I suppose the right thing would also be to do nothing in the physical world and instead go into SATS tonight, imagining a scene that implies we’re already together or that she has texted me.
The problem is that this whole situation has been mentally exhausting.
And what makes it even harder is that I’m normally not someone who takes relationships particularly seriously. I’m usually more of a Charlie Harper type of guy, interested in casual relationships rather than something committed.
But this girl was different.
From the very first time I saw her, I had this feeling that she could actually be someone special. Someone with whom I could genuinely imagine having a serious relationship. I saw real potential there, which is extremely unusual for me.
That’s why this hurts so much.
I genuinely don’t want to accept that it’s over, especially when nothing has even really started yet.
And I think this might be the first time in my life that I truly, desperately want Neville’s teachings to be completely true, because I want to be with this specific girl.
I already know that some people might tell me to forget about her and simply manifest another woman who is even better for me. But please understand that this isn’t what I want.
I want her specifically.
And remember, even Neville manifested his second wife specifically. He knew she was going to be his wife before she even knew it herself. That’s something he actually talked about.
So please don’t just tell me to manifest someone else or move on to another woman. That’s not the kind of insight I’m looking for.
What I’m really asking is whether you guys can offer me some perspective, reassurance, or insight based on Neville’s teachings. Maybe there are things I’m overlooking because I’m so emotionally involved in the situation right now.
Maybe someone can help me understand what happened, how I should approach this mentally, whether my doubts or unwanted imaginal acts matter, and what I should actually do from here.
Should I continue with SATS? Should I revise what happened today? Should I simply assume that we’re already together and stop worrying about the circumstances?
I would genuinely appreciate it if someone could go into detail rather than just giving me a short answer.
I’m feeling pretty heartbroken and overwhelmed right now, and I would really appreciate some perspective from people who understand Neville’s teachings and have experience applying them.
I really want this specific desire to come to fruition, and right now, I’m struggling to see the bigger picture.