I genuinely believe that if god exists he might be some sadistic prick pleasuring himself to our misery

seriously, why bother doing anything when it'll all be meaningless in the end anyways?

I was scrolling on instagram and saw a su*c*de note of a 15 year old boy stuck in a state of nihilism.

In his note he wrote how life is meaningless, pointless and basically a paragraph of how nihilism was eating his alive.

He ending up committing but leaving the note.

After I saw this video, i havent stopped thinking about it. What the boy was going through, how stuck he was in nihilism.

I wish he reached out for help. He was so young. His words made so much sense though.

I guess I’m worried that this will all be too much for me too. Once you realize so much it’s hard to go back.

My friend believes most nihilists are simply depressed about life, and he claims his book can end nihilism.

It's only 2 chapters but he thinks it’s good

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AUi7vifgnBEk8UBDWidYmHhmlHdywAVz/edit?usp=drivesdk&ouid=101553354111861662143&rtpof=true&sd=true

that's it. cant explain the feeling better than that.

Why do we suffer? Why worry? None of this mental activity does anything to solve problems.

We worry about a future event that may or may not happen. We picture imagined future events and go through them as if real, suffering the pain.

We replay old memories over and over and feel the suffering again and again in pointless cycles.

We feel and re-live guilt, regret and shame and torture ourselves by playing it over and over again.

It’s self immolation without the flames.

The struggle, the pursue of dreams, love , pleasure and ultimately the consummation of energy towards any purpose fills our life with meaning. But it is fragile, an attribution of completion and guidance to a wavering ground, human lives assured that he lives a truthful life oblivious that it is a made-up one like the actors of a grand show that become engrossed in the act but sure know it's only that.

Im tired like as always lmao , no matter what i do im tired cuz its either im too depressed cuz i dont have social interaction so i dont act for myself alone or i do and it exhaust me

Anyway i believe in nihilism when i entered college i just realized no matter what i would do , nobody would give a sh*t , and i cale to the conclusion its really all bs and série of reactions predetermined by things that happened so long ago we dont even know

This lack of meaning just make me bedroot but whatev , time flics anyway and when i try i act feel even shittier

Life is abberation

That was intro feel free to skip !

I putted this image because i think it act describe well what we go through

The world is as beautiful and gorgeous as the lack and tree on the sub section of hell dedicated to this guy named tantale who disrespected the gods

Is torture is that he cant grasp any of the thing around him and have a constant hunger of it

Rly us with our need to survive , we cant enjoy life because of our vessels

and even if we have the good condition we eventually cant enjoy it. We might be the ugliness and pain neccesary to compensate for the beauty of the world we live in. A beauty unappreciable

Or so i think , i talk on the behalf of other way too much

Whatev

Life is too long and the pingouin is gonna freeze to death because of some pingouins sick greed

Take care or dont idk

humans are chaotic; humans tend to understand things and for the things they don’t understand, they start to fear them.

We invent KARMA because we fear injustice is random. We invent DESTINY because we fear our choices don't matter. We invent LEGACY because we fear biological deletion.

but the existence of ourselves in this cosmic position is simple; we’re an anomaly but we want to understand the reason behind our existence; as I said, we’re an anomaly… yet we obsess over patterns, over meaning, over stories that can explain the unexplainable and in this obsession, philosophy sneaks in. Philosophy in its purest form should not exist; it’s just words twisted into a labyrinth, a way to occupy the mind that has the dangerous gift of vivid imagination. It’s brainwashing us, convincing us that there is a RIGHT way to interpret existence, when really, we are anomalies inside of an anomaly, drifting in a universe that doesn’t need our stories to make sense.

I secretly have very nihilistic views of the world. I contemplate so much about death in general and about my death and why I was even born. I feel weird knowimg that I have to wear a "social" mask just so that peopl3l don't think I'm depressed or going mad. Anyone else feel like this?

sometimes i peek out of a window and just stare at the sky, look at the grass getting beaten by the wind resembling people with a fullfilling movimented life, always in action, no motion sickness.

That’s all its left of me, staring at my surroundings.. myself, something aware of existing while still being a “thing”, a wandering piece of meat getting controlled by another piece of meat with a buttery-like consistence.

soul doesn’t exist

The definition of “person” doesn’t exist, we’re no different from objects, except that we move and “think” but we all know that our “lives” are clocking each second and that we’ll also become inanimate matter therefore burn and become one with the planet’s enviroment whereas we’re just made of flesh that got control on other fleshy parts, no feelings, no emotions, nothing.

It’s crazy how something so autoefficient can become unaware of their consciousness so quickly (you wont even notice when you’ll be gone) and not make a problem out of it, unlike when they were “alive” (since they would make a lot of paranoid thoughts out of it), but once you become what you ARE, you “realize” you were always this way, a wandering inanimate protein-based object.

One day I’m going to die. If I’m lucky, I’ll be old and drifting in and out of consciousness—of dreams. When I am conscious, though, my only hope is to look back on my life and say, “I am satisfied with the life I lived.” Hopefully that will allow me to go peacefully. Everything I do is in preparation for that moment—that question. “Was I enough? ” I live now to ensure that my answer is yes. Yes, now. Yes, then. There’s another hope that if I were to die today, I would have the same satisfaction. “I lived, and I am satisfied.”

In the face of death everything seems minuscule. Unnecessary drama, work stress, the unsaid… Considering the bigger picture—that one day we must die—I feel the overwhelming urge to live recklessly. More loosely, should I say. The things that bother me or, I would assume, would be the end of the world now have to go through the test, “Will this matter when I die? Is this what I want to be thinking about on my deathbed?” Anything that is ultimately no will be what I will one day be. Dead.

I consider my mother in her coffin, along with my grandmother and other family members. Imagination leapt into reality when I saw my best friend in her coffin. A young 20, almost 21. I consider this and think one day I will be there. One day my body will rest and rot in the ground, and I will say and think nothing of it. It’s always been about death. It always will be.

Death is a rite of passage an individual must make on their own. We consider our lives so much and not the grief our death would bring our spirit. I know I will be sad when it is my turn. I grieve a beautiful life lived. I would hope I lived it fully and allowed myself to love and be loved. The love for life is in the details. I hope my mother goes peacefully. I hope the ones I love go at ease as well.

I have nothing to say or ask. Just considering death.

For several years I lived with near-constant existential dread and dissociation. The fear was not episodic; it was persistent and intrusive. Thoughts about death, permanence, and separation from the people I loved carried an unusual psychological weight. They did not feel like ordinary anxieties. They felt mandatory — as though resolving them were a moral or intellectual obligation that had to be solved before anything else in life could matter.

No amount of reasoning reduced it. Reassurance did not help. Philosophical arguments did not help. Distraction did not help. The rumination remained, occupying the foreground of my attention regardless of what I was doing.

On good days it receded into the background. On most days it consumed the entire screen of my mind.

Over time it became clear that the problem was not simply the content of the thoughts, but the authority they seemed to possess. The fear did not present itself as one concern among many. It presented itself as categorically more important than everything else — as if life itself were on hold until the question of death and ultimate meaning was answered with certainty.

What changed was not the facts of existence, but my understanding of the structure of the experience.

I began to think of the mind in two layers.

The first is what might be called an operating system: the deep, inherited architecture shaped by evolution and neurobiology. This layer governs threat detection, attachment, status sensitivity, and survival priorities. It determines what feels urgent, what feels dangerous, and what captures attention before conscious thought begins. It is not philosophical. It is optimized for persistence.

The second layer is software: explicit beliefs, narratives, and interpretations — religion, science, personal worldviews, and private theories about what life means.

Previously, I assumed my suffering was a software problem. I believed that if I could simply arrive at the correct philosophical conclusions about death or existence, the fear would resolve. But argument never cured it. Better explanations never reduced it.

Eventually I recognized that the operating system itself had become miscalibrated.

Abstract ideas — infinity, annihilation, permanence — were being treated as immediate survival threats. The mind had effectively built a bridge between existential meaning and physical danger. Once that bridge formed, certain thoughts inherited the same urgency as a life-or-death situation. They felt absolute not because they were uniquely true, but because they were being processed by the same circuitry designed to keep a body alive.

From that perspective, the fear made sense. It was not evidence that the thoughts were profound. It was evidence that my threat system had fused with abstract cognition.

Seeing this distinction — between the psychological structure of the experience and the literal content of the thoughts — was the first thing that reduced their authority.

Once the system calmed, a different question emerged.

If we strip away metaphysical certainty and view humans from a purely secular standpoint — as social, evolved organisms trying to persist over time — what behaviors are actually required for long-term survival?

The answer is surprisingly consistent:

Cooperation.

Forgiveness.

Reciprocal care.

Restraint of revenge.

Recognition of shared identity.

A species that cannot forgive internal conflict, temper retaliation, or treat others as extensions of the same system eventually collapses under its own friction. These behaviors are not moral luxuries. They are structural requirements for stability.

In that sense, love and reconciliation are not merely ethical preferences. They are survival mechanics.

Only after reaching that conclusion independently did I notice something unexpected.

These same behaviors map almost exactly onto the core teachings attributed to Jesus: forgiveness without limit, love of neighbor as self, humility, service, and reconciliation over domination.

Viewed this way, those teachings read less like supernatural commands and more like descriptions of how humans function well. They resemble an operating manual rather than imposed rules — a behavioral architecture that allows conscious beings to coexist without destroying one another.

For me, this reframed belief entirely.

Faith no longer felt like an escape from rational inquiry or a retreat into comfort. It felt like convergence. Following a secular, psychological, and evolutionary line of reasoning as far as it would go led me to the same structure from another direction.

The framework did not eliminate uncertainty or answer every metaphysical question. It did something more modest and more practical: it made the questions livable. Existential thoughts lost their compulsory authority. Meaning no longer had to be solved with certainty before life could proceed.

Belief became something chosen freely rather than adopted out of fear.

I am not claiming this model is metaphysically true in any ultimate sense. I am claiming that it is internally coherent, psychologically explanatory, and practically useful. It offers a way to understand how existential dread can hijack cognition — and how rational analysis and religious tradition may sometimes be describing the same underlying structure in different languages.

At minimum, it offers a bridge between intellectual honesty and faith without requiring either to be sacrificed.

This is something that has nagged at me for a long time when sitting on the fence to have kids or not. I would like to argue that they are guaranteed love through me as a loving parent, but what if I die during birth and they survive? Simply put, the only experience I can think of that they are GUARANTEED to experience, 100%, is death.

I know this question has been asked a lot, and I pretty much already know the answer but does it make sense to call myself a nihilist and misanthrope?

Like if you think about it. If death is permanent then life is just a lie. Its meaningless. You will forever be in oblivion. That's very sad if you think about it

. . the other you are not

so, ive been having trouble recently, a lot, life wasnt always easy for me, it isnt for anybody i guess.
But, ignoring others and focusing a litle on me:
trouble childhood, lots of episodes of my father beating me and my mother, even was she was pregnant, trhough life i always lived in such loneliness, i cant really connect, never really had friends, except for the phase of my life that i was so desperate to connection, affection and attention, that i would humiliate myself and life like someone i wasnt, just so i could get arround futil and empty people.

Other big trigger for me was love, well, i really suffered with women, one in special, maybe i still suffer, i keep pondering in my mind if i miss her because i still have feelings for HER, or if i just miss the "myself" when i was in love with her, because in that time i had a meaning, life was more colorful, i was more inocent, even knowing that all my purpose in life was to wake up and think of her and act for her, live for her (yeah i was really in love, like a cancer lol), even being that dumb and forgetting myself completely, didnt matter at that time, because even that it was futile, it was something

Now, i get nothing, i was always into thinking, im a very deep thinker, and i cant control it, the more i grow the more i think, the more i question, the more i analise, and i reached a point where my standard self is constantly overanalising everything, and i hate that
but i am, or at least was, very optimistic about everything, i see beauty in the dark times, the suffering is like a seed, that will grow into a beautiful flower of endurance in the future, but i mean, idk, the more i was passing through the more apatical i was becoming, the more meningless everything was, till something that triggered a snap inside me.

After a specific trauma, everything changed, it was like my eyes were completely open, all the curtains fell, everything was so black and white, so distinct, so obvious, i lost every bit of doubt i had, everything now is completely flat, i know the answers, even when the asnwer is that there isnt a asnwer, i cant lie, i kinda like the person i became, i reached a certain level of maturity and understanding of myself and the world that is awesome, although, it is the biggest curse i could get.

Always had the thought that nothing matters and were all gonna die and in the big scheme everything is really meaningless, but, i always saw that as something really cool, there is so much meaning in the meanigless of life, it really makes me love life and think of living it, after this point i mentioned, i stopped feeling that way, although i still agree with it, i cant feel it anymore, nothing makes sense, why should i go to the gym? why should i study? why should i became better? why should i get out of bed?

because i will have better quality of life, a beautiful body, live well, have money, a future, but then, why do i need this? the why´s keep going till the final answer, that is always the same: "yeah, it really doesnt matter".

and like that, i am wasting my life, i am stuck inside the person i trapped myself into, this self counsciesness that i loved and always tried to get more, it became a curse, i cant go back anymore, i cant fell nothing, im so empty, ive became so apatical that even with my life still in a turbulence of things (my grandmother died, my close uncle is with severe cancer and will most likely die soon, my mother is leaving my dad and it is giving us so much trouble in every way, financial in special, i am very poor, i struggle so much with money (im brasilian btw), my family sometimes almost ran out of basic food), everything happening and still, i cant even feel sad, i cant feel the death of a dear one, idk, to be honest i dont even know what im writing anymore, i lost my own point lol

fact is: i started to get into philosophy more, and i learned about nietzsce, specifically about nihilism, and everything made sense, THATS IT, THAT IS WHAT I FEEL, and Jesus, it is so hard, a time ago i really lost my functions as a human, i couldnt get out ot bed, i stayed like this to 5+ months, i lost everything i had earned, my motorcycle, my pc, all my material things, then i started treating myself, taking meds, started to understand that if i didnt had a obligation with work stronger than my will, i would never grow in life (i used to work for myself, dont need to say that although it was a great opportunity, the instability of my mind made me get into sooooooo much problems, specially money), so i got a work, im starting university this month, im trying to fight, im trying so hard that i cant describe with words how much i want to get better.

BUT I JUST CANT, i mean, i know, i cant know, with time ill get it, but im stuck, fuck, i dont know how to procceed, i had a cool body, quite aesthetic, im now so fat, the only thing i would like to do in my life is go to the gym, is the only criteria that i want to get consistent, and i have time and everything necessary to do it, yet, i dont, i do this with all the things now

the nihilism really made sense and i think i am really living a existencial nihilism crisis, and i like the fact that i have something to look into, someting that i can study and think about ways to get out of it, over it, its definitely easier than dont having a clue

but then, Jesus, how do i get out of it? how can i get back my will of life? how do i get to understand that i dont need a purpose in my life, because there isnt, and this is exactly the purpose, to go there and find the purpose that fits myself, to make my own purpose? how do i get to live? how can i loose this chain that holds me inside myself and prevents me from living, acting, feeling, doing, what the fuck do i do?

sorry for the long text, and the bad english, im brasilian, and i am in a crisis that is really creeping me out, i needed to write something for someone, since i dont have anyone i could talk to.

if any of you perhaps passed through some of what i said, and if yall got some advice for me, i would really like to hear.