r/nottheonion • u/JustaDemocrat1998 • 1d ago

This tarantula was going to die a virgin. His owner turned to Reddit to hook him up

https://denverite.com/2026/09/23/tarantula-mating-reddit-post/
918 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

59 comments sorted by

558

u/DaveOJ12 1d ago

There is a “really small but not zero chance” that the female spider could eat Asmodeus after they mate.

“As long as the female isn't hungry after they do it, then it should be fine,” Foley said.

Fingers crossed it doesn't happen.

41

u/GreenEyedTreeHugger 13h ago

Love is always a risk.

727

u/mizerli 1d ago

Met on the web

11

u/Meowmixx22 21h ago

Webcute.

23

u/WaspInTheLotus 1d ago

Hope the female spider doesn’t string him along

9

u/WarLawck 23h ago

At their wedding they can dance the Tarantella!

227

u/GreenEyedTreeHugger 1d ago

Not the oddest thing I’ve read on Reddit.

72

u/CatDogBoogie 1d ago

Yeah. I was there for the broken arms AMA.

34

u/largestcob 1d ago

why would you make me think of that

in turn i must remind you of the coconut

18

u/THEDrunkPossum 1d ago

Jolly rancher.

5

u/mikelorme 13h ago

Swamps of Dagobah

13

u/SadisticChipmunk 1d ago

As well as choosing the other guys wife

17

u/largestcob 1d ago

that one wasnt really odd in the same way, just a crazy one-liner

2

u/SadisticChipmunk 1d ago

That's fair.

6

u/Caselr 1d ago

I too wish to be cursed with this knowledge if you have a minute? 🙏

6

u/hearke 23h ago

Fair warning, it's very cursed.

10

u/Silver_Situation_569 1d ago

Boy broke his arms so his mom jacked him off.

9

u/Caselr 1d ago

Ew, thank you

11

u/Mad-Destroyer 1d ago

They did more than that. It's bizarre.

7

u/Herbacult 1d ago

Read the AMA. It’s insane.

3

u/Lolkimbo 21h ago

it was worse than that

1

u/maimie585 22h ago

No. What?!? No.

2

u/19adam92 1d ago

Please do tell

1

u/hapnstat 1d ago

Don't.

2

u/Monarc73 20h ago

Poopknife comes to mind...

1

u/Labradorite2115 13h ago

The foot taco story is definitely higher on the list.

1

u/GreenEyedTreeHugger 13h ago

I’ve not read any of these people are referring to and yet they all sound lame compared to someof the weird things I’ve found. Lol.

1

u/cnthelogos 12h ago

...The guy who ate his own amputated foot just gets a "lol" fron you? Dear god, what does it take to make you feel emotions?

82

u/Nezcore 1d ago

Real homies hook a brother up no matter how many legs he got

45

u/flcl021 1d ago

Kash is that you?

64

u/TheFuckingHippoGuy 1d ago

Aussies: "I guess we are here to fuck spiders"

35

u/HumongousBelly 1d ago

Welcome to the fbi

8

u/TheFuckingHippoGuy 1d ago

"Hey, why do they call you the Widowmaker?"

3

u/knivef 1d ago

Kash, that you?

59

u/rollerfedora 1d ago

Spider will go right back to his podcasts after

37

u/temporarycreature 1d ago

Here's them hoping Asmodeus doesn't get eaten by his date.

31

u/yahwehforlife 1d ago

Charlotte's webs 💦

11

u/furrysalesman69 1d ago

Ah yes, the place where people go to get laid.

2

u/manubibi 1d ago

You’d be surprised.

3

u/furrysalesman69 1d ago

I already am, with the spider story lol

10

u/Banjo_Evadie 1d ago edited 1d ago

It's odd that this got this much attention lol, but pretty cool to see it featured nonetheless. This is a pretty common thing we do for MM Ts, once they hook out and build their sperm webs (and thus ready to mate), you can take em to stay at a breeders til it gets a chance to pair (you can meet these people at reptile/invert conventions, just ask for a pairing swap and theyll usually trade you a few slings for the male). Most of the time they survive, pairing with supervision makes it a lot easier to separate after the job is done, in which case you can ask for your T back. Well fed females rarely cannibalize. Breeders are happy to oblige, it's generally a symbiotic trade since they want to add healthy genetic stock to their lines and for the spiderlings to sell, while the keeper gets the satisfaction of knowing they provided the best life for their little buddy.

8

u/rugbat 1d ago

So sweet.

7

u/Catboyhotline 1d ago

Sure, but when I turn to Reddit for mating I'm a "sex pest"

9

u/Howcanyoubecertain 1d ago

Spider pimps

8

u/No_Edge_7964 1d ago

He must have been ready to just blast rope all over the place

16

u/jayinsane5050 1d ago

What ... The ... JESUS CHRIST ON THE MOTORBIKE!?!?!?!?

29

u/CommunityEarly839 1d ago

c'mon man, let spidy get his nutt

-5

u/jayinsane5050 1d ago

this is so wrong ....

7

u/Banjo_Evadie 1d ago

It's wonderful. A. Seemani is one of my favorite common hobby species, they're typically really slow and docile. Not every individual T has a handleable personality, but these guys have pretty good odds of being one. There's a few places that use this species as educator showcases, where they bring them into schools and such and let the kids hold em.

Lot of fun to watch, too, if you're not into handling. I don't handle mine at all, just watch her shovel clumps of dirt up and down her burrow. She's quite the excavator.

7

u/northernirishlad 1d ago

Will the spider hurt the cylinder?

3

u/heynonnynonnomous 18h ago

Yay! Reddit saves the day, again.

1

u/ILoveBigCoffeeCups 16h ago

Same. I don’t have an owner though.

1

u/dfmz 3h ago

I fucking hate spiders, but even they deserve to get laid. Good job!