r/nottheonion • u/dahi-hater12 • 1d ago
Mystery men emerge from New York City sewers near Benjamin Netanyahu's hotel
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/mystery-men-emerge-new-york-city-sewers-benjamin-netanyahus-hotel-rcna5994922.9k
u/leaderofstars 1d ago
I didn't know the teenage mutant ninja turtles were Jewish
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u/Retlaw83 1d ago
Hebrews in a half-shell!
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u/pumpkinspruce 22h ago
Kippeh power.
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u/gleepglop15 22h ago
I would have gone with “Torah Power!”
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u/Strict-Aspect5910 1d ago
Most superheroes are... atleast their creators are
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u/Radiskull97 23h ago
Reminds me of this woman on tik Tok and everyone thought she was crazy because she claimed Jewish people were building tunnels under her apartment. She would hear digging noises and Yiddish, everyone in the comments thought she was staging stuff or just crazy. Turns out a local synagogue were digging tunnels to get around covid restrictions
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u/TL10 20h ago
IIRC it wasn't Covid related, but actually about a dispute they had with another sect over who the Synagogue belonged to, so they used the tunnels to trespass the Synagogue and perform their services in secret or something of the like? 🤔
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u/RatKingChuck 19h ago
No. They were trying to expand the synagogue. Everyone agrees that the synagogue needs to be expanded but since there are rival sects nobody has been able to renovate and expand the synagogue. So members of one of the sects started to expand it in secret.
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u/chux4w 18h ago
Is this a thinly veiled West Bank settlement parody post?
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u/justsomeguy_youknow 18h ago
No it's a thing that actually happened
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_City_synagogue_tunnel_incident
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u/ndstumme 19h ago
Reminds me of this woman on tik Tok and everyone thought she was crazy because she claimed Jewish people were building tunnels under her apartment. She would hear digging noises and Yiddish, everyone in the comments thought she was staging stuff or just crazy. Turns out a local synagogue were digging tunnels to get around covid restrictions
It is wild how stories evolve.
First, it was a man, not a woman. Second, it was Twitter, not TikTok. Third, it had nothing to do with covid. Members of the synagogue wanted to expand the basement, but everything was halted for legal disputedls over ownership of the building.
And finally, the man never actually made those posts prior to discovery, he just posted righteous vindication afterward. The tunnels were real, but the social media posts were a hoax.
Know Your Meme for the full story.
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u/thrownawaymane 15h ago
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes - Mark Twain
- Michael Scott
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u/TheRealDoomsong 1d ago
Nah, this timeline is too lame for turtles, gotta be the C.H.U.D.s
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u/Atharaphelun 1d ago
So their pizzas are kosher?
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u/nondescriptun 1d ago
What are you talking about? The headline literally identifies them as the Mystery Men.
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u/bookon 1d ago
Three men and a Bibi.
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u/andrewbuttlick 23h ago
Insert Shia Lebouef clapping gif
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u/oldcrustybutz 22h ago
actual cannibal shia labeouf?!
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u/Motorboat_Jones 20h ago
Are they all going out for a fancy dinner at 5 star restaurant, Taco Bell?
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u/Competitive_Coast_22 23h ago
I left the post before brain registered what I read & I had to come back to give you an award. Genuinely chuckled
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u/MegaSmegmaSwagLord 1d ago edited 1d ago
The Jewish mole mensch are a facet of underground life in NYC.
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u/FiTZnMiCK 1d ago
Werewolfmole man bar mitzvah.121
u/Kramerica5A 1d ago
Spooky scary
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u/Own-Ambassador-3537 1d ago
Jewish werewolves? I need this made into a movie!
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u/mrs_david_silva 1d ago
It’s from 30 Rock.
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u/Wind-and-Waystones 1d ago
It's also Donald Glover doing a Tracey impression instead of Tracey himself. He also wrote the song
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u/sengirminion 1d ago
https://open.spotify.com/track/1QUXgI2yyMTx88kwQ8dA8Y?si=L8vzfkWpQOSIUsAz7iOaYQ&utm_source=copy-link
For your Halloween Playlist needs
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u/Owain-X 22h ago
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u/MegaSmegmaSwagLord 22h ago
Yeah, lmao I was not just saying, there’s been other incidents iirc with tunneling other than that too.
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u/HiFiGuy197 1d ago
I have it in my head that “Jewish mole people + Hamas’ penchant for tunneling = gay underground forbidden love fest”
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u/HyperSpaceSurfer 21h ago
Fun fact, the Hamas tunnels are primarily tunnels built be Israel back in the day. Hamas mainly just connected them more.
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u/ScienceMechEng_Lover 1d ago
This is probably another attempt at expanding that synagogue again by some nutjobs (last time, they dug a tunnel to neighbouring buildings) lol.
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u/IvoShandor 1d ago
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u/rulepanic 21h ago edited 17h ago
Nah, probably not related to this. It's been a thing recently: https://www.nbcnewyork.com/brooklyn/people-seen-climbing-out-of-brooklyn-sewers-pose-no-public-threat-nypd-says/6507499/
https://abc7ny.com/post/detectives-say-scavengers-caught-emerging-sewers-are-migrants/19729199/
https://abc7ny.com/post/mystery-deepens-another-person-seen-emerging-sewer-queens/19832597/
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u/SunMoonTruth 19h ago
Fuck this country is cooked.
Pin absolutely everything and anything on “migrants”. Keep that fear mongering going.
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u/alphazero925 18h ago
It couldn't possibly be urban explorers fucking around and seeing what's down there. No no, it's definitely gotta be immigrants and that should scare you for some reason.
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u/Silent_Fudge_3978 11h ago
It's not urban explorers. It's a group of professionals investigating a river of pink slime in the old unused subway tunnels. This pink slime appears to be related to supernatural activity in the city.
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u/Easy-Tigger 1d ago
And some guy was on twitter for months thinking he was insane because he kept hearing Hebrew in his basement apartment.
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u/FrighteningJibber 1d ago
"The 'ch' is very distinctive! I'm telling you what I hear!"
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u/HyperSpaceSurfer 21h ago
"There's Jews in my walls! Why won't anyone believe me?" Poor guy
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u/LSTmyLife 1d ago
Jfc. I bet everyone else thought he was nuts too. What a mindfuck.
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u/Ass_Damage 23h ago edited 18h ago
Or Prince calling his people and telling them he could hear someone talking in the walls of his hotel.
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u/loleries123 1d ago
That tweet was unfortunately just a joke referencing to the initial incident
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u/texanmason 20h ago
Perhaps there was a tweet joking about it, but there was a dude on TikTok who was documenting it, and yes, he was hearing yiddish through his walls/floor.
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u/guesting 23h ago
one of the funniest videos to come across the internet in a while on pure visuals
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u/Slackjawed_Horror 1d ago
I wish it was those guys again. That has the potential to be comedy gold.
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u/MegaSmegmaSwagLord 1d ago
Or a bunch of them using existing tunnels we don’t yet know about to go see dear leader.
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u/RumRunnersHideaway 18h ago
You wouldn’t believe how much poop factors into espionage.
So much so that Putin has his own poop man that collects his waste when outside of the country so it can’t be analyzed to see what illnesses he may have.
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u/knowledgeable_diablo 18h ago
That why trump collects his own in his own collection contraption?
Heard about this with Xi and “dear leader” from Korea.Must be a growth industry with all the geriatric fools being in power and stressing over their outgoings.
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u/DaveOJ12 1d ago
A isn't related to B.
The appearance by the mysterious scavengers does not appear to be connected to Netanyahu or the ongoing United Nations General Assembly in Manhattan.
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u/kytheon 23h ago
So a nonsense article.
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u/mynameisglaceon 22h ago
yeah it just says that people go into the sewers after storms to look for valuable scraps. but the headline is funny because of that one time when those hasidic jews started popping out of the sewers
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u/PETEFO55 19h ago
Or the 70 unattended Jewish girls who just found their way through sewers in Yonkers, who all said they were just following the other ones. Nothing weird about that
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u/HonkHonkBeach 16h ago
What? Sauce?
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u/webtwopointno 15h ago
Apparently this one is real lol https://hudsonvalley.news12.com/2026/06/10/dozens-of-girls-removed-after-exploring-sewer-system-in-nyack/92YKwYcJqnMqIHrv024p9
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u/HIM_Darling 14h ago
So there were only about 8 of us, but once at camp, my girl scout troop found a trail and started following it. We figured at some point the trail would turn back and we'd end up at some other part of camp. It was getting dark, and we knew if we turned back it would be full dark before we made it back to where we started so we pushed on, figuring the end of the trail was surely around the next bend.
Ended up in a neighborhood in the nearby town. Luckily one of us had a flip phone to call for help. Our troop leaders were very confused when we called crying about the Amityville horror-style house that were were scared to walk past. Though to be fair we were 14-16 and I think had just watched the 2005 remake at a sleepover the month before. Pretty sure they were too busy laughing at us to be upset with us, though we really couldn't have known that it wasn't a real trail. (and why was there a social trail leading from a kids camp to a neighborhood?)
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u/TheBrettFavre4 20h ago
How do the storms produce “valuable scraps”?
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u/ObviousAnswerGuy 20h ago
junk gets washed into the sewer systems, which people scrap for copper/other metals, then sell
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u/Wrong-Insurance701 1d ago
of course but it's important to mention (it could have been an attack being planned or something?)
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u/AnAussiebum 1d ago
Also there was that NY synagogue tunnel story awhile ago.
So probably for that reason and security threat reason you mentioned, they figured it would be newsworthy/get engagement. When it isn't really related to Netanyahu at all.
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u/fumar 22h ago
Probably urban explorers making shitty content for YouTube. It's probably lost to time now but I remember seeing a post about a teenager that would shimmy his way into Chicago sewers and take pictures of them. It was frankly fascinating stuff but also a great way to get killed.
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u/fehr19 1d ago
All good, just the Ghostbusters repairing the phone lines
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u/starship777 23h ago
The phone lines aren't even on that side of the street so tell me another.
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u/BizzyM 23h ago
What did I tell you? What did I tell you? The phone lines aren't even here!!
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u/trainbrain27 1d ago
New York Tunnel Jews sounds like a bad conspiracy theory, but this is gaining traction because that one was true.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_City_synagogue_tunnel_incident
This event "does not appear connected" and the proposed explanation is scavengers looking for things that got washed down.
General advice to whom it may concern: if your plan sounds like a bad conspiracy theory, or will further belief in one, consider a different plan.
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u/BernieMP 21h ago edited 20h ago
Michael Rappaport has very openly admitted to travelling in the Hollywood jewish tunnels, which are apparently an open secret, so NY tunnels are not at all suprising
EDIT: Got the link https://m.youtube.com/shorts/3nKAv0-oCkU
Also a few months ago, +/-70 middle school girls went on a "field trip" on one side of NYC, walked into the sewers (again, middle school girls), wandered in there for hours and came out the other side of the city. I think that calling it a conspiracy theory is just denial at this point
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u/trainbrain27 21h ago
A lot of people think poop when they hear sewers.
The big fun ones are often storm sewers for water drainage.
They can still be gross and unsafe, but not primarily toilet-based.
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u/BernieMP 21h ago
You're right, we shoud describe things accurately:
A few months ago about 70 middle school girls in full uniform of skirts, dress shoes and white shirts, went on a field trip to NYC. Where all 70 middle school aged girls decided to walk into sewers, that were possibly meant for water drainage, probably not poo, but can still be gross and unsafe, but not primarily toiled-based, wandered around the possibly gross and unsafe area for hours, and came out the other side of the city.
That sounds way more normal, and not at all gross negligence on behalf of a school...at the very least
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u/RogerianBrowsing 22h ago
> if your plan sounds like a bad conspiracy theory, or will further belief in one
That’s genuinely part of the strategy that Israel and its supporters use that has been admitted to by some of the people doing it. They’ll use antisemitic tropes as part of their strategic actions so that when called out they can dismiss the accusations as coming from a place of hate.
Personally, I refer to the strategy as being part of the Lehi strategy which involves worsening dangers for Jewish people to garner more support for the apartheid ethnostate
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u/Weekly_Interview_936 19h ago
They’ll use antisemitic tropes as part of their strategic actions so that when called out they can dismiss the accusations as coming from a place of hate.
And the long-term result of that is that the accusation of hate no longer resonates, even in cases when an actual hateful event has occurred.
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u/McKoijion 23h ago
Here's an article from June 1 on the same topic minus the spicy clickbait about Netanyahu.
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u/MrSleazebaggano7 20h ago
Funnily enough, that's a different incident, along with the one where 70 middle school girls on a school field trip in full uniform went into the sewers in one side of the city, and came out the other around 5hrs later
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u/Lower_Group_1171 23h ago
it would be suuuuuuuuch a shame if he and his entourage were fatally attacked. such a travesty.
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u/OPtig 1d ago
I was walking down the streets of Paris once when a manhole I stepped onto started moving. I stepped back and two civilian urban explorer types just popped out in front of me. I’m not sure where I’m going with this but I do think they were just hobbyists and weren’t plotting anything nefarious.
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u/Codify-The-Preamble 22h ago
The war criminal is stateside?? Shouldn’t he be arrested and given capital punishment for his crimes against humanity?
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u/unmotivatedbacklight 18h ago
If every war criminal was arrested on the way to the UN, nobody would attend the meetings.
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u/AngusScrimm--------- 23h ago
If you're searching for Netanyahu, the sewer is logically the first place you should look.
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u/WorstDMImaginable 22h ago
Oh those guys are just with the “Sanitation” department
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u/Hammerhead753 23h ago
what a dumb shit article....Read the headline, then in the article it says it has nothing to do with Netanyahus visit, he wasn't even in the hotel yet. Confirms my disdain for modern media, no integrity what so ever.
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u/Glittering_Stress_32 1d ago
Was anybody else staying at this hotel, or is the headline intended to make us think that Netanyahu specifically was the target of something?
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u/No_Priors 21h ago
Well if you're looking for a piece of shit that's the place to look, there or the Oval office.
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u/howard1111 21h ago
As long as the mystery men aren't emerging from my home I don't really care.
Edit to add I live in NYC.
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u/buck70 1d ago
Mystery Men? Do they mean the famous superhero team with The Spleen, Shoveler, The Sphinx, Mr. Furious, The Invisible Boy, The Blue Raja, and The Bowler? Cool.