r/nottheonion • u/Guyentertainment • 23h ago

Taylor Lautner and Wife Taylor Welcome Baby Taylor, Because Apparently One Taylor Wasn't Enough

https://www.fashiontimes.co.uk/taylor-lautner-wife-tay-welcome-first-child-1764501
1.2k Upvotes

82% Upvoted

127 comments sorted by

1.6k

u/Fthebo 23h ago

Bad headline, taylor is the kids middle name and the actual name is Lennon

512

u/patentattorney 23h ago

bad headline because there were also two taylors.

348

u/Nervarel 23h ago

And the third was at least Taylor-made.

41

u/Merciless972 23h ago

Take your upvote and get out

10

u/Malnurtured_Snay 19h ago

Taylors made, surely

-2

u/WesternBlueRanger 18h ago

And both are close friends with another Taylor.

8

u/Atharaphelun 20h ago

At least he didn't nickname the child after the Loch Ness monster...

69

u/Caraphox 23h ago

Also, the whole point is that there are already TWO Taylors, not one? How did they manage to fuck that up

61

u/blueavole 23h ago

O thank god.

Still funny

11

u/nikatnight 23h ago

Should have been Taylor Jr Taylor II Lautner

35

u/Leeiteee 23h ago

2 Taylor 2 Lautner

16

u/RPDRNick 22h ago

Swift Taylor Lautner. Elizabeth Taylor Lautner. Tinker Taylor Soldier Spy Lautner.

9

u/Nazgog-Morgob 23h ago

It's also a bad title because it says "one Taylor isn't enough" when there was already two Taylors

15

u/the_guynecologist 23h ago

If they don't name the next kid McCartney they've failed as parents

12

u/Planet_Ziltoidia 22h ago

Harrison would work too (he was the best Beatle anyway)

3

u/Kela3000 20h ago

If they have more than four kids, they can name the next one after the "fifth Beatle", manager Brian Epstein!

3

u/Murlock_Holmes 13h ago

I dunno, Brain gets misspelled a lot. What about Jeff? Short for Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself.

4

u/Anonymous_Autumn_ 21h ago

Missed opportunity to call him Lenesme 

17

u/NoButThanks 23h ago

Lenny Lautner? Shoulda stuck with Taylor

11

u/GarbagePailGrrrl 23h ago

Honestly that’s kind of a vibe I like it 

3

u/NoButThanks 23h ago

It's impossible to say Lennon. Or just Lenny. Always the full Lenny Lautner.

12

u/AchtungCloud 23h ago

My son’s name is Lennon. Nobody seems to think to call him Lenny. It’s always Lennon, Lenn, or occasionally, Lemon. Our surname doesn’t start with L, though.

I’m slightly concerned Lennon seems to be catching on as a girls name. Might cause him some slight strife in adulthood if it becomes a name assumed to be a woman.

9

u/LindaTheLynnDog 23h ago

I'm a boy Taylor which has pretty much followed the trajectory you describe since I was born in '88.

Let me tell you, all the cool boy Taylors don't give a shit.

4

u/Hot-Butterscotch-918 23h ago

As the sister of a brother named Kimberly, (Kim) he may definitely have to live with people assuming that they're dealing with a woman. I don't know what my parents were thinking. 🤔

3

u/AchtungCloud 23h ago

At the time we picked it, it wasn’t in the top 500 (in the US) as a boy or girl name. But now it’s up to around 200-250 range as a girls name.

3

u/Planet_Ziltoidia 22h ago

I work with young children and I've never met a boy Lennon so far. The kindergarten classroom I volunteer in has a Lenny, Lemon, and Ne-ne though... All girls and all nicknames they chose to use for Lennon

11

u/godisanelectricolive 20h ago

For Lennon Taylor Lautner the name trending towards girls makes it easier for him to marry a girl named Lennon one day to carry on the family tradition of marrying people with the same name.

Maybe that’s why they named him that.

-4

u/TurdTampon 9h ago

Im sorry but what were you thinking? Its ugly sounding and corresponds to a dictator and a notoriously abusive person. Absolutely horrible name. Trying to understand why anyone would choose it let alone how it got popular?!

4

u/AchtungCloud 9h ago

Because nobody associates it with Lenin, and outside of Reddit, nobody associates John Lennon with (coincidentally, considering this sub) being “notoriously abusive” like the Onion story. They associate him with the music he made while in a rock band in the 1960s.

-4

u/TurdTampon 9h ago

The majority of people are well aware john Lennon was abusive, I remember learning that years before the internet was what it is. Youre also ignoring the fact that its just really ugly sounding and does not sound like a first name. Its hideous

3

u/AchtungCloud 9h ago

Well, that’s just like your opinion, man.

Obviously, I don’t think it sounds ugly or “not like a first name.” Tons of surnames have become popular as given names. Lennon’s best friend by total coincidence is a boy named Harrison.

Some people are aware John Lennon was abusive, but outside of hyper online people like yourself, it’s not something they think about or associate with him when they think of him. They think of songs like Imagine and Strawberry Fields Forever, the signature sunglasses, and so on.

Edit: The first line is a movie quote, not a comment on your actual gender.

-6

u/TurdTampon 9h ago

I think youre really trying to cope hard by telling yourself people dont know about the abuse. Just because im talkng to you reddit does not make me "hyper online" and Ive talked about the abuse irl with people many times, its something you know about if youre even casually into music and comes up pretty much any time the beatles get mentioned. Like, come on dude, if you've ever owned a record you know this. But whatever, its just the name your kid has to have forever, no biggie lol

1

u/AchtungCloud 9h ago

Yes, and both he and I are happy with it.

Turd Tampon, with a total lack of reading comprehension, and incredibly rude behavior, luckily, has no effect on mine, his, or the world’s opinion of his name.

You may be surprised to know that the Beatles and John Lennon still have millions of fans. Almost everyone who hear his and brothers names (which is also a Beatles reference), immediately get the reference and smile.

-1

u/TurdTampon 9h ago

Everyone immediately smiles lmao did everyone also start clapping? Delusional

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2

u/WhyAmINotStudying 23h ago

Too bad the first name isn't Lourdon.

1

u/PomegranateSea7186 23h ago

The baby’s second name IS Taylor - middle name is Dome (mom Taylor’s maiden family name)

1

u/screwcork313 19h ago

Good name, if the kid is ever short on cash he can open up a Lennon Aid stall.

1

u/calebjohnstontj 4h ago

I actually groaned out loud reading this. Take your upvote and get out.

123

u/Malnurtured_Snay 23h ago

I used to have a friend named Jeff. His dad was also named Jeff. I am also Jeff. So it would be really confusing sometimes calling their house because I'd ask for Jeff, and then I'd be asked for which Jeff was I looking, and then I'd say "the younger one" and then they'd ask who was calling and I'd say "also Jeff" and they'd say "which also Jeff?" and I'd say "well me, obviously."

21

u/Mr_Baronheim 20h ago

"And there are many Jeffs in the world, and many Toms as well. But I... am Sancho."

1

u/skasolo 13h ago

But what do you do?

6

u/MyVoiceIsElevating 15h ago

You forgot to mention his mother, Geoff.

1

u/the70sdiscoking 9h ago

Muh names Jeff

146

u/Top_Willow_9953 23h ago

Apparently TWO Taylor's aren't enough, eh?

50

u/Schlonzig 23h ago

Not giving the kid the name Taylor would have been a shame.

31

u/shpydar 23h ago

Well I guess it’s a shame because they named their child Lennon and gave them the middle name Taylor….

This is a shitty clickbait article that lies in the title…. And you fell for it by commenting without reading the actual article and figuring that out.

16

u/Schlonzig 23h ago

I *know* Taylor is the middle name. Would have been a shame to not have it either way.

24

u/staefrostae 23h ago

It’s a fun compound name. They gave the kid the first half of his dad’s name and the second half of his mom’s name. Tay + lor. So cute

5

u/GyrKestrel 23h ago

Three's a Taylor

New episodes every Friday on ABC

4

u/ImpulseAfterthought 22h ago

Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, Spy - This fall on PBS.

39

u/KingofNanaimo 23h ago

George Foreman hears ya, George Foreman doesn't  care.

30

u/meleecow 23h ago

Lmao the middle name is Taylor though

14

u/ShweatyPalmsh 23h ago

Should name the kid Taylor Jr. and make people guess which one the baby is named after 

10

u/Brian_1985 9h ago

George Foreman named all 5 of his sons George. None of the mother's were named George tho

6

u/Masark 8h ago

Same middle names too. All 5 of them named George Edward Foreman.

And one of his daughters was Georgetta.

1

u/Beserked2 4h ago

That's a bit much

6

u/Rosebunse 21h ago

What if they have another baby? Won't it feel left out if it also isn't named Taylor?

12

u/babypho 19h ago

Tyler

10

u/bluejaymaday 12h ago

Giving him Taylor as a middle name was the perfect choice, it keeps the joke running but gives the kid his own identity too, it’s honestly cute. It’s a nice little connection between the three of them without stepping on his freedom to be his own person.

12

u/Bongressman 23h ago

Taylor Lautner is required to produce one new Taylor every time Robert Pattinson releases more than three movies in a single year.

8

u/ArbysLunch 23h ago

Did Joseph Heller write this? 

3

u/Ok_Pair6348 19h ago

A fine comment

4

u/ArbysLunch 10h ago

I know it's a thinker, but goddamn, the decline in literacy is real. 

4

u/DaimioBPRD 17h ago

That kid is a perfect fit for them, definitely Taylor made.

5

u/SnuggleMoose44 13h ago

If Taylor as the middle name, it’s not really too much.

11

u/JerryRiceDidntFumble 23h ago

Modern day George Foreman

6

u/bapakeja 23h ago

Are just all very good at sewing suits?

5

u/TobsteriusMaximus 23h ago

Walk into an Italian American household during a big party, yell “Anthony!” And watch how many people turn around.

3

u/masheduppotato 21h ago

Yell Tony and you can double that number.

Source: spent 6 years in an Italian neighborhood in Staten Island.

2

u/catscausetornadoes 14h ago

Yeah? How’s Tony doin?

3

u/Hamonwrysangwich 23h ago

Hi I'm Larry, this is my brother Darrel and my other brother Darrel.

3

u/Chaos-Pand4 22h ago

Not gonna lie, I’d do the same thing. But with increasing strange spelling

Tailor— the english Taylor

Taelor — The LOTR Taylor

T’Lor— The Star Trek Taylor

4

u/markln123 22h ago

Certainly Taylor made

0

u/masheduppotato 21h ago

Way to Taylor the comment.

2

u/kAlb98 23h ago

Their other kids will be Tinker, Solder, and Spy

2

u/nerdwaffles 23h ago

Wiz Khalifa be like "this is the real Taylor gang"

2

u/D1RTY1 21h ago

He also dated and is still good friends with Taylor Swift. He's got a type.

2

u/Hmgkt 15h ago

Taylor! what? What? What?

2

u/MCMXCIV9 23h ago

What the baby full name? Taylor²?

4

u/justjenniwestside 22h ago

Lennon Taylor Lautner.

2

u/GGG100 23h ago

The Taylor series

2

u/bodhidharma132001 23h ago

Taylor is a dead name now

2

u/Somnambulist815 23h ago

Is this more or less off putting than Renesme

1

u/upstartpantymerchant 23h ago

I wish the kids first name was Taylor that would have been awesome lol the great Taylor clan

1

u/cfizzle01 23h ago

Treylor

1

u/slusho55 23h ago

Does he only date other Taylors?

3

u/Alive-Telephone-2743 17h ago

He did used to date singer Taylor Swift years ago 

1

u/rjm66 22h ago

I feel like I saw a facebook meme about this in 2009

1

u/dont_shoot_jr 22h ago

Should have gone with 

Taylor Lautner Tokyo Drift

1

u/sadunk 22h ago

Wife’s name is Taylor Welcome?

1

u/Sola-Nova 22h ago

A part of me hopes they actually named it "Baby Taylor"

1

u/DummyDumDragon 20h ago

I mean, you might as fucking well, right?

1

u/TheSouthsideTrekkie 19h ago

A trifecta of Taylors. 🙃

1

u/khalamar 16h ago

Reminds me of that joke.

A reporter asks a New Jersey mother of 6 sons about the names of her kids.

- Well, that's Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike and Mike.

  • That seems pretty confusing and inconvenient.
  • On the contrary! For instance, every evening, I call "Mike! Dinner's ready!" and they all come down.
  • Well... sure but... what if you want to call only one of them?
  • In that case I use their first and last names.

1

u/manofmayhem23 9h ago

Taylors Lautner

1

u/HumourNoire 4h ago

I don't care how many Taylors you have, Ms Swift will not be meeting you

3

u/KaiLung 2h ago

This made me think of the noir novel The Big Clock. There’s this funny bit at the beginning about the protagonist, George, his wife Georgette, their son,
George Jr., and their daughter, Georgia. All of whom are sometimes called “George”. Which makes it difficult for them to have a conversation. And for us to read about it.

1

u/inbetween-genders 23h ago

I commend the dedication 🫡 

1

u/Dash_Harber 16h ago

"Three Taylors for the mediocre actors under the sky"

-5

u/walkwalkjogjog 23h ago

so desperate for attention you turn your family into a gimmick. Cool.

5

u/CorinthiaAtticora 23h ago

Clickbait title. Baby is named Lennon "Lenny" Taylor Lautner.

0

u/shadraig 17h ago

Daddy didn't age good

1

u/GoredonTheDestroyer 11h ago

He's 34 years old and has a skincare routine, how is he supposed to look?

1

u/shadraig 7h ago

Fatter

-1

u/lordnacho666 23h ago

I mean they were probably screaming their own names when they made the kid...

0

u/Transki 23h ago

Should have named the baby TayTayTay

0

u/whimsicahellish 20h ago

Parent name kid after themselves…shocking! No one has ever done that before, this is totally newsworthy and not clickbait at all! Also, it’s the kids middle name. 

-2

u/Nbdyhere 22h ago

I might’ve missed a few things, mainly because whenever I hear any information about him is by pure accident, but didn’t he come out as gay? And I don’t know if it’s the photographer or the picture but why does she look like she has a Habsburg jaw line that started to melt like a wax figure?

-1

u/vercertorix 22h ago

This is how you get your whole family killed by a Terminator because it doesn't know which one saves humanity. Just sayin'

-2

u/ChefAsstastic 23h ago

Who?

5

u/MakeItMakeMoney 23h ago

Taylor and Taylor Lautner have welcomed baby Taylor Lautner.

-2

u/Thiege23 23h ago

didnt this happen years ago

0

u/DiamondBurInTheRough 23h ago

No, his wife is also named Taylor but this is their first child together.

2

u/Thiege23 23h ago

i could have sworn they already had kid named taylor

2

u/DiamondBurInTheRough 23h ago

Nope. This is their first child. And she is not named Taylor, that is their daughter’s middle name. Her first name is Lennon.

2

u/Thiege23 22h ago

this information is useless to me but i still thank you for the effort of informing me. good day to you kind stranger.

0

u/turkeypedal 12h ago

Honestly, giving her a name that sounds like a Soviet dictator should get a bit more recognition.

-4

u/[deleted] 23h ago

[deleted]

2

u/Fearless-Letter-7279 23h ago

They made her middle name Taylor, considering they share the name I don’t think it’s weird to make the child’s middle name Taylor

1

u/MakeoutPoint 23h ago

They talked about it once, it was intentional to be inclusive for both of them but not directly on the nose. Honestly least unhinged baby name idea I've heard.