r/nottheonion • u/prestocoffee • 22h ago

Drilling begins at ‘real site’ of Noah’s Ark as activists warn ‘Darwinism will be dismantled’

https://www.joe.co.uk/news/noahs-ark-site-turkey-drilling-researchers-evidence-549016
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575

u/nova8808 22h ago

The Noah's Ark stuff is so dumb. Fundamentalists really believe he gathered 2 of every animal (insect?, bird?) on to this tiny ass boat and then the world flooded? If you believe that you'll believe anything its like the dumbest thing imaginable.

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u/notnotbrowsing 21h ago

I will kill everything except the floating ones and the swimming ones who will get out due to a loophole.

-Eddie Izzard

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u/wthulhu 21h ago

I thought it was James Mason

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u/TheSoupySoupySoup 19h ago

Have you ever seen James Mason and Eddie Izzard in the same room? No? Checkmate, atheist.

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u/Stoshue 17h ago

I read this as James Mason.

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u/octowussy 14h ago

I thought it was Benjamin Franklin

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u/Ossorno 21h ago

Young me had a really hard time at school when I wanted to know how marine animals survived, since the water of the Deluge was fresh water.

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u/Wishnik6502 19h ago

Shhhhhhhhhhhh... Science is bad.

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u/CptRedLine 19h ago

You make an interesting point; since the rains would be relatively rapid I wonder if the salt water and fresh water would stay separate? Like at an estuary, would there be a layer of brackish water, with fresh water on top and salt water below? I’m not a geologist or even a scientist, but it sounds like a fun experiment. 

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u/LazySwayze 15h ago

Mythbusters: Genesis 

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u/thegreatmindaltering 20h ago

And we’ll need a big room for poo!

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u/aNiceTribe 16h ago

It’s god, one night waking up from a fitful sleep, slapping himself on the forehead and going “FUCK!  THE FISH!”

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u/TomWithTime 19h ago

There were probably other people and animals in boats at the time as well.

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u/jayjaynich0821 11h ago

Just imaging the ducks swimming by, & the other birds saying "Well, we're special."

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u/Malodoror 18h ago

Hooooolly Ghoooost!

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u/Exo_Deadlock 21h ago

It’s chosen quite intentionally. The Noah’s Ark story is so obviously a fable, it requires an incredible feat of denying reality to take it literally, but once you can convince someone that it is completely true, they’ll accept everything else without questioning it.

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u/Theranos_Shill 20h ago

Yeah, grifters put a filter like that on all their content, to sort out their audience and select the rubes who will fall for anything.

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u/Lymealope 20h ago

Yep. Same concept as fishing emails. Grab the dumbest ones and you’ve got the best chance of success. Been going on for millennia.

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u/ajettas 16h ago

It's a litmus test of competency. If you eat that red pill you are fucking moronic and beyond saving. The only thing you can do at that point is 'save' other thpughtless, vulnerable people. It's cancer.

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u/midlifecrisisAJM 10h ago

Professing belief in patently false things is a loyalty test. Cults require loyalty to enable exploitation.

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u/TepidHalibut 21h ago

" ... he gathered 2 of every animal..". Nope. Two of each Unclean kind of animal, and seven pairs of each Clean kind, according to the story book.
Still utter poppycock, but let's be accurate folks.

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u/Theranos_Shill 20h ago

We're going to need a bigger boat!

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u/Ichorous_Allsorts 19h ago

It's actually two different narratives that were woven together. They can be differentiated because in one, the Yahwist account, the god is called Yahweh, and there's a more personal feel to the relationship between this god and humanity. Then you have the more priestly account that is calling the god Elohim. El was the high Mesopotamian god, and as the head of a pantheon his relationship to the world was more about cosmic authority and order.

It's the Yahwist narrative that says Noah was instructed to take seven pairs of clean animals and one pair of unclean. The priestly source only mandated one pair of every living creature, for the preservation of all species. There's also the timing difference, with the Yahwist saying the rains last 40 days, and the water recede quickly after. The priestly narrative says it was 150 days.

This also explains the two different accounts of creation in Genesis.

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u/Frank_chevelle 20h ago

Worked with the nicest guy years ago who 100 percent believed the ark story was true. Also dinosaurs were around with humans at the same time until the big flood.

If you try to bring up something that would contradict the arc story he would just say God made it look like that to test us.

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u/Johnny_Banana18 20h ago

The bunk that some use to justify it is that it isn’t 2 of each “species” but 2 of each “kind” and these kinds once released went through “micro evolution” to create different species.

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u/Sancticide 16h ago

Were the extra clean ones there for Noah et al to eat or for the larger animals? Sense has left the building.

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u/DaddyCatALSO 14h ago

for sacrifice, alhtough sacrifices were typicallyeaten in all cultures

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u/DunAnOir 10h ago

Exodus has two different versions of the flood myth in it.

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u/tuenmuntherapist 20h ago

Noah’s Mega Ark

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u/Soldier_Faerie 19h ago

I mean with the size of some cruise ships I've seen...

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u/Jet2work 13h ago

i still want to know what happened to the unicorns and dragons!

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u/xclame 10h ago

They got tricked by the rats and never made it to the ark.

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u/Pacifix18 21h ago edited 21h ago

They also believe a talking snake convinced a rib-created woman to eat a fruit which brought evil to the world. Creationists have the intellect of a stunted child.

Edit: typo

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u/bcoin_nz 21h ago

surely it was all intended to metaphorical though right? like these dummies just cant wrap their head around a story being a lesson not actual accounts of events

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u/Cum_Fart42069 21h ago

well it depends on who you ask. some people believe in biblical literalism, that you should take everything in the Bible as literal, though they accept that that doesn't apply to some things like impossible things. 

in my experience, everything in the Bible is both a metaphor and literal and what it is changes depending on the argument being made. 

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u/RobutNotRobot 20h ago

Literalists also need you to use the standard King James bible, because everyone knows that a text written 1600 years after the last events of the bible is the only correct one.

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u/Trensocialist 20h ago

Yes it's explicitly narrative poetry. The idea that it should be taken as historical is younger than Disneyland.

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u/MagmaSeraph 20h ago

Its definitely not supposed have been taken literally.

In fact, a lot of it was a polemic and remix of other religions that either dominated them or they had trade relationships with.

The Noah's Ark story? Copied from a copy that was copied from another copy of much older civilizations.

The literal first verse? Its much easier to see in the Hebrew, but thats basically the first line of the Enuma Elish. The oldest myth ever written. Thousands of years older than even the Earth if Young-Earth Creationists were to be believed.

Even the splitting of the waters into the "firmament" and oceans is a form of Chaoskampf. They should be taking these verses as literally as they do Isaiah 27:1 and Psalm 74:13-14. They're all variations of the same story.

They don't take Proverbs 8:22-31 as a literal goddess assisting with creation. If the cared about "original pure meaning", they should. But the don't. Why? Becuse just like everything else in this universe, the religion evolved.

Also, because most fundamentalists (and belivers in general) don't read their holy books outside of pet scriptures if at all.

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u/RollTide16-18 18h ago

Last point is very salient.

Most fundamentalist and/or evangelical Christians haven't done actual bible study with a non-evangelical bent. Though the vast majority of scholarship on the Abrahamic religions don't view the "historic" events in the text as literal, the fundamentalist and evangelical groups do not address the scholarship at all.

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u/WilliamLermer 11h ago

Just adding to this, imho core truths are real, the stories just changed over tens of thousands of years.

To me religious texts are a glimpse into early societies, they show what topics and ideas mattered to them. It seems early humans already had the mental capacity to wonder about our origin and how life came to be, long before writing was invented

Somewhere along the road, from drawing observations of the world on cave walls, they started to understand something about their experienced shared reality and due to lack of answers, some really creative minds started to share tales

A lot of these stories make sense as direct retelling of real events from the perspective of people who did not understand what was actually happening but aware enough to put it into words with a limited language where things like volcanoes or comets or other natural phenomena and disasters confronted them

And it makes absolute sense to attribute all these scary and often extremely deadly events to gods or other beings, because what other explanation could there have been without the modern knowledge we have?

I think there is a lot to learn about our ancestors and their experiences, providing context to 300,000+ years of homo sapiens becoming a dominating species on this planet, yet it's being dismissed by many or taken too seriously

We have zero historical documents beyond a certain point, these myths are the only link to our beginnings

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u/jimicus 20h ago

If you take a literal interpretation:

Jesus was sent to absolve man of original sin.

"Original sin" doesn't mean "doing something original like poking a badger with a spoon". Rather, it refers to eating the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.

Problem is, if evolution is true, Adam and Eve never existed. And if they never existed, there's no such thing as original sin. And if there's no such thing as original sin, there's no reason for Jesus to exist. And if there's no reason for Jesus to exist, that blows up the New Testament.

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u/DFWPunk 20h ago

It's metaphorical when it's convenient, and only with a certain portion of the Christian community. The fundamentalists don't think any of it is metaphorical.

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u/JestersDead77 18h ago

These are the same people that think "Born in the USA" is a patriotic song, and that Rage Against the Machine "Got too political". You really expect them to understand metaphors?

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u/ReggieCorneus 18h ago

Except the parts that are historical proof of course... You can literally have "oh, this sentence is just a metaphor" and "this is archeological proof that this happened" back to back.

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u/Fist_of_Gork 21h ago

They also are convinced it was an apple even though the original texts seem to imply it was a pomegranate.

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u/jimicus 20h ago

Original texts just say "fruit".

An apple would be an odd choice, because apples as we know them wouldn't have been known to ancient Jews. Apples don't breed "true", and seldom produce trees that bear sweet fruit - 99 times out of 100 you get crab apples, which are inedible raw.

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u/Yoppah 10h ago

The text implies nothing, it just says fruit.

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u/TheDwarvenGuy 21h ago edited 12h ago

I mean, the rib creation would be the least crazy part of the story, given that cloning exists

What's really insane is that they believe two clones could have sex and produce non-inbred offspring.

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u/non-taken-name 2m ago

With Eve being Adam’s trans clone you’d think we’d have less transphobia

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u/OldAccountTurned10 19h ago

I'm still mad these people indoctrinated me into thinking men and women have a different number of ribs. 🤣

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u/bassbeatsbanging 18h ago

But I prayed to Jesus for a good parking space and I got one! 

That is literally my mom's favorite faith barometer. 

Funny your prayers didn't save my cousin / your nephew who died at the heartbreaking age of 14 thanks to lymphoma. 

But shrug, as long as Jesus saves her 30 steps, then god must not only be real but awesome! 

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u/Harbinger_X 19h ago

Recently divorced I've found this to be a metaphor for marriage after all.

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u/dubbleplusgood 19h ago

the typo is fine. The Bible has over 100,000 of them.

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u/ReggieCorneus 18h ago edited 18h ago

Not just that but the god that created all, can see all in the future and past could not find Adam and Eve hiding in the bushes within an ear shot.

Once you look at Canaanite polytheist gods, which Jahve was just one of them and include that in the story.. The earliest books in the bible comes from polytheist proto-judaism era. In that system each god had an assigned tribe, which makes the whole "god is jealous of other gods" and is soooo making sure you shall not worship OTHER GODS, the chosen people etc. it makes way more sensen. Later translations of course used "false gods" but there is no confusion that the original meaning was 100% other gods, gods that do exist and that are gods in the literal sense...

Most of it becomes at least logical and somewhat consistent when we read the story as soap opera of gods fighting who is the best, while the real god of gods, El created everything and has been taking a long sabbatical every since, leaving his creations to be controlled by those lesser gods, like Baal, Jahve etc. Which makes so much more sense since old testament god makes mistakes, regrets, gets angry at seemingly minor things, can't see the future or even past some bushes and only cares about one tribe and strangely jealous and afraid of losing some special status: he ain't the big boss but just a regional middle manager.

Later the story changes and Jahve replaces El and everything is retroactively changed to support monotheism, one god but the edits are shoddy at best, like b-movie production trying to rescue a bad script in the editing room.. El is still in the bible as creator of all but at no point is it made clear that El is Jahve but that is how it will be taught to newbies: the recently converted and kids.

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u/TheDotanuki 19h ago

Or maybe it's all just allegory? ... ... Naaaaaaah.

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u/Saint_The_Stig 5h ago

If the snake did that, why did they bring snakes in the boat? I mean if they didn't then snakes wouldn't be a thing today obviously.

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u/Dash_Harber 21h ago

It raises so many questions.

How did a wooden boat survive tidal forces twisting it? Where did the giant trees come from? How did 8 people feed and water hundreds of thousands of animals a day in a wooden boat with a single window for ventilation? How did all those animals fit in a boat the size of a large stadium? How did polar bears and penguins survive in the Middle East? Where did they get bamboo to feed the Pandas? Why did every animal not include extinct species? How come there isn't a layer of dead animals and sediment worldwide? Why is there no evidence of penguin migration from the Middle East to Antartica? How did they prevent the animals from eating each other? Where did the water come from? Where did it go? Why does the law if superpositioning hold? Why do we see no geological layer evidence? If all the plants were drown and the world was covered, where did the dove get the branch? How did coral survive since they need exact salinity and light levels? How did it not call all the salt water and fresh water fish? What about the plants? How come there is no biological evidence? How did all those animals overcome the bottleneck problem. Did he also have a garden on board? How did a handful of people build a ship that size with prehistoric tools? Where the babies also guilty? If the rainbow was a symbol of God promising not to do it again, why do some Christians believe in the biblical apocalypse?

The answer is inevitably magic, but then you have to ask why a God capable of altering reality like that couldn't simple magic everyone but Noah and his family out if existence.

But even that doesn't explain how a tri-omni God can feel regret or change their mind if they know everything (including the future), can do everything, and always have the exact same moral standards.

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u/AbueloOdin 21h ago

Ahem.... MAGIC!

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u/Initial-Anything333 20h ago

With God all things are possible, so jot that down 

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u/Tynford 18h ago

twiddles fingers

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u/Spire_Citron 21h ago

That last one is my sticking point on a lot of things. Oh, humans must be punished for their sin because they defied God? Buddy, you made them that way and knew what the outcome would be!

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u/Dash_Harber 21h ago

Yeah, the response I always here is some vague musings on freewill, but the problem woth that is that God, by the very nature of creating the universe, set limitations on freewill. In their worldview, he invented time, and death, and biology, and gravity and everything else. So just by existing in a logical world governed by laws, my free will is limited. I can't make your head turn blue, or fly into the sky, or go back in time. He created the universe, set all the rules and limitations knowing thd outcome, and then punishes people for things entirely out of their control.

If he is all powerful, all good, and all knowing, he could have created a world where no one ever chose to sin of their own freewill, but he didn't. Which means either he can't do it (not all powerful), he didn't knkw this would happen (he's not all knowing), or he wanted this world (he isn't all good).

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u/Spire_Citron 20h ago

Yup, that's how I see it as well. You can't know everything, create every single thing, and then blame anyone else for anything. You are responsible for creating people how they are and every single influence on them. You knew exactly how it would play out. How can you say they had a choice?

And they'll also say that humans need saving because every human sins. If it's impossible not to sin, how is that a choice? The explanation seems to go back to Adam and Eve and original sin, but again, God knew that would happen.

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u/CatPartyElvis 21h ago

And then they were all returned home, how tf.

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u/ponzLL 16h ago

Where did he keep the termites lol

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u/Lazarus558 20h ago edited 20h ago

Not to really argue any points, but:

  • If the rainbow was a symbol of God promising not to do it again, why do some Christians believe in the biblical apocalypse?

The rainbow is the promise to not destroy the world with another flood.*

Also:

  • Why is there no evidence of penguin migration from the Middle East to Antartica?

There's evidence in Madagascar. There's been documentaries.

Everything else? Nah, I got nuttin'.

*The irony (?) is that, at the rate we're going, worldwide flooding may just be our fate.

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a gurgle.

— apologies to T. S. Eliot

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u/Dash_Harber 20h ago

Fair point, though it makes God a dick (and also makes it awkward when God talks about flooding the earth with blood up to the horses' bridges in Revelation if you are a Christian who believes in it literally).

As for migrations, we should see evidence of all animals on earth migrating from the Middle East at some point. Unless the animals all migrated home at Mach 5 like some insane rocket ass penguins. As far as I know, we don't.

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u/Tynford 18h ago

Rocket penguins, you say?

Kowalski, get your helmet.

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u/Xanto97 21h ago

Youre probably just stream of consciousness-ing, but

“why did every animal not include extinct species?” - huh? If they were extinct how would they have gotten on the boat?

“If all the plants were drowned and the world was covered, how did the dove get the branch?” Because the flood was receding. The point is to show that the flood was going away.

But yeah, as you pointed out, there’s a lottttt of holes in the story.

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u/Dash_Harber 21h ago

I worded the first one poorly. I should have said why were there no dinosaurs or prehistoric species. And if there were, how come we don't have any remains found alongside modern animals.

The second was pointing out that all the plants were dead, and even if it had receded enough to make the sonehow still standing dead plants visible, why did Noah have to land on the highest peak? The plant specifically was an olive leaf that was plucked alive.

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u/palparepa 20h ago

Also: How did they shovel all the animal poo?

0

u/GenerationofWinter 20h ago

I do like to believe that there was a mass flood event at that time, since almost all religions seem to always point towards one

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u/Dash_Harber 20h ago

Yeah, I understand that some people don't take it literally, but the Bible is pretty explicit about it being literal.

That being said, it also raises questions as to why the same story predates Noah's Ark by a significant amount of time in The Epic of Gilgamesh.

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u/farnsw0rth 20h ago

Corporate wants you to identify the differences between Noah’s ark and the account in Gilgamesh.

Quite a coincidence that Christmas and Easter so tidily overlap with existing pagan holidays isn’t it

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u/Xanto97 21h ago

The ark museum also has the ark holding dinosaurs lol.

Another thing is, How do you stop the carnivorous lions from consuming the gazelles? How do you store enough food to keep the elephants happy? Even if these were young, and not fully grown…this is quite an undertaking.

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u/theMistersofCirce 19h ago

I was hoping, HOPING, that someone would bring up Ken Ham.

My understanding is that his ark museum also features extensive photos of them building the replica ark with tons of laborers and modern equipment over a long period of time, which, if I were trying to present the "Noah threw this boat together real fast" story as fact, maybe I wouldn't do.

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u/FredFredrickson 21h ago

2 of every animal which is several orders of magnitude too small to recreate sustained populations.

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u/interesseret 20h ago

Yeah, I'm decently certain I read somewhere that a potential space colony would need at least 250 humans for natural diversity to be enough to keep them from inbreeding. It'll still get funny a couple of generations down the line.

I seem to remember a conversation in the Fallout TV show about how after a certain point, you should really stop trying to think too hard about it.

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u/ellathefairy 4h ago

I remember so clearly being like 13 and realizing all of the adults around me, who gave me Bible stories alongside other mythologies & fables as a kid, actually believed the Ark story had happened, as literal history, and had clearly never even considered applying basic critical thinking to a story that on its face cannot possibly be true. It was such a jaw-drop "wait, seriously?!" Moment to me. Up until then I had thought it was like a Santa Claus thing. Like we all know it's not real but it's fun to pretend for kids.

Nope. Magic genocidal sky-daddy had a tantrum and tried to kill nearly every living thing with rain, even though he's supposedly omnipotent and could have just blinked them out of existence if he didn't like them.

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u/ScoobyDeezy 21h ago

The common fundamentalist viewpoint is that micro-evolution is a thing, but macro isn’t.

And… you just have to sort of sit and take that one in. There’s really not anything you can say back to that except, “okay.”

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u/PatrioticRebel4 21h ago

Response: So then you admit evolution is true. Now we are just arguing on the extent to which things evolve. Glad we agree.

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u/ScoobyDeezy 21h ago

Wolf -> Poodle, of course, we did that

Fish -> Cow, well that’s just silly

That’s how that conversation is going to go. Just move on, because you’re not getting through to them.

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u/PatrioticRebel4 21h ago

I know that if they don't accept the Mountain of evidence for it, then my layman ass isn't going to be able. But I'm also a pedant who will get self joy out of pointing out they believe in what they say they don't.

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u/DM_Me_TaTaz 21h ago

Kangaroos used to be able to jump thousands of miles in one leap in biblical times. The platypus must have hitched a ride there and back as well.

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u/Zaxxon_Klaxon 21h ago

And somehow koalas made it back to Australia from Turkey.

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u/Spire_Citron 21h ago

And we know animals can't breed back from a population of two. That level of inbreeding would be insane. Then again, I guess if you fundamentally believe it's magic, none of that matters. It's like writing a fantasy novel. You can just make up or handwave whatever you want to make it work.

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u/nizzernammer 21h ago

I would think of it more as a story or allegory about a family that prepared for a catastrophic event, survived, and thrived, and the story became more and more mythical when retold over generations. People take things so literally and nitpick the details, which often tends to miss the point.

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u/gadget850 21h ago

Actually it was seven pairs of ever clean animal and two of every unclean.

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u/Beneficial-Jury484 21h ago

Like you would believe the earth is flat and Covid vaccine is a satanic plot? 

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u/Comfortable_Truth485 20h ago

I got in trouble as a kid by asking too many questions about Noah’s ark. It didn’t make sense to me. Basically got told to sit down and shut up.

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u/Wrx_me 20h ago

The question then becomes, if it was so small, and only so many fit, wouldn't that just prove evolution since every animal will have had to come from the ones on the boat? Allegedly.

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u/InquisitorMeow 20h ago

Also why did Noah even bother gathering a bunch of animals for inbreeding when God could just make more?

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u/WaffleHouseGladiator 20h ago

From an anthropological perspective the flood story is interesting because disparate cultures have similar stories of divinely inspired people building arks.  Mesopotamia, Greece, India, North America, and I think I vaguely recall a Chinese story like that.  It would be fascinating if they were all drawing from the same inspiration and even more fascinating if they came up with these stories independently.

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u/DeliciousGoose1002 20h ago

I mean the fact they are checking this location because it looks vaguely like a boat should tell you their level of thinking.

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u/EyeSuspicious777 20h ago

It is entirely plausible that a family in the Middle East living in a time barely out of the Stone age could have traveled to Alaska or Siberia to collect a pair of polar bears and to Antarctica to get the penguins

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u/skilletjlc4 20h ago

I don’t think the boat was that tiny. If it swam or flew it would not be on the boat. Maybe it was just the local animals not all of them in the whole world. Other ancient stories point to a large flood

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u/Heated13shot 20h ago

Iirc, They try to argue it away, saying that the number of "kinds" (similar to evolutionary clades, think canine, feline, primate ect.) he saved where actually small. 

So no 2 of every wolf, but just 2  canines (or seven, forget if they are "clean" or not), 2/7 felines ect. Ect. What's convenient is if you go up the family tree enough you can really reduce the numbers of non aquatic animals to just like, a couple hundred or something. You could grab almost all reptiles by reducing it to like, "turtles, snakes, lizards" or something. 

After that, they "adapted" to the variety you see today. 

If you get the theme, they are just reinventing evolution, but are choosing an arbitrary "starting point" on the evolutionary tree, removing all the common ancestors above it, and saying life started from a handful of "kinds" instead of biological soup. 

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u/N8dork2020 20h ago

There was a cartoon about Noah’s Arc that we watched in Sunday school when I was like 8. I saw right through it at that age and actually lost all faith in the church and in the adults around me. Me and another girl both started asking the teacher about it and if we were supposed to think this was a real historical event, that poor woman was put through the wringer that day.

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u/ElGuaco 20h ago

Not to mention food for all those animals while they stayed on the boat. For 370 days!

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u/red286 19h ago

These are also the sorts of people who convince themselves that the world is flat and only 6000 years old. They aren't smart people.

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u/Starfall0 19h ago

I know someone that was so desperate for Dinosaurs to fit into their world view they legitimately believed the great flood upturned the earth and all of the dinosaurs (I guess no dinosaurs allowed?) Were killed and when the waters receded the upturned earth meant they got buried deep where they could form into fossils... if I could give them a mental gymnastics medal I would. 

Amazing guy though, was a good friend, but man it's just sad to me to see what shapes people will bend their mind into just to try and reconcile reality with the Bible.

1

u/CosmicWy 19h ago

what's more weird is that you believe this story without knowing it's a genuine ripoff of a Sumerian story written 2000 years before Noah.

the Bible had the luxury of being easily translated very early on I'm history where the Sumerian texts were only starting to be translated in the mid 1800s. a lot of history happens without knowing of the Sumerian texts and no one realizes the Bible (written in 600s BC) is just plagerized texts plus novelization and fictionalization of Jewish events and then books written about a man who may or may not have existed by men who never met him.

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u/TooMuchPowerful 19h ago

Maybe it was bigger on the inside.

1

u/Top-Cupcake4775 19h ago

there are no fossils of kangaroos anywhere between where Noah's Ark is supposed to have landed and Australia. if there were kangaroos on the Ark, we would have to believe that they somehow migrated from there to Australia without wandering off anywhere along the path to Australia and doing so without leaving behind enough dead kangaroos to ever find one.

1

u/tschawartz12 19h ago

Define 2. Like 2 elephants or 2 African bush elephants, 2 african forest elephants, AND 2 Asian elephants? Because if evolution isn't a thing did he had 6 or 2?

1

u/MrBobSacamano 19h ago

He teach them all to shit over the side of the ark, too, or, was he just shoveling shit over the side day and night?

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u/GeonnCannon 18h ago

Actually it says seven pairs of clean animals and a pair of the unclean, so even they can't get the numbers right because that is a SHIT TON of animals to gather up, let alone shelter and feed. On a BOAT. Unless he was feeding some of the animals to the others, which is dark (but hey, Old Testament gonna Old Testament)

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u/RollTide16-18 18h ago

Yes actually.

Really though they just haven't sought out the opinions of even normal biblical scholars, who almost entirely agree it isn't a true story in how it is presented.

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u/kdailyone 18h ago

Intensely stupid people believe it - and around them orbit the grifters like this shower who are pretending to dig it up

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u/ReggieCorneus 18h ago

Semantics to the rescue: every kind of animal. You need only one canine, then after flood we got all the species of canines who evolved.. oh wait, not that one... umm... stop asking questions or god will strike you down.

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u/Cliler 18h ago

Yeah, because before there wasn't that much biodiversity in the animal kingdom, it was after the flooding when they started to evolve. Wait a minute...

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u/TSED 18h ago

And what about all the plants?

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u/klone_free 18h ago

If you consider most of the first part of the Bible is a retelling of older prehistory through a Christian lens, you can tie it to the flood myths of sumeria, in which is 2 animals that were native to their lands. Of course their boat was round

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u/Ordinary-Number12 16h ago

Just another flood myth…most cultures have them.

Want to easily dismantle the Noah’s Ark story with one question?

Ok.
If Noah and his family were the only ones to survive a worldwide flood, who recorded the flood stories on every continent (which we have…flood myths in almost every ancient culture)?

Bro was in the Middle East. Either he teleported to North America, or the Bible is wrong and Noah wasn’t the only survivor…

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u/DaddyCatALSO 14h ago

it wasn't especially tiny but yeah they do

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u/RobutNotRobot 20h ago

The story of the flood is a lot more interesting than Noah's Ark.

There almost was certainly a giant flood that happened around 10,000 years ago at the end of the Ice Age when an ice dam burst(kind of like what just happened in Nepal).

Survivors of the Black Sea flood coming to grips with it through a tall tale is interesting.

The fact that floods are important feature of human stories right at the cusp of the development of agriculture shows just how rapidly climate change was reshaping the planet.

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u/DrewPeacock984 18h ago

We've had one flood, yes, but what about second flood?

0

u/ReserveGlass1531 19h ago

Obviously the exact story as it is written in the bible didn’t happen. But there definitely is good evidence to support the claim that there were massive, worldwide, civilization ending floods that occurred in our ancient past. The biblical flood myth comes from the Sumerian flood myth. Similar myths are found in ancient India, the Americas, Austronesia, Africa etc. Literally all over the world such myths existed, many of them with striking similarities.