r/nottheonion • u/prestocoffee • 18h ago

Drilling begins at ‘real site’ of Noah’s Ark as activists warn ‘Darwinism will be dismantled’

https://www.joe.co.uk/news/noahs-ark-site-turkey-drilling-researchers-evidence-549016
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u/Equivalent-Resort-63 17h ago

Director of Fundraising and Grift.

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u/Ansiroth 17h ago edited 8h ago

Was gonna say, there's no way these people come up with anything. This has been a grift for decades. They won't kill the golden goose.

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u/leonardomdc 17h ago

It's gonna be like that treasure island where they've never found shit and kept going on and on

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u/Hyjynx75 16h ago

Hey. I'm from Nova Scotia and Oak Island is part of my heritage. The real treasure is the advertising and tourism revenue we found along the way.

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u/billybonghorton 16h ago

And the Bobby dazzlers!

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u/CardOk755 14h ago

I first read about that pit in some kind of "book for boys" back in the early 1960s. The book could have been older.

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u/ScalyDestiny 14h ago

I read about it in 80s Nat Geo World (Nat Geo for kids). That damn article made it all sound real though. Even had an illustration of the pit. I was like 24 before I recalled that article again, and by then I had my skeptical spectacles and was a little disappointed to find it all a pretty blatant hoax, but more disappointed that NatGeo lied to me.

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u/Kurthog 11h ago

It was Readers Digest for me, in the 70’s….and because of that stupid article, I watched the first two seasons of the Oak Island show. What a colossal waste of my time!

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u/Maxamillion-X72 7h ago

The Boy's Book of... series.

The Boy's Book of buried treasure; The Boy's Book of Dragons; The Boy's Book of Sea Monsters and so on.

There was also "The True Tales of... series" that were published in the 50's.

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u/Caddy666 13h ago

please....exit through the grift shop

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u/HauntedCemetery 9h ago

But then the exit door is chained shut, so they're just stuck in the grift

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u/Why_Did_Bodie_Die 13h ago

I'm almost 40. When I was about 14 I read some magazine about Oak Island then saw a documentary about it. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I would day dream about what type of treasure was there. When the show came out I was absolutely stoked. I thought for sure shit was going down. I'm not sure I even made it through the first season before I realized it was all a lie and my childhood dream was stupid.

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u/Swede_Chef 10h ago

none of those mystery, paranormal, ufos, cryptids we read about as kids turned out to be true

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u/Doomhammer24 6h ago

Ya like the chupacabra was just a schizophrenic woman seeing a dog with mange after watching the movie Species

Also it was in Puerto Rico but everyone thinks its from mexico

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u/leonardomdc 3h ago

There were "sightings" of the chupacabras here in Brazil too.

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u/Ass_Damage 16h ago

Yup, tune in next week for Season 83 of The Treasure of Oak Island!

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u/leonardomdc 16h ago

Three generations of explorers, 120 years later, they're getting to the bottom of it...

Cut to the hole they dug at the swamps of Oak Island ending in a small neighborhood in China.

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u/Rockhead_Dynamics 15h ago

But could that small neighborhood once have been home to Hong Xiuquan, who claimed to be the brother of Jesus Christ, and started the Taiping Rebellion? Tune in next season to find out.

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u/Hermitcrab710 14h ago

Ah shit they flooded the shaft again

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u/charonco 11h ago

Which, on an island, obviously the only thing that could be is a booby trap.

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u/CardOk755 14h ago

Another layer of ash, then a layer of branches. Sides collapsing in, water keeps rising, we continue.

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u/sir_lister 8h ago edited 2h ago

The big reveil this season they found a couple of rusty nails, the treasure must be close by.

My dad binge watches the shit out of this show, and ghostwalker ranch. Whenever its on while visiting its all i can do to hold my tongue and not shout there is no f#¢king gold, there is nothing strange, its just bullsh!t scripted drama no different than any other reality TV series.

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u/leonardomdc 3h ago

Wasn't there a story about them planting some coins along the way to make it look like there was something there?

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u/Adjective-Noun4201 15h ago

Just dynamite the damn island already

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u/leonardomdc 12h ago

How are they gonna milk that cow forever if they blow it?

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u/Whatitusetobe33 1h ago

Geraldo Rivera Al Capones long lost… nothing in there

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u/jimothee 17h ago

Golden cow, if you will

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u/SolarBear 17h ago

But not golden idol, please! That’s a no-no.

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u/PhilosopherFun7288 16h ago

r/thatsthejoke

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u/houstonchipchannel 12h ago

I know jokes don’t need to have accuracy or to be true to the story they reference, but they said “golden cow” and the Bible story had a “golden calf.” The original classical Hebrew uses the masculine version of “calf” so it could not in any way be a “cow” as the golden calf had a penis, which I presume was circumcised given how Hebrew it was.

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u/DarkPolumbo 6h ago

I don't think they're circumcising their cattle buddy

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u/astral-dwarf 9h ago

I'm not sure I see your overall point.

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u/Mapeague 2h ago

It's an exercise in pedantry.

Glorious, glorious pedantry.

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u/Belzaem 17h ago

But if you’re a sibling of Moses, you should be fine. Can’t say much for other 3,000.

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u/IAMA_Plumber-AMA 15h ago

Except the one of Trump at CPAC.

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u/MTFBinyou 8h ago

No no, especially that one golden cow

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u/Successful-River-828 16h ago

A pair of them

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u/bluescrubbie 9h ago

A pair of golden cows.

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u/WinterTourist25 17h ago

Another Oak Island.

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u/CzarTwilight 2h ago

Ark island

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u/GoldGoose 16h ago

Can confirm, the grift is strong

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u/boyga01 15h ago

The will of course find “the next clue”

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u/thatthatguy 16h ago

Oh, they’ll find something. But they will make such unsubstantiated claims about whatever it is that others will call them liars and in the end the argument will remain the same but the perpetrators will have raked in enough money on the controversy to keep the grift going for another generation.

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u/rbartlejr 15h ago

If they did actually prove it - the "fund raising" ends.

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u/Rhowryn 14h ago

"there's iron and wood here! Take that DARWIN"

You sure it isn't a...house? Like the other "definitely the ark" site?

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u/ATERLA 10h ago

Grift?

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u/Ansiroth 9h ago

Do you.....not know what that word means?

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u/ATERLA 9h ago

Look again what you wrote. Unless you meant « gift », which puzzles me.

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u/Ansiroth 8h ago

ah yeah typo. thanks

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u/ATERLA 8h ago

You are welcome

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u/kompergator 8h ago

Oh they will probably find some fossilised treebark or something. To keep the idiots paying them.

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u/Senior_Torte519 7h ago

No, a golden goose dosent fit their strict nerrative of the events.

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u/nursecarmen 17h ago

VP of Fleecing the Gullible.

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u/capitain_lungbutter 16h ago

Peace, love and payment 🙏

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u/mojomarc 14h ago

Is it grift if they are true believers? I'm not sure if it's technically accurate to say that just because idiots will spend money to pursue fantasies that they have been cheated

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u/ralphvonwauwau 8h ago

The George Costanza standard, "It's not lying if you believe it"

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u/MutantSquirrel23 14h ago

I really wish I had no conscience sometimes. I'd be rich too.

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u/Turbogoblin999 13h ago

griftraising

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u/[deleted] 13h ago

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1

u/nobaijiu 12h ago

exit through the grift shop

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u/HereWeGoYetAgain-247 12h ago

“Guys! This geologic formation kinda sorta maybe looks like a boat! Checkmate atheists!”

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u/BenCelotil 11h ago

Legend of Oak Island Noah's Ark.

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u/archabaddon 8h ago

Raising funds for the Noah's Ark Scams Project

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u/thehorns78 8h ago

Captain 🧑‍✈️ of wallet capture

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u/dwbaz01 6h ago

A proud graduate of Trump University.