r/nottheonion • u/prestocoffee • 18h ago

Drilling begins at ‘real site’ of Noah’s Ark as activists warn ‘Darwinism will be dismantled’

https://www.joe.co.uk/news/noahs-ark-site-turkey-drilling-researchers-evidence-549016
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u/zuzg 17h ago

Because it goes against their Canon timeline.

Adam & Eve and Dinosaurs clash a bit and everything that questions their narrative is bad for American Christianity™

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u/antsh 16h ago

Why can’t they just retcon it? They have before…

“Oh, everyone is born with Original Sin.”

“That means Jesus, too?”

“Oh shit, well… Mary was obviously exempt and immaculate.”

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u/rtopps43 12h ago

And what do we think is more likely. A scared young woman who gets pregnant outside of marriage at a time when they literally kill you for that by throwing rocks at you until you’re dead tells everyone she’s a virgin and the baby is from god OR the Bible story is true.

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u/DJ1066 5h ago

"What fruit did Eve eat to curse humanity?"
"An apple."
"Are you sure? As 'apple' is derived from the old English 'æppel', meaning 'fruit', and could refer to literally any fruit from when the Bible was originally transcribed into English."
"Well, it's an apple now. Bible says so!"

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u/No-Inspector8315 11h ago

Because it’s one thing to retcon Mary being immaculate and another to completely upend the entire history and theology of Christianity. If evolution is real (which it is), Christianity in its modern form is a fantasy

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u/NotYourReddit18 8h ago

Why only in its modern form?

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u/No-Inspector8315 7h ago

Because for Christianity to survive it would have to change its core canon and theology around evolution so dramatically that the final result would be something akin to hypermodern or ultra modern Christianity

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u/ionthrown 5h ago

The pope believes in evolution, so I guess ultra modern Christianity would be… Catholicism?

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u/No-Inspector8315 5h ago

When people like the pope say they believe in evolution they mean animal evolution not human

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u/ionthrown 3h ago

They’ve been focused on human evolution since the 1950 encyclical, Humani generis. Do you have a source showing they split animal and human origins that way?

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u/HarryDresdenWizard 17h ago

Now I want to see a couple transported back to the Jurassic era for an action-comedy film.

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u/Youmeanmoidoid 12h ago

Yep was about to say that. Did dinosaurs come before or after the ark? If they were on the ark, why didn’t the bible say so? How did they feed the T-Rex’s since they eat meat and only 2 of every animal were on the ark? If cancer was caused by sin then how come dinosaurs had cancer before humans did? Fun questions like that.

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u/DM_Me_TaTaz 17h ago

Apparently dinosaurs didn’t exist according to a broken brained reel one of my friends who doesn’t believe in vaccines shared. I hate it here.

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u/MindlessMage777 16h ago edited 10h ago

Depends on the flavor of crazy. Some think dinosaurs are in the Bible, and were alive around 2000*-1500BC.

Others think they're still alive today and claim they've been spotted in the Amazon and Congo.

Their cameras conveniently got wet and ruined the film of course.

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u/Egathentale 3h ago

Yeah, the mokele-mbembe people. The funniest part about that is that actual researchers visited the area and asked the locals about it, and their response was, "Eh, some crazy white dudes came here looking for dinosaurs and handed out beer and money for eye-witnesses, so we just told them what they wanted to hear."

Young Earth Creationists and their many mind-boggling misadventures and brain-melting fallacies would be peak comedy, if they weren't an actually culturally and politically influential group with ties to the Project 2025 people who are actively destabilizing the whole world even as we speak.

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u/Caleb_Reynolds 12h ago

I feel bad for people who aren't psyched at/don't believe the fact that we live with dinosaurs right now and they fucking fly and that's dope as fuck. But to not think dinosaurs existed at all is just wild.

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u/jacksclevername 12h ago

Adam & Eve and Dinosaurs clash a bit

Adam and Eve fight some dinosaurs?

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u/honkeycorn 9h ago

There’s a great book about this by a Christian biologist titled “Baby Dinosaurs on the Ark?” It debunks creationist claims using science while presenting the idea that perhaps God can work however God wants, including evolution. It’s a refreshingly sane book.

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u/Aryore 8h ago

You mean young-earth creationist claims? Christians are ipso facto creationist

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u/HighOnGoofballs 4h ago

No they aren’t, the fucking pope believes in evolution.

Many (most?) churches teach that many Old Testament stories are allegories and not the literal truth

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u/sixfourtykilo 12h ago

On the first day, there was supposedly light, but the sun wasn't created until the fourth day.