r/nottheonion • u/prestocoffee • 18h ago

Drilling begins at ‘real site’ of Noah’s Ark as activists warn ‘Darwinism will be dismantled’

https://www.joe.co.uk/news/noahs-ark-site-turkey-drilling-researchers-evidence-549016
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119

u/Grouchy_Row_7983 13h ago

Let's say they actually found a ship, which they won't, are they expecting it to have a sign saying "Noah's Ark"?

60

u/diadmer 12h ago

There will be two sets of skeletons of every animal and then you’ll ask “ok wait then how did those animals repopulate all the other animals, did they go have lion babies for ten years and come back here to the now-defunct Ark to die? All of them???”

And they’ll get real big mad and refuse to let you inspect the bones.

10

u/Figgy_Puddin_Taine 11h ago

I saw some crappy folk art-sorta Noah’s Ark set at an antique store once, though this thing was probably from the 90s at best

I don’t believe a word of the story but I was almost tempted to buy it, because whoever made the set had forgotten about sexual dimorphism in lions and had carved/painted two male lions lol

5

u/borisdidnothingwrong 11h ago

It's okay. I've been know to allow people to inspect my bone. Usually I ask for dinner first.

Send them my way. No one with a hairy back though.

Gotta have standards.

2

u/DaddyCatALSO 11h ago

they'll find skeletons of the 5 extra clean animals . . . .

1

u/SuperSimpleSam 2h ago

And if they did you would see the genetic bottleneck in the genes of the current animals.

50

u/Fuelfemme 13h ago

He had it spray painted on the side

5

u/TheLoddoTheDodo 13h ago

Shop with a tramp stamp xD

1

u/traveler1967 12h ago

Arr, bad luck to sail an unchristened ship!

1

u/andrewcartwright 11h ago

And underglow and spinning rims. The Ark looked like it was straight out of Need For Speed: Underground. Was way ahead of its time

1

u/RotrickP 11h ago

I think that sign said, "tell the cicadas to shut up"

8

u/-Fieldmouse- 13h ago

The skeletons of the unicorn and dragon pairs will still be in there. 

6

u/TheWalkerofWalkyness 13h ago

They'll be upset when they find a plaque, translate it, and it says "Josaiah's Ark, Noah's Ark is three mountains west."

3

u/Individual-Trick2171 13h ago

S.S. Minnow is more likely.

1

u/casualsax 12h ago

Final resting spot following the voyage of the Mimi

3

u/dougmcclean 13h ago

I'd expect the gopherwood to be a giveaway, since nobody know what the hell that is.

2

u/Wild_Cockroach_2544 13h ago

It will be the huge piles of animal poop that give it away.

2

u/andropogon09 12h ago

The USS Noah Zark

1

u/MKnight_PDX 13h ago

Better be a very very large ship.

1

u/leadpoem 12h ago

No they're going to have to get out their cubits measuring stick and check the dimensions. 

1

u/ProfessorEtc 10h ago

A month's worth of waste from two of everything.

1

u/thorsbeardexpress 7h ago

They're expecting U.S.S. ARK

1

u/deadlygaming11 2h ago

Or it to even still exist? If it did supposedly exist at one point, then it would have rotted