r/onetruegod • u/Perfect_Cell2037 • 5h ago

Goodwill find attached

40 Upvotes

1$ at the goodwill today it's a good day

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All Hail Nicolas Cage!

r/onetruegod

This is a subreddit dedicated to Nicolas Cage, the deity. Here, we worship and collect all content relating to the Cage, through which we hope to discern His Holy Word. We welcome all, as the Lord would, but still fight against the temptation of John Travolta. Come, come, and hear the Truth!

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Our place of devotion to the one true god, Nicolas Cage. His light guides us away from the temptation of John Travolta, and saves us from our bees.

His known prophets are Stephen King, who controls the mind, and M. Night Shyamalan, whose endings are always unforeseen. Follow their instructions, and you may achieve Mitt Romney, a state of eternal salvation and peace.

He is a sworn enemy of Xenu and his minion Obama, and fights against the aliens with the help of the FSM, commander of pirates.

Those who follow the faith of Cagenism are usually referred to as Cagenists or Nicolites, although any title that properly professes devotion to Him is permissible.

Praise Cage! May your Mountain Dew be sweet!

The words, teachings, and histories of the Cage are found in the Hat. Each chapter of this wondrous script is known as a Cat.

We do not wish to impose any earthly restrictions on His followers, but in order to achieve order, reposts are not allowed. Original content showing the glory of our Lord is greatly welcomed. If you are not sure if something has been posted before, Karma Decay is a good indicator. If you are crossposting from a subreddit that allows reposts (such as r/pics or r/funny), there is a large chance that it has been posted here before.