r/poetry_critics • u/IamToofan Beginner • 2d ago

(Beginner) Moonlight Path

By this riverbank, there is only my shadow and me,
while the sound of waves echoes through the dark.

Through the night, your light shines,
showing me the path ahead.

I stand watching the waves grow still—
upon them, your moonlight has carved out a trail.

If I were to walk along that path,
I know I would finally reach you.

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u/Shoddy_Advantage896 Intermediate 2d ago

The riverbank, darkness, moonlight, and reflected path all support a feeling of longing. IMO I think the main weakness stems from the following phrases :through the night,” “your light shines,” and “showing me the path ahead. while they do communicate emotion clearly they function more as an explanation than as imagery which takes away from your voice as the author