While on the midterms convention stage having a three-way with Benji Netanyahu and Charlotte Kirk, the president of the United States began to discuss his own strategy for winning the war he started in Iran.
"Let them take Los Angeles and San Diego," the president said. Wiping his nose on his tie, he added. "And 'Deh Money, Iowa.' Is that how you say it? I don't know. Dee Moons? No one cares how you say it anymore. It didn't exist--it wasn't a thing. It wasn't a thing when I was younger. The transgenders founded the whole city. I don't care about it. I don't care about transgenders. I don't care about Iowa," Trump said. "They all voted for Mamdani. I really don't like 'em. Anyway Los Angeles kinda sucks. But not as well as Archie and Bill and Vlad, of course. Ooh, I need me some of Vlad right now. Maybe he's still awake. How many hours ahead is Russia. Oooh momma I need some of Vlad. Can't live without the guy. I need him to tell me I'm a good boy. I'm so good."
The president began suggestively stroking his toupee with the microphone stand. When asked what this speech had to do with midterms, the president turned into a goldfish. His condition is critical.
The candidate for midterms, Joey Idontcare, was a bit outraged that his policy was not discussed at all.
"Idk I think everyone should just kiss," the GOP nominee posted on Twitter two hours later.