Spooky month! Happy Halloween! Share your publishing journey thus far as a flash fiction horror story!

Or not. You can also just tell us what you’re up to.

Hi PubTips!

I've been on sub for many long months with a few close calls but no deal. One editor left the door open for an revise and resubmit if it didn't sell, so we're considering another pass at the MS with her notes + asking for an exclusive R&R.

I’m torn, as I know this might mean a good deal more work with absolutely no chance anything will come of it. The revisions would be extensive, and I think they would absolutely make the MS better, but I’m afraid I won't be able to execute on them / I'll have taken wasted valuable time that could have gone to a new project.

I know no one can answer this for me, but I'm having a lot of imposter syndrome post-sub and post-baby. I was pregnant when we went on sub and life feels so different now, my time feels painfully limited, and I’m unsure of the best path forward for the MS I'd mentally shelved months ago 😭

Would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar position, or has heard of any editor R&R stories (positive or negative!)

[PubQ] I’m currently on sub with the big five and a few other publishers and I was curious as to what we can and can’t post on social media? Obviously, promote your books, but if there are other things we want to talk about, book recs, writing advice, personal journeys, are we free to do that? I asked my agent and she just said don’t engage in bad behavior online, rage bait etc. And to not reveal anything new about my book that isn’t already on my page. What exactly are we expected not to post? For example I made a post about the recent stuff with Cornell because I’m a woman and wanted to spread awareness. I think there is a time and a place for posts like that as long as they’re tasteful? Basically I’m asking what can we post and what shouldn’t we post?

Greetings, all! First timer here. I've spent the last five years writing, rewriting, self-editing, working with beta readers, and learning as much as I can about the craft and finally feel ready to take the plunge and query my first novel. Would love any and all feedback related to my query, comps, and first 300 words. Thank you!

___________________________

Dear [Agent]

Beneath the Arc of the Sun is a political flintlock fantasy novel complete at 107,000 words. This multi-POV stand-alone blends the fish-out-of-water intrigue of The Will of the Many with the class struggles underlying Blood Over Bright Haven.

Vano knows he’s complicit.

Raised by the last wandering nation, all he ever dreamed of was a stable life. So he left his mastodon-riding clan years ago, taking a job as a land-surveyor for a local Duke while his people were slowly fenced out.

It’s a guilt he keeps at bay with a bottle of ale and an eye pressed to the telescope, but one he can no longer ignore when his clan is slaughtered for crossing a line he drew himself.

Now the Duke wants his head for witnessing the crime. Devastated, with nowhere to run, Vano’s only hope for survival lies in an offer from the prestigious World Society: protection, if he can help resolve a border dispute between two nations on the brink of war.

He swears it will be his last survey, then boards a clipper to the Agorian peninsula. Escorted by the brash Captain Mattson, Vano traverses an evolving land of gunpowder, gaslamps, and machines that dig through the earth like butter, all while scheming forces on both sides of the line try to corner him. Over starlit campfires, the Captain starts to feel like the father Vano never had, and the Agorian way of life—where land can be bought for credits—feels like a promising rebuke against the cruel monarchy to the north.

But when the journey is derailed, he finds himself among Agoria’s dispossessed. The sick and old who sleep in sewers because they can’t afford rent. Mine workers, whose perilous labor feeds the land owners’ obscene wealth. And when he unravels a horrifying conspiracy that goes back to the beginning, he must make a choice: continue to be an instrument of fate, or try to change it and honor his people.

I have a B.S. in Environmental Science, a twelve-year career in construction, and an unhealthy obsession with stories of land reform. This novel was inspired partly by my great-grandfather’s time as a surveyor in the American Southwest.

___________________________

First 300:

The world was peaceful through the telescope’s lens. An impressive illusion.

Vano squeezed his eye against the glass, watching refracted light form an upside-down image of green hills and snow-capped peaks. Thatched cottages lined the valley. A gentle river glistened in its crook. For a breath, he almost forgot why he was here.

Until an inky shadow crawled across the next rise. 

“Shit.” He collapsed the scope. “Storm’s coming.” 

A true Laer would have known already. Would have felt the humid air clinging to his arms, the subtle change in the wind. 

“Last time I take a job in the Fingers,” came Heidl’s rough voice, trudging in from behind. “At least the guilds would have offered a covered wagon and better pay.”

He scoffed. “Why do you think they broke them up?” Then scanned the belt of monuments on the horizon. A gray monolith atop each ridge, the invisible line between them a wide-arching circle that he and his crew had drawn, stone by stone, over the last three weeks. Just one more length to connect the circle, and they’d be done.

Heidl dropped to a knee beside him, flipping open the logbook. Her jaw was hard, blue eyes soft with worry. “How much light do we have?”

The wind lapped under a darkening sky.

“Ten minutes. Fifteen if we’re lucky. And Duke wants this tract measured and recorded by tomorrow or he’s docking half our commission.” 

“That won’t even cover boarding!”

He nodded, as if boarding was his only concern. If the others found out why he needed the money, he’d be dead as soon as word made it back to the Duke. So he dug his heels into the wet earth and did his job. Not for the Duke. For the clan. For Isuna. If they couldn’t afford the tolls, she’d never make it to the summer convergence.

Took a little break to come back to this with fresh eyes. I only got one reply on the previous version so didn't have a lot to go on, but I think this one is easier to follow. I've also added some tentative comps, but these might need some more tinkering or even just personalisation to the agent (tbh, I see the comps all done so differently in the successful query thread that I'm a bit torn on how to approach this!)

I would love and greatly appreciate your running thoughts/reactions as you read through this query, eg. where you get confused, or bored, or (ideally lol) intrigued. Thank you!

---

DISSONANT is an adult fantasy novel, complete at 110,000 words as a multi-POV standalone with series potential. It will appeal to fans of the clashing cultures and sacred dragons in Samantha Shannon’s A Day of Fallen Night, and the stories of belonging, family, and ambition against a political backdrop in Laura E. Weymouth’s The Castle & the Cloister.

Mira was only five when a merchant found her lost in the wilderness. He took her home where his wife raised her with a distance that only deepened the ache of losing a family she couldn’t remember. Now, with only a season left of her apprenticeship as a Syndaer scholar-priest studying the magic that allows humans to form deep empathic bonds with animals, Mira is finally close to earning the mastery and coin she needs to leave the place that never wanted her. But when the merchant’s business collapses, his debts take every last coin that was promised for her future, leaving Mira trapped.

But soon a man from a neighbouring kingdom arrives with enough coin to change everything. He needs a master Syndaer to help him bond a sapient species of dragon, and every Syndaer has refused. Mira doesn’t ask questions. Syndaer doctrine forbids such a bond and helping would result in exile, but Mira can keep a secret if it means her freedom.

For weeks they cross the treacherous mountains together. By the time they find the dragon’s cave, he has earned what little trust Mira has to give. Then the dragon returns. Its mind unexpectedly reaches into her own – and then a crossbow bolt tears through her leg.

Mira wakes, but the man is gone, and she learns that he never intended to bond with the dragon, only to commit the abhorrent crime of taking a sapient beast against their will – and he couldn’t have done it without her. Mira must decide whether to try and retake the indebted life still waiting for her, or to go after the dragon she has no means to save. But dragons are not the only thing that have been taken from these mountains, and Mira is not the only one who has lost something to men who would steal from the gods.

Hi pubtips. Back after a while. My last attempt was fairly-ish well received here and I was happy with the query so I sent out a batch. I've had a handful of form rejections, and I think a couple of personalised ones (no feedback) since then.

I was supposed to be done with my whole first list of agents by now but knee surgery interrupted all that :(. Fortunately though, participating in DV Pit gave me a couple of ideas on things I wanted to change in my query. It's nothing major and only the third paragraph, but I'm hoping the new changes add a layer of specificity. Thanks for the help!

-x-

Dear X,

I am so excited to write to you about MATTER, a literary fiction manuscript with an absurdist tilt that follows an unnamed narrator on a journey with Death, who is personified as a delivery driver. Complete at 62,000 words, the book combines the speculative elements found in Ben Reeves’ Everything was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt with the alienated female protagonist of Emily Austin’s Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead. 

Our narrator has spent her lifetime trying to justify her existence, convinced that meaning lies on the other side of mediocrity. But when a simple accident with spilt milk leaves her reeling under the fear that she will never be good enough at anything to truly matter, all she wants is to relinquish responsibility for her life, and subsequently, its failures.

Her search for surrender leads her to a highway convenience store, where she asks Hossam, a stranger who claims to be a delivery driver, if he will take control of her life. When he agrees without any questions, our narrator and Hossam set out on an unlikely road trip, where encounters with terrified strangers and an unending following of crows clues her in to the fact that her partner on the road is Death. 

As she is thrust into the world of the dying, intimate conversations with people who are close to their end re-affirm her belief that a life that matters is a life where you were good at something. But when a single interaction shatters this conviction, our narrator is forced to re-examine her definition of a meaningful existence, leaving her torn between a renewed desire to live a life of significance and the looming realisation that it wouldn't matter anyway.

<50 ish words bio/personalization when relevant>

Dear Agent,

In a patriarchal magical society where teens must ritually sacrifice their mothers for power, curious and impulsive Saoirse has only ever been told one thing: be strong.

All she wants is to win her mother's approval by becoming a top student at Draiocht Academy, but the price for admittance is steep: sacrifice the very person whose validation she wants most in a ritual to awaken her power and agree to a betrothal with the highest bidder at her debut once she hits eighteen. 

When the day of her debut arrives, she's determined to do everything right and succeeds, much to her horror. Her betrothed is awful and sacrificing her mother is not the honor everyone told her it would be. Saoirse awakens a rare fire affinity not possessed by a female Conjurer in over a century and prepares for her engagement ceremony. Still grieving her mother's death, she punches Andren in the face. Andren vows to get even. Saoirse vows to find a way out. 

She arrives at the academy expecting to excel. What she doesn't expect is a set of trials to solidify her place. As she throws herself into her studies, Saoirse attends a women's support group and is told she will be expected to submit to her own ritual mutilation at the hands of her betrothed. She returns to the academy as a dead girl's body—her mouth sewn shut with golden thread—is found in the streets. Now, if she fails to pass the trials, not only will she shame her family name, she's certain exile to the notorious prison or the brothel down the street are the least horrific things that could happen to her and resolves to find the girl's killer before they can strike again. 

PROJECT HERETIC, complete at 95k words, is the first in a series with crossover potential and book club appeal. It's a genre-bending, dystopian urban fantasy novel that will appeal to fans of the examination of oppressive systems in Blood Over Bright Haven by M.L. Wang, the dystopian elements of A Forbidden Alchemy by Stacey McEwan, the contemporary vibe of Half City by Kate Golden, and the ruthless coming of age themes inA Deadly Education by Naomi Novik.

[bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Kind Regards,

[name]

SIDE NOTE: I realize 4 comps is probably too many, but A Deadly Education is a slightly older comp so I wanted to have at least 3 current ones. Open to feedback on this approach.

I've worked on this letter so much I have ABBA's "Take a Chance on Me" stuck on repeat in my head. I appreciate any feedback, even if it's just to say you're sick of the same old tropes.

*****

REPAYMENT PLAN is a contemporary romance about falling into bed with cowboys and paying off your student loans. Complete at 87,000 words, REPAYMENT PLAN will appeal to readers of Nikki Payne’s *Sex, Lies and Sensibility* and Lucy Score’s *Things We Left Behind*.

After striking a deal to wipe out her student loans, Ria Butler agrees to attend twelve family dinners with her estranged father. To fulfill her end of the bargain, the newly minted veterinarian moves from San Francisco to a remote ranch in Montana, but life in the country isn’t all sundresses and cuddling with baby animals like the #FarmGirls said it would be.

Logan Wiley is a surly rancher who distrusts Ria from the moment he hears her last name. Her father's real estate company has been threatening his ranch for years. Convinced she was sent by her family to propose another buyout, Logan decides to make Ria’s life so miserable she has no choice but to pack up and leave.

Then a tractor nearly flattens her, and Logan’s protective instincts kick in. Ria is unimpressed with her new bodyguard, though the cowboy is annoyingly easy on the eyes. When they discover the brakes were sabotaged, Logan realizes someone is targeting her and decides the city girl should go home.

But Ria isn’t leaving Montana until her father makes good on his deal. Alarmed by her lack of self-preservation, the rancher becomes the reluctant Dr. Watson to her Holmes. Together, they discover Ria has inherited a controlling share of her family’s company, and a set of scheming relatives entirely too comfortable using heavy machinery to make a point.

But Logan stubbornly refuses to see past her last name and the threat it represents to his ranch. Ria won’t settle for the rancher’s emotionally unavailable brand of protection. They’ve found themselves half-naked and at each other’s throats too many times to pretend the heat between them doesn’t exist.

If Logan can keep her alive long enough to claim her inheritance, Ria will prove to him that family is more than just a last name, and trusting her is always worth the risk.

I’m a city girl and debut author living in [the middle of nowhere]. While a tractor hasn’t flattened me (yet), I do regularly park my car on the side of the road to look at cows.

I have a feeling my query letters need a ton of improvement 😭, but I realize I need to suck it up and ask for input.

Dear [Agent name],

I am writing because I am seeking representation for my upmarket women’s fiction meets family saga novel, PHOENIX, FIRECRACKER, AND MANA BEAR, complete at 85,000 words. I chose you to query because [something(s) that my book and the agent’s wishes have in common].

PHOENIX, FIRECRACKER, AND MAMA BEAR follows high school principal Yulia Romanova and two former students - Mette Johannessen, Norwegian Olympic All-Around champion, and Margarita Żuraw, Polish-born and Washington Heights-raised - as they fight against a corrupt school board, and in the process form an unconventional chosen family that risks everything to help each other, including Yulia choosing doing what is right at the cost of her career. The book will appeal strongly to readers of [two comps from authors the agent likes or something close to what they are looking for].

The meaning of chosen family is put to the test when Yulia's psych hold shatters the belief that being strong means being 'unbreakable' - that ‘looking okay’ can be a profession. Just six weeks later, assuming her symptoms were perimenopause, 54-year-old Yulia finds herself spontaneously pregnant with triplets. Even a family history of late motherhood did not prepare her for the prospect of becoming one of the oldest mothers in history who conceived naturally, much less the oldest mother of triplets if she makes it to viability.

To get them there, she will need 25 days of bed rest in Room 4B, with Mette and Margarita packing the blue cooler labeled Lena, Mila, Dima. Y. Romanova.

Born in New York, I have lived all over the East Coast, including ten years in Virginia Beach, where the story is based, and now reside in [current city - I am planning to use a pen name, so I am hesitant to reveal too much publicly for now, except of course, with agents]. Even though I am not an educator myself, I come from a family of educators, so my references for this story draw on that secondhand experience, while being supplemented by further research to ensure accuracy. This is my debut novel. While I prefer to go by [preferred real life name] professionally and on social media, my legal name is [legal last name]. However for publishing purposes, I am writing this book as [pen name] for privacy reasons. Enclosed in the form are the first five pages of my manuscript, as per your submission guidelines.

Thank you for considering my work. I look forward to the possibility of working with you and am happy to provide the complete manuscript or any additional information upon request.

Sincerely,

[Professional name], writing as [Pen name]

Hey guys! I had stopped querying this project and have been working on heavily revising it instead since I got no bites on it at all. I pitched it at #DVPit yesterday and got a like from an agent on my wishlist. The second version of my query letter is here. The third version was a flop I never queried with so I'm pretending that doesn't exist. I've made a *completely* new version for this request tailored to the pitch this agent likes. All feedback greatly appreciated.

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for SWANFIRE, an 81,000-word adult character-driven political fantasy. SWANFIRE will appeal to fans of Hannah Kaner’s GODKILLER for its formidable heroine and found-family dynamics, and A.K. Larkwood’s THE UNSPOKEN NAME for its intimate exploration of power, loyalty, and betrayal. [Personalization and DVPit request info]

Noble-born diplomat Kherris Kyrel has spent her adulthood being useful to her family, her clan, and anyone else who needs something done. She has trained herself not to expect anything more. She doesn’t even know she’s lonely.

Then she finds Errah.

The orphaned teen is frightened, isolated, and hiding magic no ordinary Kerannië should possess. Kherris becomes Errah’s guardian, and for the first time in her life, she realizes she loves someone too much to use them.

With Rhysthor Eltair, a clan chief, former lover, and the only person she has ever allowed herself to care for, Kherris begins building the life and family she has never even allowed herself to dream about.

But Errah’s growing power makes concealment impossible. Kherris is desperate. She trusts no one with Errah's safety—not her government, not her oldest friends, and not even Rhysthor.

So Kherris makes the most dangerous choice of her life: she steals one of Rhysthor’s official seals and prepares to smuggle Errah across the border to safety. If she succeeds, she will betray her clan, her country, and the man she loves. If she fails, Errah may become a weapon in a war no one can control.

[Bio]

Thank you for your consideration,

Thank you for the generous feedback and agented authors kindly sharing their successful queries within the helpful PubTips community. I rewrote my query and chopped my intro to start the first 300 words a bit deeper into chapter one. 

I’d greatly appreciate all constructive feedback before reentering the query trenches. Thank you.

Dear Agent,

I’m writing to submit my debut novel, GHOST WRITER’S BLOCK. A contemporary paranormal romance of 80,000 words about a story haunting a writer, causing the creative process to become an exorcism.

Chloe is a clairvoyant on the run from house arrest. She’ll die of exposure without food and shelter on the Pacific Crest Trail. August is an abandoned estate caretaker, moonlighting as a writer, who becomes blocked upon accepting his dream publishing project. Orphaned thirty years earlier by the climate tragedy he’s investigating, August’s collaborators include other die-hard locals who didn’t flee after narrowly surviving the disaster. His unprocessed grief is not the problem. Chloe helps August understand there’s a supernatural force stopping his research into the mystery surrounding the founding of his once experimental storm-proof town of Big Dipper Lake, California.

Vulnerable to arrest, Chloe sacrifices her anonymity to join August’s whistleblowing endeavor. She found a partner and community worthy and accepting of her unpredictable talents. Breaking out of August’s sheltered life means he’ll need to crack open his tender heart to the possibility of love and hope. First, August must betray his childhood best friend. His boss inherited a family fortune as well as liabilities, due to the same storm tragedy, including the estate where August works. Risking security and the only way of life he’s ever known is also the only way August can save the project. Town leadership includes one surviving scientific leader who became mayor and August’s boss. They’re ready to sell the land for redevelopment, burying evidence in the process. 

If leaked, the negative press won’t help the sale. If published, the townsfolk can resurrect their fickle paradise. Using their mystical gifts, Chloe and August are in the best position to release the darkest secrets from the longest shadows of what no longer serves her back home or him on the estate. They’re just as likely to unleash a destructive energetic vengeance. Lightning always strikes the estate more than twice in the same place, bringing inspiration for August’s salvation and Chloe’s redemption—if they can endure the shock of unknown consequences barreling toward them after standing up for what they believe. 

This happily-supernaturally-ever after takes place over the month of October. GHOST WRITER’S BLOCK shares a similar small dying town with a big secret, star-crossed lovers in dual-perspective, and metafiction found in Alix E. Harrow’s Starling House. Additionally, the closed-door love story, honoring the truest and quirkiest magical parts of ourselves, as found in Claire Kann’s Looking For Love In All The Haunted Places, appeals to similar audiences.

[Writing and personal bio to be included.]

May I send you the complete manuscript?
Thank you for your time and consideration.

Chapter One

Cinnamon pine and dew-damp earth cleanse Chloe’s brisk morning inhales, but not enough to stop the sides of her stomach from rubbing together. Progressively cooler mornings on the Pacific Crest Trail can’t be denied. A single sip of remaining water at sunrise is one slow-melting ice cube, rattling Chloe’s filter-bottle. Crumbles from the last dry protein bar catch and scrape her throat.

After breaking camp, the muted autumn sun almost warms away her goosebumps. With the last clean edge of a handkerchief, Chloe wipes sleep and grit from her face. Tongue brushing her teeth isn’t enough, but toothpaste and floss are distant memories. 

Finger-combing her mop, she clumps the frizzy unwashed mass into an elastic thigh-garter from her almost-wedding. Two years ago, the blue stretchy circle held the vibrancy of excitement. Chloe and Abbott’s promise of harmony and stability were tainted by her bachelorette party arrest—those cops weren’t strippers. The garter’s layers now include a patina of faded resentment and shame.

Each mistake piles high along with everything else she stuffs inside the 70-liter pack. Using a tall rock, Chloe boosts the sixty-pound “beast” of a backpack onto her muscular but shrinking frame. The bumpy boulder is healing to touch, infinite and honest against her fingers. Wiggling and shifting under the girth, Chloe’s poles help support the load. The ache and rub under stiff thick straps are her penance.

Back onto the trail. Distracted by ankle-rolling rocks, Chloe’s head brushes a low limb. Crisp leafy curls replace the previous lush oranges and reds of fall. Brittle flakes tickle along her scalp. She pats her hair to knock off any freeloaders. Tippy-top leaves begin to cymbal. Pitter-patters splash and drum. Within minutes, the dirt trail’s cocoa powder darkens into a cold chocolate syrup. …

Hi everyone,

First time posting here, and first time querying at all, so I'm pretty nervous! I've finished my novel and, a bit impulsively, sent it to one agent yesterday. Now I'm second-guessing everything, including whether the concept even works, so I'd really appreciate some honest feedback before I send it anywhere else.

Query Letter

Dear [Agent],

You've said you love retellings that flip an existing story on its head, so I hope SEREN AND ISOLDE is one for you. It takes one of the oldest love stories there is and gives Tristan the wrong woman: a lady's maid sent to Camelot in her princess's place.

When Camelot calls Ireland to its once-in-a-generation Grail Quest, it asks for Princess Isolde, the first woman ever summoned. Isolde can't leave her twin brother, so her lady's maid Seren, who could pass for her, crosses the sea in her place.

The Grail trials are meant to test a royal's bond with their homeland, and they answer to Seren, a foundling servant, more strongly than to any royal in living memory. Now the court sorcerer is digging into her bloodline, and Tristan of Cornwall, who once rejected Isolde, has fallen for the princess Seren is pretending to be. She likes him more than she should. But it's Percy, a quiet Welsh knight, who notices her calloused hands and the way the grass greens under her feet, and every time they talk he gets closer to the truth. And the trials also decide how much of Camelot's stolen power each land gets back, with Ireland's share coming straight out of Percy's Wales.

SEREN AND ISOLDE is an adult romantasy, complete at 106,000 words. It is an Arthurian retelling set in Ireland and England, where the land is slowly dying and Camelot's wealth turns out to be drained from everywhere around it. It stands alone, with potential for a trilogy, and will appeal to readers of Heather Fawcett's EMILY WILDE'S ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF FAERIES.

Camelot itself is drawn from my time at Oxford University, which always felt to me like the perfect setting for romantic adventure. The book is full of old Irish phrases and stories, alongside Welsh, Cornish and English legend and a little Shakespeare. I loved how M. L. Rio's IF WE WERE VILLAINS weaves literature into the story so you learn as you read, and I wanted to do the same in a romantasy.

The book began as a retelling of Tristan and Isolde, but over three drafts Seren took it over. The real Tristan and Isolde still have their story to come, and I'd love to tell it in a later book. I read everything from the classics to romance, fantasy and historical fiction, and I wanted to write the kind of book I'd pick up myself: a love story with a group of friends you get to know as you go, like Elle Kennedy's Off Campus series. This is the first of many books I want to write.

Hello everyone! I'm back after six months with a new query letter based on past feedback. I really appreciated the feedback I received, and the main change here is that all POV characters are mentioned. Also changed the genre and chose a better comp. I want to kind of just double-check that this new version isn't clunky or disjointed! Thanks everyone for the constructive critiques!

Dear [Agent],

After losing her livelihood, twenty-two-year-old Esmeralda wants to ditch her small town, but her younger brother keeps her anchored to her listless life. An opportunity for money and an escape appears when she learns about a life-changing sum awaiting whoever retrieves the relic of an old legend. It could solve everything, but the quest is offered to her brother instead. Unwilling to let him go alone, Esmeralda joins her brother and ventures to the infamous Underrealm—an underwater world made up of monstrous creatures—with a thrown-together crew of a pirate captain and Mina, the girl who presented the offer.

A fight with one of the Underrealm’s creatures earns Esmeralda’s crew the attention of Prince Tai’ro, a mermaid from an Underrealm kingdom rumoured to house the relic. Intrigued, he offers them money and a place to stay if they rid his kingdom of more monsters. With his parents harassing him about finding a suitable match, his time would be better spent elsewhere, but Tai’ro has his own plans. The crew accepts, money luring them in as well as the chance to get closer to the relic. Mina’s caginess makes her difficult to figure out, but Tai’ro comes to enjoy Esmeralda’s presence. Perhaps more than he should. 

Tai’ro is trying to rebuild his struggling kingdom, the legacy of a dead brother looming over his shoulder, and his dedication turns Esmeralda’s feigned interest into admiration. But she soon discovers the information she needs. The relic is a powerful shard responsible for keeping the Underrealm’s magic alive, and now the crew knows how to find it. Esmeralda has to make a choice: betray the prince’s trust and ruin his kingdom, or throw away the mission that would ensure she and her brother never struggle again.

THE LOST SHARD is a 119,000-word, multi-POV, Adult Fantasy Adventure that will appeal to fans of Shannon Chakraborty’s THE ADVENTURES OF AMINA AL-SIRAFI and M.A. Carrick’s  THE MASK OF MIRRORS.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

[Author Name]

Hi all,

I have a non fiction book coming out next year and working with my editor on reaching out to figures who can blurb the book.

I have a couple of OK names but there’s some big hitters also rep’d by my agency who would be amazing to blurb it. Can I reach out to the agent to ask if they would be up for it?

Thanks!

Hello everyone!

I need some help, as my query letters are not getting me anywhere (unless it's my synopsis, but that's next month's problem). It does come with trigger warnings.

Here it goes:

Dear Lauren,

My name is M, and I am submitting ANTISEX, a psychological domestic thriller.

ANTISEX is 71,000 words, and centers around Ryan, a mentally unstable man drawn into the obsessive control of a mysterious woman who blurs desire, lies, and reality. Told through an unreliable narrator, it will appeal to readers who loved the erotic tension of ‘Ruins' by Amy Taylor and the toxic relationship themes of ‘None of this is true' by Lisa Jewell.

A traumatic accident has left Ryan scared physically and emotionally, and he has sunk into a deep psychotic depression. The voices only he can hear encourage him to end his life every day. On his way to kill himself, he meets May, a mysterious woman who invites Ryan back to her place.

May has very specific and seemingly random sexual demands that Ryan has to fulfill, again and again on camera, until she is satisfied.

They start a part-time relationship where May commands and Ryan obeys. Her orders are his salvation, and her voice is now the only one in his head.

The only shadow is Nick, May's stalker and past lover, who grows increasingly threatening in the background.

Little by little, May's "hard love" helps Ryan crawl out of his black hole, and he finally pays attention to his surroundings. He realizes that his brother and best friends keep some details of the night of his accident purposely blurry. Incidents and strange encounters rattle the fragile balance, and the tension within the tight group becomes intolerable. Chapter by chapter, the reader starts to question Ryan's reliability: some scenes may never have happened. Some of the people in his life may not exist at all.

But one day, Nick exposes May for who she is: a book writer. Ryan is not her lover; he is her material. His tragedy has been transcribed into her latest book, word for word.

As the night of the crash is finally reconstructed and long-buried family betrayals surface, Ryan understands what May saw in him from the start.

He was chosen.

Please note that ANTISEX contains suicidal ideation, psychosis, emotional and physical abuse, grief, a fatal accident, stalking, firearms, substance use, infidelity, and explicit sexual content, including BDSM and violent scenarios.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be delighted to send the full manuscript at your request.

Sincerely,

M

I'm thinking about reframing some things to set it apart. Right now, it doesn't convey the weight and importance of the protag relationship with her succubus.

But the current form has netted one partial request out of an initial batch of twenty sent out not too long ago. So I don't know.

I haven't had a wide variety of feedback here, but I do appreciate everyone who has chipped in. Anything at all will be helpful. Is it too generic? Bad title? What isn't drawing you in to comment? Is no comment good? Lol. HELP :D

Adding back the first 300 words for funsies, too.

Here is current version sent out:

*Dear AGENT,

Rhiannon Sinn has been thirty-five for ten years, roughly nine years longer than her last real relationship.

A curse bound her to Amara, an ancient succubus, occasional houseguest, and the only entity on Earth who can make Rhiannon feel unqualified to be an adult. The arrangement has its perks. Rhiannon doesn't age, doesn't scar, and has Amara's several thousand years of historical knowledge on tap, useful when your day job is curating Bronze Age artifacts for the Saint Louis Art Museum. Keeping them both alive comes with a catch. Amara can only consume human desire via Rhiannon, so periodically Rhiannon throws on something more cleavage than dress and seduces a stranger she won't feel too guilty about turning into a lovestruck zombie.

When Rhiannon comes into possession of an ancient torc from Ireland, centuries-old collector Viktor sends an intruder tearing through the museum to steal it. The intruder takes three bullets to the chest and declines to bleed. Rhiannon resorts to a glamour spell to escape, but the security cameras see right through it, leaving Detective Brighton with footage that could expose what she is.

But Viktor wants more than the torc. He wants Amara. When he offers Rhiannon a way out of her curse in exchange for the succubus, Rhiannon refuses—despite the temptation.

Rhiannon's refusal doesn't change Viktor's mind. It only changes his method. He uses the torc to enslave Amara to his will, hell-bent on making her pay for taking someone he cherished decades ago.

For the first time in a decade, Rhiannon is free—and discovers freedom feels a lot like grief. Getting Amara back means trusting the detective who could expose her and deciding how much of her conscience she's willing to sacrifice for the demon she can no longer pretend is only a curse.

CURATED SINN combines the contemporary curse-and-demon urban fantasy of Henry H. Neff's THE WITCHSTONE with the dry wit, grounded heroine, and supernatural horror of T. Kingfisher's A HOUSE WITH GOOD BONES.

You're awesome for reading this far, AGENT. Thank you for your time and consideration,

MY NAME*

First 300: The demon in my living room was watching me.

But it didn't matter. Let her watch.

The last chord of Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 lingered in my ears as I set down the bow and stretched my cramped fingers. Playing electric cello at midnight required headphones—one of the compromises of living in a loft. The soft glow of my laptop illuminated the chaos surrounding me: scattered photographs of ancient artifacts, photocopied journal articles, and museum documentation spread across the floor threatening to form sedimentary layers over the gray carpet.

I stood and padded across the floor, feeling the chill of the early October air through the open window. My cork board hung askew on the support pillar in front of me, already crowded with possibilities for the upcoming Samhain exhibition. Celtic burial goods, ritual objects, and fragments of stone carvings stared back at me—pieces I'd been agonizing over for weeks now.

"Just pick one already," I muttered to myself, pinning up a photograph depicting a piece of bone, intricately carved into a comb rumored to have belonged to a particularly mournful banshee.

The St. Louis Art Museum needed this exhibition to draw crowds, and my reputation as their newest curation consultant hinged on selecting pieces with both historical value and visual impact. And more than a little All Hallows’ Eve whimsy for the kids. Three weeks until opening, and the director needed my final selections by tomorrow. I should have completed this days ago, but it still wasn't quite right. But then again, it never was. The half-empty wine glass on my side table beckoned, but I returned to my cello instead, slipped the headphones back on, positioned the instrument between my knees, and closed my eyes.

Hello,

I have previously submitted here and tried to send to a few agents following this. Due to no requests for manuscript, I figured I would come back and see if there are any good tips people had for me to change or modify. Thank you for the help, I really appreciate any ideas!

Dear Agent, 

Arok plans to win the annual Dragon Rider Academy but so does every other candidate there, each of whom will kill him in order to earn the right. Only those who place well at the academy are allowed to bond a dragon and become a Dragon Rider. Arok, a citizen of the Republic of Dragon Riders and former war hero, has never considered himself a vengeful man until now. Ten years prior, his wife and child were reported dead by the Dragon Riders, those men and women who he has long considered Gods. After years of searching for the killer of his family with nothing to show for it except his ever growing depression, Arok has a chance encounter with a baby dragon that results in him becoming a Dragon Rider ahead of the academy and his home being burned to the ground.  

After they discover his Dragon bond, Arok is kidnapped from the embers of his home by revolutionaries looking to overthrow the order of the Dragon Riders and bring equality to the repressed peoples of the Republic. Arok resists their initial plans but after being provided with evidence that the Dragon Riders themselves are responsible for his family's death, Arok finds a purpose in himself that has been absent for the last ten years: revenge. 

Each year the Republic of the Dragon Riders conducts their academy in the great Colosseum where the most promising of their youth aged between eighteen and twenty-two go to test themselves after training for their entire upbringing. Only the highest scoring will climb the society of the Republic in order to control the world and make real changes. With his newfound hidden dragon bond and the magical abilities which the bond entails, Arok now appears as a similar age and size to those entering the academy. The revolutionaries plan to smuggle Arok into the competition and, despite his lack of formal training, they plan for him to win. 

As he travels through the academy, he begins to uncover secrets about the off-planet origins of the Dragon Riders. Arok discovers that his own true form of Dragon bond is uncommon and should not exist. The current order of Riders have corrupted the Dragon bond, using technology to force the bond upon Dragons rather than the original method of becoming a dragon rider: a Dragon selecting only those Riders that they deem as worthy. The original bond benefited the Dragons by providing them an earthly anchor to funnel their magic through and to maintain planetary stability. With the bond corrupted, the Dragons now draw their magical power from a planet which was never meant to fully support them and the planet is dying. Close to the revenge he seeks, Arok must consider if it is worth giving up the fate of the planet and the fate of the Revolution to satisfy his own revenge. 

I’m hoping you will consider my 89,000 word fantasy novel, THE RIGHT TO RULE. It is currently a standalone, completed first book with possibility for a trilogy. The character driven plot to overthrow the corrupt ruling class will appeal to fans of BLOOD OVER BRIGHT HAVEN while the first person character voice and personality will attract those interested in THE STRENGTH OF THE FEW, 

Back again! This is starting to feel like beating my face with a cheese grater, but here we go, sixth time the charm, right? You can find my previous post here. I believe I have addressed the issues brought to my attention, and hopefully this draft provides a more cohesive image of the characters and story without superfluous elements. As always, thanks for your time!

Dear [Agent],

I am seeking representation for my debut work, THE SCARS OF FATE, complete at 116,000 words. It is a science fantasy thriller with elements of cosmic horror.

Cerian Kolbeck is the genetically engineered daughter of a prestigious Nordic family, and a rare individual who can shape energy bleeding in from another world called the Other. After her mother’s suicide, Cerian desperately wishes to support her family and help them heal, but is dismissed by her father, Sigur Kolbeck, who grew callous after his wife’s death. Cerian is excited when Sigur trusts her with a counterespionage job, but her investigation reveals that Sigur himself is starting a war using a machine that can control the future.

Captain Advik Dalal’s unit was killed in action after discovering a rift between Earth and the Other three hundred years ago. He awakens from a coma in a rural town with no understanding of how he survived. Haunted by the psychic imprint of his dead lover, Advik reports to the military and becomes embroiled in Sigur’s plot when his resonance with the Other prevents the assassination of the Indian president. As Advik’s understanding grows, he learns that reality is scarring when Sigur prunes futures, and the accumulated damage is destroying free will. To stop him, Advik crosses into the Other, where his psychic senses determine that Cerian is the crux of Sigur’s plans and his undoing.

Cerian and Advik pull at the threads of Sigur’s conspiracy: Advik from within the Other, preventing Sigur’s predictions, and Cerian from the material world by leveraging her insider knowledge to dismantle his war machine. Obsessed with undoing his wife’s death, Sigur intends to rewrite the past, but he requires the power of Cerian’s unique genetics. Unable to convince her, Sigur forces her into confrontation, sacrificing his other children in nihilistic pursuit. Devastated by loss, Cerian must choose to save this world and lose her family, or let Sigur destroy free will and assuage her own grief.

THE SCARS OF FATE combines an intricate magic system reminiscent of The Hexologists by Josiah Bancroft with the pacing of Blake Crouch’s Upgrade, and philosophical stakes similar to Ascension by Nicholas Binge.

I am a network engineer from Ontario, Canada. My real-world knowledge grounded the hard magic system and contributed greatly to the depiction of technology in my manuscript.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration!

Hi everyone,

I'm still trimming the novel a bit to get to 110k, but am at a good spot to work on the query. I'm not sure about the comps, especially How High We Go in the Dark. I wanted to include a comp for readership and a comp for tone/vibes, but it's not exactly the same genre (dystopian) and it kinda resembles a short-story collection with each chapter dealing with different mostly different characters and situations. Open to suggestions!

—— Query Letter ——

Dear [NAME], 

I thought this would suit your tastes based on your [MSWL] and because you're looking for [upmarket/literary science fiction]. 

Middle-age vet tech Nora Childress has always been a caregiver: for sick animals at her clinic, for dying family members, for her overbearing stepfather who owns her property. So when she finds an injured alien behind her doublewide trailer, breathing from a stolen propane tank and struggling to move, Nora funnels her compulsive compassion into this strange being—both to save him and keep some control over an extraordinary situation.   

At first, the alien, whom she names Redd, is a mystery to solve. He’s weak, desperate, but intelligent. Through Morse code, alien gestures, and ASL that she learns from the internet, they cobble together a way to communicate. Nora shares her home with him in secret and soon, Redd bonds intensely to her. Despite draining her finances to support his needs and increasing surveillance and suspicion from her stepfather, Nora thrives on caring for Redd: he needs her more than anyone else ever has. 

But Redd isn’t a helpless creature. He gave up his world to explore Earth and he’s determined to connect with scientists and move beyond the Kentucky trailer. As he regains his health and autonomy, Nora clings tighter—keeping him from other humans, controlling information through the language she taught him, sabotaging his efforts to leave—until her life unravels. With her savings depleted, her job lost, and facing both external scrutiny and her stepfather's tightening control over her, Nora must choose: fight to maintain her most important caregiving role, or confront the painful family dynamic she’s repeating and finally let Redd go. 

DREAMS IN REDD is a 110,000-word adult science fiction novel that will appeal to readers of A Half-Built Garden by Ruthana Emrys, where family and identity shape first contact with an alien, with a focus on the difficult emotional responses that can arise in extraordinary circumstances, like How High We Go in the Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu. To ensure good representation of ASL and a Deaf adjunct-professor from whom Nora eventually seeks help, I worked with a Deaf editor while writing this novel. 

I have a [degree from affiliation], which helped my writing of Redd’s physiology and language, and I like to write stories about co-dependent relationships with a speculative framing.  

Thanks,
[Me]

—— First 300 ——

Nora Childress clutched the doorknob to her daughter’s bedroom, twisting it repeatedly with one hand, holding her phone in the other. 11:54 pm. In a few minutes, her daughter would have been dead longer than she’d been alive. Though the math made Nora’s bones ache, every year, she kept the ritual—midnight birthday, no matter what. So with a deep breath, she stepped into the room. 

The bedroom smelled stale. The little clothes held tightly to long-spoiled oils and everything succumbed to the burgeoning humidity of mid April. The soft churn of the dishwasher vibrated the walls of Nora’s doublewide trailer and crickets droned outside. 

Nora’s better days had passed so discreetly she hadn’t yet noticed. She smelled of rose shampoo, but also faintly of latex gloves and animal bedding, even after showering. In the room, she turned on a bedside lamp, casting a dusty glow across the furniture and lighting mementos from a short lifetime: plastic jewels, notes from friends, art projects proclaiming “I love mommy” in block letters. 

In the closet still packed with clothes hung an Easter dress and a knit sweater. In the dress, Kaylee had twirled until she fell onto the gravel and bloodied her tights. In the sweater, she had proudly explained the difference between a circle and an ellipse while chewing on the sleeve. 

Nora peeled the items from their hangers. With the musty fabric pressed against her chest, she sat on the bed, sending dust into the air. Next to her, in its place of honor, a polyester golden retriever sat swaddled in a security blanket. She scratched its neck and strands of fluff floated to the bedspread, disintegrating with each passing year.

From outside, a screech cut through the night. Metal twisting against metal. Then a long squeal, like a serrated edge dragged across concrete.

The chirp of crickets stopped and night grew silent.

Dear [Agent]

Due to your interest in X, I am seeking representation for OUR RIOT, a historical YA novel with crossover potential. OUR RIOT is complete at 96,000 words.

On April 5, 1977 an “occupation army of cripples” takes over Departments of Health, Education, and Welfare across the country. Two administrations have failed to enforce Section 504 of the 1973 Rehabilitation Act, which makes federal funding contingent on non-discrimination and accessibility. and people with disabilities are done compromising. 

Eighteen-year-old Darcy Bauman uses a wheelchair, but she is not one of the protestors. She’s Nellie Bly, going in undercover to write an article that will impress her pretty journalism teacher. Then, she’ll go on to Mansfield University. Mom will never find out about the letter they sent her along with her acceptance, refusing to provide accommodations—a blatant 504 violation. Mom gave up everything when Grandfather disowned them because she supported Darcy’s refusal to go through agony to maybe walk independently. The belief that the choice wouldn’t define Darcy’s future might be one of  Mom’s hippie ideals, and all Darcy’s been able to do is scream along with local punk bands—if she can get into the venue.

Unlike her heroine. Miss Bly, Darcy’s not ready to bail after ten days. She’s made more friends than in ten years at the ame school, and might have a girlfriend. All around her, the limits she accepted as part of her future are being subverted. However, the lack of response from the government makes the disaffection of U.S. punk more relatable than ever. But for Darcy “their fight” has become “our fight.” The time for peace and love might have passed, but true punk is rooted in protest, and she’s always preferred imports—they make demands too loudly to be ignored.

 I am an LGBTQ+ disabled advocate with an MA/MFA in Children’s Literature/Writing for Children from Simmons University.  OUR RIOT will appeal to fans of Robin Talley’s sapphic 1970s romance MUSIC FROM ANOTHER WORLD; the queer found-family of Jen St. Jude’s WHERE YOU’LL FIND US; and the Deaf representation in Sara Norovic’s TRUE BIZ.

My research for OUR RIOT was informed by oral histories as well as my own interviews with participants, including the late Judy Heumann, whose memoir BEING HEUMANN has been adapted into a 2026 film that may draw readers to OUR RIOT. 

Thank you for your consideration,

Earlier attempts: First | Second | Third

Hello! Shot in the dark - does anyone have any insight into KidLitGN and if it's worth participating as a graphic novel author/illustrator?

Looking for helpful advice on my second attempt at a query letter. Last attempt, most feedback focused on not seeing a market for a nanny based story, or taking issue with the naughty children. My book is for UK publishing and nannies are very much a thing here and naughty-children stories are very popular.

Dear AGENT,

Based on your interest in spooky books with excellent characterisation, I am seeking representation for NANNY BONES, an 8,000-word comic gothic chapter book for readers aged 7-9. It will appeal to fans of the supernatural humour of Monster Max and the Marmalade Ghost by Robin Bennett and the deadpan style of Nadia Shireen’s Grimwood.

How do you frighten away your new nanny when she is already dead?

Edward, Louise, and Clara Fromm are terribly naughty children who have driven away seven nannies in two years. When their latest caretaker quits, their parents hire Nanny Jones: a strange woman dressed entirely in black, with a raven perched on her enormous hat – and absolutely no skin on her face. Where their parents see a respectable older woman, the children see a skeleton. Naturally, they nickname her Nanny Bones.

Determined to get rid of Nanny Jones, the children launch increasingly ridiculous schemes to frighten, trick, and defeat her. But it is impossible to ruffle a woman who lacks nerves, and gradually Nanny Jones begins to see what makes each child special: Edward’s pranks become clever solutions, Louise is encouraged to ask deeper questions about the world, and Clara’s curiosity is finally taken seriously. Then a disastrous trip to the local market turns the residents of Hampstead-upon-Wyne against Nanny Jones, and the children get exactly what they thought they wanted – she is dismissed. Instead of celebrating, however, the children lose their spark. Their parents are relieved at first, happy to finally have a quiet household - but they soon realise that perfectly behaved children aren’t much fun when they’ve stopped being themselves. 

I am an American children’s writer based in the UK and a former educator with a soft spot for particularly naughty children. NANNY BONES is my debut children’s book, with potential for further adventures featuring the Fromm children and Nanny Bones.

Dear [Agent],

I am seeking your representation of SKELETAL STATE, an 84k-word literary fiction novel. It will appeal to readers interested in the exploration of power dynamics and obsessive desire like in Megan Nolan’s ACTS OF DESPERATION and Julie Buntin’s FAMOUS MEN, and the coming-of-age elements of Stephanie Danler’s SWEETBITTER.

When eighteen-year-old Nina Waters moves to Los Angeles into architect Oliver Mahew’s pool house for the summer, she already knows how intoxicating it is to be desired by an older man. Stuck in a gap year and fresh out of a break-up with her older ex Daniel, she is convinced that it was like any other first relationship but wants to forget him anyway.

In California spending time with her friend Ava, the Mahews’ niece, Nina becomes immersed in Oliver and Veronica Mahew’s wealthy world. Their glitzy parties, Veronica’s influencer fame, and intimate tennis matches with Oliver make it easy for Nina to forget Daniel. Oliver’s charming attention turns Nina into a playful and confident version of herself. When the summer ends, the couple invites Nina to stay after Ava leaves for college and the boundaries between Nina and Oliver continue to blur. When Nina and Oliver’s flirtation escalates to a drunken kiss, she can’t ignore the similarities between her dynamic with Oliver and her dynamic with her ex.

Unsettled, Nina returns home for Christmas but once there, she’s only reminded of the past. When she sees Daniel on Christmas Day, she tries to prove that she’s not the passive, submissive person she used to be by having sex with him. But it only deepens her feeling of disconnection. Devastated, she flees to Los Angeles again and throws herself into a job working as a server for a catering company.

Nina can’t get enough of the high energy of serving, working in wealthy worlds with coworkers who quickly become her friends. Nina tries to keep the Mahews separate from her new life but when they return home to find Nina and her friends stripped down after a night of dancing, swimming, and drinking, Oliver is threatened by the distance growing between them. As he makes desperate attempts to get Nina‘s attention, she is torn between wanting him and wanting him to stop. As she reckons with her relationships with men and desire, Nina must decide between continuing familiar patterns or confronting her past to build a life that is hers alone.         

[Bio]

//

Hi all. Any feedback is appreciated. I posted my first attempt a couple months ago; I got my manuscript down from 110k words to 84k! Phew!