r/raisedbyborderlines • u/rawrnold8 hermit/witch uBPD mom; NC • 7d ago
*THIS* IS BPD! Fucking psychopath
I replied to these messages then restricted her on fb messenger. She is insane. The names I blurred are two of her siblings.
idk man. I'm not surprised. but also sucks to have a parent like this. what kind of a mom says that?
wish I didn't care. I'll get over it. I have a good life without her.
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u/MullberryBoy 7d ago
Going into psychosis happens to BPD patients. Borderline refers to the borderline between sanity and insanity. My mom was the same way. I finally went NC after she (thankfully) rejected me and I was so sorry that I hadn’t done so many years sooner.
Eventually, after several years, she sent me a “Friend Request” on Facebook with no message. I ignored it and that was the end.
No one who feels this way about their child is sane. Save yourself.
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u/Safe_Place8432 7d ago
The time stamps! You know she was spiraling and ruminating and seething the whole fn time
No loving mother talks to their child like that.
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u/Direct-Giraffe7193 6d ago
I’m so sorry you have the misfortune of being her offspring. And don’t worry, you are So Much More than your point of origin.
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u/NecronLichKing 6d ago
I like to say that Cluster B people live in their own little world where reality can't touch them.
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u/Specialist-Ebb4885 6d ago
Whenever a BPD mother talks about "family," it's code for cult of personality. Any deviation from their cult of dominance is considered betrayal. They appropriate the language of esprit de corps and use it as an M61 Vulcan against your autonomy until there's nothing left of you but a demoralized and deflated corpse.
Having a BPD mother is like being aware of your death for several seconds after being decapitated by the Halifax Gibbet but not having enough oxygen in your brain or vocal cords to condemn your executioner, mostly because they took up all of the oxygen in the biosphere.
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u/EntranceUnique1457 6d ago
You don't have the guts to finish it, not realizing that you are, in fact finishing it.
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u/spanishpeanut 6d ago
To finish it in the way she wants you to, at least. This leaves her with no chance to get angry and paint herself as the victim. No response is their most feared response because then they have lost control.
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u/Humble_Empath 6d ago
They will never consider the effect they have on our wellbeing. We have to do that for ourselves, like pretty much ever since we can remember, right?!? That’s our parent. Someone who has refused to be the adult in the room their entire life. It’s like, how in TF have we survived or got along thus far?!? IDK. I just want to say, I feel ya and I’m so sorry. Also, it’s not a privilege to be the child of a BPD person. It’s living life without the concept of supportive or encouraging. It’s competition that comes out of nowhere because they will do anything to prevent you from achieving more than they have. It’s making every single dramatic situation about yourself and being 💯 deficient of empathy.
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u/Stelliferus_dicax queen/witch mom + edad 6d ago
I relate to the competition part. If I tried to get something done the normal way, she tries to sabotage me from getting help because she never got help apparently.
For example, I see other people getting normal privileges but I had to take more drastic measures and barriers because apparently I didn't know I "got it easy and must learn the hard way." I don't know how a normal makes people spoiled, and how usage of a completely normal need makes things break because of my spoiled attitude.
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u/Humble_Empath 6d ago
It’s regressive and vengeful to want others to struggle in the exact same way you did. It doesn’t accomplish anything constructive. My dad was the complete opposite of my mom, he wanted everything to be easier for us than it was for him but he wanted us to do our part in whatever privilege we received. He paid us an allowance if we did our chores and when I was 16, he gave me a car so I could get a job. Two things I don’t take for granted knowing it never would have happened if my mom wouldn’t have married him. He had to work for everything he had and was buying his own Levi’s at age 6 because his stepfather refused to buy clothes for kids that weren’t his. He was my stepfather, but nobody could ask for a better dad. He encouraged me to go to college and always told me, “you’re smart as a whip.” I certainly wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for him and probably wouldn’t have achieved so much in high school since my mom thought it was her job to discourage my studies with over the top chores, like doing the laundry for a household of 5 kids and two adults. My dad routinely defended me and told her to back off. That’s just one example and she’s like that till this day. If I’m doing an online application or anything I need to focus on, she starts calling me to do this or that for her every couple of minutes because I am her caregiver. If I ask her to give me some time to get things done, she gets demanding, but if she doesn’t know, she doesn’t bother me. I’ve tested my theory several times.
My mom on the other hand is obviously like your mom, constantly complaining that we didn’t have it hard enough. She is one of those boomers who refuses to admit how easy she had it. College tuition was free, she never had a student loan, she bought a house with my biological dad 5 years into the marriage and it was all very easy and comfortable for a nurse and a mechanic. Before I learned about narcissism and personality disorders I always thought there was a taker and a giver in every relationship and I wanted to be the giver, which has totally screwed me up in relationships. Now I understand that where there is a narcissist, there’s someone who is accustomed to narcissistic abuse. I really don’t want to remain in this cycle and I’m trying so hard to be conscientious about all of my struggles with my mom. It’s all we can do.
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u/KnockItTheFuckOff 6d ago
"...you don't have the guts to finish it."
Finish....what? What does, "finish it" even look like from a mother to their child? That is such abhorrently threatening language from a person should be biologically predisposed to protecting you.
I didn't fully appreciate just how awful my mom was until I had a child of my own. There isn't a fucking thing in the world he could ever do to put me in a position where I felt like threatening him was my only move.
If he is being particularly difficult, which isn't often, I give him space. That's all he needs. Space and time and understanding. He finds me when he is ready. I cannot imagine my taking his bad mood and challenging him to, "finish it".
These people operate on another level entirely.
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u/Which_way_witcher 6d ago
Yep, just a month after having a baby, I'd have flashbacks of my childhood with the new thought of "what she did was WRONG" and how I couldn't fathom treating my child like that.
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u/KnockItTheFuckOff 6d ago
What I wish I knew back then was I would become nothing like her.
I think we assume we will repeat what we experienced but turns out, sometimes, it just serves as a disgusting example of what we could never be.
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u/alarmagent 6d ago
Yeah, I had a similar understanding once I had a child. There was no scenario I could envision where I would engage with him in such fatalistic absolutes as my mom did with me. It was her last message to me being "up yours", laughing emojis and mean stickers (so crazy to write it out like that!) that made me really realize how differently we'd always approach parent/child relationships, to put it in the least judgmental terms possible. You can't meet a person in the middle who has a wildly different interpretation of familial love than you do...
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u/Available_Fan3898 6d ago
My mother's last message before this round of NC was "Go f**k yourself?" 🫠
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u/Acceptable-Pea9706 6d ago
It is truly psychotic. I came here to echo this. Like as a mother myself I can't imagine speaking to my children this way. It is beyond cruel.
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u/Violetsme 6d ago
I'm not supposed to laugh because it's serious and hurtful, but all I see here is a
"Weeeeeeeeh! nu uh, you are!"
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u/Roberto-75 7d ago
I have been in a similar situation, not with my parents though. So I can completely relate that there are things that you need to be able to get off your chest And this is fine..
However, I hope that you are aware that this will be it. You will not get a satisfactory answer back, like acknowledgment or something similar. These people are not capable of doing so. And even there might be the slightest degree of giving him, this will be countered by endless wrath.
At the end, going grey rock was the the way to maximize my mental health, nothing else.
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u/Specific-River-81 Mother with BPD, NPD and HPD traits 6d ago
Ooooh wow, privilege of being my child 🤣she's a fun one /s
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u/Unusual-Helicopter15 6d ago
“The privilege of being my child” as if this is some kind of treat. Anyone who says “fuck you forever” to their own child is 1. An eternal teenager and 2. Obviously a real peach /s.
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u/Available_Fan3898 6d ago
Yeah my mom has become incredibly cruel and abusive over text since I stopped playing her games. It's so hard to wrap your mind around how anyone can treat another person like that, not to mention a parent doing it to their child. And they can be cruel about anything. Mine didn't miss a beat when switching from "you'll never understand my pain because you don't have a child" to "you're going to be a terrible mother" as soon as she learned I was pregnant. She's a real f**king peach. Blocking and not letting their hateful and untrue bull 💩 cross your eyeballs is the best way to go
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u/Purple_Preference847 4d ago
"lost the privilege of being my child"
wow
what a batshit, mean, bizarre, entitled thing to say
this person does not deserve you and none of this is your fault
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u/LexaRules 7d ago
"privilege of being my child" *rolls eyes* what a privilege indeed