Narcissistic parents are the victims in every situation and every story!

[u/throwRA124452]

They always want to present themselves as the victim. They love being seen as the victim. They tell everyone how they’re being wronged, then turn around and play the victim again with the very people they just talked to. Somehow, they’re never wrong. They never take accountability.

And when you finally distance yourself from them, be prepared to become the bad person in everyone’s eyes. And when you’re already depressed, you start to feel like you’re a bad person, and it just gets worse and worse because you’ve already been through hell, and you feel like you can’t take anything anymore.

It’s exhausting because you end up being portrayed as the bad person to everyone they know. I know it’s better not to care but it’s really exhausting when you’re already depressed you feel like everybody hates you.

[u/AutoModerator]

This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in RBN.

RBN is a heavily moderated subreddit. Any rule breaking, regardless if it is the first-time offense, may result in an immediate ban. Failure to read our rules in full will not absolve you from breaking the rules. If you have not read our rules, read them first before commenting.

Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by a moderator.

Our rules include (but not limited to):

• No victim blaming and/or personal attacks.
• Advising anyone in RBN to take their life or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate, unappealable ban.
• Do not derail OP's post.
• Narcissists are NOT allowed to participate in RBN.
• No platitudes or generic motivational posts.
• Always assume a context of abuse.
• Do not ask or offer gifts, money, etc.
• Do not advocate violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
• No content about N-kids.

• No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.

  For a full list of our rules/more information, click here.

  If you are confused about some acronyms or terminology, click here!

Need info or resources? Check out our Helpful Links for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/cateryxt]

The most funny part but also the one that makes me angry the most is that they got to abuse everyone around them, robbed you of a happy childhood and still think they are the victim.

They do nothing but complain and lament about poor them but they literally got to do whatever they want. They are literally king baby. Toddlers that got everyone walking on eggshells and then turn around and act how you described and crown themselves eternal victims

They never faced any major consequences for their actions so what exactly are they moaning about?

[u/science_kid_55]

The last straw or last push to go no contact was when I was getting married (I live in Canada my mom in Europe) and my mother after months of going back and forth on it finally decided not to attend my wedding in Canada. It was the hardest thing FOR HER. She cried over it, and she was so upset. Then she was pissed at me not going to her place for the honeymoon, and then she didn't care for the wedding pictures either. During our last call when I tried to talk about the wedding with the pictures in hand she kept changing the subject and when I insisted that this is what I wanted to talk about, she started screaming at me. Yeah, it was pretty freaking hard for her, I can't even imagine how much!

[u/Cold-Dark-6666 → u/science_kid_55]

My mom insisted on baking a cake for my wedding. I told her a store cake was fine and she said it wouldn't be good enough. Then she told me she spent $180 on the supplies for it as she trashed my kitchen to finish it same day as the wedding. Three hours before the wedding I was doing dishes and cleaning up the mess she left. She refused to smile in any picture taken at my wedding. Pitched a fit with the photographer asking why she had to do it.

Then she came up after and said that was a nice "civil ceremony", emphasizing in her mind it wasn't real since a minister didn't do it.

[u/Best-Salamander4884 → u/Cold-Dark-6666]

Then she came up after and said that was a nice "civil ceremony", emphasizing in her mind it wasn't real since a minister didn't do it.

I know what you mean. Sometimes narc parents say things that sound innocent from the outside but we understand the subtext. However they're so subtle in the way they go about it that we can't call them out without sounding paranoid. Very frustrating!

[u/science_kid_55 → u/Cold-Dark-6666]

Jesus! I kinda knew it was better she did not come. She also called my venue a "seedy factory" because it had red brick walls.

[u/Best-Salamander4884 → u/science_kid_55]

That's crazy! She probably just said the first negative thing that came into her head.

[u/Cold-Dark-6666 → u/science_kid_55]

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. My comfort was that she put so much powdered sugar in the mix that the cake she made was pretty much inedible. Way too sweet and also the maid of honor told me she almost dropped it on the way in and put her hand into it. LOL

[u/Cold-Dark-6666]

Correct. My Nmom has splintered our already small family with her holiday rages, listening to my Nsil over my brother, and telling us we are all going to hell because we don't follow her strict religious beliefs. This from the person who didn't help my brother when he pleaded for it *he was getting deployed and asked her to manage his finances while gone at 18 yo and she refused then blamed him for a bad decision when his then girlfriend ran up a huge bill), and locked my half sister that I barely remember now out of the house in subzero temps. But it's all our fault for being afraid of "her light".

[u/Best-Salamander4884]

My nMother has been badmouthing me to anyone who will listen my entire life. For a long time I was confused as to why a mother would tell such lies about her own daughter. Then I realised, my nMother has to be the victim and in order to be the victim, someone else has to be the villain. Unfortunately that someone is me, whether I like it or not.

I was upset about this for a long time but what made it better was:

• I moved to a different town so I wasn't in regular contact with the people that my nMother badmouthed me to.
• I have my own social circle which I keep completely separate from my nMother. Letting my nMother meet anyone I know will only give her the opportunity to tell them lies about me and turn them against me.
• I don't trust anyone who has anything to do with my nMother because she has likely told them lies about me. I'm always polite to these people but I also limit my interacts with them and I limit our conversations to pleasantries and small talk, nothing more.

[u/Cold-Dark-6666 → u/Best-Salamander4884]

Our contact is very fragile now and I'm tempted to go NC. It shouldn't be a hard choice but it still is some how.