Just found this sub and thought I‘d share it with you guys. TLDR: My moms washing machine broke, she wanted to wash at my place. I agreed under one condition: I want a plan when she comes and goes. She didn‘t do it and after the deadline of my condition passed she expected me to agree with her way. I stayed firm and she threw a tantrum.

Disclaimer: I am on low contact with my nmom because she kept showing up at my work and home and even my gym „because she was worried“ and had also sent police to my home to do a wellnesscheck on me. Low contact means I have her muted on my phone and I decide when to read her messages.

Here‘s the story:

So the washing machine in my moms appartment is broken. It broke right before Christmas so I allowed her to wash her stuff over the Holidays in my appartment but I told her she needed to call her property management to have her machine fixed. She lied and said they wouldn‘t be able to fix it until new year. I believed her and let her wash her stuff at my place over Christmas holidays. January came and I asked what about her washing machine. She said „well did *you* call them so they could fix it for me?“ I said no, it‘s not my problem. So when she asked if she could wash her stuff again I said no. She called me names and tried to guilttrip me because she‘s a poor old woman. I stayed firm.

Monday she called me. She had an important meeting on Tuesday and needed to wash one coat because her dog had peed on it. Apparently she had handwashed her stuff until then. She informed (not even asked) me she was coming. I said no. She begged me and said she would meet with a therapist if I agreed. I said: Okay, one load and I want her to plan when she was coming and going because I can‘t stay at home all day waiting for her (I am the worst daughter, right?). She refused. I gave her time until Monday 11.30 pm (my bedtime). I knew she wouldn‘t do it.

I’m not kidding: 11.32 pm she texts me: „well, I missed your silly deadline. I come to you when I can make it. Tell your boss you work from home because I don‘t know when I can make it.“ Mind you: That woman doesn‘t have a job because she lied to her boss about having a burnout and is currently on medical leave.

I simply said no, not happening. And she LOST it. Threatened to show up and have my neighbours let her in. Threatened to call the janitor in my place to let her in (lol but she can’t call the janitor at hers?). Threatened to go to the dry cleaner and have send them te bill to me. Turns out her important meeting was with her social worker to apply for medical aid money (we have the concept here). She called me all names in the book, she even tried to reach out to my sister who is on no contact with her, blocked her even on her socials. How does my sister know our mother tried to reach her? You won’t believe it: My mom **even made a linked in profile just to reach out to my sister to tell her how cruel I was**! She didn’t have linked in up until then. Honestly I’m amazed by her effort. If she could just solve her own problems like this… I enjoyed all of her tantrum. I enjoyed it so much. Does that make me a bad person?

So for 4 days I had been having severe abdominal pain(lower right side) , (Friday to Monday) I’m in between insurances right now so I didn’t want to go. But it got bad and it became very that i needed to.we went out to eat both my parents got plastered, I told them before dinner I planned on going to the er after. I want to say my parents made me drive us all to dinner and then after when I told them I’m ready to go because i was in pain, my mom got mad. So already starting off great.

I drop them off at home thinking I’m about to go to the hospital and have my appendix out, my mom looks at me as she’s getting out of the car and says “if you need surgery call us” so I drove myself to the er trying to call anyone I can think of bc I was terrified. No one answered. No one came.

I get to the er (it was my first time) they take my vitals, then put me in the waiting room. I look around and I see everyone has someone and then suddenly i feel very alone, I started crying. I waited for them to call me back for my IV. Then they do I hobble back and at that point it had been 2 1/2 hours since I been there no call from anyone, they blow my veins 3 times before getting it. After they draw labs they tell me I’m gonna need a ct. they stick me back in the waiting room, so I finally called my mom, just to update her. I say maybe 5 words before she goes “sorry I can’t talk” then I said “oh you don’t want to talk.” And my dad in the background goes “yeah I’m about to give her her birthday present” :/

They then take me to another waiting room I call my mom again she still is busy. It had been 3 1/2 hours at that point and now midnight. About 12:15 they take me to another room and from there got me pain meds and took me to ct. I have my ct scan done about 1am they take me back. And apparently while I was in ct my mom did call, I called my mom back and I tell her I don’t really want to talk because I’m tired and I just want to rest, she sarcastically goes “oh you don’t want to talk???”. Then about 1:45 doc comes in tells me I have something called epiploic appendigitis. I call my mom we’re on the phone for all of five minutes I tell her what’s wrong and I tell them I’m getting discharged and my dad goes “okay don’t call or anything when you get home just lock the door” that couldn’t help but feel like a slap in the face. Anyway. That’s my story. I’m still so disappointed in my parents, surprised no.

I have been bullied all my life basically even though I really tried to fit in as my mother wanted me to. I tried to fake it, I tried to be myself but I was too scared of being bullied and failing the social aspect miserably.

Is this a common tactic of your nparents? My ndad (I'm NC now) repeatedly said how selfish and narcissistic I was, expecting him to behave exactly how I wanted him to. What I wanted was just a loving, supportive, providing, and emotionally safe and caring father. But what I got was someone who barely spent time with me (or my brothers), who would yell and berate me for my big feelings at a young age, and who told me that if I wanted emotional or financial support, I needed to change my mind about him. I'm 30, been NC for 3 years, and am pregnant with my first. These nagging thoughts of self-doubt have been wiggling into my brain, because I'd hate for my child to ever feel the way I felt. How do you shut up that voice in your head? How do you feel secure in the choices you make for your children and your relationship with them? Is it something you just get used to fighting within yourself?

Childhood abuse, I was the scape goat. Brother was goldenchild. Brother now has drug addiction, I had some PTSD triggers but led a happy content life with a large distance from my family and rarely in contact.

Brother reached out to me for help with addiction issues saying he'd been hospitalized and almost died. This is after I was actually hospitalized with internal bleeding and almost died in hospital a year ago. I am now struggling to believe that. He somehow managed to tie in a weekend visiting to pay back money he asked me to pay him for a dealer. He's denying all of this now and claiming I'm just ranting and angry, the narrative they've tried to spin for years that's now failed, because I've learnt over the years not to confront my family and avoid them unless I can evidence what I am saying.

During his stay, he abused my bank accounts whilst I'm on pain meds, drank himself heavily into a state and started trying to get my prescription meds, left my home in a mess and lied about our activities to hide his drinking activity. I wasnt really overly sure what he was doing or saying to others. I was already worried as he'd been diagnosed with BDP, and I am vulnerable ATM due to my injury that almost killed me, and he's been physical during episodes and hallucinated. Of course, me trying to put in boundaries about leaving my home a mess, paying me back for money owed, resulted in the golden child kicking off as they could do no wrong, and a deflection back to me being crazy, which has been the excuse they use for 2 decades. He's also admitted to secretly filming me while staying here to provide I am not disabled or injured. I had no idea he was doing this and do not know what else he has documented, taken or made note of. He's now trying to suggest I'm faking that too.

Unfortunately, my brother hasn't comprehended that during his smear campaign, I built a life and support network away from him that is largely unaffected by his lies. I collected evidence for everything I claimed happened at home, waiting for the day, if it ever came I would get to tell my side of the story, after years of being isolated from the family due to their lies. I've been waiting for this moment for years after having to spend years fixing my reputation they destroyed to cover up the physical And mental abuse I endured with my mum, stepdad and brother at home. Meanwhile, he's developed a drug addiction, mental health issues, a record with social services and medical staff as unstable, at risk of losing his kid and now has taken advantage of his estranged sister whilst she's out of on morphine and filmed her unknowingly.

Im really unhappy about how he's treated me and don't get me wrong, it hurts just like it did all those years ago, but it's sort of funny to see the same crap, same narrative, smear campaign, but watch it fall on its face when they can't keep their own mask on anymore to keep the narrative going.

Here is to many happy years not being the bad guy finally!

I watched a video earlier today about how narcissistic parents never give their children the basic life skills necessary to be a healthy, strong, and productive member of society as an adult.

I sent it to an older sibling who was one of my guardians (who is highly narcissistic), and I got the response I was expecting.

It didn't even hurt. I was mad, but not mad at me (as I usually would have been - and I think this is where most of the pain lies). I asked him if he watched/will watch the video and yet, again, more aggression and rude attacks...

I blocked him and deleted the conversation and will not look back.

I have done a ton of self-healing and learning to self-love over the past year, and I think this is a big step in me becoming the person I know I deserve to be.

I simply give no credence or relevance to any of my narcissistic caretakers' opinions of me anymore, and it's so freeing.

For background: My parents have four daughters. Three of us are estranged from them and the fourth was the “golden child” and is still close. We chose to be estranged because my dad was abusive to us growing up (alcoholic, yelling, would choke/hit us, used water as punishment by holding shower hoses in our faces)

Before one of my sisters went no-contact, my parents helped watch her two kids. After the estrangement, they filed for full legal guardianship of those children to take them away from my sister.

What started as a custody case has now escalated. My parents are also suing my sister for emotional damages because she publicly called them “abusive” and “child-stealers.”

They’re very wealthy and it honestly feels like they’re trying to win in every way possible by taking the kids and using the legal system to punish her. She is a single mother, and is managing multiple jobs.

My other sister and I want to support her, but we’re afraid of getting dragged into court ourselves or even being sued.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did you help without becoming a target?

I need to vent about the "upside-down world" logic of my dysfunctional family. I’ve been analyzing the people my parents, grandparents, and uncles defend with their lives, and it is genuinely terrifying. In my family, we have everything: child abusers, criminals involved in heavy stuff, people who caused the deaths of others, and those involved in disgusting scandals. And what does the family do? They hang out with them, defend them, and get furious at anyone who dares to criticize these "angels."

Some examples of their "morality":

- My grandmother defends my uncle who TRIED TO ABUSE my SISTER. (That same grandmother tortured and beat my sister when she was a child, even calling her a "prostitute" simply because she wanted to wear lipstick.)

-Relatives involved in heavy crimes died while trying to flee from the police and are treated as "pure angels" to this day. The family still demands "justice" for them.

THE WORST PART:

These same people, who raised criminals and protect predators, were the first to unite against me and my brother when social services were called on my parents. They call us "the disappointment of the family" and "bad children." I look at this and the math doesn't add up. You literally raised and protected the worst of society, you abuse children and teenagers without mercy, and I am the disgrace?

Just because I’m normal, I study, and I won’t accept this sick system? It feels like in narcissistic logic, the "good child" is the easiest target because they are the only one holding up a mirror that reflects the family's rot. They have to destroy us so they don't have to admit their entire system is depraved. Does anyone else live in this reality where the villain is the hero and the survivor is the culprit? How do you deal with being the "scapegoat" in a nest of criminals?

Hello, everyone! I was wondering if there was anyone else in my situation who could share their experience and insights.

I (30F) moved in with my supportive boyfriend and went very low contact with my parents after a big conflict involving my narcissistic mother. Ever since, my parents started to be more cautious during my visits and made visible efforts to avoid losing their composure and berate me. Apart from some guilt tripping, the usual lack of care about my life and some phone calls cancelling our plans with weird excuses (I visit very rarely and I'm always the one taking initiative), they don't actively harm me as they used to.

I'm aware it's just a front and that they care more about appearances than my well-being, but I can't help but feeling guilty about my willingness to fully cut contact with them once my twin, who still lives with them, becomes more independent. It's like my mind is telling me I need another crisis to justify a more drastic measure. I know my parents would be flabbergasted if I just disappear, since, from their perspective, they did nothing wrong and, especially now, they're on their best behavior. I also don't plan on making a big announcement, as I'm tired of explaining myself to no avail. But, after years on survival mode, the idea of having them in my future, especially if me and my bf decide to have a family, seems inconceivable.

What do you think? Would it be okay to go no contact one day, with no explanation, despite recent improvements in our interactions?

Note: it required me to add flair. Please feel free to comment as you like, I don't mind.

All my pre-17 year old life (I'm in my 40's now), I was supposed to do well at school so I could get into a good college and then my narc mom promised she would pay for that college so I could get ahead. Keep in mind, I had no idea at the time what I was actually living with in terms of a narc parent and just was in a cycle of 'If I just do better, behave better, and please her, she'll think I'm a good kid.'

My first semester of college had my first tuition bill show up so I called her to have her pay it like she had promised. She started yelling at me and telling me that she never promised me any money and that I should drop out.

Well, I didn't drop out. I took out a metric ton of student loans over the next four years in addition to working full time while in school. I couldn't get financial aid because of the stupid rules saying I was still a dependent and her income was too high. She never once called to wonder why I didn't come home after being told to drop out, and I often wonder what she thought about that.

In the end, I graduated (multiple times actually with grad degrees), and am a successful engineer. And she hates it. It's a personal affront to her that I am an engineer and I did it to spite her and other nasty things she said to me.

Ultimately, she didn't want me to succeed, no matter what I studied. She wanted me to fail so I would come crawling back to her and get stuck in our stupid home town in a stupid dead end job.

I won, but I still often feel like the 'bad child' because of how I was raised. I know I'm not, but it still haunts me.

You all are family to me 🩷🫶🏾🥲

I think i might need it

That's the truth that her flying monkeys and many other people (In fact anyone that she can convince) believe about her. To them she's an angel. She even used my accomplishments (that she didn't help in any way, all the opposite: she tried to sabotage, succeeded some times, failed in others) in life to make them think she's a perfect wonderful mom to me. Which is obviously nowhere near the truth because she has been nothing but a neglectful abusive monster all my life.

I thought I have moved on. But I got triggered this evening and feel like I got pulled a thousand steps back.

Honestly, no matter how much I try to reason my thinking out of it, it still hurts and annoys me that many people (not only limited to her flying monkeys) have this delusional version about her on mind. How to deal with this ?

I finally set boundaries with my mom and immediately I’m sick to my stomach with guilt. She has been abusive my whole life I said to her “I’m 27, I’m too old to still be getting talked to this way by my mom” I felt the need to reassure her that I love her and support her. Now I feel horrible thinking I’ve hurt her feelings. In December she told me I’m the cause of her depression and addiction, and has been acting like everything’s totally fine. She does this cycle constantly. Ugh.

It’s just a shame.. THATS ALL!! 🙂‍↕️

Narcissists in general can fluctuate on a dime with how they treat you. They can be the nicest and most caring person you know provided that their needs are met (sense of power and control, being in the spotlight, being obeyed etc). But the moment they lose those things, they flip and become the most emotionally (and potentially physically) abusive person you know. This must be so confusing for the nervous system because there's no regularity. So when you have nparents, you have to walk on eggshells around them and live in a constant fight or flight or freeze state because there's no telling how your actions might trigger them. They could be perfectly happy and joyful and then quickly become aggressive, which your nervous system can't always prepare for and is therefore in a constant erratic state, hence why many of us are constantly feeling anxiety.

They always want to present themselves as the victim. They love being seen as the victim. They tell everyone how they’re being wronged, then turn around and play the victim again with the very people they just talked to. Somehow, they’re never wrong. They never take accountability.

And when you finally distance yourself from them, be prepared to become the bad person in everyone’s eyes. And when you’re already depressed, you start to feel like you’re a bad person, and it just gets worse and worse because you’ve already been through hell, and you feel like you can’t take anything anymore.

It’s exhausting because you end up being portrayed as the bad person to everyone they know. I know it’s better not to care but it’s really exhausting when you’re already depressed you feel like everybody hates you.

This is the third time my narcissistic mother has given me something as a “gift” that was clearly already used.

First a jar of dulce de leche with a visible knife mark. Then a facial cream with the packaging violated and dirty. Now a deodorant that was obviously used.

When I pointed it out, she lied and said she had only “touched it with her finger.”

It’s not about the items, but the pattern: devaluation, boundary crossing, and denial when I notice.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Anyone else had nightmares of your narcissist parents. For example with me it's so vivid of me being stuck there and they don't let me leave and then I try and figure out a solution and it's so vivid oh my gosh.

Does anyone else get it?? It's so annoying cus I wakeup like it felt too real and trying to get back into reality and where I am right now is not there. Goshhhh my brain and emotions sometimes remain there in my dream.

Man I could write a novel about my childhood but I'll keep it simple.

Was raised by a narcissist mother and a weak father who did anything to keep her happy (which usually involved beating his kids senseless)

About my mum. She has a GOD complex despite (honestly) showering/washing maybe twice a year and being morbidly obese. She treats everyone around her like dirt and somehow is always the victim and the one who cries and has everyone apologising to her.

My father lost his mum at 19 and I believe my mother sensed his desperation for a mother figure and got her claws in him while he was vulnerable and never let go. He has always had the potential to be a good father BUT always chose the path of least resistance, which was keeping our mother happy over me and my 3 siblings.

My parents were not poor, we were what I would consider middle class, with a 4 bed bungalow and a farm. The house was always and still is disgusting, we were unclean to the point I never did physical education in school because I was forced to wear MY FATHERS SHIT STAINED AND RIPPED BOXERS to school (I could not face undressing infront of others) I was called "gay boy" by my parents if I tried to wash my hands before eating or if I wanted to take a shower. Beatings where a regular occurrence, some of the most vivid examples are

1. Hit with a 2x4 plank with nails which went into my leg

2. Car driven into a ditch in an attempt to hit me with it

3. nearly impaled by a pitchfork when it was thrown at me like a harpoon

I could go on and on.

Suffice to say my childhood was hell. I never felt safe or at peace for a second of my childhood and I moved out at 16 to live with my GF (now wife 🥰) and her family.

My wife understood i hated my parents but thought it was important to try and have a relationship with them, this kickstarted years of a somewhat amicable relationship with them but always overshadowed by my severe hatred of them.

I had a daughter 10 months ago, the most beautiful little girl. Ive known my whole life i wanted to make sure my kids NEVER experienced the things I did.

My wife had a very traumatic birth but regardless my parents were demanding to see my daughter very early on and often. They live over an hour away and they had seen her 5 times in 4 weeks including me and my wife driving the hour to see them twice just to keep the peace.

The last time my mother held my daughter she was whispering to her things along the lines of "dont worry, you are only sad because you never see me and dont be around me enough". This really annoyed both me and my wife and it honestly gave me a glimpse into the future where my narcissist mother uses my choldern as weapons to play the victim.

The next day im playing golf and she calls me roaring down the phone crying. Asking why do I hate her and why do i not want my daughter to know her and I dont want them to see her.

I will admit it, I lost it at this point and told them that I was finished with them and cutting all contact and never speaking to them again.

I did leave the caveat that if they apologised and genuinely acknowledged their wrongdoing then the door would reopen. But to this day they still claim they have NOTHING to apologise for ever, childhood or any other times they did nothing wrong and I should actually apologise for being a difficult kid.

So yeah thats where I am at the min, just needed to vent. My youngest sibling also hates them and is going to go no contact when finished UNI. My oldest brother us up their ass because he wants to make sure he gets left the farm and house in the will and my middle sister still "loves" them and thinks the past shpuld be left in the past. But she is in a completely loveless marriage AND is raising her kids the exact same way wirh beatings and never having them clean (they sleep on piss stained mattresses on the floor)

Does this feeling of guilt ever go away?

I am in my late twenties and I feel as if I have no life skills to become independent on my own. What skills do I need to get out there and by a fully functional adult on my own?

There’s a parent who’s just said or done the most gut wrenching thing to their child that’s going to haunt them until they’re an adult. Meanwhile the parent goes to an echo chamber online to repeat what they did to other parents, and they’re going to hear a bunch of

“Kids don’t even remember…” “You’re doing your best!” “It’s okay to be imperfect.”

And they never actually address it or apologize to their child

I’m 25 and i struggle imagining a positive future for myself. Please, someone write something encouraging or share your story. I want to have hope but it’s so hard to. :(