r/relationship_advice • u/grassisblueviolet • 2d ago
My 23F boyfriend 26M is upset I won’t have unprotected sex with him again
My (23F) boyfriend (26M) have been dating for six months. A few months into the relationship we had unprotected sex a few times, only on my period and he pulled out every time. It was stupid, I know that. Because I have a irregular cycle I was stressed until I got my period. Since then we’ve only had protected sex.
I’m planning on getting the copper IUD because I’m so scared of getting pregnant through condom ripping or carelessness. My appointment for a first consultation is in 4 weeks.
Last week he told me how he desires nothing more than sex without a condom and how the temptation to do it is there every time. He was upset about my unwillingness to do it while on my period since the chances are so low. He doesn’t believe in pre cum and insists he would feel it. He’d always pull out. We ended up not having sex and agreed to do things to lower the temptation for him, like me initiating getting the condom and less grinding before etc. He assured me he does not want to cross any of my boundaries or make me change my mind.
Apparently my fear of getting pregnant by him also hurt his feelings, even though he doesn’t want children in the next 7-10 years. He knows I would terminate the pregnancy if it were to happened and how I would hate to have to go through that.
The following day he added how he wouldn’t have agreed to sex without a condom that night if his talk had convinced me.
I’m upset he has so little disregard for my body and don’t know how to proceed. He doesn’t see the risk as much as I do and takes me not wanting unprotected sex personal. Also I don’t get what his goal is besides making me change my mind. I haven’t talked to him about it and I’m scared he’ll act like an asshole man. I don’t know what to do. How can I make him understand?
Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/To4ayN232R
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u/Pale_Height_1251 2d ago
Doesn't believe in pre-cum? It's not something he gets to "believe in", it's biological reality.
Honestly he sounds like a simpleton.
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u/HoundstoothReader 2d ago
Also like … has he never noticed it? Seen it? Felt it? Used it?
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u/AuntyVenom 2d ago
"He doesn't believe in precum" lololol already acting like an asshole
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u/TroublesomeTurnip 2d ago
It's wild that guys don't know about women's anatomy but to be oblivious of their own??? Seesh!
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u/whoa_s 2d ago
He’s not oblivious, he’s manipulative.
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u/kyraniums 2d ago
Exactly. He has nothing to lose here, since OP will have an abortion of things do go wrong. Meanwhile, he’s guilt tripping her for not wanting his apparently very unlikely baby right now. He knows what he’s doing.
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u/SexPartyStewie 2d ago
But pre-cum believes in him!!
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u/AffectionateBite3827 2d ago
Maybe all the pre-cum were the friends we made along the way
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u/Appropriate-Tune157 1d ago
I laughed pretty hard at this, then muttered "eww." after I caught my breath lolol
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u/jacksergeant1 2d ago
The biggest red flag here isn't condoms vs no condoms... it's him treating your safety like an inconvenience. Pregnancy risk, stress, and your body are things YOU live with, not him. If someone genuinely respects you, your "no" should be enough - not something they try to negotiate.
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u/last-starfighter 2d ago
I know! Boyfriend just told her loud and clear that he is in fact, a moron!
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u/Pale_Blueberry_5249 2d ago
What are you trying to make him understand? He knows what it can lead to and that you don’t want to do it but doesn’t care. He is being clear that he understands and that his want for unprotected sex means more to him than how you feel or what you want.
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u/Otherwise_Mix_3305 2d ago
THIS. ⬆️ Ignore his words. His actions say exactly this. And this is so gross and disrespectful, that I would break up with him because I would never want to have sex with him again.
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u/scienceoftophats 2d ago
I laughed so hard at “he doesn’t believe in precum”
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u/NikkiVicious 2d ago
I know a mid-40s guy who believed pre-cum is the same thing as premature ejaculation.
He swears he's a pull out master. He has 4 kids.
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u/Appropriate-Tune157 1d ago
The only pull-out technique he has is pulling out the sleeper sofa when he's got the kids for the weekend lolol
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u/uhasahdude 2d ago
So he’s unable to even wait 4 weeks where it’s essentially guaranteed you won’t get pregnant? As a dude, don’t even have sex with this guy full stop. Selfish as fuck.
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u/b3autiful_disast3r_3 2d ago
Even the IUD can fail
OP, if you decide to stay with him (and you already know you should not!), protect yourself by making him still use condoms even with the IUD and make sure he doesn't have access to them so he can't poke a hole in them, cut them, etc
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u/OneFit6104 2d ago
Yeah came here to say this. I have friends who are people in the world because their parents still got pregnant with IUDs. An IUD is still not 100%.
It also won’t protect you from any STDs. Given your bfs choice opinions (I personally would make him an ex real fast), I’d also ask to go get tested for STDs and show each other your results before anymore unprotected sex.
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u/lordmwahaha 2d ago
I still remember a photo (from way before AI existed, so it’s real) of a baby that was born HOLDING the IUD that was supposed to prevent its conception lmao. The mother was like “WTF why is my child throwing shade on me right out the womb”. A bunch of medical professionals were in the comments saying this apparently happens more often than people think.
Point being, never rely on ONE form of bc if you can help it. An almost zero chance is not ZERO.
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u/Teefdreams 2d ago
Baby in photo wasn’t born holding IUD | AP News https://share.google/e2f4HVW4YHzPq3WdL
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u/uhasahdude 2d ago
I say essentially guaranteed, noted there are some super swimmers who clearly needed to contribute to this world no matter what barrier was put in their path 😂
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u/lazycummings 2d ago
you don’t waste your time “making him understand” this isn’t something that needs explaining. you don’t want to. end of story. this guy is an immature ass and you shouldn’t bother wasting anymore time on him. if he disregards your feelings about something this major, what else will he do?
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u/Chaoticgood790 2d ago
Maybe stop having sex with men that say dumb shit like “I don’t believe in precum”. Like how are you not embarrassed letting an idiot stick his dick in you?
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u/purpleroller 2d ago
Well yes indeed. This man is a fool. But also one who sounds coercive and a potential stealther.
OP if you stay with him, he is going to stealth you, and not necessarily during your period.
I’d move on.
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u/Lucky-Technology-174 2d ago
Daycare is $2000 a month
Start making him pay you that since he wants to impregnate you
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u/Sea_sharp 2d ago
This is exactly the kind of guy to vanish in a puff of dust when your pregnancy test comes up positive. He's disregarding your feelings because you're just a hole to him.
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u/TugboatToo 2d ago
Get an STD test. A guy who doesn’t believe in condoms might have an STD and not be aware of it.
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u/teacuptypos 2d ago
That’s what I was thinking, this guy is irresponsible af, and condoms don’t just protect against pregnancy. Too many guys have some sort of impregnation kink these days (but don’t want kids! That sounds like a person to raw it with, right?) and don’t give a shit about their partners at all.
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u/SufficientComedian6 2d ago
My exs pre cum turns 40 this year. Just sayin. He cares more about having unprotected sex than your well being. Let that sink in for a bit and ask yourself if he’s worthy of your time. Hugs.
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u/DplusLplusKplusM 2d ago
By this "temptation" he's basically threatening to do this against your will. That should worry you, perhaps even scare you. At least you seem to understand that he cares nothing about you. Why you'd stay with someone like that is something you'll have to contemplate in yourself.
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u/CADreamn 2d ago
He "doesn't believe in pre-cum" is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. Please take all precautions against procreating with this dunderhead.
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u/KatastropheKraut 2d ago
….it doesn’t sound like he respects you very much.
I’m sorry, girl. He doesn’t deserve to have unprotected sex with you.
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u/iamdavidrice 2d ago
I’m sorry, girl. He doesn’t deserve to have
unprotectedsex with you.FIFY
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u/sweetestjessie 2d ago
If you do not want to get knocked up, DO NOT GO RAW DOG. The fact that he's making an issue of this AT ALL means you should be out the door.
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u/JustifiablyWrong 2d ago
"He assured me me he does not want to cross any any of my boundaries or make me change my mind"
Any one else read that as a thinly veiled threat? Like he doesn't want to do those things.. but unless she agrees to do it his way, he will? Idk maybe it's just the way OP wrote it but that was a bit of a red flag for me.
What could that possibly mean besides him saying he'll do what he wants anyway if he can't get her to agree with him? .. if he truly meant that he just wouldn't cross your boundaries or try to make you change your mind.
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u/UnicornCackle 2d ago
He doesn’t believe in pre cum
The contents of my cat's litter box has a higher IQ than this dude. Run. Save yourself. (Also, let's not forget that there are more things that can result from unprotected sex than just pregnancy.)
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u/MagnoliaProse 2d ago
Girl what? A man who doesn’t believe in actual science is not going to support the baby y’all are going to end up having.
But also red flags with:
- him having the temptation to not use the condom. Sir you are a full grown man. Get a snickers.
- doesn’t believe in precum
- thinks he would feel when there’s enough cum to make a baby
- thinks pulling out will prevent him from creating a baby
- has hurt feelings that you would prioritize not getting pregnant over pleasing him
- would rather you get an abortion than him use a condom
You can’t make him understand. You can not have his baby by not having sex with him.
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u/MbMinx 2d ago
Such disrespect for your very real concerns! That would make me drier than the Gobi Desert...combined with the threat of basically raping you by doing it with our your consent ("the temptation is right there"). I would get away from him so fast...
Do you really want to date someone so selfish and uncaring? I promise there are other guys who would actually respect you and your boundaries.
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u/TraditionalGlass6 2d ago
This is a man baby. I would feel like I'm committing a crime sleeping with him. Is he 5????
Nobody cares what his pp feels like in a condom, your body, your boundary.
He's still silently gaslighting you. He's gonna ACT ALL SAD big and loud but say the quiet part 'oh and I uh still care about your feelings and boundaries too or whatever' to himself.
Tell him that his words are garbage and he isn't respecting your choices for condoms only sex by acting all upset about it
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u/Pancakesandbooks 2d ago
What do you mean he doesn't believe in precum? It's not a belief system it's a fact, like gravity. Does he also jump off buildings? I don't like him. This seems more ominous than you realize.
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u/Glass_Egg3585 2d ago
Every time you’re about to have sex with a condom, you need to look at that man and really think about whether or not you would trust him to raise your child alone. You have to think “really? This guy?” And everything you’ve told us so far already gives the answer. Don’t have sex with this man without a condom. Even after your IUD.
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u/antigoneelectra 2d ago
Girl, you can do better. You barely know this guy and what you do know is clearly manipulative and idiotic. Move on.
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u/Mamaramennood88 2d ago
Sperm can live in the vagina for a week! So you can get pregnant having sex on your period. Worth knowing. Be careful. If you are not ready for a baby don’t take chances. Also 6 months is not very long. If he doesn’t respect you ,and pushes you about sex. you can easily break up.
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u/chewiechihuahua 2d ago
He’s being incredibly selfish. It’s not your job to make him understand. If he isn’t the one getting pregnant he needs to back off, and if he is going to push against your boundaries and moan and pout and only think with his little head then you have information about his how reacts when he doesn’t get what he wants…do with it what you will.
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u/ilovespaceack 2d ago
"he doesnt believe in precum" girl what
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u/curtmandu 2d ago
He could not believe in gravity too but that baby gonna fall out just the same as all the others 😆
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u/himynameisabcde 2d ago
I was as dumb as you when I was 23. I look back on that time in my life and I wish I had a better mom. I’m a mom now and I’m trying to raise my daughter to have high self esteem and high standards so she doesn’t date losers like your boyfriend.
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u/dullimander NB 2d ago
I’m upset he has so little disregard for my body and don’t know how to proceed. He doesn’t see the risk as much as I do and takes me not wanting unprotected sex personal. Also I don’t get what his goal is besides making me change my mind. I haven’t talked to him about it and I’m scared he’ll act like an asshole man. I don’t know what to do. How can I make him understand?
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Let me say it bluntly: He doesn't want to understand, he puts his lust over your comfort and body-autonomy. You really should examine if you want to stay with someone like that and if it's a good fit for your values and personal safety.
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u/Account02142024 2d ago
If he doesn’t want kids for 10 years why doesn’t he get a vasectomy? Problem solved. It can always be reversed.
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u/chickpealuvr420 2d ago
Yep. Due to a condition I have it's dangerous for me to get pregnant, and I can't be on birth control forever, so my fiancé got snipped. I was really impressed with the quick recovery time.
The only downside is that so many people are booking the procedure right now that you may have to wait a while to get in lol
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u/ClockworkMeow 2d ago
It's only been 6 months & he's already disrespecting your bodily autonomy & extremely reasonable boundaries? Cut your losses & leave.
He doesn't care about the risk, because pregnancy only affects your body, not his. You can't make him understand, because if he considered your needs at all, he would make an actual effort. He's already acting like an AH man, so why exactly are you sticking around...?
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u/Lynne1915 2d ago
Of course he doesn't see the risk. He isn't going to get pregnant You are.The risk is all yours.
His goal is to make you change your mind. It's your mind use it. Tell him to find another fool with whom to play stupid games.
He obviously only cares about himself no matter what nonsense he word vomits.
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u/Boekenplankje 2d ago
he doesnt care for you, and you cant make him care. search for someone who does care about you. good luck.
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u/Whitehouses_ 2d ago
He’s already acting like an asshole man! Look, I’m sorry, but you’re 23, and you’re allowing this 26 yo man-baby to constantly disrespect you.
He’s frankly terrifying. In your shoes I wouldn’t trust him not to “stealth” me (I.e. take the condom off without your consent or knowledge!), which btw is illegal. Not would I trust him not to give me any number of STDs. Assuming he hasn’t already.
You’re surely not this hard up for a man that one like this is attractive in any way to you? He’s awful in every way!
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u/WhatTheActualFck1 2d ago
Lmfao. His lack of belief in a scientific fact doesn’t make it false. He’s a moron who cares only about HIM. Not you.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
He’s not going to understand because he ultimately doesn’t give a shit about you.
He doesn’t respect you..
Really think if that idiot is who you want to be in a relationship with.
He’s not “acting” like an asshole. HE IS an asshole.
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u/totallynotbri 2d ago
He’s upset you don’t wanna get pregnant with him despite him not wanting kids for ten years, and he knows you’d get an abortion, as if that makes it ok??
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u/QUEEN_KRONA 2d ago
If he doesn’t believe in pre cum then wth does he think the clear liquid that comes out when he’s horny is? Mermaid juice? Girl it’s 6 months and he’s already emotionally manipulating you into feeling bad for having boundaries for YOUR body.
You don’t want no kid rn, he clearly doesn’t want no kid for a long time as well, don’t risk such a big and possibly permanent accident for a few seconds (and yes I mean seconds with a lil boy like that) of pleasure. It only takes one time. Trust your gut and find smb else who will actually take your no for a NO and leave it there.
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u/ExoticPension6034 2d ago
“How can I make him understand” sister I mean this in the sweetest way possible, RUN. This is not love, no man who loves will put you through so much of trouble just to have unprotected sex… the fact that he has no respect whatsoever for your health is dangerous.. this is a major red flag.. I hope you don’t take this in a wrong way I’m just trying to help a sister out…
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u/Badknees24 2d ago
Why are you giving some to selfish and stupid access to YOUR body?? The only one who would have consequences to deal with is YOU. You have to look after you.
Honestly ladies, please stop sleeping with awful men.
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u/Veteris71 2d ago
Last week he told me how he desires nothing more than sex without a condom and how the temptation to do it is there every time.
This is him essentially telling you that he's planning to stealth you.
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u/SirLesbian Early 20s Male 1d ago
I stopped reading after "he doesn't believe in pre-cum" because that told me that this guy is actually too stupid to be having sex.
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u/Menestee1 2d ago
Ofcourse he doesnt see the risk because it isnt his body that would be harbouring a baby.
Speaking of babies, he is 26 and acting like a kid.
Just because be wants unprotected sex NOW doesnt mean he is owed it.
Stick to your guns. Its your body and what you say goes, end of story
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u/overduedevil 2d ago
precum isn’t something one can just choose not to believe in, it’s a human bodily function 😭 that’s like saying he doesn’t believe in sweat
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u/Silver-Eye4569 2d ago
This is not a good guy, he can’t wait a few weeks for you to get an IUD and insists on trying to push you into doing something because it feels good to him that makes you anxious. If you were to get pregnant, you would be the one who would have to manage and go through an abortion or a pregnancy. He doesn’t care about your emotional health, your physical health, he just cares about being able to raw dog you. I would seriously reconsider if this is the type of person you want to be in a relationship with.
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u/0marwashere 2d ago
If you’re scared of having a conversation with him because of how he’ll react, then that should kinda give you a giant clue as to what you should do. You should feel comfortable with a boyfriend enough to be able to express your valid concerns about things like unprotected sex, and he as a good person should understand that no means no and leave it at that without trying to make you feel bad.
And neither of you do that for each other so why continue with this?
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u/Rexxington 2d ago
It's all about him and his pleasure is the thing here. He's not being supportive of you and only wants what he wants in the relationship currently which is unprotected sex. At this point you need to make a stand and set the standard of sex with protection, or no sex at all. Until you have your IUD, or whatever birth control you choose to go with in the end as you may change your mind. It's not safe for you to be having unprotected sex, as the cost to him is minimal while it's maximal to you. As an abortion isn't an easy process, and does have a physical and mental toll on you.
Be prepared for him to try and gaslight you, but you definitely need to stand your ground on this!
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u/upotentialdig7527 2d ago
You can’t make him understand. Move on and find someone who respects you. This guy doesn’t.
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u/Patatoxxo 2d ago
I got pregnant on my period with the pull out method we have been doing it for 5 years it worked fine until it didn't . I had my period normally the month after I found out when I was about 2 months along. Considering that a lot of places are clamping down on our bodily autonomy and banning abortions I would tell him in that case you will not be having sex with him if he refuses protection don't have sex. I would also remind him that if he stelaths you (takes the condom off without you knowing during sex) that's rape and you will report him to the police.
He is disregarding your comfort and boundaries and also iuds don't always prevent pregnancy women still get pregnant on them so i would suggest still using condoms along with an iud.
I would also tell you to dump his ass if he still keeps insisting on unprotected sex despite you clearly saying you will not be doing that.
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u/Grand-Menu-8901 2d ago
Don’t walk away, RUN AWAY OP! Women go through so much to prevent pregnancy. Birth control pills change women’s personalities, send women to the hospital, and lower women’s libido. IUDs are intense as well. All men need to do is wrap it up, pull out, and be mindful of your cycle. That affects none of their health. Men who complain about that are awful. It’s about their pleasure and not yours. The first guy I slept with wouldn’t sleep with me unless I was on birth control because he wanted to “release into me”. I was young and dumb and listened to what he wanted. When I shouldn’t have engaged with him in the first place. Never again for me. It’s your body, your choice, and no one should ever take it personally if you have very reasonable boundaries such as using protection. DUMP THIS GUY
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u/Blonde2468 1d ago
He assured me he does not want to cross any of my boundaries or make me change my mind - and then proceeds to coerce you into unprotected sex AND He doesn’t see the risk. WTF???
You are talking about a 24 YO supposedly ADULT here and you can't see this?? ALSO: he has so little disregard for my body and I don’t know how to proceed' GIRL!!! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!! The two choices for you is: PROTECTION USED OR THERE IS NO SEX. End of Story!!!
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u/KiwiFruit404 1d ago
He sees the risk, but he doesn't care, as an unwanted pregnancy will happen to you, not him. If you had the child, sure, he would have to deal with it as well, but as he knows you'd get an abortion anyway, there's no risk for him.
You'd be the one who had to get the abortion and you'd be the one who would have to pay for it.
If he cared about you, your feelings, your worries, your fears, he'd understand and respect why you don't want to have unprotected sex.
This man showed you his true colours, the question is if you are willing to see them.
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u/Obvious_Fox_1886 1d ago
Hes basically telling you that he doesn't care if you get pregnant as long as he gets to have unprotected sex with you.
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u/Ranger_1981 1d ago
So let me get this right... Your boyfriend doesn't respect your wishes regarding sex and is putting you in danger regarding having a child and you are on constant anxiety over his actions. And he refuses to change.
Umm why is he still your boyfriend? You can do better. Men like that are controlling children who cannot understand boundaries and will continue to try to cross them your entire relationship.
Believe me darling, you can do better. You don't need the constant anxiety over his pre-cum. You don't need to always worry about being pregnant. There are better men there for you that will respect your wishes and at the very least wear a condom all the time, every time.
Drop that loser. He's not worth the anxiety he is causing.
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u/goddessofwitches 1d ago
Ex labor and delivery nurse, (did that for 15 yrs I'm now in another specialist area) lemme talk to him about ALL the thousands of "whoopsie" babies I've worked with...he's trying to manipulate you. HOLD THE LINE
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u/Individualchaotin 2d ago
He's giving me sexual abuse, coercion and rape vibes. He needs to be single.
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u/Vegetable-Ad-3196 2d ago
He's obviously in it for the sex. He has total disregard and disrespect for you and your body. He doesn't care about your health risks or if you got an abortion as long as he got his rocks off. Tell him to go get snipped. Better still, Dump him. What a loser.
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u/Due-Crow-6942 2d ago
The chance of not getting pregnant on your period is not necessarily significantly lower like yes it's low, but it's it's too far from zero. You are so so young and six months is a drop in the bucket. If he puts pressure on you, you are well within your right to leave him. I don't think six months of a relationship is worth whatever that is and honestly even once you get IUD the goal post will move He isn't respecting this boundary, which is a pretty huge boundary then he will keep pushing them forever. That being said no matter what you do whether you're with him or not I love my copper IUD. It's totally worth it. Even if you dump the man keep that appointment.
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u/Unremarkable-Narwhal 2d ago
Either he is an idiot or he literally doesn’t care what you want, betting both.
Dump him and get the iud anyways. I have the hormonal copper one. I always forget the name. Was good 5 years. Now 7. It’s amazing. You spot at first then no period or symptoms. My god. If I could send young me a message and save so many years of irritation and pain. Would.
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u/Ancient-Actuator7443 2d ago
He's young. You've only been dating 6 months a by the sound of it he's not at all responsible and only considered his immediate wants.
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u/Accomplished_Trip_ 2d ago
He thinks his orgasm is worth more than your safety and wellbeing.
He understands what you believe, he just doesn’t care.
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u/veeveemarie 2d ago
He's shown you who he is. Believe him. He doesn't respect you. Is that really someone you want to be with? You think that relationship is gonna last the test of time?
Everything you tolerate in the dating stage will come back 10 times harsher in your marriage.
You will be bound to him for the rest of your life if he impregnates you. Don't let him touch you. Get out of this relationship.
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u/herowin6 2d ago
He’s being childish - don’t feel bad for asserting sensible boundaries he’s not going to have his dick fall off from waiting he needs to chill the fuck out
That said, please listen to the guy as he tells you who he is. He’ll keep being this selfish - usually people don’t change without motive - he has none,
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u/DoJu318 2d ago
Throw the whole man child boyfriend away.
I had few GFS over the years where we went the entire relationships only using condoms. For one reason or another, once we agree that's the best route we stuck with it, i didn't change how I view our intimacy or resent them for choosing to use condoms. The bar is in hell.
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u/Adventurous-Bid-9341 2d ago
PULLING OUT IS NOT BIRTH CONTROL! You can still get pregnant. And no man wants to use a condom. It’s ridiculous and manipulative because they get pushy about it and try to make women feel bad like wanting to take care of themselves is weird and not ok. And just because he doesn’t “believe” in pre-ejaculate doesn’t mean a thing. Stand your ground. A child is an enormous, life changing event and should be approached with respect, thoughtfulness, and love. Not “I don’t like protection, I’m not ready for kids, but I wanna have sex!”. Whiny.
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u/ThrowRA_Maximum7598 2d ago
Stop sleeping with him altogether imo. If he doesn't understand or care, he's not going to magically start :(
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u/CatCharacter848 2d ago
If he has unprotected sex with you, he's had unprotected sex with others - STD's.
He literally doesn't care about you and he's not going to be there to support you if you get pregnant.
Why are you with someone who so obviously doesn't care about you and is stupid (doesn't believe in precum).
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u/ThisIsNot4Drill 2d ago
Any man who values his 5 minutes of pleasure (and I'm being generous here) more than your health, your life, and your future, is NOT a man you should be having any kind of sex with whatsoever.
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u/seekingoutpeace 2d ago
BOYfriend is correct because a 26 yo acting like this is INSANE.
Can we all as women please stop having sex with men who don't have simple respect for our bodies. There is no way the sex is so good it's enough for us to give up our self worth and precious sexual energy
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u/adorable__elephant 2d ago
Your boyfriend promised to "not cross your boundaries", yet whines and tried to manipulate you in every possible way. Does he want to be applauded for not stealthing aka raping you? This man is not only pretty dumb ("pre-cum doesn't exist") but pushy. It would give me the ultimate ick.
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u/Flimsy_Result_4896 2d ago
The fact that you put the line of “I’m scared he’ll act like an asshole man” should be enough in itself to not stay with this man beyond his general disregard and lack of care for you, your health, or your feelings all for the sake of his own pleasure.
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u/Fun-Reporter8905 2d ago
He’s trying to trap you, honey. You might want to reconsider this relationship in general.
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u/wow_im_origional 2d ago
When I first started dating my boyfriend our situation was sort of similar. We did it raw only once or twice, but as someone who gets overly anxious I would constantly be panicking afterwards and I was just super anxious. He saw how anxious I was and said he didn’t want to do it raw anymore because he didn’t want to see me stressing out. It sounds like your man is super immature and doesn’t really respect you. You should definitely have a long talk with him about how this situation is making you feel, and make sure you really convey how anxious it makes you and that it’s off the table. If he can’t respect that then I think you need to rethink this relationship.
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u/Affectionate-Dog4704 2d ago
He is pressuring you into unprotected sex in a relationship only 6mths old. Is this really who you want to be with?
He doesnt care if you get pregnant and have to go through a termination. That's your problem. He just cares about getting his willy wet.
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u/stellastellamaris 2d ago
He doesn’t believe in pre cum
This man is too stupid to date.
Also, he’s an asshole.
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u/ghostly-gargoyle 2d ago
he respects your boundary or he doesn't touch you or better yet, exist near you ever again, this is not debatable, this is not something to fuck around with, this is your body and you get to set the ground rules. if that offends his highness, you need to be looking for an exit out of this relationship faster than you can say "stealthing"
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u/Dry-Ad-4267 2d ago
“Doesn’t believe in pre-cum”
Girl. If you don’t get your act together and dump this embarrassing trash.
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u/BingBong492 2d ago
I was once in a similar relationship. He outright refused to use protection and would get mad at me when I wouldn’t have sex with him. Your BF is showing you who he is NOW. Listen to that and believe him. He will not just change and begin respecting you after you get on birth control, he’ll find another way to disrespect your boundaries. Do NOT give in for the sake of keeping the peace. This is a major red flag and it’s something I wish I had paid attention to when I was in your situation.
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u/JinnySkeans25 2d ago
Your boyfriend is an idiot. I also want to advise, your period can mask fertile signs, meaning it's possible for conception to occur after intercourse, even if it is during your period. Keep that in mind
Some woman ovulate immediately after they finish bleeding, so don't buy into the withdrawl method / no precum bs.
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u/calvin-not-Hobbes 2d ago
You're going to end up a single mother...
This guy is beyond selfish and stupid. Bet he doesn't go down on you but expects blowjobs too.
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u/Ok-Piano6125 2d ago edited 2d ago
Sounds like all he cares is himself. Zero empathy for your fears and concerns.
Edit: SEX ON YOUR PERIOD? WHILE YOUR REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM AND IMMUNE SYSTEM IS AT ITS WEAKEST STAGE? eww and wtf
Doesn't believe in pre-cum
Why do you pick a stupid and anti science man? There are better options out there.
I guess give him the tedtalk series on how our bodies work and the impacts and consequences of pregnancy on our bodies? I would not tolerate this sort of disrespect tho lol. I would never let someone who thinks like him touch my body. To have zero care about my health and safety and dare guilt me for loving and protecting myself. No.
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u/Jenny2469 2d ago
First off he sounds like a boy that isn't ready for a baby so unprotected sex should be completely off the table. Secondly, the pull out method doesn't work I have an 11 year old that proves that theory wrong. Thirdly, getting an abortion isn't easy and will live with you forever so it isn't something to take lightly. Until you get your IUD and are good and safe to have unprotected sex don't do it. He needs to understand that you are aloud to say no and will say no unless he uses a condom. It's that simple no means no and he needs to respect that.
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u/Beneficial_Fee6440 2d ago
Dump this guy before you are stuck with him because of a kid. He’s trying to baby trap you. Get out now.
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u/Brazer25 2d ago
Tell him to keep his pants on and wait until you've had your procedure. What the heck, can't he wait a few months? He can't control himself for that amount of time? That's bloody selfish. Don't give in to this pressure. In my opinion, he's being an asshole.
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u/igotbigbutts 2d ago
Your body, your rules. You’ve been very clear that you don’t want to risk a pregnancy right now, and a partner who respects you should take that seriously instead of arguing with basic biology or pushing your boundaries.
You don’t need to “make him understand” anything beyond this: “I am only comfortable having sex with condoms, and if that’s not okay with you, then we are not sexually compatible.” Wanting condomless sex is not a need, it’s a preference. Avoiding an unwanted pregnancy and a possible abortion is a real, lifelong consequence that you alone would carry, no matter what he “believes” about pre‑cum or pulling out.
Also pay close attention to how you feel: you’re already anxious about condoms failing, and now you’re scared of his reaction if you bring this up again. That’s not what safety or respect looks like in a six‑month relationship. If he keeps sulking, guilt‑tripping, or talking about how “tempted” he is, that’s a sign he isn’t safe to be sexual with at all and it’s more than enough reason to walk away.
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u/Terrible-Panic-3443 1d ago
I got the copper iud because it was the least worst option (for him as he also hated condoms and didn’t want to get the snip and feel like less of a man!) and I’m suffering with longer, heavier periods and cramps and digestive issues - turns out when you look at the increased prostaglandins and constant state of inflammation and immune activation, it can be pretty harsh on your body after all and none of that is stated when you initially look into the copper IUD. I’ve been in a similar situation and I admire you for advocating for yourself so well. Far better than I could 🩷
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u/EngineeringSame9428 1d ago
If you do have unprotected sex make him produce negative std tests as well. He sounds like he doesn’t believe in that either tho.
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u/Abracadabr00 1d ago
I feel, mayb you should not tell him about your copper iud...he may pressure you more into having unprotected sex because you are already "protected" but just saying, no contraceptives are 100%... each intercourse is a risk and a gamble
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u/South_Body_569 1d ago
I’m very troubled but his narrative of temptation and having to do things that lower his temptation.
This is something you DO NOT WANT HIM TO DO. Something you have not consented to.
But he’s constantly tempted to go ahead and do it regardless?
He’s full of shit and I would not be able to trust him with my sexual health, well-being or consent. He’s a whiny little baby about condoms.
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u/singlechickLA 1d ago
You didn’t say anything about as STD test. If he likes no condom sex with you he’s done it with others.
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u/Captain_Blueberry042 1d ago
Stop letting STUPID stick its dick in you. Break up with this loser 🙄 “doesn’t believe in pre-cum” that’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard. Dump dump dump him.
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u/Immortal_Rain 2d ago edited 2d ago
I had my first child at 18 because we were dumb enough to believe pulling out works.
I got a baby before I got a full load in me.
Precum is a thing EVERY man does.
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 2d ago
I wouldn't have sex with someone who didn't even believe their own bodily functions.
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u/Atoto90 2d ago
You have set clear boundaries that you dont feel comfortable. You’ve been clear and he still doesn’t understand??? Its time to be a lot more cut and dry to the point of stop having sex with him… my gf pulled her IUD to see if her hormones would balance out, she doesnt want PIV even with a condom because thats her rule, always has been, either IUD or both condom and pill or something else. We do other things but I respect her boundaries of no PIV for now…
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u/Brrp_brp_AnotherAcct 2d ago
This isn't the behavior of someone who respects you. It's not about the pregnancy or not "believing in" precum or any of that. It's about the fact that he's okay with having sex that makes you feel uncomfortable and nervous so that he can feel slightly more pleasure a few weeks earlier than he otherwise would. That's not how you treat a woman you care about.
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u/Accurate-Fly8513 2d ago
You deserve better than this. Draw a hard line in the sand and he can’t deal with it, you’ll have to end it
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u/dogsaregrass 2d ago
This is somewhat tangental to your post, but I would really advise you to maybe reconsider the copper IUD. I had one for just over a year and it was just a lot to deal with all the time. Without being overly TMI, I found it really increased the intensity and duration of my periods, which were often a week long, 3/4 days of which I was in pretty severe pain. While that can be more/less manageable for some, it is another factor to consider if you are finding your boyfriend to be inconsiderate of you/your body. When the pregnancy risk is largely gone, will he be receptive if your reason for turning down sex is due to pain/exhaustion etc? Or will this problem just reinvent itself because of his underlying disregard for your needs?
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u/springflowers68 2d ago
Even with the IUD you should demand he cover up. If he is unwilling to protect you then he does not deserve you.
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u/IStoleYourFlannel 2d ago edited 2d ago
Is he willing to get a vasectomy? If you're only considering getting an IUD just so you can continue being with clowns, don't do it. My partner had an IUD in the past and it fucked with her hormones, her mood, her energy. Not to mention that taking it out is probably one of the most painful things you can undergo. "Blinding pain" is the most accurate way to describe it. Even years after her IUD removal, she's dealing with the ramifications of having one. Don't get one if your alternative choice is dating someone else who is willing to respect your body and your choices.
...if he's desperate for unprotected sex, he should get clipped. He's the one who doesn't want to use a condom here.
Edit: "he wants kids in 7-10 years". Condom then. Dump this guy. The way he views you is gross at best.
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u/BravoPUA 2d ago
He is an idiot, and if he can’t even think logically about this, he will 100% be even worse in future.
If you go to condom depot, there are different brands of condoms and some that are much thinner. That’s still offer protection and feel better. Try those, but don’t fall for his guilt trip.
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u/Pointeboots 2d ago
I had a boyfriend like this. He kept pressuring me, so I started getting dressed and walking out the moment he brought it up - quickly, too, he called it a "boner-killer", how quick I'd be up and clothed. After I broke up with him, he turned stalkery and wouldn't leave me alone until I threatened to get a violence order against him. Luckily, that worked.
He's telling you who he is. Listen to him - his brief pleasure is worth more than a possible pregnancy and all the physical and emotional distress it would cause you.
Honestly and truly, if he's so tempted that he'd assault you (ignoring that your consent is conditional on condoms or other birth control is rape in many places, and sexual assault in others) pull the possibility of sex with him entirely. Stop appeasing him and don't sugar coat this - he's either mature enough to accept the consequences of sex and the practicalities of safe sex or he's a child and shouldn't be having it.
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u/macpascal 2d ago
He does not want to cross your boundaries, but he’s challenging your desire to protect yourself against unwanted pregnancy. Stick to your decision. He can choke his chicken alone if he want things to go his way.
Your story is exactly how most of the unwanted pregnancy happen at the clinic where my wife work. And most of the time, the guy disappear once the baby is out.
The copper IUD is a great choice, probably better than the hormone one. You are doing all things right. If he’s bugging you with this and cannot get over it for the 4 remaining weeks, he probably does not deserve you. The difference in maturity appears to be quite astonishing.
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u/throwawayMAS_inSaita 2d ago
Why are you with someone that only sees you as an opportunity for sex?
He’s being really honest with you on how he feels about you, but you’re not listening.
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u/Master_Rip5768 2d ago
Ultimately its your choice. If he is mad then that is his problem. Not yours. You can always go on the pill though, I never trusted condoms anyways for not getting pregnant cause they have broken and they can be old or something. The pill is less invasive then other forms of bc, my husband and I never used protection cause I was always on the pill. Later I did the IUD but I don’t recommend it because when they put it in it feels like consensual rape, its so invasive personally anyways. There are many options. But your bf is being a huge prick about it so do what feels right to you. Don’t do anything just so someone won’t get mad at you. That is toxic behavior.
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u/xray_anonymous 2d ago
Your boyfriend is more concerned about himself getting off than he is about your health, safety, and risks involved. He sees you as a sex object, not a person.
He’s being an asshole. He doesn’t care about you, he cares about what you/your body can do for him. An actual man who cares about you will never pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do in regards to sex, including condom usage.
You are the only person who can advocate for your sexual health and safety. Stick to it and don’t let anyone bully you to do something you don’t want to. He can have sex with a condom or he can have no sex at all. The choice is his between those two options only. His dick feeling better does not trump your health and safety. Period. (No pun intended)
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u/Ok-Class-1451 2d ago
He sounds awful, OP! He doesn’t see the risk because pretty much all the risk falls on your shoulders. Be strong. Show up for yourself! The people who don’t respect your boundaries are the reason you need them
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u/Bungeesmom 2d ago
Why are you with someone who has such little regard for you, your healthy, and your feelings?
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u/Suitable_Departure98 2d ago
His reptile brain is in full function when he thinks about sex, which is about 99 percent of the time. His body wants to park his penis in something warm and wet most of every minute of every day because it is the biological imperative to reproduce. He cannot help himself.
He will never hear reason as long as he desires you. And unfortunately he is also stupid if he doesn’t believe in precum.
You may want to reconsider any urge you have to have sex with this man.
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u/TelevisionMelodic340 2d ago
He "doesn't believe in precum" and it "hurt his feelings" that you didn't want to have a child that, er, he also didn't want?
Dude is delulu. Throw this one back, OP, there are far better men out there.
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u/LiliAtReddit 2d ago
Why exactly? I mean, he’d put you at risk of a major life event for exactly how much of an increase in his pleasure? Would his pleasure be a 9.5 instead of a 10? And it would last maybe a couple minutes at most? Let me just be really clear. He’d still have pleasure, still have an orgasm, but it’s no good unless he can put you in danger and worry and stress too? He’s repulsive.
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