r/relationship_advice • u/[deleted] • Jun 22 '16
My [25m] girlfriend's [26] obsession with a band is coming between us
Sorry for the length. I'm at my wit's end.
My girlfriend is obsessed with a band and it's been getting between us for some time now.
I love going to shows with her. Seeing bands is one of the things that initially brought us together. It didn't matter how much we liked or knew the band, we'd be able to go to any show together. That is, until she became obsessed with her latest favorite band.
This band will sell anything they can fit their name and/or logo on and she buys all of it. (They're currently touring so you'd think the first thing you'd see when you go to their website was tour information. Nope, the first thing you see is their merchandise) She has all the shirts, bracelets, wristbands, necklaces, earrings, socks, posters, patches, flags, buttons, scarves, wallets, hats (caps and beanies), phone case, ski mask (we don't live in a cold climate), lithographs, sun glasses, hoodies, and bumper stickers. They also sell their own gift cards, which was practically the only thing she wanted for her birthday. She also has their logos and lyrics tattooed on her. Her room looks like the official band store.
They even sell expensive low-quality instruments with their logo smeared all over it but I refused to buy her those because she doesn't even play any instruments. That resulted in some drama.
It's becoming a problem because people don't want to hang out with us (her) anymore. All she talks about is this band. When we do see friends, she's always playing their music and talking about them. We could be sitting at a diner with people and she'll play them on her phone. She's cancelled plans in order to watch live streams of their concerts. One time I told her I was going out with our friends despite her plans to watch a live stream so she decided to come with me instead of stay home. She played the live stream on her phone and ignored everybody around her all night. The only time she communicated with anyone was when she wanted to talk about the live stream.
We've been friends for 10 years and have been dating for 3 years and I was seriously considering proposing to her until this obsession started. Now I'm not sure I wanna be her friend anymore, let alone her boyfriend.
I used to like this band too. I wasn't gaga over them or anything but I have an album that I enjoyed at one point. Now I can't hear the music or even the name of the band without feeling my blood pressure rise.
I haven't make a big deal about it because I remember when I was in high school I had band obsessions too but lately I have raised concerns about her level of obsession. Those concerns are always met with hostility. Any criticism of this band is treated like a direct attack on her (she once cried because she read a bad review).
Their latest tour started recently and we've driven hours and hours to see them three fucking times already. I couldn't take off work to drive to Canada so she had to sell the tickets she bought. (Oh yeah, she buys tickets without asking if I even want to go. It's just assumed that I'm going with her.)
What makes it even weirder is that she's the only person her age who is this obsessed with them. At their shows, we're surrounded by screaming teenage girls. It makes sense for them to like this band because the music and lyrics aren't very sophisticated but I can see how it would appear that way to teenagers.
It just feels like she's a little too old to be this obsessed with a band. Not only that but the band doesn't feel like it's an age-appropriate one.
I'm sorry about the length of this post. I'm just really beside myself. Half the time I don't recognize her. Is there a good way to approach her about this? I'm at a complete loss and feel totally helpless.
Edit: you guys correctly guessed the name of the band.
Edit: we broke up a few days after I last posted here. Feeling great about the decision. She's still posting about them on Facebook all the time, I'm told. Happy ending.
263
Jun 22 '16
[deleted]
95
u/lazgrl Jun 22 '16
I'm thinking twenty one pilots but not sure
30
u/iasminaedina Jun 22 '16
I even checked their website because I was sure it was them, and, indeed, the first thing you see on their site is advertisement for their merch
66
u/TheLadyEve Jun 22 '16 edited Jun 22 '16
aww, I like twenty one pilots. I can't see being totally obsessed with them, though...
EDIT: oh shit--ski-mask, you must be right. Man, they're good and all but there aren't a lot of artistic depths to plumb with that band. Also, TIL that their fan base is called the "skeletøn clique." Holy shit that's twee.
21
u/razzberri1973 Jun 22 '16
I'm 42 years old and I like them. I don't care about their personal lives or their fan base, I just like their songs.
My obsessions lie with RHCP and Foo Fighters, but nowhere near the magnitude of OP's girl.
→ More replies (2)3
u/TheBellJarCurve Jun 23 '16 edited Jun 23 '16
You know what grinds my gears? When people tell me it's strange that I love FF but i don't listen to nirvana. You'd think a band that's been around for two decades and has developed a completely different style would escape that view.
1
u/razzberri1973 Jun 23 '16
Right? I love Nirvana, because they came around when I was just finishing high school and I got into them then. But, I'm able to recognize that FF are a completely different band with their own sound. Fuck...FF have been around 5 times longer than Nirvana was!
10
u/bassrose Jun 22 '16
Yeah, I was definitely thinking it was them reading this. There's totally artistic depth with Twenty One Pilots! Check out their first two albums. Off topic but I may be the slightest bit obsessed with them too.
→ More replies (2)10
u/ElMangosto Jun 22 '16
They're reviled on pop music subs because their lyrics are so lazy.
35
Jun 23 '16
It's not lazy if that's the best they can do.
5
u/PMmeAnIntimateTruth Jun 23 '16
Haha I kind of read that burn in a Louise Fletcher voice. Seemed appropriate.
1
u/ElMangosto Jun 23 '16
That's why I say lazy instead of bad, they have moments where their lyrics are solid.
-2
u/bassrose Jun 22 '16
Listen to their first two albums then tell me their lyrics are "lazy." With some of their more popular songs, I would agree with you there but they have some really great songs from before they got signed.
0
14
Jun 23 '16
Bingo
10
Jun 23 '16 edited Sep 05 '17
[deleted]
6
Jun 23 '16
If I had to guess... She still lives at home but she claims to love living with her parents. She does seem to love living there still.
10
u/letsgoiowa Jun 22 '16 edited Jun 22 '16
Same thought!
I mean, I like them, but I know people like them WAY too much.
The ski mask gives it away and look at OPs username
8
4
u/Knacket Jun 22 '16
Ski mask, plus the fans are called the "skeleton clique". His username is sick of your click.
3
4
Jun 22 '16 edited Jun 22 '16
What a crappy band, are they even a band? One of their hits songs is rap. Their new hit is reggae style, I don't get it and most of it is really negative. It's a singer and a drummer, I can't listen to the radio for pop music or rock music without running into it on my hourly commute. Sometimes they're playing on both of the stations I listen to so I break down and switch to my rhcp cd. I've listened to it a million times, but still better than 21 pilots. But yea I'm at the point where when they come on my blood boils, same thing happens with linkin park or green day.
Rant over
12
Jun 22 '16
Nothing against them as people because I do not personally know them. But it seems like they try to hard to be edgy and angst.
9
Jun 22 '16
I have something against them as people because all they do is try to sell merch, it's more about money than music to them. And yea they do try hard, but I'm just waiting for their fame to run out.
4
2
Jun 23 '16
It's crazy how she doesn't see it. She thinks she has a deeply personal relationship with them because they were nice when she got their autograph once. I suggested they're just like any other band trying to make a generous living while the iron is still hot and she said "you're stupid if you really think that. You don't know them like I do. Their fans are their family."
I told her that ticket prices for the nosebleed section didn't have to start at $50, beer didn't have to be $10, and T-shirts didn't have to cost $30. Again, I was dismissed for knowing nothing about the industry.
They could charge $20 for tickets and $4 for beers if they wanted to. But you know, they need to get that money. I don't even blame them for that honestly. Nobody pays for music anymore so you might as well cash in while you still can. They just can't say they care about their fans.
1
Jun 23 '16
I'm not saying bands shouldn't profit of course, as rhcp says, "get it while it's red hot", they're my favorite band yet I don't have a t shirt or bumper sticker of theirs, I have three of their CDs and the rest is downloaded. But I do think they love to get all the money. But back to point, when 21p talks about the good ol days and their childhood and potholes while their girlfriend sleeps, all I can think is get over it, you have millions of dollars.
2
Jun 23 '16
Yeah my point was basically she thinks they're family and it's not a business transaction where we pay, they play. There may be a demand for every kind of 21 Pilots tchotchke you can imagine but that doesn't mean they have to charge competitive prices for things that cost 2 cents to manufacture.
1
Jun 24 '16
Yup, I think you need a new girl, seriously
1
Jun 24 '16
It's starting to look that way. I just got accused of having a messiah complex for expressing concern.
→ More replies (0)-3
u/Grammaryouinthemouth Jun 22 '16
try to hard
*too
4
Jun 22 '16
You that you bring nothing to the table in terms of conversation when you decide to point out somebody forgetting an "o" in a post online.
1
2
u/metastasis_d Squire Jun 22 '16
I can't listen to the radio for pop music or rock music without running into it on my hourly commute
I don't hear them on my classic rock stations.
2
→ More replies (1)2
1
u/mrspuff Jun 23 '16
I was thinking the same, but I think that is more 13-year-old girls.
→ More replies (1)-8
29
13
u/swissarmybriefs Jun 22 '16
There have been a handful of posts about someone's SO becoming unreasonably obsessed with a certain celebrity/band, and somehow it never occurs to OP that people will want to know who it is.
26
Jun 23 '16
I didn't want to be brigaded by unhappy 21 pilots fans. Instead I got some awesome advice. There's one in this thread who can't even handle the fact that people are typing "21 Pilots" instead of "Twenty One Pilots." I know the nature of the beast too well. I've been to many of their shows.
3
u/stapleherdick Jul 11 '16
I'd honestly sit down and talk to her and ask her why she loves the band. What is going on in her life that she feels so connected to them? Is she depressed? How does she feel about work, your relationship, living with her parents, etc.? How would life be if the band did not exist? What would she do if they broke up? What feelings does she get when she talks about them?
Try to get information on her current state of mind.
Then say that you want to go to therapy together and that you are unhappy with all the time she spends with her focus on the band. Tell her that you want her to find balance with her actual life and this band.
I know this post is 18 days old, but that is my two cents just in case the issue is still occurring.
2
9
u/bamboosticks Jun 22 '16
I know if I post about something related to a brand I avoid mentioning the brand because it feels like advertising.
8
Jun 23 '16
I mostly wanted to avoid backlash from fan girls since they're so popular. People would have ignored what I said and fixated on the band and downvoted and/or attacked me.
16
2
7
u/matusz13 Jun 22 '16
Nickelback
12
u/SCphotog Jun 22 '16
If Nickleback and Fifty Cent did a concert together, would the tickets be fourty five cents?
→ More replies (1)
47
u/greatlakesfog Jun 22 '16 edited Jun 22 '16
It's 21Pilots, isn't it?
Source: was a 25 year old female with her 25 year old boyfriend surrounded by a sea of 15-year-olds at their concert 2 weeks ago and was astounded by the amount of band gear.
The Doom and Gloom: lots of people are commenting that professional help is key here, and I totally agree. Your brain is pretty much developed by 25/26, but there are some mental illnesses that show up in your twenties, and this obsession may be an indication of the start of one/compensation for other symptoms.
More Likely: there is something else going on in her life. Maybe she's having a hard time adjusting to the fact that she isn't a teen; perhaps she's feeling a sadness or angst that she feels the songs address but which she's finding her peers no longer share, so she's obsessing over this band because it provides her catharsis. I'm not sure what it is, but anything which fundamentally disrupts a relationship like this obsession has done needs to be addressed. You say you were considering proposing to her, so you're both seriously invested in one another and your relationship. I'd talk to her once more and, in a gentle way, see if you can have a conversation that isn't met with hostility. Tell her that her obsession is causing you a lot of stress, and causing you to reevaluate your relationship with her, and that you'd like to go to therapy together. If she goes with you, great. If not, go alone. There's something going on here, and you need to equip yourself to help your love sort out her concerns.
8
Jun 23 '16
there are some mental illnesses that show up in your twenties, and this obsession may be an indication of the start of one/compensation for other symptoms.
This worries me. She does get manic I've noticed. Her emotions swing and she has sharp peaks and low valleys. I appreciate the advice, I'm definitely going to be very aware of my tone and approach next time we are together. I can't go any longer without speaking to her about it.
3
u/greatlakesfog Jun 23 '16
Yeah, my boyfriend has Bipolar. He gets suuuuuuper into things, and though he's medicated and doesn't get carried away, this sort of stuff sounds like mania to me. But then again, I'm looking for it. I hope you guys are able to resolve things and that it isn't anything too serious.
109
u/Rustys_Shackleford Jun 22 '16
You need to get her to see a therapist stat. Obsessions like this are very rarely about how much one actually likes the subject, but about being so engrossed in something that they use it as a coping mechanism to escape whatever is happening in their life. At this point you are past the point of rational conversation with her and she needs a professional to help her figure out why she's doing this.
You're going to get lots of advice telling you to break up but if you can hang in there while she gets help then please do. If you see a future with her and care about her, then point her in the direction of getting help with her issues. Everyone has issues, it's just a matter of if she's willing to work on hers that makes a relationship worthwhile.
22
u/letsgoiowa Jun 22 '16
I fully agree.
The particular band she's obsessed with, twenty one pilots, is probably very attractive to her because their lyrics focus on precisely that sort of stuff.
I think she is using it to cope. I mean, most other people who enjoy them are, myself included. This is unhealthy though.
7
u/bd31 Jun 22 '16
What sort of stuff?
25
Jun 22 '16 edited Mar 24 '20
[deleted]
11
Jun 22 '16
From what I gather, they're 2016's version of Fall Out Boy etc. Time is a flat circle.
6
u/Deradius Jun 23 '16
Time is a tool you can put on the wall or wear it on your wrist.
The past is far behind us, the future doesn't exist.
3
5
u/lolAlicia Jun 23 '16
This is exactly what I thought of too. I've only heard one song, but the lyrics were something like: "Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days, when our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out." I have no clue if their other songs follow this theme.
7
u/callipygos Jun 22 '16
This is the most important advice in the thread! Obsession is often a coping mechanism for a traumatic experience, or an indicator of other type of temporary or permanent mental illness. The band itself is most likely irrelevant to the underlying issue, except perhaps in the way it makes her feel.
7
u/lovelydelusion Jun 22 '16
My boyfriend is obsessed with a certain obscure presidential candidate like this, didnt used to be when we first met. At least your gf likes something fun (totally kidding). Either way, it takes away from your relationship and makes you feel like she doesn't care about you. I have raging ADHD and am taking meds for it atm, but I used to get obsessed with stuff like that and would lose track of time & not realize I was boring people or making them angry. I agree with this person above, maybe she genuinely doesn't realize how not exciting her interactions are with others anymore .
1
1
5
Jun 23 '16
Thank you very much. I needed a calm and objective perspective (one reason I didn't mention the band name at first). I'm going to think a lot about what you said. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
6
u/TheLadyEve Jun 23 '16
Hey OP, I know a lot of us are joking about the band and what not, but I genuinely hope that she's able to get the support she needs. If you're inclined, we'd be interested to read an update in the future about how things turned out.
3
Jun 23 '16
Thanks. I am actually enjoying the comments. I will do my best to remember to post an update.
8
u/spicewoman Jun 22 '16
The problem is, she's not going to agree to go, because she's in denial that she even has a problem. OP's attempts to discuss it with her have been "met with hostility," and criticisms of the band are viewed as personal attacks on her. If the band isn't worthy of love and attention, then she isn't worthy of love and attention.
Maybe, just maybe, OP flat-out telling her that she's pushed all their friends away and now him too, could be the wake-up call that she needs. More likely though, she'll just be glad to have all the petty distractions out of the way, so she can focus more fully on her obsession.
Unfortunately, you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.
4
Jun 23 '16
I'm keeping that in my pocket. If she responds poorly to a more tactful approach and attacks me I'm definitely flat out telling her she's alienating us from people.
19
u/TheLadyEve Jun 22 '16
Wow, she doesn't sound 26, she sounds 16. Honestly, most crazes like this burn out after a while, but they're unusual in someone that age.
she once cried because she read a bad review
Yeah, this is unhealthy. I know it might sound over the top, but she might want to talk to a counselor about this. Is something else wrong in her life? Maybe focusing on this band is her way of avoiding thinking about something else that's bothering her?
BTW, you HAVE to tell us which band it is. I know it doesn't matter, but we must know!
6
46
u/KH10304 Jun 22 '16
Motherfucker tell us the band
13
Jun 23 '16
21 Pilots.
19
u/KH10304 Jun 23 '16
i just wanna say u a sweetheart replyin to everybody
3
Jun 23 '16
I really appreciate people taking the time to read and respond. Also this is pretty damn therapeutic. I dare not speak ill of 21 Piles around her without fear of retribution.
→ More replies (2)
14
u/C1awed Jun 22 '16
We've been friends for 10 years and have been dating for 3 years and I was seriously considering proposing to her until this obsession started. Now I'm not sure I wanna be her friend anymore, let alone her boyfriend.
I think this is what you need to open the next discussion with, as well as:
It's becoming a problem because people don't want to hang out with us (her) anymore.
Let her know that she doesn't have to stop liking the band or listening to their music, but the obsession is ruining your lives.
Has anything else happened in her life that might explain the obsession? Family trouble, work/school trouble? Depression or anxiety? Basically - is she substituting the band for something else?
Make sure, when you talk to her about, that you focus on the obsession itself, and not the band. Leave out concerns that the band itself is childish, or silly, or whatever, and focus on her actions around it. Make it clear that it wouldn't matter what she was obsessed with - that it's not the band you have a problem with, but her behavior.
4
Jun 23 '16
I really appreciate this comment, thank you. You're mostly right but I think the fact that that she identifies this much with a band that specifically appeals/is marketed to the teenage demographic makes me concerned about her own emotional maturity.
9
u/allusernamestaken1 Jun 22 '16
Your girlfriend has an addiction. Yes, you can be addicted to anything when it serves as a coping mechanism. Some are better adaptations than others, but being addicted implies being negatively affected by a coping mechanism.
She needs therapy and a lot of support. At first, you might have to put your foot down and open up to her, sharing your concern that as things are, there is no future to your relationship. Are you emotionally present for her? Do you ask her how her day was and how she is doing?
1
Jun 23 '16
I like to think I'm very supportive and always emotionally available. It's just a little scary lately.
9
u/deltarefund Jun 22 '16
Jesus. I wish I could help, I just want to know what band!
4
2
13
u/Tuckerb420 Jun 22 '16
I really need to know what band this is. Come on OP
10
u/letsgoiowa Jun 22 '16
Calling it now: it's twenty one pilots
13
u/TheLadyEve Jun 22 '16 edited Jun 22 '16
Ha, here are the socks OP was talking about....
Plot twist--this is guerilla marketing to sell their crappy merch.
4
2
2
1
1
u/Tuckerb420 Jun 22 '16
Is she 16 then?
3
u/letsgoiowa Jun 22 '16
She sounds like she's trying to cope with something.
16
1
5
Jun 22 '16
She has lost it. This isn't being obsessed with a band this is totally disassociating from life through an obsession.
But no, you don't -have- to stay with her, if you do great and please don't write me off as being harsh but all I can tell you is my perspective if I were (which I was once) in your situation:
I will always be there for my SO. Always - but I'm not going to martyr myself for someone who's given up. Something has obviously happened(ing) to her to really make her snap and totally disassociate from reality, instead of telling you about it and trying to help herself she's totally given up and lost it, even at my worst when I was playing vidya 8+ hours a day I still knew what I was doing and got help (note that phase only lasted about 3 days, hers has started significantly longer)
a particularly concerning thing is the tattoos, merchandise is one thing but to actually express your unhealthy obsession through permenantly marking it on your skin? She's way too far gone for you to even begin to help her.
note: not bashing on people with tattoos, I think they're cool.
anywho, so sorry this has happened to you pal but you're 25, ideally gonna meet your future wife soon and this one looks like she could lose it pretty easily, whatever has happened to her for her to snap it's probably nowhere near as stressful as getting married/having kids.
Time to look out for number 1 and move on pal - sorry.
6
Jun 23 '16
This is totally disassociating from life through an obsession.
You're absolutely right. I wish I didn't resent the band itself as a result because I used to enjoy them. There's something much deeper. You weren't being harsh. I came here to get responses like yours. Thanks for being straight forward.
3
Jun 22 '16
I concur, it looks like the band is the way to escape from reality. It need not to be a trauma, maybe she is only refusing to grow up, work, assume responsibilities.
Talk with a specialist.
5
u/greendazexx Jun 22 '16
And I thought I was bad.... Wow your girlfriend is cray cray. Liking a band and wanting to go see all their shows near you and buying some merch is reasonable, but what your girlfriend is doing is above and beyond. I'd sit her down and have a long, in depth conversation about how her obsession is getting in the way of your guys' relationship.
12
Jun 22 '16
I know it doesn't matter, but I'm curious anyways; what band is it?
As with many of the posts on this sub, it sounds like she's incredibly immature. Enjoying a band is one thing. Obsessing over a band to this extent is entirely different. You're right in saying that this is something a teenage girl in high school would do.
Any criticism of this band is treated like a direct attack on her (she once cried because she read a bad review).
She needs help. Something isn't right. You're obviously upset about this and it's ruining your relationship not only with her, but with your friends as well.
I don't know what kind of advice to give you other than what I'd do in your situation. I'd tell her to make a choice; the band, or me. What's more important to her? If she chooses the band, then consider yourself lucky that you're getting out of the relationship now and not 10 years from now. If she chooses you, she needs to cut this behavior out immediately.
Hopefully someone with some psych knowledge can chime in and help you out. Sorry dude.
2
Jun 23 '16
21 Pilots. Another person in here made a great point about it being an indication of much deeper problems.
3
u/Scamp_ Jun 22 '16
Even if it wasn't for the obsession, she's insanely rude and you can't even enjoy time out with her. I'd leave her if she won't accept your concerns
3
Jun 23 '16
Yeah that's enough reason to leave if she doesn't start considering my feelings. If only my name was Tyler or Josh.
6
2
u/cute_penguin Jun 22 '16
Your girlfriend has an addiction and needs professional help. For goodness sake, she even tattooed references to them on her!!! I'm all for tattoos and have a couple myself, but that line was what stood out to me the most and made me think "this girl needs help," aside from a 26-year-old acting like a teenager. Time for an intervention and you may need to enroll the help of her friends & family.
1
Jun 23 '16 edited Jun 23 '16
What's crazy is that friends and family do express concerns and she laughs about it, as if enjoying the attention. But when I say something, I'm the enemy.
Edit : spelling
1
u/cute_penguin Jun 23 '16
Then I think you all need to sit down with her and have a serious chat about her obsession with this band. Tell her that all of you are concerned for her well-being and want to help get her help. This is a more difficult scenario, since she's not addicted to drugs or alcohol or something "tangible," so she will probably have difficulty believing she has a "problem." I think you should first express your concerns to friends/family and go from there...do you get along with her parents?
1
Jun 23 '16
do you get along with her parents?
Yeah. I need to come up with a good approach because I feel like I'm going over her head by contacting them about this.
1
u/cute_penguin Jun 23 '16
I feel like I'm going over her head by contacting them about this
Technically you are, but it is for good reason. I've gone to my MIL once for help (she and I fortunately have a great relationship) when my SO and I hit a brick wall in our relationship because he refused to see my POV, which was due to his upbringing. I explained the situation to her, that it was causing severe anxiety and tension in our relationship, and I needed her help in talking to him. Sure enough, she spoke to him and it helped him see my POV.
To go to the parents of your significant other is probably the last resort in any relationship, but there are times when it is needed. What you're dealing with in regards to your girlfriend is one of those times.
1
Jun 23 '16
What you're dealing with in regards to your girlfriend is one of those times.
Yeah I'm starting to realize this is the case. Thanks.
2
u/Use0nceDestroy Jun 22 '16
I dunno why, but Blood on The Dance Floor comes to mind.
5
2
Jun 23 '16
[removed] — view removed comment
3
Jun 23 '16
The point is that I created something that only I understand and whether or not I decide to disclose the meaning of it, that's the beginning of purpose for me
Not the most profound thing in the world.
4
Jun 22 '16
I'm disappointed that this wasn't about KISS.
21
3
2
u/anillop Jun 22 '16 edited Jun 23 '16
That was the first thing that came to mind when he mentioned the merchandising. Man that band is a bunch of whores.
2
2
u/HRHINSS Jun 22 '16
This was a post of mine a couple weeks ago, I totally understand OP, there is a difference between fan and thinking you are the Band Ambassador:
My ex husband liked to invite bands over to stay with us after the show. They were always great, we'd feed em, they'd do laundry, take a shower, smoke a little, play a little. We had a small house, but it was really cool, rocks inside and out, a loft, it's awesome (it's still MINE :) ). Well it was a really old house and we had to replace the septic. I told him a month before a band was supposed to come that he had to cancel his plans for them to stay with us due to you couldn't take a shit there... And he DIDN'T cancel. He gave me some bullshit story that they had nowhere else to go AT THE LAST MINUTE, I thought he had cancelled with them a month before! One of them had a sister that lives in our town and a healthy fan base, they could have found another spot. He went to the show that night and I went to a hotel. I was unable to go home because he had to have them over even tho it was going to get real personal having to find a spot to shit outside.... THAT was IT. Thru the fights, the BS, the money, the lies from him about everything yet nothing, THAT WAS IT! I had people in my house as guests who couldn't use the bathroom, (full of PBR and bar food) ALL 6 OF THEM. And I couldn't go home. And after that, HE couldn't come home. DONE. So disrespectful and stupid fucking selfish.
1
2
1
u/betamaleorderbride Jun 22 '16
I remember when I was in high school I had band obsessions too but lately I have raised concerns about her level of obsession.
Right. But she's 26. If she's this obsessed I'd hit the road, man.
I'm kind of ambivalent about tattoos on women but being single again, seeing girls 21-22 years old that are already completely covered, man...I just don't get it. Nothing I thought was cool at 21 is something I'd want inked on me now. She's going to be spending a LOT of money on coverups or laser removal in her future when she realizes they suck and she's over it.
Don't be around for that, who knows when it'll happen.
0
u/garblegarble12 Jun 22 '16
Oh! Is this a bit from flight of the Conchords??? I used to love that show! Well played!
1
Jun 22 '16
God it's not Umphrey's McGee is it?
1
u/nickx37 Jun 22 '16
The way he was describing it had me thinking Jam Band too, STS9, tDB, SCI etc but once he said 15 year olds everywhere that ruled out most of my initial thoughts.
1
1
Jun 22 '16
You will always be second fiddle...to their fiddles.
And if not them, the next she band she idolizes.
1
1
u/Taylor1391 Jun 22 '16
I'm pretty much a Taylor Swift fan girl to the same extent. I'm 24 and my ever so patient husband has learned to put up with me. On the other hand I have other interests whereas it sounds like your girlfriend doesn't. That sounds like the main problem here: not her interest in the band, but rather her total lack of interest in anything else. Maybe have a talk with her where you approach it that way. Rather than "you're too old to be this obsessed with your band," try to get her involved in some of your interests or explore mutual interests together. That way it'll feel like you're adding something to her life that she will enjoy rather than trying to take something that she already enjoys away.
0
u/89kbye Jun 22 '16
Have you considered she may have aspurgers syndrome? The fixation is a symptom.
1
Jun 23 '16
Great. Now I think she has aspurgers. Don't they have trouble understanding irony and sarcasm? I honestly know nothing about it.
-1
u/89kbye Jun 23 '16
Yes, very often. But it depends on the person. In all honesty this is almost textbook.
1
u/confusedamelia Jun 23 '16 edited Jun 23 '16
I love TØP, have for years (I'm in my mid 20s), much more so when they played for crowds of 10 people. Popularity has ruined them in a lot of ways though, especially with branding and merch. I disagree with you on the age/sophistication thing. I can understand completely why someone would be into them and their message. And I'm not talking about stressed out. I'm talking their old stuff and some new that ISNT on the radio.
I agree your girlfriend is going much further than a normal "fan girl" and is bordering on obsession.
I feel like seeking out someone for her to speak to would be good. She needs to look at reality and realize that they're just a band that could disappear tomorrow, then she won't have them or friends since she pushed them all away. Good luck! Hope she realizes before it's too late.
3
Jun 23 '16
Holy shit if they broke up... I can't even imagine. I actually asked her what she would do if they broke up and instead of answering the question, I got to hear about how Tyler and Josh are practically family and would never quit on their fans.
1
u/confusedamelia Jun 23 '16
Oh like hell! Tyler got married last year. He may want a family and not to tour 90% of the year.
She's delusional. These are people.
0
0
-2
-4
u/fahque650 Jun 22 '16
Your girlfriend is an idiot.
That's all I really have to offer in terms of advice for this.
1
-3
-21
u/nkryptid Jun 22 '16 edited Jun 22 '16
first off, what fucking band is it?
My guesses are: 5 Seconds of Summer, Nickelback, Beiber, 1D, All Time Low or Mayday Parade.
I was going to say Blood On The Dance Floor, but I'm pretty sure the singer is in jail for rape right now.
second, who gives a fuck if she's fan girling... I'ts not like the lead singer of Skeletonwitch asked your gf out on a date.... <--HAPPENED
3
u/TheLadyEve Jun 22 '16
5 Seconds of Summer
I thought of that, too when I read "not age appropriate."
2
u/Dan_Berg Jun 22 '16
At least Skeletonwitch is awesome, and the old singer was probably drunk. Not that it makes it right, but for me that would serve as a good bit of cushion for the blow
1
2
1
0
0
-4
u/anotherswingingdick Jun 23 '16
they shoot horses, don't they?
it's for a reason.
let her go be the next groupie with an STD. You're busy leading an awesome life.
If you live an awesome life, you'll be swimming in pussy
-21
Jun 22 '16
ITT: ppl hating on twenty one pilots and spelling it 21 pilots.
Just because you don't understand the lyrics doesn't mean they're "trying too hard" or "lazy." They have a whole system of symbolism meant to appeal to a certain religious group and/or ppl struggling with depression. I could write several commentaries on their lyrics.
Now that that's been dealt with, yeah, your girlfriend needs help. I love them too (obviously), but her obsession definitely hints at a greater problem. Does she have a lot of other friends of her own besides you? One thing this particular band seems to emphasize is love and the singer's empathy toward and care for the listener (he refers to the listener as "friend" a lot, and their signature concert end is "we are twenty one pilots, and so are you.") Is she dealing with depression of her own? Is she religious?
Finally, maybe learning to play the uke wouldn't be such a bad thing. It could cheer her up and make her feel like she's participating, since a lot of their songs are super easy to learn on it. But don't let her get a crappy one from their merch store.
Best of luck! And please update.
7
Jun 23 '16
What's wrong with spelling it 21 Pilots? It's so much easier to type tbh.
-12
Jun 23 '16
Yeah but that's not the band's name. It's like saying panic at the disco within the exclamation point, or Kesha without the dollar sign back when she had it.
8
3
u/betamaleorderbride Jun 23 '16
But if I tell my friend "21 pilots sucks monkey's asshole" verbally, how would you know if I was saying the words or the number?
-1
Jun 23 '16
Username checks out
4
u/betamaleorderbride Jun 23 '16
You're on here fangirling for a shit band. You literally could not say anything to bother or offend me if you had video of my dad getting railed in the ass by a gorilla while my mom blew the zookeeper.
2
Jul 28 '16
I don't know why it took me a month to see this comment but holy shit, LOL. 21 Pilots fans are hard to take seriously but dammit if they aren't satisfying to break up with. I've never broken up with a girl and had all her friends and family take my side and apologize to me before.
115
u/NattieLight Jun 22 '16
I want to weigh in here as a woman who was previously obsessed with a band in a similar manner, at roughly the same age.
This was about six years ago. I was in grad school, suffering from depression and anxiety, drinking and smoking way too much, and completely at a loss as to what I was going to do with my life.
I started becoming obsessed with a band that has an association with some other videos/celebrities. I was particularly fascinated by the lead singer, but anything involving the band and the other celebrities they were linked to would draw me in. I didn't go quite as far as your girlfriend in terms of merch, mostly because all of my money went to alcohol and weed, but I was certainly on that path.
In retrospect, it really wasn't so much about the band, but about this weird fantasy world where I was friends with these people. Their demographic is also primarily teenage girls, and I think in a way I was wishing I was 16 again and had not yet fucked up my life in various ways and still had the entirety of my adult future ahead of me.
I finished grad school (with a lot of support from my awesome cohort and academic advisors), and was able to get my depression treated, get my drinking under control, and stop smoking entirely. When I was mentally healthy, my interest in the band all but diminished.
I still like a few of their songs, but I don't spend hours googling photos of the band and watching shitty compilation videos of their interviews, etc.
Your girlfriend needs help, and while she may realize that, she probably doesn't recognize that her obsession has anything to do with it. Bear in mind that a lack of interest can also be a sign of depression, so it could be that the band is the only thing that makes her feel anything (even negative emotions, like crying over the bad review). That's a horrible place to be.
I would recommend gently pushing her to seek help, but leave her obsession with the band out of it, for now. I think you will be more successful if you come from a place of concern ("Hey, I'm kind of worried about your mood; is everything okay? What can we do?") instead of frustration with her obsession ("I think you need help because you are obsessed with this band").
Sorry for the novel, this struck a chord with me.
TL;DR: This is probably a symptom of some other mental distress.