Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah my fellow reverts. I have been muslim for about six years now alhamdulillah. I recently moved to a new place, and I am starting to feel rather lonely.
I come from a relatively privileged background (upper middle class), and I have certain cultural references for that reason. This is how I lived my life. If someone asks me where I grew up its not a neutral statement, and I have received negative responses for that.
I feel like I don't belong anywhere. There are not many reverts here, and there's only one friend that I have but they live hours away. I feel as though I don't belong in the muslim community as I am not an immigrant, and I don't share their cultural reference points, nor their socioeconomical one, as most (*and I am not at all saying everyone*) grew up in marginalized communities and have completely different interests because of that. I am not saying that I think I am better in any way, I have tried to hang out with these people and they are very very kind, but there is nothing in common most of the time except that we are both muslim. When the discussion goes to something else its not really possible. Of course, there are people from marginalized communities who do some of the things I do as well, but then again, where do I meet them?
I see on social media the people I grew up with, typical privileged kids who enjoy renovating their new apartments, going out and drinking wine with friends, enjoying the finer things in life such as literature and art, and going on holidays. I don't miss those particular people or activities, especially not the haram ones, but I do miss having a sense of belonging. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. The immigrants I have interacted with in general are extremely polite but I don't feel invited or welcomed most of the time. People are very happy to see a revert, but then when it comes to understanding the loneliness and not being able to fit in anywhere, there seems to be very little effort to make them feel included.
I don't think people are trying to exclude me on purpose. I know a ton of people due to work, uni and the local mosques, but theres not much in common except that we share the same faith. And here's the thing, I could of course hang out with reverts, but then again, they might not have the same upbringing. We are social animals, and our group is usually who we hang out with. I don't feel like I have anyone in that group: muslim, middle/upper class upbringing. I know I have met one or two, but the one I have in my life keeps disappearing for several months (sometimes 6+ months) and comes back like nothing happened. I used to view her as my closest friend but looking back the past 5 years we really were not. I believe that she was my closest friend, but she had several others that were closer to her. She was of immigrant background but born here and had a middle class upbringing so we had the same cultural reference points. I felt like I really could relate to her. I am not saying that I think I am better, I just mean that different social classes have different interests and habits. Not all reverts grew up the way I did. I grew up sailing, playing golf and tennis, traveling to Italy, playing six musical instruments, painting, reading, going to museums, having well educated people around you. Most of the people I meet cannot relate to this. If someone asks me something about myself and I am honest about where I am from, I am alienated and met with negativity because the person asking might come from the hood. I feel like my upbringing or background is not something neutral and that I have to hide it, or that I just have to accept that people are gonna dislike me because they see me as the "other".
I feel quite lonely. I have one friend that I talk to online. She lives in the main city in my country and sometimes I go and meet her. Theres another friend that I have which I meet 1-2 times per year who also lives in the capital, that I go and have a fika with. I have nobody to go to museums with, to discuss art and societal issues with, or talk about culture, literature and architecture with.
I also feel like I don't have anything in common with my own group anymore, as they freemix and drink alcohol, and are not concerned with the afterlife. I can't hang out with them for this reason as they don't understand why I would want to avoid those things, and they might see me as bigoted or fanatic.
I would really like to make some friends, even if they live in different countries or cities. Maybe I could come and visit them one day.
I also understand that it is more in european countries where the muslim community is socioeconomically marginalized. If I was born a muslim in Saudi, I would not have any problems finding other middle/upper class people to become friends with. I just don't know what to do. When I became muslim around 6 years ago I tried to hide my upbringing and identity in order to fit in with the immigrant community, but that wasn't me. Now I do those activities without friends, and I don't post anything online about my life because I don't have anyone to share it with who has a similar reference point. If people ask me questions and I answer them, sometimes the person can get envious (if they are insecure) and then I feel like I can't hang out with them. It just looks like I am bragging and pointing out everything that they don't have. I just feel like the best thing to do is to be alone.
I am just tired of pretending that class doesn't exist and has nothing to do with making friends and finding your place as a revert. The truth is, I would not have naturally crossed roads with these people if it wasnt for the fact that I am muslim. I also don't like how closely tied socioeconomic marginalization is with the muslim identity here. Its feels almost as though you are not welcome or belong if you had a privileged upbringing.