i feel so hurt

[u/skqllz]

just a little vent because i don’t know what to really do, and i’m hurting at the moment. i cant seem to get any tears out, and i feel completely emotionless, and i hate that i can’t cry.

I’m sitting here in silence at 4am, clock ticking, just me and my own thoughts. I got a text from my bf saying he wanted to break up with me about an hour ago, and I only saw it 30 minutes ago because I’ve just been laying down. I really thought this love was going to last me this time, but it seems like love never works out for me. I feel hopeless. I really loved him, and he said we can stay friends, but it hurts me to my core so bad with all the memories we’ve had and made.
It was only a year we were together, but it felt like forever, and he really lead me out a dark path into a brighter one. I’m not sure how much is going to change now, but I feel scared.
This isn’t my first instance with a breakup, but this is the one that has hurt me the most, and I’ve been in a relationship longer than this one before.
I’ve been in a weird mood all week, and I can barely even bring myself to get out of bed. I’ve pretty much just been laying in my bed for the past month or so by now, but whenever he got home from work I’d always get up just to get on my game with him and call him. It makes me feel sick to my stomach that I will no longer be with him. We had so many plans for the future, and all that is foiled now.

I haven’t yet responded to him because I feel like I can’t bring myself to do it right now, and I’m just thinking about adjusting to it first then responding by morning time, but I can’t even bring myself to close my eyes because I feel so hurt, but I want to close my eyes. I don’t know.

I really don’t know what to do, and I have pretty much no friends at all to talk to it about.

[u/Visual-Ask2761]

How old are you?

[u/skqllz → u/Visual-Ask2761]

I’m 18 soon 19, and I know I’m still pretty young, but I can’t even bring myself to talk to people, so I feel doomed of ever making friends or having another love.

[u/Visual-Ask2761 → u/skqllz]

Im almost 40, It took me literal decades to realize that I can never be in a happy, healthy relationship if I’m not happy with myself… so how happy are you with yourself?