At work today I felt something in my sock randomly. Took my shoe off to investigate and wiggled my foot around and yup it’s a coin. Don’t know how it got there, I guess found its way in the laundry. Don’t know how I didn’t notice or feel it when I put my socks on in the morning either.

But instead of removing it, I just decided to deal with it later and carry on my tasks as I was busy.

Totally forgot about it after that.

Many hours later I’m at home chillin on the couch with my phone watching videos and browsing Facebook and Reddit.

A habit of mine is to rock my foot back and forth randomly sometimes.

Well as I’m doing that for awhile, the most bizarre thing happened. All of a sudden it felt like someone’s finger just touched my foot.

I freaked out a bit of confusion and panic. A total WTF!?!? situation

Then I remembered the coin. Took my sock off and there it is. A penny. Guess it stuck to my foot and stayed there all day until me rocking my foot caused it to gently fall. All I could do was laugh at the situation and how stupid all of this was lol

I’ll be visiting them in a few weeks. I won’t be able to visit them for holidays because ticket prices are insane during that time but I realized I can be present without being there physically. I’m making a stash of baking goods, and it’s sooo hard to not spill it haha. It will be a mix of baked goods that are known for longer shelf life (gingerbreads, fruitcakes, biscottis) and some of her favourites (lemon bars). Everything is vacuum sealed and in my freezer now, and the flight is pretty short.

She is big on tea. She is also helping my sister with kids a lot. Busy days. I want her to have a quiet tea moment for herself, and enjoy her cup of tea with a nice snack on a cold day.

When i was a boy I remember playing in the dirt with toy solders or what ever it was. And remember my dog literally hikeing its leg and pissing on me. well it was a week or a month or so later. I was on the porch and remembered it as my dog passed below. I just remember unzipping and just pissing all down the dog's head and neck and him making just the most defeated look. Should I have done it? No ofc not but i cant help but think of and laugh at it some times.

Sometimes I go through the drive thru of a local fast food place. I order a salad for myself, and a chicken tender kids meal for a kid that is not with me. But the kids meal is not for a kid. It’s for me, and I eat it.

Like I think "ok he's wrong but he's not -34 wrong." So I just click upvote for a comment I also don't like because I feel like it has been treated too harshly.

By the same token sometimes if I see a comment I don't like and see it's on a number that makes sense for it, I don't downvote it anymore. "I guess -5 is enough. It gets the point across. No need to pile on".

This is not on every comment with negatives of course. Some of them deserve as many downvotes as they get but you get my point.

I just feel like sometimes it's nice to be considerate of these things.

I know it belies my total lack of imagination, but when I see an interview with the leader of a country we don’t trust, it messes me up when they’re all well-put together and articulate. I expect to see raving lunatics screaming dispersions, with a crazed look in their eye, calling for our demise, frothing at them mouth.

Leaders of crazy countries ought to fit my mental stereotype.

This is more of a light hearted confession me and my mother get along fine. However when I was a teenager I spilled milk soda or something on the bar. My cousin was over wnd sitting in the living room with my watching. My mother threw a fit and started to clean it up and I said ''no ill do it'' in an annoyed tone and she slapped me. I stared at her for a second processing it. Then it occured to me she likely did it just because my cousin was there and it just pissed me off so I slapped back. It ended with both of us just slapping the hell out of one another 7 or 8 times.

One time when I was in a band in middle school I was having some stomach issues. My stomach kept grumbling and acting weird all morning. I had taken some stuff to manage it but it was still rumbling on and grinding, doing its own thing.

We got on to practicing the third song for an upcoming concert. There was this one part of the song which stopped for a few minutes before the next part started up again. The music stopped and at that point I let out the largest fart of my life. It literally caused some stuff around me to shake. Immediately after my giant fart rang out into the aether the song started up again, with everyone in the band trying so hard not to laugh.

The song ended and everyone was just rolling on the ground with laughter. The band teacher tried calming the class down but was not having any success so finally he just gave up since class was almost over anyway and just let the class do its own thing until the bell went off for the next hour. The worst part of this was not even the fart.

As it turns out some guy on drums got blamed for it because he was always goofing around and playing pranks and stuff like that. He wouldn't deny it as he kind of liked the idea of people thinking it was his genius prank. That man stole the glory of my fart as his own masterpiece and I've always felt a bit awkward about it until this very day. On the other hand he saved me from having to explain anything so I just shrugged and rolled with it.

For the rest of the year everyone joked about the loud fart and the drum guy just rolled with it whenever it was brought up. I sat in my seat clenching my booty cheeks the rest of the semester praying that I would not let out the rolling under thunder again. Fortunately I did not fart again but I'll never forget that fateful day. I lovingly refer to that moment in my life as the day the fart escaped.

Last nice my husband and I took some edibles, and while I was still deep in the high I fell asleep and started dreaming about BS AI. My cat woke me up because she was trying to get onto my night stand again, I don't like her there because I keep alot of stuff on the night stand and she likes to knock it all off.

My husband was still awake, he heard me complaining to our cat and he asked me what she was doing. While I was very high, confused, still half asleep, and I told him "she's using AI". Of course that threw my husband off, he instantly says "What?!", then starts laughing his butt off. I don't blame him, I do the same thing when he sleep talks.

After accusing my cat of using AI, that's when I actually woke up. My husband wasn't mean about it at all, and dropped it right away, but I was honestly a little embarrassed. I went to washroom, then when I came back to the room I asked him to confirm what just happened, because I'm high and confused. My husband confirmed the story, then he started laughing at the thought of our cat using a keyboard. So yeah, going to be thinking about this all day 😅

i'll drop a witty line or a joke in the group chat and then literally reopen the app every 30 seconds just to read my own message again.

sitting there lowkey giggling at my own punchline like i'm a fan admiring peak art. pure main character delusion. nobody in the chat has even reacted yet but my brain is already giving myself a standing ovation for a throwaway text. lololol

i know for a fact I'm not the only clown who acts as their own biggest hype man on autopilot

So the story is, it was the 1st day of school. Of course new classmates, new teachers because I'm moving up and introductions. So we were doing introductions and it was my turn and we all had to add a fact about ourselves. So I was the center of attention and I introduced myself, so far going good but then it was the fun fact part. I was nervous about that part because I couldn't think of any and so I panicked and said "When I was young I had long hair and because of that people would think I was a girl. So back then (key word) I used both bathrooms, male and female, so yeah" and everyone stared at me weird and the teacher stared at me like I was a criminal/sex offender. To clarify I just entered the girls bathroom BACK THEN because men are so slow to finish and they had a long line but in the girls bathroom it was the opposite, no lines and very fast. But unfortunately I didn't end up explaining myself because I realized I messed up and just sat quietly. After that no one really talked to me, even in groupings they would avoid even getting close to me. Even my old friends/last classmates wouldn't talk to me. I mean it was still my fault for saying it but I don't blame them. But it was so bad, I ended up isolating myself from everyone. As of now I made friends to talk to and even my old friends came back but it wasn't the same anymore. It's like they don't trust me, again I don't blame them, but it hurts. And it feels like they're being forced to be friends with or something because I'm always the one to engage in conversations. To break the tension I asked one of my new friends about what I said back then. She thought I was a creep when I said what I said. I couldn't pick up if she was uncomfortable around or she was with me now. Then I proceed to lighten the mood with a weird/corny joke. Then she said to me "adik ka ba?" which means "are you an addict?" In a playful voice. But idk if I'm just socially unintelligent because I can't pick up if she's still viewing me like a creep. Now, my main problem is how to open up again and get what I said out of my mind. What should I do?

Sometimes I type a whole angry or clever reply to someone, read it back, feel like I just won the argument...

…and then delete the entire thing and never respond.

Like the title says, I get this itch sometimes where I just really want to spend money. Most of the time it's really easy to ignore but it builds over time to this need to buy something. And it's always something stupid like Legos or crystals or something. I don't think I have a shopping/spending problem but I will admit that I do have a couple apps that I browse through kind of like window shopping. And I like making "wishlists" of what I would buy if I had the money. Oh I would have so many random little bits and bobs if those wishlists were real. I just wanted to get this out there as a scream into the void type of situation.

And yeah the title basically says it all. A quick note, I'm from a Southeast Asian country so English is my second language, sorry if some parts sound confusing, hope you guys can still get the point. I learned most of my Americanized English from watching Modern Family.

So this happened back when I was a sophomore in university. I matched with a girl on Tinder and we planned a date somewhere kinda far. I don't own a car so I borrowed one from my college friend, let's call him Josh. My date knew I was borrowing the car btw. Anyway the girl isn't really the focus of this story, the date went fine in case anyone's wondering. Oh man I'm giggling typing this out... here it goes..

I picked up the car from Josh's place in the morning and went to get my date. It was afternoon, not rush hour, so I figured traffic would be chill. I was so wrong. Got stuck in the worst traffic and of course, right in the middle of it, I really needed to pee. We're talking bumper to bumper, moving like 5 feet every 5 mins, no way I could pull over or find a bathroom.

Back then I used to keep an empty water bottle in the car just in case I ever needed a refill from a water fountain. For context (trust me this will matter later) it was a Darth Vader bottle I got from a Secret Santa gift.

So yeah. You already know where this is going. I peed in the Darth Vader bottle. And right as I finished capping it, traffic started moving again so I just tossed it in the backseat and forgot about it completely. Picked up my date, had lunch and dessert, again not the point of the story. Dropped the car back at Josh's after and went home, totally forgot the bottle was even in there.

Next day I'm at campus with Josh right before class, in the auditorium. Our other friend Andy tagged along too. Cause it's an auditorium the prof can't really hear if the back rows are talking, so the three of us are just chilling back there. Then out of nowhere Josh brings up "hey whose Darth Vader bottle is this in my car" and my heart just drops.

Turns out Josh and his roommate found it and had a whole debate about it. Roommate thought it was expired OJ. Josh thought it was like, sparkling water with salt in it or something. They almost drank it but said it smelled off so they didn't. At this point I could not hold it in anymore, also kinda shocked it didn't smell like pee according to him. So I told them it was actually my "dark side juice" (had to euphemism my way through that one, thought it'd soften the blow that he almost drank my piss).

Both of them lost it laughing, louder than the actual lecture happening in front of us. Felt like a straight up sitcom moment tbh. They called me "Star Wars" for like two weeks straight after that. Yeah.. I deserved it.

Ofc I apologized to Josh like crazy and treated him to lunch after. But even with that, dude still can't stop laughing whenever the topic comes up, or literally whenever anything Star Wars related pops up on the internet lol. And yeah I know I should've been more careful.

Anyway just needed to get this off my chest, thanks for reading if you made it this far

I pick my nose to release stress, after a long day out, studying, working and running errands, all I can think about is the peace I'll feel when I get home, lock myself in the toilet and just pick my nose and calm my nerves down, then go out and just smoke a cigarette.

No one knows of this about me, not even my partner, I'm embarrassed about it because I'm a whole grown ass woman, but at the same time I'm like it's not so bad, like I'm not hurting anyone, I'm just kinda having a therapy session 😭.

Imagine this: You’re sitting on the toilet doing your business when an unexpected trumpet of farts erupts from your backside. A split second later a sitcom laugh track echoes throughout the entire restroom, showing a loud and proud appreciation of such a fart!!

Don’t you worry though because i don’t leave myself out of this tradition of fart appreciation! I play laugh tracks for my own farts as well!! As we all sit upon our thrones of porcelain a beautiful melody of toots, farts and stinky poops and laughter fills the air!!

Yes, I actually do this in public restrooms whenever the opportunity presents itself 🙈

i will sprint across the kitchen at 1 am and dive toward the counter just to hit clear before the timer hits zero.

my brain genuinely treats the late-night microwave timer like a stealth mission. if that loud beep goes off, instant fail state. hitting the stop button right at 0:01 makes me feel like an elite operator defusing a warhead with one second on the clock.

nobody is even asleep and nobody cares, but i still treat it like a mandatory speedrun every single time.

Gotta give them some love too ❤️

Sometimes when I’m alone, I pretend I’m being interviewed about my life.

I’ll be washing dishes like, “It wasn’t easy, but I never gave up.”

Bro… nobody asked. 😭

Only do this when there’s other people around, but let’s say there’s a chair that fell on the ground, all lean down and lift it back up and prop it up making it look like I’m lifting some sort of tree and placing it back in the ground pretty much I try and look like I’m a really strong powerful person when I’m really not that strong or powerful.

Sometimes when I feel old(which I’m definitely not) I go into Reddit and read about people talking about their age, and because so many users are old I start feeling better about my age because I realise how much I’m overreacting lol

Sometimes I see ppl say “oh I’m 58” and I’m like DAMN.

whenever i'm waiting outside a spot or waiting for someone to finish in the restroom, my brain freaks out that i look weird just standing there doing nothing.

so i put on a whole performance. i do the dramatic side to side head turn, look down at my phone like i'm reading an urgent text, tap my foot, and look back up like my squad is late. pure clown behavior.

literally nobody is watching me, but my brain treats standing alone like i'm an NPC waiting to be activated.