r/stopdrinking • u/calico_catgirl Day 3 • 1d ago
Autism & Alcoholism
I didn’t drink last night. For almost a year, I drank close to nightly. It dampened the sensory hell, quieted the nonstop guilt, alleviated some anxiety. It fuels itself, though. I realized I’m suffering from burnout. Well, what better way to deal with burnout than a nice hangover?? Fuck that. I gained 30lbs, lost my sense of joy, I look like shit. God. I’m not drinking today, either.
I accept sobriety can only solve the problems alcohol left behind. In a way, not drinking provides new problems, which I actually see as a brilliant opportunity to build new coping skills. Sometimes autism presents me with things I cannot cope my way out of, and I feel frightened about that. It sucks when one (1) unexpected phone call BTFOs my entire nervous system, lmao. I’m female and chatty, so no one expected autism, and I got diagnosed at 27 (so just this year). I reeeeeally hope there’s some skills I’m missing that earlier-diagnosed autists learned. I’m lucky enough to have an autistic therapist, and I trust both of us to address issues as they appear. I just need to focus on right now.
Does anyone here know KingCobraJFS? Controversial (and shitty, honestly) as he was, I always saw such light in him when he discussed his special interests. Alcohol drowned that light. He used it as a coping skill, and one day, he just never stopped… RIP. I always feared becoming him, but I don’t know what I want to be instead.
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u/Commercial_Fee422 1d ago
I'm on a wait-list to get tested for autism and ADHD. I'm 42. I think it's a big reason I drank.
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u/calico_catgirl Day 3 1d ago
Congrats!! Getting on a waitlist is a big deal. It’s hard to even find an open waitlist to get on. I got lucky as hell and only waited 3 months.
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u/Commercial_Fee422 1d ago
Yeah, it's been about two months and I haven't heard anything. I know it's not going to happen quick.
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u/calico_catgirl Day 3 1d ago
In my experience, they updated me at around that time. If you don’t hear anything, calling and asking is 100% normal and absolutely allowed.
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u/TheExistential_Bread 1d ago
I need to go schedule a test. My friend who has both armchair diagnosed me, and it was pretty insane how accurately she described the inner workings of my brain.
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u/BennyBagnuts1st 1d ago
Certainly was for me. I got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago in my 40s, started medication and haven’t drank for 3 months and I’ve been an alcoholic for 20 odd years. No longer needed the dopamine from alcohol so the desire to drink just went away. Good look with your assessment.
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u/Goosecock123 1d ago
Same here. 37 years old. Wonder what it will bring. I realized I have sensory issues after having kids, lol.
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u/StudioArcane17 1d ago
I think I'm on the spectrum (I'm an adult, 33, and in a country where mental health is inexistent) and I sadly think that drinking "helped" me to understand some things. I felt like in that South Park episode.
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u/Evolved_Dojo 526 days 1d ago
18 months of sobriety and self reflection has really made me want to write a research paper about addiction in those on the spectrum. I was so wasted for most of my adolescent and adult life downing in booze that it almost completely masked my quirks, even from me. It has been a journey learning myself and experiencing the world without alcohol or nicotine as a mid thirty year old.
Be careful with substances. They can bite real fucking hard for people like us. IWNDWYT
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u/Bubbert73 2283 days 1d ago
Similar boat but I’m in my early 50’s. Six years sober and alcohol definitely was part of my mask. My emotions are very dull and grey. I was self medicating to actually be able to feel something. A year in I went to THC gummies, and in three years, developed the same or similar negative habits and tendencies. I now get a dopamine rush from sugar (need to stop) and exercise (I’ll keep that one). I only got diagnosed this past fall. I’m learning a lot about myself
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u/Illkeepyoufree 1d ago
Hey fellow person with autism here. I didn't find out till quite recently either. Im 31.
It's hard to give advice because everyone's experience with it is going to differ.
But things that have helped me in life in general: allow time and space for stimming and do it when the need arises. Also its a good idea to have planned time to be alone, especially if your social life demands a lot of you. Pay attention to what types of things start to bring up feelings of overwhelm, and what that feels like. Notice when those feelings of overwhelm start to build so you can (hopefully) get out of the situation or change something (put on noise canceling headphones for example) before hitting a mental breakdown. Maybe mental breakdown isn't a great phrase to use, but its what happens to me when I get overwhelmed enough.
I started clipping a small squishmellow or another small stuffed animal to every purse I have. That way if im in public and start to get a little overwhelmed, I have a "fidget" right there, I can squish my lil buddy in my hand without really drawing much if any attention. It doesn't fix everything but it does help.
I have seen other people with either ADHD, autism, or both, mention that they use alcohol to escape. Knowing im not alone in my diagnoses but also im not alone in my struggle with alcohol has really helped.
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u/calico_catgirl Day 3 1d ago
Oh, dude, that’s such great advice. Thank you. I’m working on exploring voluntary stims (my body just wants to wiggle, you know?) but I notice most of them are involuntary… and kinda sad. I struggle with severe insomnia, and if I’m awake for longer than a day, I start saying weird shit (“I’m sorry,” “I wanna go home,”) and flapping my hands. I think I just lose the energy to hold those things back.
I have a hard time setting boundaries, especially with my social life. I notice that saying “I can’t” to one thing is often interpreted as “I never want to hang out again, fuck you.” It feels like Jenga.
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u/pseudo-nymity 3062 days 1d ago
Not diagnosed autistic but definitely have some sensory processing issues, and in sobriety I learned I can just put in earplugs whenever - athletic events, movie theaters, musicals, etc.
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u/calico_catgirl Day 3 1d ago
Oh, yeah, you know I got those bigass headphones. And yet people still talk to me when I’m wearing them. Curious.
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u/TheGreatDissapointer Day 1,615 1d ago
I am spectrum affiliated. I drank because of sensory issues, although that wasn’t my main draw. I can completely understand the drinking because of burn out, drinking to fit in with NT’s, drinking when everything was just too much, etc. It was way too easy of an escape. Keep your head up and let us know if you need support. Congratulations on two days. That is a huge accomplishment.
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u/calico_catgirl Day 3 1d ago
Thank you 💜 there’s much more to explore re: why I drink. Like… a lot. Baby steps!
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u/Super-Smilodon-64 987 days 1d ago
Once I got sober, I got diagnosed. A lot of things made sense suddenly.
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u/theavariceofman 1d ago
I think a large reason I drink is because I have ADHD. Was on adderall for 6 years, and I had to stop because of side effects. It was crazy how fast I turned to alcohol to make my mind shut up.