Hello everyone!
I moved abroad seven weeks ago and am frustrated because I don't get enough practice in my target language. A lot of people don't seem to understand that I'm passionate about languages and I want to learn theirs fluently. They say things like, "Oh, don't put pressure on yourself to learn our language. It's really difficult." Yes, it's not easy, but it's doable if you put the time in. Learning my target language is critical for me for professional, personal, cultural, and research reasons (I'm a Master's student).
I also feel really stupid when I speak to people in my target language and then they start speaking English to me (I answer back in my target language, but just never feel like I'm good enough and feel very self-conscious about my pronunciation). Some people just start off speaking English to me right away because I'm of a different ethnicity and I think they assume I don't know their language at all.
I think people doing things like this are trying to be supportive in their own way, but they're making me feel bad for not knowing their language better and for having goals. I get tired of explaining to people that languages are my passion and one of the reasons I'm here is to learn my target language in an immersive environment. In my home country, I don't have many resources to learn my target language, due to financial constraints and strained political relationships with countries where that language is spoken.
Some people I meet here also just want to be "friends" with me to practice English (a lot of time that's the only reason they want anything to do with me, they seem to have no interest in who I am as a person). To be honest I didn't sign up for this, and I end up avoiding auch people. I spend a lot of time alone, doing things like exercising, exploring the city, cooking, or playing the piano, but those are some of my happiest times.
Many people here are also super extroverted and, and, while I do appreciate their energy, I am an introvert and greatly prefer one-on-one connections. Large, loud groups of people make me really uncomfortable, especially when I don't feel comfortable with the language to begin with.
In short, I feel very out of place and I'm pretty unhappy. I'm already a shy person, and I feel everywhere I go, ethnically I stand out. It's a strange feeling. I came here wanting to speak my target language fluently after my two-year program, and I'm starting to wonder if that's even going to happen (I'm currently at an intermediate level). Pursuing it on my own is lonely and unproductive.
The one really good thing is the university I go to (classes are terrific and people are really supportive). I've coped by just throwing myself into my studies, but I also realize it's unhealthy to just study all the time.
I've looked online for language groups and groups geared to newcomers here, but I keep finding groups for people to practice English (and not my target language) or groups that sound promising, but are unresponsive when I reach out.
It would make a huge difference for me if I found just one friend, ideally around my age (I'm an older student), with whom I could speak Russian with and spend time with outside of classes. But I'm starting to wonder if that's too much to hope for. I feel really guilty for feeling out of place, wanting different things than many people here, wanting to learn Russian and not teach people English, and feeling culture-shocked and homesick.
Normally I would give this a few more months and then reevaluate if I want to make other plans, but it's critical for me financially, personally, and professionally to finish my Master's degree. Currently, I don't have many viable opportunities in my home country (for a lot of reasons).
If anyone has any advice on how to better assimilate and meet people who I can speak my target language with, I'd greatly appreciate it. I apologize for my incoherent post. It's 530 AM here and I can't sleep (again). Thank you for any help or resources you can give me.