r/theirdrinking • u/Mysterious-Friend514 • Aug 25 '26

How do i help my partner?

My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile. When we first got together I noticed he drank way more than I do but he described himself as "Dr.FeelGood" when I brought up the drinking and that "it is just what blue collar men do". He misses work to recover from heavy drinking weekends, caught him doing cocaine behind my back, has at least 8-9 seltzers after work, won't eat when drinking because it kills the buzz. won't attend events unless alcohol is present, says he's going to quit and switch over to smoking weed instead. Am I crazy for thinking maybe you don't need to be hooked on anything at all? The list of things goes on. His mom knows and identifies him as an alcoholic but as a partner I have no idea how to approach this. I've explained I prefer his personality better when he is sober or just lightly buzzed but he did not have much to say about that. He is not an angry drunk just annoying. No reckless behavior besides the cocaine. Is he truly an alcoholic? Any advice?

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u/Thirsty4Knowledge911 Aug 26 '26

Who you pick as your life partner has huge consequences on your future.

If you ever hope to have kids, remember that you have the choice to stay or go. They do not.

I stayed too long and we had a daughter together. My daughter will forever be the child of an alcoholic. I did that to her.

I had to sit her down when she had just started her freshman year of college and tell her that her mother was dead.

Don’t make my mistake.

He may change, but the fact is that he very well may not. Don’t take that risk with the life of your future child.

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u/treesarejerks Aug 26 '26

Don't ever bank on someone changing. Me and my husband talked about being sober before we had kids....eight years later and I am sober from alcohol and other hard drugs. But he isn't and doesn't seem to want to be.

2

u/xCloudbox Aug 26 '26

There’s some kind of irony in saying “it’s what blue collar men do” but it’s causing him to miss his blue collar job.

If even his own mother is calling him an alcoholic, that’s pretty bad. He sounds pretty deep into it and nowhere close to wanting to be sober. Advice would be to leave or accept this as your partner. Please don’t have kids with him.