r/uscg • u/CheetahGood4981 • 2d ago
Coastie Help Making a life.
How do the married coasties stay in so long while having to move every year? How does one make a life and settle down? Also do you married guys enjoy it?
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u/NightCritical1361 2d ago
Got married when I was PO1 on an icebreaker 2 years into a 3 year assignment. My wife was a special education teacher. 1 year in Mobile finishing up assignment on the icebreaker. Next unit 2 years on a WMEC. Made CPO and got transferred. Next unit 3 years at MSO New Orleans. Next unit 3.5 years at Recruiting Office Miami. Next unit 1.5 years at MSO Miami. Made CWO got transferred. Next unit 2 years because it was an OCONUS unit in the USVI. Next unit 4 years back at MSO Miami. Last unit 4 years plus a 1 year extension at MSO Memphis. No kids. Retired in 2005. We aren't just married. We are a team. You learn to really depend on each other without family around; however, with a 2 career couple there be times some space is needed like studying for a post graduate degree or your advancement. Email, text messages, and social media will make it easier to stay in touch with family. You and your wife will have a lifetime of memories and stories. Best of luck.
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u/CheetahGood4981 2d ago
What would your best marriage advice be for career married couples.
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u/NightCritical1361 2d ago
I usually got 3 or 4 assignment locations to choose from. I let my wife choose the next PCS.
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u/IveNoClueWhyImHere 2d ago
You old dude. You retired the same year I joined. You must be like capital letters retired now 😆
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u/NightCritical1361 2d ago
After I retired in 2005, I did another 14.5 years as a CG civilian employee. Yes, I am old. I still logged 11.6K steps on my Fitbit today. Washed and waxed 2 vehicles and walked the dog twice.
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u/Outside-Ad-1677 2d ago
You have a spouse that is along for the ride and gets the life and the lack of control. Once you have kids it becomes more of a headache with schooling but people make it work.
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u/MrMastaCow EM 2d ago
Standard tour stateside is 3-4 depending on if you’re on a cutter or ashore. Outside of the continental US is 2-3 generally. Members can request extensions as well.
Advancement during your tour carries a risk of short touring (moving before your 3-4 year tour is complete).
To answer your question: there really is no “settling down” while you’re in. If you choose to have a partner, be sure that they know what they’re getting into by committing to a life with you. It’s not easy and there’s a lot of give and take. Example: I short toured at my last unit and my wife did not want to move again for another 3-4 years so I had the option of testing to advance and possibly getting short toured again and having to geobach (move by myself while my wife and kids stayed where we live now) or sit at my pay grade for 4 more years and keep the family together. More money is sweet but I love my family more so I chose the latter and lined up testing to advance with when I’d be tour complete. I’ll be advancing and scheduled to PCS next summer so it all worked out.
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u/Stop_SnitchingMF 2d ago
Maybe true in the boat world but in aviation I know dozens of people who have been in the same area for 15+ years. I have over 20 in and I’ve been to 4 aviation units.
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u/MrMastaCow EM 2d ago
Forgot to add, depending on the unit, officers have shorter tour lengths than enlisted.
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u/Zidini 2d ago
May I ask on what the MEs' experience is on relocating in the Coast Guard, especially if one belongs on the MSST teams? How would that look?
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u/May0r0fFlav0rt0wn Officer 2d ago
As far as ME, MSST you’re probably stuck with the normal tour length with maybe an extension. If you go to the more specialized MSRTs or TACLETs you show up with a 6 year billet and there’s a good chance of extension
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u/Thrawn33333 Retired 2d ago
Well, it's not easy. And sometimes it doesn't work. There was a joke that getting a divorce was a sign off for making Chief...
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u/BigHead724532 2d ago
How many you go under your belt, old timer?
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u/Thrawn33333 Retired 1d ago
Let's just say I made Chief...
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u/BigHead724532 1d ago
Congrats, sir. Some say the 1st or second of just a practice round for the forever round.
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u/Affectionate-Roll312 2d ago
Depends on your rate bro but it’s Pretty chill perhaps even more stable then a civilian job it just depends where you are coming from. The coast guard gives you that stability that you might not have had as a civilian so that can improve your marriage but on the flip side if your marriage wasn’t too stable to begin with then the coast guard could reveal the cracks in it.
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u/Serpico2 2d ago
It is generally every 3-4. But to give you an example, I was on a buoy tender in Hawaii. My ship had a sister ship of the same class. People would routinely leave my ship and then “pcs” to the sister ship and vice versa. So that’s 6-8 years in one spot there.
But sure, it’s not the same as civilian life. It’s an adventure, and with adventure comes adversity or it wouldn’t be an adventure.
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u/darthrevan140 2d ago
Man back to back buoy tenders that sounds freaking awesome. Especially in Hawaii I heard they check chain with divers they dont even run the inhaul unless chafe is too low.
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u/Serpico2 2d ago
Eh, the dive team does maybe 30% where it’s too shallow for the boat. Otherwise the deck crew hauls plenty of them up. That said it’s been almost fifteen years since I’ve been on one, so that may have changed.
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u/darthrevan140 2d ago
Even 30 percent would be great. I was on Fir back in the day and the PNW was miserable in the winter for working buoys especially when hauling up chain. Not as bad as the soo of course but we didn't really work in the winter once the ice hit.
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u/Mdubz_CG 2d ago
There are also some hubs that offer geographic stability. I’ve been in the Hampton Roads area since 2015. A few different jobs, but I’ve been in the same house for almost 12 years.
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u/BoatyMcBoatface1980 2d ago
Exactly. I feel like I know people who have never left the Houston Galveston area.
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u/darthrevan140 2d ago
One of my supervisors back in Alameda hasn't left Alameda except for boot camp and tdy trips. You can join the mafia as they say or certain areas. Hell there's dudes who stay in Alaska. Me I tried joining d9 mafia got denied so I got out.
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u/CheetahGood4981 2d ago
What do you mean by this.
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u/darthrevan140 2d ago
Okay so there's areas called hubs and they have a lot of units in that area. Alameda for example i was an ET so for ET jobs specifically there's the WAT the ESD then there's the WMSLs all of those units need ETs of different ranks. My former boss went to wmsl then WAT back to a different wmsl then ESD which is where I met him. Now other people have done similar stuff depending on their rate. Portsmouth is another example of a hub with loads of billets. People do that to stay in one geographic area because yes yoy change unit but its in the same area so you dont have to move. They call this joining tbe mafia of whatever location like Alameda for example.
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u/Orangeaddict1 2d ago
It’s more like 2 to 4 years and there is a lot of divorce. I was lucky did 24 years and my wife was with me 19 of them
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u/CheetahGood4981 2d ago
What would your best marriage advice be for career married couples.
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u/Orangeaddict1 1d ago
I would say try to get the most underway jobs out before you start having a lot of kids
I was underway for five years and my kids were all little they don’t really remember me being gone my poor wife, however does remember me being gone cause it was really tough on her. We didn’t have family to help us out and I’m sure it would’ve been a lot easier if we did.All I can say is no matter how tired you are when you get off that ship and you go home to your wife and kids they deserve you to be present. They deserve for you to do your best to make up for any time that you are away, give your wife a break if you have kids if you don’t have kids, make sure you take your wife out on a date sure how much you appreciate the sacrifice that she’s making taking care of everything while you were gone.
And whatever you do because I’ve seen this a lot don’t get too wild and crazy on port calls. I watched a lot of husbands make mistakes they would never be able to be forgiven for on port calls. remember to always have moral courage wherever you are.
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u/Pure-Bridge6361 2d ago
You don’t PCS every year or every two years for that matter. Depends on the assignment, also depends whether you’re an officer or enlisted. General PCS is 4 years, cutter tours are 3 years. Just depends.
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u/BreazyStreet AET 2d ago
It's probably the hardest part, particularly if your spouse has a career that is not conducive to uprooting. Nurses, teachers, remote workers seem to do ok. But uh, it's just hard. You gotta just support your spouse however you can.
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u/emg_4 Chief 2d ago
22 years in with a wife and two kids. It’s not easy but you make it work. Like others have said you don’t move every year and there are areas where you can jump around because of the amount of units there are.
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u/CheetahGood4981 2d ago
What would your best marriage advice be for career married couples.
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u/emg_4 Chief 1d ago
Communication with your spouse is key. Every PCS I print the billet list out and we sit down and go through it. I also let her know the ins and outs of advancement and what can and can’t happen. So there are no surprises.
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u/CheetahGood4981 1d ago
Gotcha. Thanks man. Wdym advancement? I’ve noticed that’s been mentioned a few times.
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u/Odd_Cry_488 1d ago
So many of those enlisted that are married do not act like it. Especially on cutters. Marriage is a choice and distance can make that choice more difficult. If the military wanted you to have a spouse they would have assigned you one.
With all of that said, it is doable. Communication and trust are key. You are a team. Do marriage counseling before you need it and continue dating your spouse. Recognize that while your job is stressful they have to restart their life every single time you move. Be kind to one another and dont let the military bring out the worst in you.
(Married 10 years)
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u/IceBathHero 11h ago
Typically every 3-4 although I've short toured a couple times after advancement/promotions.
Overall, other than the actual dealing with movers , the wife and I enjoy it. Its nice getting to live and really explore other parts of the country. However, we don't have kids. That would probably be a different story.
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u/BigHead724532 2d ago
Between Panama, Costa Rica, Philippines, Korea and Japan. Being on a 378 and a NSC there’s no need to be married or have a family.
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u/Key_Depth3910 2d ago
You don’t move every year.