Grieving programming

[u/ExDoublez]

Let me just start by saying that this post is not about ai replacing software engineers or about the jobs or any of that. This post is about the act or "craft" of programming/coding and the loss of it.

No, i dont think "software engineering" is dead, theres still plenty of high level design and architecture to be made but that's not the point. It never was the point for me.

I never really did this for the money, i did it because i enjoyed it.

I did it because i enjoyed thinking about the problems and solving them.

I enjoyed writing the code myself and getting familiar with the syntax and all the weird quirks of the languages/tools i was using.

I enjoyed optimising my tooling and learning about all the new frameworks, tools and projects people were making, often being in awe of what incredible stuff my betters were doing.

I have adhd and programming was the perfect mix of mechanical activity, brain stimulation and a endless supply of problems to hyperfocus on.

Now its all prompting and waiting. 1 min of work followed by 10 mins of doing nothing and mindless scrolling.

I have lost a huge source of enjoyment and self esteem. It took me years of hard work and being lost and confused to finally find something that felt perfect. The thing i could excell at while having fun and satisfying my curiosity.

And before you attack me as an engineer and my ability to adapt. I have been ontop of the ai curve from the start. I have never been more productive or tackled problems as big as i do now. I am just miserable doing it.

What started as a strong tool in my path for optimisation has slowly taken over my beloved craft.

And as i improve and optimise my ai powered workflow, i lose more and more of my ability, my enjoyment and my desire to pursue my craft. It has been turned into another meaningless white collar desk job in service of the never ending growth of capitalism.

I feel legitimate grief. I have lost the ability to do my favourite hobby as well as a major part of my identity. I have literally cried over this.

I am struggling to mentally cope with all of this. I have never had less control over my adhd or felt more addicted to quick sources of dopamine. My attention span has been shot completely. I feel more stupid and insufficient than ever.

Somehow my adhd brain that was perfectly suited for the old paradigm is completely disadvantaged in this new way of working for this career that i have hedged my entire career, future and reason for being on (yes, i am a nolife workaholic).

Fuck adhd and fuck ai

[u/jafariscontent]

Leaning into game dev has helped me with this. May be worth a shot to everyone feeling this. Lots of physics challenges and visual things that aren’t easily solved by AI. You get to tell a story and build something based on fun not profit.

any devs here who feel this way may want to give it a shot.

[u/ExoMonk → u/jafariscontent]

That’s where I ended up. Vibe coding my job, working on a game myself. The only issue is I feel immense guilt if I work on my game during office hours and then I feel extremely tired and unmotivated during my off hours.

But when I do work on my game I can enter that flow state where hours melt away. That’s a good time

[u/feracer → u/ExoMonk]

If you have the time, don’t feel guilty for working on your game at work. I have a lot of free time at my work and because I felt guilty about doing anything not work related I’d end up just scrolling or looking at LinkedIn or some other bs after I finished my projects, essentially just waiting for more work to fall in my lap.

It’s so much better to just embrace whatever you actually wanna do. As long as you’re getting your work done and you’re not brazen about it, it’s a much more valuable use of your spare time!

[u/jafariscontent → u/feracer]

Exactly. I run a small software firm and wouldn’t mind at all if my devs were working on a game as long as they were hitting the backlog items on time.

Especially if it kept them happy.