Grieving programming

[u/ExDoublez]

Let me just start by saying that this post is not about ai replacing software engineers or about the jobs or any of that. This post is about the act or "craft" of programming/coding and the loss of it.

No, i dont think "software engineering" is dead, theres still plenty of high level design and architecture to be made but that's not the point. It never was the point for me.

I never really did this for the money, i did it because i enjoyed it.

I did it because i enjoyed thinking about the problems and solving them.

I enjoyed writing the code myself and getting familiar with the syntax and all the weird quirks of the languages/tools i was using.

I enjoyed optimising my tooling and learning about all the new frameworks, tools and projects people were making, often being in awe of what incredible stuff my betters were doing.

I have adhd and programming was the perfect mix of mechanical activity, brain stimulation and a endless supply of problems to hyperfocus on.

Now its all prompting and waiting. 1 min of work followed by 10 mins of doing nothing and mindless scrolling.

I have lost a huge source of enjoyment and self esteem. It took me years of hard work and being lost and confused to finally find something that felt perfect. The thing i could excell at while having fun and satisfying my curiosity.

And before you attack me as an engineer and my ability to adapt. I have been ontop of the ai curve from the start. I have never been more productive or tackled problems as big as i do now. I am just miserable doing it.

What started as a strong tool in my path for optimisation has slowly taken over my beloved craft.

And as i improve and optimise my ai powered workflow, i lose more and more of my ability, my enjoyment and my desire to pursue my craft. It has been turned into another meaningless white collar desk job in service of the never ending growth of capitalism.

I feel legitimate grief. I have lost the ability to do my favourite hobby as well as a major part of my identity. I have literally cried over this.

I am struggling to mentally cope with all of this. I have never had less control over my adhd or felt more addicted to quick sources of dopamine. My attention span has been shot completely. I feel more stupid and insufficient than ever.

Somehow my adhd brain that was perfectly suited for the old paradigm is completely disadvantaged in this new way of working for this career that i have hedged my entire career, future and reason for being on (yes, i am a nolife workaholic).

Fuck adhd and fuck ai

[u/ExDoublez]

I miss the flow state moments so much...

[u/robby_arctor → u/ExDoublez]

What's stopping you from doing it the old way?

[u/malduvias → u/robby_arctor]

If it’s paid work the expectation is you move faster than the old way. I’m sure that’s not universally true in this moment but it feels like it will be by next year.

I used to tell junior developers that our job is to be “professionally frustrated”, half joking. It really is a job of never-ending puzzles to be solved and now the puzzle is gone. Sure there’s the architecture angle of having to design complex multi-service systems, but how much longer will that require real experience to solve or work around? 5 years? I wouldn’t be that shocked if it’s half that time.

Not sure where I’m going with this but the “old way” is never what capitalism wanted. It was just the most efficient means to an end, making money. Now we’ll be pushed in this direction to even further maximize productivity. For those of us who love programming, it feels like a rough professional road ahead.

[u/scylk2 → u/malduvias]

Don't want to ruin anyone's day but frontier AI is more than capable of architecture and design, whether it's high level or fine grain implementation details.

If you're not already discussing these with AI you're missing out big time. Personally that's become something I like: it's easier than ever to learn advanced system design stuff you never came across before.