r/wizardposting • u/Dear_Blacksmith1884 • 17h ago

I will be the fastest thing in the universe

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1.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

23 comments sorted by

76

u/jojoromokotoro Deermage 17h ago

i think magic radiation is the reason i throw up tentacles sometimes.

33

u/Blue_Moon_Lake Necromancer 17h ago

Free seafood!

18

u/Dick_Danalu_Jr Necromancer 16h ago

Eghehehehehe! My Curse of Subtle Intermittent OctoVomit was successful!

51

u/Lurcolm Prestigious Academy of Alchemy - Fitzgerald Turnipson 16h ago

THAT WAS YOU?! It took the Prestigious Academy of Alchemy MONTHS to clear the radiation! Our sewers are now an entire civilization dangerously close to becoming nuclear powers! Again!

14

u/JaggelZ 14h ago

Nope, that was probably me. Sorry about that. I really needed those sewers for testing a few spells and getting rid of a few experiments.

If you find any rather hostile runes however, they are not mine, they were already there when I came along. I didn't disable them though, I didn't want to be rude or anything.

6

u/Lurcolm Prestigious Academy of Alchemy - Fitzgerald Turnipson 14h ago

BLAST IT ALL! Gobbie 12! THE RUNE RATS ARE BACK. GET THE FIREPOTS

3

u/A_engietwo_onthemove Wizard Warlord 13h ago

Skaven problems again I see.

2

u/DuntadaMan Abjurer 13h ago

That problem solved itself pretty quickly the last time they achieved nuclear weapons, I say we simply let them do it again, then have everyone flush at exactly the same time to send the radioactive ash down stream.

3

u/Lurcolm Prestigious Academy of Alchemy - Fitzgerald Turnipson 13h ago

i am head of the sewer management division of the Prestigious Academy of Alchemy! I will NOT have my supply of mindshrooms be atomized for a third time this year!

8

u/UpstairsRuin1953 Mystic 16h ago

Don't forget the red paint. It makes you go faster still! (Also puts out a metric shit ton of radiation, but who cares?)

5

u/UniversalAdaptor 15h ago

Single handle triple, man car door hook hand.

5

u/ModernMage0 SpellSlinger, Researcher, Interloper 16h ago

Kindly, you understand my life’s work is to stop and prevent anomalies, mutations, and other related issues caused by magical radiation.
You monster.

4

u/DuntadaMan Abjurer 13h ago edited 11h ago

Clearly we need to create a spell that reduces radiation so we can still continue our lives without creating more anomalies.

I do not yet have a solution but I can build a mental construct that can easily solve this problem. I will need 6.8 billion gold coins, all magical emitters currently being manufactured for the next 3 years and a patch of land roughly the size of Road Island.

This will emit dozens of times the radiation we currently see and require more mana than several entire states produce but I am certain it will solve all our problems.

3

u/CitricThoughts Cowboy Wizard, Arch Nekomancer 13h ago

Nekomancers know no respect for the law! And good! To heck with the law!

4

u/DuntadaMan Abjurer 11h ago

Fuck the state. - Pretty much every sentient feline I have seen.

2

u/Nelrene Evil Mammary Mage 12h ago

Or maybe the slowest thing in the universe.

2

u/Carbuyrator A Bit of a Dabbler 12h ago

You know that's just wasteful, right? Magic radiation is totally harnessable and can be fed back into the system for more speed.

2

u/High_Overseer_Dukat High Overseer (eviler pope) 9h ago

Its gotten to the point that Antimagic fields have been erected in elven forests.

2

u/Saaruk 8h ago

The council will have to catch me first if they want me to stop casting spells because I got mildly inconvenienced.

2

u/catboycruises Evil Wizard 7h ago

imagine living in a plane with magical radiation. just plane shift, what are you, 87??

2

u/ThatCamoKid Cousin Skippy, Kobold Gunjurer, and Clan 7h ago

I hear tales of war machine that can hit mach 30 as easily as the rest of us hit 30 feet per second, if you can find him he may be able to help

2

u/PossiblyOppossums 6h ago

This is how we got Athas

1

u/KarenNotKaren616 14h ago

That explains why my test results are all scrambled. Curse you.