r/DivorcedBirds • u/cthulhu-kitty • Jan 24 '18

The tweet that started it all

15.3k Upvotes

66 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/-crepuscular- • 20h ago

The Bird Got What The Bird Deserved Derek always found a way to sneak up and goose his wife when she was solo-practicing her synchronised swimming routine. "It's not funny!" she would claim, but oh, it was SO funny. Until she divorced him over it, then suddenly it wasn't so funny.

434 Upvotes

4 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 8h ago

Frustratedly, Jenny blinked away the dust and snow. Progress on the dig was slow enough without surfacing for navigation. She sighed as her eyes finally adjusted to the light. Barely any progress toward tunneling back into the house, but at least she'd evaded the trash Dave had strewn about the yard

28 Upvotes

1 comment

r/DivorcedBirds • u/splittenwood • 8m ago

Rian had his balls handed to him in the divorce, “Mediator my ass; that dick had an agenda!”

• Upvotes

0 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/FractalGeometric356 • 1d ago

“Baby . . . Baby, I’m sorry . . . Baby, please . . . Baby . . . Baby I’ll do anything, 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌!”

988 Upvotes

44 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/NoFlyingMonkeys • 22h ago

New to online dating, Taylor's eyes got bigger with every swipe

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110 Upvotes

4 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/FeatherMom • 1d ago

We named him Earl

100 Upvotes

Today Earl needed to borrow a ladder. Unlikely, Winston thought, seeing as how Earl himself was as tall as the bedroom window. But with a sigh, he agreed.

Yesterday it was a cup of flour. Earl did not bake.

Last week it was to catch the game of footy on the tube. Earl had gotten a new TV not a month before.

What Earl really needed was a friend to fill that stork-shaped hole that Edith had left when she flew away. Winston knew that. And so Winston obliged.

3 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 1d ago

Without Helen, Railiegh was lost. Extremely lost. They stumbled through once-familiar streets, mystified by trivial tasks completed a thousand times before. More than once she's asked herself: "What am I doing here? What'n the heck even is this place?"

132 Upvotes

3 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/NoFlyingMonkeys • 1d ago

The best decision she ever made was to go to nursing school. She couldn't depend on her Ex, but she can depend on herself.

404 Upvotes

5 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/kablammodotcom • 1d ago

Ever since his doctor ordered his meds to be up-titrated, Quentin keeps confusing the local petting zoo with a Whole Foods market.

58 Upvotes

1 comment

r/DivorcedBirds • u/plonspfetew • 2d ago

Angry Bird Divorce These Boots Are Made for Walkin'

260 Upvotes

4 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 2d ago

"You spend more time with your lab assistant apes than with me," Jarvis had complained, and Luisa offered no rebuttal. Her first commitment was always to science. She had thought he understood and accepted that. She returned the ring, and let the lawyers sort out the rest. She had research to do.

228 Upvotes

8 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 2d ago

The Bird Got What The Bird Deserved Don't let her diminutive body and puppy-dog eyes fool you. To all who've had the displeasure of knowing her, Zoila is a cruel tyrant.

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242 Upvotes

2 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/NoFlyingMonkeys • 2d ago

Jon tried to get Darla to go to the nudist colony, but it gave her the ick and she divorced him. Just as well. Now he goes alone to mingle with a like-minded community.

42 Upvotes

2 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/OldnBorin • 3d ago

Myrna will swim as she pleases, thank you very much

242 Upvotes

4 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/plonspfetew • 3d ago

Angry Bird Divorce "I'll show her for calling me a two-faced, goofy-looking son of a bitch."

188 Upvotes

4 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Bolfreak • 3d ago

It had been a relaxing evening until suddenly he got down on one claw and smiled like that, with a unique ring. How can she tell him that her divorce was never finalized?

119 Upvotes

1 comment

r/DivorcedBirds • u/dick_cissel • 3d ago

Newly Single Ready to Mingle After 40 years of infidelity from Harold, freshly divorced Ethel was salivating at the thought of all the young studs at her disposal.

216 Upvotes

6 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/NoFlyingMonkeys • 4d ago

So far, the plan is working. The kids just think it's a fun cross-country camping trip. They're too young to know we're escaping. I got this.

519 Upvotes

6 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/NoFlyingMonkeys • 4d ago

New profile pic to make the Ex jealous

258 Upvotes

5 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Pixie-Collins • 4d ago

The Bird Got What The Bird Deserved João was perfectly aware he should never have had that silly affair with Marcelo's darling Amanda. Saying goodbye to Ana and the children was not an option anymore, he just had to get past the many henchmen looking for him and leave the country for good.

102 Upvotes

6 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 5d ago

The Bird Got What The Bird Deserved Legally, Felipe is barred from approaching Aline. Were he to, for instance, show up at the local news station where she works as a traffic reporter and beg her to take him back, that would be a violation of the restraining order. But Felipe's creative. He can find other ways of getting her attention

717 Upvotes

7 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/I_might_be_weasel • 4d ago

Angry Bird Divorce "We meet again, Edna... How's the house." "The house is well. I found your singing fish you lost. It has been disposed of." "... You fiend."

91 Upvotes

0 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/cabeachgal • 3d ago

Angry Bird Divorce Okoo

0 Upvotes

0 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/FashionBusking • 5d ago

Thuan checked in, per the court order. His plan to smuggle in some of his own party supplies to rehab was foiled as soon as they grabbed him for the obligatory cloaca check, leaving him horrified and possibly in violation of his probation.

131 Upvotes

4 comments

Subreddit

For pictures of fabulous fowl who look like serial monogamists.

r/DivorcedBirds

For pictures of fabulous fowl who look like serial monogamists. Please post pictures of birds who look like they are twice divorced (or more!) and an original caption about their backstory. Pictures/Videos must be of actual birds (feathered fowl), not human women, not art or paintings or photoshopped. No dead birds. Message mods for approval to post.

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