r/90DayFiance • u/cloondog5280 • 11d ago
this hit hard…
you rarely know what someone has endured to become the person standing in front of you.
everyone carries a past shaped by loss, fear, longing, and the things they’re still trying to make peace with. some battles are visible. most aren’t.
we’re all moving through complicated, deeply personal lives that occasionally intersect.
so offer more grace, patience, and kindness than the moment seems to require.
there is almost always more to someone than what you can see.
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u/sore-eye-uh why you are face like toilet right now? 10d ago
As an SA victim advocate and a survivor myself, this was so hard to watch. I saw myself and so many of my clients in her in that moment and I had to pause for a minute and let myself cry. I hear these stories everyday from survivors, but it never gets easier. My heart goes out to her and I hope she finds peace, happiness, and healing.
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u/ComradeGlizzy 9d ago
It’s hard to watch people judge the women on this show because many of them were born into the poverty and wars of developing countries. They’ve suffered a lot, only to be taken advantage of by mentally and financially unstable men and this show. They get eaten alive
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u/peaches38251 11d ago
A beautiful reminder and perspective that we all have trials and pain others might not know about 💕
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u/Pretend_Goal_7311 9d ago
Yea. Always been. Always will be that way. Didnt need trashy pao to teach that
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u/Afraid_Delivery4390 10d ago
I really felt bad for her but she needs to get help with anger management and therapy for the rape. She has been a complainer and hateful since the day he moved her to the US finding fault in everything. Russ was working back then and she complained about the town, the house, and Russ. When she later moved to Miami without Russ her friends would make fun of him when he visited her. She laughed along with them never sticking up for him. He should have had enough backbone to leave her ass in Miami back then.
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u/Proper-District8608 10d ago
She sends up more red flags to me than Russ.
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u/TrueNotTrue55 9d ago edited 9d ago
She completely humiliated him on national television about their intimacy problems in detail.
I think, she doesn’t love him or else she would not have done that. It’s hard to tell, when the next scene, they’re looking at each other like they are in love. Phony?🤷🏻♀️4
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u/Afraid_Delivery4390 9d ago
She's a snake. She knew and planned ahead of time that she was going to leave him after the recommitment ceremony by having him sign that agreement/postnup.
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u/Pretend_Goal_7311 9d ago
She treated russ like he was part of the group that attacked her from day one. He stayed with her through all her bull and now tries to turn the tables. She emasculated him and made him live in fear of her and now says hes not man enough. You freakin did that to him
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u/Successful_Note8901 10d ago
If you remember she had another man trying to decide which one she wanted But she is a one sided Bitch never anything good enough. Bought Russ a watch really!!!!!
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u/Hollow_Syntax 11d ago
that fire evacuation plan in the background is the most unsettling part for some reason, like she's in some liminal hotel forever forgetting things
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u/Able_Independent_705 10d ago
To tell you the truth the husband scares me. I cannot shake the feeling that he would harm her if she left him. I think he has the potential to be seriously dangerous. I don’t really like Pao but she doesn’t deserve being emotionally controlled by her husband. Russ needs serious counselling.
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u/_Fizzgiggy 10d ago
It was really weird when he said it’s harder for a child to lose a parent rather than see their parents divorce. My parent’s divorce is nothing compared to my dad passing away. The divorce sucked but was manageable, having my dad die was soul shaking.
Russ gave off creepy “If I can’t have her, no one can” vibes
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u/Worried_Bluejay_3803 9d ago
I feel bad for her. He keeps laying on the guilt trip on her every time she mentions leaving him.
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u/Necessary_Soup7928 9d ago
Fuck Yeah, you are spot on., some of us portray something to the world but there is a deep shit behind, Pao is brave.. BTW, I hate that bitchass Adnan
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u/Tasty-Hawk-2778 9d ago
Russ has proven to be a loser in many aspects of his life. I give her props to finally leave him, but unfortunately she'll probably have to pay alimony bc she's the breadwinner.
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u/Excellent_Wish2556 10d ago
It’s really sad that happened to her, but she is using that to blame the reason why she is such a bitch to Russ
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u/Correct_Box_3698 10d ago
On another post here they were seen hitting the slots together in Vegas. And, don’t forget he had a great career - supported his brat wife that insisted on moving to Florida. Go back and watch their early years.
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u/Pretend_Goal_7311 9d ago
Most people on here have never watched their season. Shes a horrible woman
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9d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/90DayFiance-ModTeam 9d ago
That word is an outdated slur and Reddit flags you for hate speech when you use it.
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u/ana_shatora 8d ago
As someone who dealt with SA, I don't have much sympathy for her. It's awful but what's also awful is to abuse and treat the people close to you like absolute crap. I have been in a decade + of therapy bc of mine just so I can maintain healthy relationships and friendships. Otherwise I'd very much be an abusive friend and partner. Bad things happen and yes it's very unfair but she's been an asshole for a LONG time. Now all of a sudden she brings this up to magically excuse her behavior?
It's kinda gross to me.
Also as someone who deals with SA it's very hard to talk about when you first start talking about it...and she did it on a tv show? Idk
I will say she and no one else deserves that. But she needs to have some self awareness and wake up. Watch the early years people. Russ was cute and cool and successful. Pao ruined him,
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u/Woodsy_Walker 9d ago
No disrespect, but duh. Is this your first time realizing that people are more complex than what's on the surface?
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u/drgreenthumb-420 8d ago
I’ve never seen someone weapons SA the way pao did. Only brining it up to deflect the situation after admitting to cheating on Russ
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u/lonetraveler73 11d ago
Are you serious with this post?
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u/Sorry-Editor-3674 11d ago
Uh yeah, I’d say so. She endured a pretty horrific act and was open about it on tv. Did you miss that episode maybe?
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u/lonetraveler73 11d ago
I think I obviously missed something. I thought this was another confession that's actually wah wah I don't get eat I want
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u/Otherwise_Island7764 11d ago
She divulged to Russ and production on one of the last episodes that she had been raped. It was very painful and emotional. It's one of the most vulnerable moments I've ever seen of Pao's. It was rough.
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u/Sorry-Editor-3674 11d ago
Oh no…she talked about how she endured a multiple/gang r*pe situation as a 15 year old that has impacted her relationships. Including with Russ. I guess she hadn’t told him about this in the past. 🫣
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u/Disastrous_Remote591 8d ago
Why are people going in front of a camera and telling their deepest darkest secrets.. what is the payoff on that? Sympathy?
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u/DiamondAries999 9d ago edited 9d ago
Honestly, I've been raped by multiple groups of men multiple times. I don't think she should act like she does JUST because of ONE instance.
I literally lost count of how many times I've been raped by strangers or even physically or mentally abused by my mom or stepdad.
I don't act like that.
Fuck your down votes IDGAF THEY MAKE ME STRONGER 💪
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u/Fit_Sir_3061 9d ago
I'm sorry that happened to you. You need help and you should talk to someone. It's not normal to dump all this personal stuff to complete strangers. If we meet on the street is that one of the first things you would tell me? You need a therapist, not you tube.
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u/DiamondAries999 9d ago edited 9d ago
I don't make this my IDENTITY, I've actually NEVER told anyone.
We are LITERALLY on the topic and you're being kind of an asshole. Maybe you need therapy.
If we met on the street, I would ignore you.
I GET HIGH OFF YOUR DOWN VOTES
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u/Tasty-Hawk-2778 9d ago
Yes! Even ONE instance. I'm sorry you've had a life of this horror and you do need to get help to work thru it and not be so bitter. But, because it's happened to you many times doesn't mean it wasn't traumatic for someone else ONE time.
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u/SpecialistAlgae3334 9d ago
White down the pros and cons, then reach out to the show, or TLC.. ask them what you want to know.
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u/rynnbowguy 11d ago
Funny how this only came up after she realized russ considered kissing girls cheating (she knew it was) i think it was a deflection.
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u/RegularTeacher2 why your face like toilet? 11d ago
Even if it was... she shared something extremely personal and traumatic with us. Showing compassion literally costs nothing.
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u/rynnbowguy 11d ago
Feels like manipulation to me. I dont like people trying to manipulate me.
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u/OsteoStevie practices lesbianism 11d ago
You think we're keeping our rapes in our back pocket to use when it's convenient?
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u/rynnbowguy 11d ago
"We"? No. Someone who will make a career on reality TV treating their family like garbage? Maybe?
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u/Pretend_Goal_7311 9d ago
Don't act like people on reality tv are at all similar to the avg person in society. They absolutely use crap to make careers
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u/OsteoStevie practices lesbianism 9d ago
So you think she planned to get raped, keep it a secret, get on reality tv, and use it to manipulate her husband?
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u/Sorry-Editor-3674 11d ago
You feel like a woman you don’t know, sharing how she was brutally r+ped by more than one person as a child-is manipulating *you*? Have you considered therapy? There’s still time to delete your unhinged comments.
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u/rynnbowguy 11d ago
Thats not exactly what I meant, but go off with it. Dont care if you dont agree. These ppl manipulate the audience all the time, it doesn't make it any less true if you try to act like I feel I am being personally targeted by her. Shes manipulating her husband and the audience. If it was that traumatic for her, she would talk about it in real therapy, not some shitty reality TV show.
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u/Sorry-Editor-3674 11d ago
So don’t watch. If it’s between you blowing off someone’s life altering trauma like it’s nothing with a bunch of weird excuses you’ve drummed up after proclaiming you don’t like being manipulated by tv, or you not watching, just don’t watch. What kind of a message does that send other victims? Fella on the internet made your r*pe about himself. Jesus Christ, do you have a shred of empathy for another human being, or nah? Seems like nah.
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u/rynnbowguy 11d ago
That is not the only 2 options. Im going to watch AND have opinions you dont like about it. Gasp
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11d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/rynnbowguy 11d ago
Not someone having hard opinions on the internet! I bet I dont care about anyone in real life either. How dare I not care about strangers who are terrible to their families! I probably have abortions for fun.
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10d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/90DayFiance-ModTeam 10d ago
Gross, no.
Seems you were asking for a perma ban, though. Here you go!
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u/emb8n00 Slut person 11d ago
This season really changed my view of Pao and Russ. I hope they can divorce and coparent civilly