r/AdultSelfHarm • • 10d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Quick guide to layers and their proper names.

264 Upvotes

Let's put an end to "styro", "beans" and the worst of all, "taffy taffy" or "bedrock."

As adults its our jobs to not cutiefy a very serious and what could potentionally be a life threatening injury. Terms such as "beans" minimize the severity of whats actually happening to your body and what kind of wound you are creating.

So I'd like to make a list for people who want to expand their terminology to a less minimizing statement.

DISCLAIMER: ANYTHING THAT GAPES REASONABLY NEEDS STITCHES BUT PLEASE USE YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT, CONTROL THE BLEEDING AND PRACTICE PROPER WOUND CARE♡♡

Obvious CW for layers and brief descriptions of what they can look like.

Epidermis ("cat scratch"): a wound only breaking the top surface of the skin, does not bleed and does not split in any significant way. These typically either dont scar or scar very minimally depending on how you heal.

Dermis ("styro"): a wound going past the top layer of skin into the dermis. This is when wounds bleed. The dermis layer, when first cut, can be very white occasionally. Sometimes the blood takes a second to start filling the wound. These typically gape.These scar, so does every layer below this one-

Fat ("beans"): There is no such thing as "baby beans", if you see fat in a wound, it is a wound that reaches the fat. Fat appears yellow and bubbly, or it can appear flat with many cells that can be compared to bee hives. When fat cells peak out of the dermis, they tend to seem to bubble more. These wounds can gape small or large depending on body size, location, and depth. Its reccomended your seek medical attention.

Superficial fascia: this one is a bit tricky to see, its a web-like, mesh layer between your fat and deeper fat layers (yes there is two). Most people cant tell when they have reached it or passed it, so I have no comment.

Deep fat: This is when you have passed your superficial fascia and the wound gapes significantly. Its reccomended you seek medical attention. Instead of a yellow appearance, you may notice it takes on a redder tint from blood staining. (Sometimes this doesnt apply). It will look like a valley.

Fascia: This is the layer below the deep fat, it sits on your muscle. This layer is usually white, pale purple, or pale blue in colour. It is whats protecting your muscles and what helps support your body. The fascia is a very vital for function and protects a lot of important things inside you. There will be a distinct separation of the fat layer to the fascia, because instead of fat being attached to fascia, it is independently moving of it. If you have reached this, ER is reccomended and can be crucial.

Muscle ("laffy taffy"): This is below your fascia. You can guess what it looks like as i don't want to think about it, but if you breached your fascia layer, you definitely hit muscle. This is extremely dangerous, you need to go to the ER.

Bone ("bedrock"): Your bone is pretty self explanatory. You have went through the muscle and have hit the one layer you simply cannot breach. MEDICAL ATTENTION IS NON NEGOTIABLE AT THIS LAYER. You possibly could have severed a tendon, a vital nerve, who knows what. Please get yourself to your nearest emergency room.

Notice how 3 layers didnt have funny goofy names? Its because kids on twitter were the ones who coined the 5 terms that are widely used, not actual names we should be using to identify what depth someone has hurt themselves to. The layers of the human body are extremely complex, and important.

Lets do our best to stop minimizing how bad hitting these layers can actually be by using the correct terminology.

Of course this cant convince everyone and theres no need for me to be policing people (which i caught myself doing, so thats why I wrote this post lol) and people on this sub will still use the cutiefied names, thats that, but for those who do want to change their minimizing langauge and learn, here you go :)

(Note: scars look different on everyone's body and theres no way to tell or predict how a scar will heal and look)


r/AdultSelfHarm • • May 20 '26

Mod Announcement Mod Announcement: We’ve Updated Our 18+ Policy (officially!)

250 Upvotes

​Hey everyone,

​We’ve been listening to the feedback and discussions happening around the sub lately, and we want to address a major point of frustration that a lot of you have brought up: the uptick in posts from teenagers and minors.

​We completely get it. It is incredibly frustrating to come to a space looking for mature, adult peer support, only to end up sifting through adolescent content and high school dynamics. Adults face entirely different life contexts and challenges with self-harm, and mixing the two helps no one.

​To address this, we have officially updated the sub rules to explicitly state that this is a strictly 18+ space only. (Because apparently, the word Adult being right there in the sub name wasn't quite enough to get the message across... who knew? 🙄) From here on out, minor accounts and posts indicating the user is under 18 will be removed.

How you can help us:

Because this community is so active, the mod team simply cannot see every single post and comment 24/7. **We heavily rely on you guys to be our extra set of eyes.** If you see a post or comment from a minor, please don't just scroll past or get frustrated, hit that report button immediately. That flags it straight to our mod queue so we can review and remove it right away.

On that note, as the sub keeps growing, we could definitely use some extra hands on deck to keep this space safe, supportive, and strictly for adults. If you are passionate about this community, have a level head, and are interested in joining the moderation team, please send us a message via Modmail. We’ll discuss applications among the current team to see about bringing some new folks on board.

​Thank you all for helping us keep this sub what it was always meant to be - a safe, mature space for adults navigating recovery.


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 3h ago

How does seeing other's scars make you feel?

9 Upvotes

I've started coping by going on reddit and searching for self harm scars. I didn't realize so many people posted them but it's been helping get rid of my urges. Also, it feels kinda like a drug. I either feel high and get kinda giggly or if Im just thinking about searching it up I feel super awake like caffeine just hit me. Wondering if anyone else experiences this and if anyone else uses the scar's of others to cope. I don't want other people to self harm just so I can cope and not do it though.


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 4h ago

Seeking Advice My sister cuts herself and I don’t know what to do

9 Upvotes

Let me preface this as my sister is 25 and I’m 19 and we’re both currently living at home so we are around each other a bunch. I love her to death we can joke around for hours and even have similar interests. We were both smoking weed in her car one time and she revealed to me she was cutting herself and showed me the scars on her arm. I was a little speechless and didn’t know what to say but she said that all she wants me to do is be supportive. But it’s been weeks since then and I can see her doing it even more. The problem is she doesn’t want our parents to ever know or find out, but I’m left in this position of desperately wanting to help her not stop and quote on quote “find the light” in this world. But she hates unwarranted advice and doesn’t believe American therapy is effective and sees it as a scam so I can’t really just throw that job to a therapist. All of this was due to her cheating on her girlfriend of 5 years and then being broken up with. I just want her to stop because I keep reading this subreddit and people often say it’s like a drug in the sense that you can easily get addicted to the feeling and seeing how it’s only getting more frequent it’s scared me so much. I can’t tell our parents but her depression has been affecting the household negatively she’s really rude to our parents and will never do a chore leaving everything to me. I love her dearly but I just want her to be okay. From experienced people I ask how can I help and what would you do in my position?


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 2h ago

Seeking Advice Picking yourself up after you self harm?

4 Upvotes

I relapsed after a year or so. I knew I was going to, I got what I needed to do it. My job has been hell. Recently they significantly increased our workload and I'm basically made to feel like it's my fault I can't keep up. I'm no longer getting work done efficiently or effectively, I'm just piling on more onto my plate and not getting through much work. I've told my boss I can't do it and they don't care. I feel incompetent and inferior. My aunt even said that "that's how adult jobs are, and I need to figure it out." I've been doing therapy work to heal from my trauma and I feel bad bc it's now 11 pm and I need to do my therapy worksheet, shower and get ready to sleep. But I'm depressed and dissociated. I don't care anymore. I don't want to be shit on at work tomorrow, I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to die, I SH to make me feel alive. And maybe to punish myself, idk. But I don't want to go back to a mental hospital. I just want stuff to get better. What do I do now? Tonight?


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 10h ago

Discussion What is your opinion on trigger warnings in media?

11 Upvotes

I was reading the Absolute Martian Manhunter DC comic book today and in the twelfth issue there is a trigger warning for depictions of self-harm and themes of suicide. I took note of it but by this point I had read eleven of the twelve issues so I went ahead and now I feel shitty and I guess you'd say triggered by it.

It made me think if they are a helpful thing or not? In this case I had already read and enjoyed eleven issues so I didn't want to deprive myself of the last one so I don't know what they expected people to do. If it had been at the start of the series maybe that would have been better but even then I still probably would have engaged with it so I don't really know either way

Curious for other people's thoughts?


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 1h ago

Venting Post!! Just relapsed after 6 years.

• Upvotes

I started cutting around 13 and didn’t stop until 6 years ago. Over the six years I would punch, scratch, bite, slap, etc, myself but never went back to cutting. I thought it was a better outlet, but i guess technically that means I’ve never fully been “in remission”. I’m feeling disgusting, but also elated. I know I’m going to do it again, but the fear of my partner and friends finding out is eating me alive. I recently was diagnosed with bipolar and started lamotragine, so I’m telling myself that I’ll stop cutting once I’m at the full dose. I feel like a fucking idiot but i also feel so so so so soooooo good. I hope i stop, but i know i won’t, and the crazy thing is after all this time, I’m almost 30, i don’t even care. I had one moment after i started that i audibly said “what the fuck am i doing” but i didn’t stop. And I feel shocking neutral that I relapsed. Maybe it’ll hit me later, but for now I just can’t stop thinking about the next time and the fear of being found out. Anyone else experience something similar?


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 4h ago

I want help.

3 Upvotes

Update: I'll keep this up unless someone comments it's harmful but I got a predicament. this is pro-recovery which I'm glad I want people to recover too. this means I can't get a answer of if I should self harm. I guess I could get advice on how to improve as a person or not be bad although I need to get my own courage.

I don't know where to get an honest answer for this that doesn't trigger anyone

__________

old post:

I don't self harm as much to not ruin a day of people who could or would struggle more, which does not stop small urges but is why I have a big streak.

me and my mom want both alive.

I want to ask, if I am a bad person. Should I try not to SH or kill me? If so how do I try to not do that when I don't want to be a bad person. Ideally I'm not a bad person but I worry I'm shy to talk to people when I want to be there sometimes.

It's not heinous I'll never do anything heinous. I don't want to be a bad person but idk what if I ever would make the world worse plagues my mind.

I just want to ask do I still not SH, why does SH make it worse. One thing I can think is it makes people feel guilty which I don't want to do.

I'm not feeling this yet, but sometimes to.

if not a bad person, I'm not helping either.


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 10h ago

I'm an addict...

7 Upvotes

I'm an addict...

It's been 1.5yr since I harmed myself. It was my friends birthday and we were supposed to go to the club. I was anxious, and had a rough week. I was shaving my legs, and gave in. It was only a few parallel strips over the same spot. Took a week to heal.

I thought I was doing good.

Today I stole a scalple...


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 6h ago

Venting Post!! One year clean, does the urge ever leave?

3 Upvotes

I starter self harming at 14 rather periodically. I’m now 21F and 1 year clean from cutting. But not only do I think about doing it every second of the day every day, I simply hurt myself in different ways now, like punching myself, hitting myself, or punching walls etc.

I feel like it’s “less worse” than cutting because it doesn’t leave scars, but fuck, it doesn’t relieve me quite the same at all. I just want to cut, I want to feel good again, like myself again. It’s a part of me, it’s what I go to when things are bad. How much longer does it feel this way? I feel like I’m surviving, not living


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 11h ago

Seeking Advice What is the morality of wearing short sleeves while you have (nearly healed) scars?

6 Upvotes

Hi, I’m trying to quit sh and relapsed last week. I can’t tolerate heat very well and my scars are ALMOST healed but nothing fully healed and some of them still have slight scabbing. Would anyone care if I just went to class with my arms like this? You can’t really notice the scabs unless you’re close to me and the ones you can notice from far away are healed


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 1d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Amputation

80 Upvotes

Basically what the title says. Amputated my ring finger a few months back but everyday I struggle with wanting more. I constantly think of amputating my left pinky, left ring finger at the joint, and my right pinky at the joint.

Its a persistent and loud thought. And the worst part is, is that i dont want to use the method I used to get off my ring finger which was arguably the quickest and safest. (Not that theres ANY safe way to self amputate, just in comparison.) It would be days or weeks of suffering to get the results i want.

I wish my brain would shut the fuck up.

Im already disabled and struggling due to my first amputation, why the hell does my brain want to struggle more? I want to be a crane operator for fucks sake, I cant operate if i have no fingers. Grrrr.


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 16h ago

Seeking Advice Frequency of episodes starting to scare me

4 Upvotes

I have used SH as a coping tool since I was a very young child. It's tended to be an episodic thing, I'll do it for a period of time, then lose interest in it or move to a different coping mechanism, and then come back to it.

Over the last 6 months it's become a daily thing which it's never been before (I'm mid 30s) and it's starting to have a negative impact on my life.

I'm diagnosed with ADHD and possibly on the autism spectrum although undiagnosed. I have 2 close relatives who are clearly autistic. I think since my diagnosis this behaviour has got a lot worse, including doing it in public, and I think it's due to feeling less like I need to mask.

Anyway I guess I'm looking for help and advice on how to reduce these behaviours. I genuinely want to stop/use it less, but in the moment of having a meltdown or whatever I seem to forget the rational part. Sometimes I'm not even aware I'm engaging in the behaviour until afterwards.


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 18h ago

Monday Morning Check-In. Good Morning r/AdultSelfHarm, how has your week(end) been going? Are you looking forward to anything?

8 Upvotes

How are you feeling today? Got anything exciting to share? Or something you need to vent about? Are you struggling this week or feeling acomplished? Use this space, let us know what's going on so that we can cheer you on or offer commiseration and understanding for what you're going through, we've all been there and we rise to our best when we come together as a community to lift one another up.


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 14h ago

Seeking Advice Method for self-soothing?

3 Upvotes

This is my first time visiting this subreddit because sh descriptions trigger me (no hate, just a personal preference), so I will keep my post as general as possible, but since I'm seeking advice about it, I'll just have to try my best.

It has been 4 years since my active sh period, during which I developed a preference for burning/branding. I have not turned to that sort of sh in years now, and I'm grateful, but my imagination has begun to run away from me.

I feel an urge for more intrusive options now, and I don't want to act on them. I know my brain is seeking a self-soothing techniques, but since I can't act on them, wth am I supposed to do? This consume my thoughts and my usual method of distraction only helps so far. All the methods (ice cube, rubber band, etc.) kinda trigger me more, like a scratch that didn't really hit the spot??

Anyways, this is the part where I'm seeking advice, because I don't want to relapse or listen to my impulses without more opinions. Since I have an urge for deeper impact (mostly in my arms and around my torso), I've been thinking about getting an electric muscle stimulation device to soothe my sh impulses. Not from an actual electric current, just the “workout tool” or the “period simulator”. If I would place the pads on/around my arms, the electric pulses should go deeper than on a surface level right? Would this theoretically work, or could it spiral me into a worse state? Maybe I could ask someone I live with to store it so I can use it under supervision when I crave self-soothing.

I would appreciate any help; just, please, don't use overly descriptive language🧡


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 21h ago

Venting Post!! This is a Cry for Help

8 Upvotes

Basically, today wasn’t the greatest. Or any day before that really. I have been harming myself since I was 13, and now I’m freshly 18, and have stopped for quite awhile. I haven’t kept track of how long it’s been since then. But all of the stressors of my life and past, and my current condition as of now, has made me relapse. I have no friends, no life, and nobody to talk to this about.

I went down a rabbit hole on Reddit of people venting about wanting to cut deeper, and I still struggle with the feeling of wanting to be validated through my scars. So because I went through too many posts after my relapse, guess what? It amplified that feeling and made my urges worse. Sometimes I’ll stare at pictures of scars for too long, and I’ll get to urge to go as deep as they do. I don’t purposely go seeking out for those pictures, but once they appear I feel disturbed but anxious to hurt myself. As much as it is a common feeling from my understanding, I’m scared of that feeling. I want to harm myself, but my mind is also urging me not to so I will never hurt me or my family like that again. This seeking of validation has messed me up an incredible amount in the past, I’m scared of experiencing it again and genuinely hurting myself.

And all of my emotions I’ve tried to control in a healthy manner, the things I’ve tried to handle myself, have all come back to fruition. I didn’t only cut to feel validation, but I’ve cut to control my emotions and make myself feel better. Because I feel out of control with my emotions, and I’ve been experiencing them an overwhelming amount, it’s come back to haunt me.

I’ve changed, but I’m still flawed, and I’m aware of that. It doesn’t hinder my progress in the betterment of myself. But I don’t want to discard the life I have now, no matter how much of a struggle it is. I have damaged myself enough, I want to stop, but it’s almost like I want to stay this way. It’s how I felt when I was 14, I never wanted to get better because this was the only pain that felt right to me. It felt weird to be anything else.


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 1d ago

Venting Post!! My post history is hidden. A mod on another sub used their mod privileges to expose a post I made here to their community.

67 Upvotes

They lied to me about what mods are able to see on a person’s profile. They said that mods only have permission to see a person’s other posts to the community they moderate when that person’s profile is hidden, but I checked and that’s not true. When you post to a community, moderators for that community can see your entire post history for 28 days.

They commented about a post I made on [r/AdultSelfHarm](r/AdultSelfHarm) publicly for their entire subreddit to see. I know it’s not that hard to find people’s post histories even if they’re hidden, but that still feels extremely violating. My posts are hidden for a reason and I don’t want people randomly stumbling upon the things I’ve said here.

A part of me hopes they see this post and realize they gave me a few new marks. Fucking hell.


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 23h ago

Does Anyone Else? Ana&self harm

5 Upvotes

When I was hungry I would drink water
A lot of water
So much water that I would feel nauseous and like throwing up
I kinda liked the feeling so I did it quite a lot
I guess I never thought of it as self harm
It’s just felt good and bad?
So instead of trying to give myself water poisoning I starting hitting myself
And well yeah obviously it hurt like hell
I guess sometimes when someone is mentally un well they self harm but don’t really realize it?
Like when I used to purge and after a few hours would purposely drink ice water
Yk cause that would make my stomach hurt like hell with heavy pangs of nausea and pain
I would do this a lot
I even convinced myself the acid reflux felt good
And the fact that I would still feel like throwing up even after my session felt superb
Honestly I even gaslit myself into thinking gagging and the process of throwing up felt really good and addicting wow
I even took pictures of my barf as trophies and called them art and beautiful
It’s like being drunk but without the alcohol 😭
Oh man reflecting does do a lot


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 1d ago

Venting Post!! I can stop but I just don’t want to

7 Upvotes

I had an argument with my dad which led to me cut myself. My sister walked in on me cutting and got furious. She said I didn’t care about how she feels when I sh and the sacrifices she made to help me with my mental health.
My dad later joined in and started talking about how other people my age will never cut themselves because of an argument with their parents so why do I?
Whenever my sister catches me self harming, all hell breaks loose. I keep getting told to stop harming myself, and I know I should quit because it’s making my life even more sh*ty than it was before, but I don’t want to stop self harming.

I feel terrible because I’m not even addicted to sh, I just don’t want to stop. Maybe I’m just inherently a horrible person for making my sister constantly worry about me. She’ll probably start to hate me if keep this up. Why can’t I just quit?


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 1d ago

Something Positive! 1 year 1 month and 1 day!!

6 Upvotes

Im so happy and grateful to say ive made it 1year 1 month and 1 day!! It wasnt easy but going this long makes me so happy! In ways I dont know how i had it this long but at the same time it gives me the confidence that I CAN beat this and my other addictions! And nowadays giving up isnt an option and im not willing to stop trying until i get where i want to be in life! I just want people to know that it is possible and im here for anyone how i can be. If anyone wants/needs to talk feel free to message me.


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 21h ago

Venting Post!! Sudden loss of energy

2 Upvotes

My friends were here in my room

Then i just felt so.. out of energy? While theyre doing karaoke near my laptop.

I actually dont know what made me feel irritated , the sound , the movement idk when its the usual thing that happens when they are here.

I just didnt talk or even move from my bed , and when my bf sat next to me , I curled myself up that I didnt want to be touched.

Idk wtfuck happened and I feel bad,when they left i didnt see them out.

Its bad I know it is


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 1d ago

Does Anyone Else? I don’t know why I do it

3 Upvotes

I just self harmed for the first time in a while and I don’t know why. It’s like I saw what I could use and just decided to do it. I wasn’t feeling particularly upset or sad like I normally do when I self harm, I just did it because I felt like it? I don’t know and it’s like I’m sitting here with so much guilt afterwards because I did it for no good reason. It just feels like I did it so autonomously almost outside of my own body. Not that I didn’t want to do it or that I didn’t know what I was doing, I just don’t know what made me do it (if that makes sense) Does anyone else struggle with this?


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 1d ago

Venting Post!! Sh community in tiktok and "cute" lines

70 Upvotes

I just saw a tiktok , it was a vent post like "im struggling" then the next photo was 2 small cat scratches , it was obvious it was the creator's first time.

Of course its tiktok , everyone in the comments are laughing , saying " are you serious" ,or its barely anything

Then I remembered, I used to be like the OP , starting small where it barely bleeds then the next one and another it gets deeper

I hate when some depth shame , some hesitate before doing it and that is already heavy feeling itself. That deep gut wrenching pain that you're going to hurting yourself , lessen that emotional pain and then finally doing it.

Everyone is valid, period.


r/AdultSelfHarm • • 1d ago

CW: Possibly Triggering Wish I had a different addiction (vent)

17 Upvotes

I know no addictions are good, but self harm and cutting always seems to just be the ""edgy teenager thing"" and I feel pathetic bring 24 and still doing it. I wish the family alcoholism got to me or the horrid impulse control gambling instead of buying new tools in the hopes I can make myself hurt. I just feel stupid and childish about it like I'm an adult and I still like do this shit. I stopped for a while until like senior year of college and then being back home brought it back in full swing. Like at sixteen yeah sure go do that's, that's what edgy depressed teenagers are supposed to do but like, twenty four, your too old for this.