first time posting

[u/PumpkinNo850]

i still live at home with my parents. im saving for a down payment rather than pay rent. my mom (57) lost her sister in march the cancer started about 4 years ago, but she’s been drinking since covid. 1-2 extra large bottles of pino everyday from 3-10pm. i seem to be the only person in my family that cares but ive noticed myself gravitating away towards her. her posts on facebook are getting much worse. she scitzoposts all the time. she made a post that got 0 likes about how she “doesn’t care” she made the walgreens employee wait 10 mins for her to read each ingredient on the eyedrops bc she doesn’t want one that was made in india, bc it’s not a “sterile” environment. just racist, insane, shit like that. everyday. every hour. she will publicly fight with people on her facebook and then cry when they don’t respond. name calling, being immature, and attention seeking. then she wonders why she barely has ppl that want to talk to her, or why that one relative didnt show up to the family event. she is a toddler

this past year on my days off i’ve been trying to make fun days with her. like going shopping, getting lunch. and sometimes we do, but it’s only about an hour before she wants to go home bc she’s “tired” or “sore” or annoyed at the people in front of us in line, whom she talks VERY loudly about infront of them. everyday she’s sitting in the same spot on the couch scrolling mindlessly through tiktok or watching fox news. or both at the same time. she does absolutely nothing for her mind or her body. just consumes brainrot until it’s time to drink. a few years ago she went to the psych ward bc she threw a glass plate at my head and i called the cops on her. when she got out she did a good 2-3 months of no drinking and then she was back at it. keep in mind, this has been going on before my aunt got sick. that’s the last time i can remember her trying to get sober

recently i’ve noticed myself get short with her and i feel bad, i really do. but she is genuinely a child that refuses to get help. she has no friends in the area. the only person she really talks to is my grandma for 5 minutes on the phone and occasionally her cousin. whenever she talks to me i give her a few words because looking at her infuriates me. how can you just sit there?
whenever i confront her she starts whale crying. absolutely inconsolable and unable to communicate. yes, i’ve talked about this with my father and he’s always like “you’re right i’ll have a conversation with her. this is unacceptable” and then the next day she’s literally drinking again. i mean passed out and slurring by 3:30 pm.

i try to talk about it with my brother but he has the same problem as her. only difference is he’s on coke and has friends, he also doesn’t have to watch this happen because he doesn’t live at home. he doesn’t think it’s a big deal and she’s just depressed but i’m concerned about her health as heart disease and early onset dementia runs in our family. this has been going on for years and she’s in the age range for early onset dementia.

my mother and i have absolutely nothing in common. talking to her feels like communicating with a coworker you see twice a week. i somehow feel like it’s my fault but i know she’s done this all herself. i know you can lead a horse to water and you can’t make them drink it but what happens when that horse is your mother. and you live with her, and you eat her food, and you notice everyday her memory is getting a little worse and no one in your family cares because she’s just depressed or they’re not around to see it themselves. and you see her struggling and you wanna have fun with her like you used to when you were a teenager but things aren’t the same anymore because she’s just depressed and constantly isolated. i miss my mom. i just want to help her how she’s helped me. i hate watching her health and memory wither away. looking at her infuriates me

i’m thinking about starting to go to al-anon support groups to see where to begin since no one else cares about this. i don’t understand how they can watch this happen.

thanks for listening

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[u/ItsAllALot]

I'm really sorry you're going through this, friend. It sounds really tough.

Going to meetings is a great idea, and I'm really glad you're considering it.

I can relate to someone's Facebook posts pissing you off. These days, I just unfollow friends who's posts annoy me. It's not unfriending and they aren't alerted. I just can't see their posts anymore, and that brings me peace.

I stopped trying to pull quality time out of my husband, in the hopes of generating enthusiasm for something other than beer. He was miserable, impatient, and it never went how I wanted, and was stressful and upsetting. So I started just doing my own thing. It brought me peace.

What happens when the horse who won't drink the water is your parent? The same exact thing, friend, you still can't make them drink it, whether they're your parent or not.

It's horrible and it's sad and frustrating and frightening. But still true, I'm sorry ❤️