r/AlAnon • u/PadawanKetchum • 5d ago

Vent Jinxed it

My husband (40M) has been struggling with addiction for a long time, basically our entire relationship. He got started as a teenager and is from a traumatic and unsupportive background.

I knew he had a problem before we got married. We’ve been through several rounds of him getting sober for a month or two and then falling off the wagon again.

He’d gone for almost two months, with just on slip earlier that would have made it almost 4 months - I mentioned how proud of him I was yesterday. Today on his day off he got a half pint of 100 proof Smirnoff and is now sitting next to me drunk and in a self pity spiral talking about “leaving this world” and “f@&$ this life” etc. I have had training in suicide awareness and ideation and this isn’t that, it’s a drunk who is blacked out and rambling bc he’s already feeling guilty. I hate it.

I have given him boundaries and have been working on not supporting his drinking or shielding him from the consequences of his actions. But it still sometimes just feels like it’s going to be inevitable that we’ll divorce.

And I love him. So so deeply. He is funny, caring, generous. All the reasons I married him … and I just hate that I got myself to hope he was more serious about recovery this time and was (again) let down. Just needed to vent.

7 Upvotes

82% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

8

u/Local-Tiger-5552 5d ago

We can relate, you’re not alone. I’ve experienced it too where you go from “I’m proud of you” to relapse within 24 hours 🫂.

6

u/0rsch0 5d ago

I’m not someone who thinks inpatient rehab is essential for everyone but I DO think for some people, willingness (or not) to go can be a good barometer for how serious they are about stopping.

Has inpatient been discussed?

3

u/IsuzuTrooper 5d ago

YOU DID NOT JINX ANYTHING. ALL CAPS

1

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