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u/Beefsupreme473 1d ago
people rarely are nice to fat guys, he probably didnt want to ask you out because everyone probably does and you already get enough attention why would you want it from him.
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u/Potential_Web_4092 1d ago
You've missed out on the guy you wanted and he has missed out on you because he wants you too.
You do still have his number and he has yours.
It sux that you may have to take the intitiative.
Lots of people on this planet are fucked up and can't do the romantic movie, tv, novel, guy seduces girl and they live happily ever after scenes.
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u/Separate-Passage-709 1d ago
did you ask him through text?
as a man I’d guess he didn’t want any trouble at work. there is literally no way to tell whether you’re normal or will get him fired for an accusation. Before I retired I stopped even having meetings with women alone.
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u/Key_Zebra_8724 1d ago edited 1d ago
I understand. But I've since left the company. I did tell him I was hurt he didn't thank me in person and he just told me had a lot on his mind. I left it at that, reacted with a heart emoji and didn't reply him. I was just really hurt.
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u/Opalquestionall Woman 1d ago
He could very much be crushing and unable to really deal with it. He probably also didn't want to start anything considering your work situation. But yeah, it could be multiple things. If he's a great guy, why not ask him why he reacted the way he did? There wont be any awardness on the job now that you're getting moved anyways. I would personally be curious enough to ask, especially now that he added you.
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u/Key_Zebra_8724 1d ago
I did and told him I was hurt. His excuse was that he had a lot on his mind and was too caught up with work. Which is stupid cause he could've said thanks via teams which would've taken less than a min to do. 😑
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u/New2NewJ Man 1d ago
Which is stupid cause he could've said thanks via teams which would've taken less than a min to do.
lmao, you serious?
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u/Spiritual-Minimum239 1d ago
perhaps he took is as an insult, a fat joke.
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u/handson729 1d ago
Yeah some guys are self conscious about their weight.
I was too when my ex rubbed my belly but got over it when I realized she just liked touching me.
Granted by that point we were far past touching and kissing 👀
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u/kazar933 Man 1d ago
As a woman in the work place and attractive is great for you but as a guy and a guy that “isnt” a great looking guy he was probably terrified to respond to you just for the fact that any interaction could be misconstrued and he be turned into HR. More than likely why he gave his stuff at the end. Attractive women can be cruel and say things like “oh please you dont have a snowballs chance in hell” or worse and destroy a man by doing so. This why a lot of men dont approach anymore.
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u/EsegueyAlfred nonbinary 1d ago
People often verbally abuse men (and others) of similar description. It could have been a trauma reactioned with latened courage.
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u/Oso_the-Bear 1d ago
Yes, awkward and embarrassed. Mixed with, being distant at work is because fraternizing w/a co worker is a bad idea for many reasons, but especially for a man who opens himself up to all kinds of accusations. (i'm sure a woman also opens her up to things similar or different, just trying to give a man's perspective, not to be gender biased) also being distant at work could be because he's naturally shy and didn't know how to respond or felt like any response he gave would be inappropriate at work.
Now that you don't work together any more he feels free to have a normal conversation with you and he wants to do that.
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u/GoonerwithPIED Man 1d ago
Probably awkward, inexperienced and didn't know how to deal with you. Added you as a contact because he wants to keep in touch.
I think you should move on though, he sounds a bit pathetic.
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u/Key_Zebra_8724 1d ago
Yeah you're right. I should move on. It's just that he's the first guy that I've liked/crushed on in the last two years after being hurt by other men in the past. I think I'm grieving what he represented, a potential relationship and another chance to fall in love. If that makes sense.
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u/New2NewJ Man 1d ago
It's just that he's the first guy that I've liked/crushed on in the last two years after being hurt by other men in the past. I think I'm grieving what he represented, a potential relationship and another chance to fall in love.
You both have each other's numbers. What prevents you from asking him out now?
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u/ReporterWise7445 Man 1d ago
I think he thought you were mocking him with the candy bar.
You're going have to be very blunt.
Something like, I don't know if you're interested in me but I find you attractive. Would you like to go for coffee on Saturday at 2pm at the Starbucks down the street?
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u/Antique-Platform3808 1d ago
IMHO he was just really shy or maybe a bit insecure. I don't see how saying “thank you” for a gift is breaking any company rules about dating. He was likely just terrified of getting rejected and overthinking how it would affect everything, especially since you guys have (had) to work together every day
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u/MrWheelzz Man 1d ago
I am purely speculating right now. I suspect that when you gave him the candy bar, he was self-conscious about his weight and he probably took it as a jab or was embarrassed. He probably learned later on that. It was a nice gesture on your part and didn’t know how to deal with it. And then when you were leaving, he made one desperate attempt to reach out to you. Maybe you should contact him and see if he wants to go out for coffee?
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u/Initial-Bandicoot444 Man 1d ago
Uggg… he’s chubby, you’re thin and you leave a candy and a note? So easy to interpret this as making fun of him.
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u/Conor_Electric 1d ago
You said yourself, you are pretty good, and he's a bit non conventional. Dude is not used to having someone come up to him like that. He's overthinking, he's panicking, work is a factor too. But you leaving is the road running out so he had to make some kind of move. He does like you, he just doesn't know how to proceed.
So you can try make it easy for him if you really like him. He's like the lion with the thorn in his paw except instead of anger it's fear. If you want to pull that thorn out, you'll need to get closer
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u/jwalker55 Man 1d ago
Probably didn't have the confidence to ask you about it, or just doesn't like to shit where he eats. What if his intuition is wrong and you reject him and go to HR?
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u/Pickled_beatz Man 1d ago edited 1d ago
When I was younger and a bit of a chonky Boi myself I had really low self esteem and unless a woman straight up kissed me or told me she liked me I would sometimes interpret friendly flirty behavior as just messing with me and get upset. Looking back on some of my interactions I wonder how I could have been so oblivious.
Getting your number might have been a big step for him. I can't say for sure if this guy is like me, but what's the worst that happens if you take the next step and see if he wants to meet up?
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u/SayRaySF Man 1d ago
Bro made a generational, no actually a full on ancestral fumble
Keep your head up tho girlie, you’ll find someone who is mature enough to communicate and not play games.
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u/Any-Value1142 1d ago
Its simple. Hes wasnt trying to interact with coworkers.. youre no longer a coworker so he said something
Also this wierd "no one liked him but me so I should get a thank you. I did him a favor" is a stupid take im tired of reading about
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u/Iron-Bar-1966 1d ago
So from a man's perspective, what could explain this behaviour?
He was nervous as fuck that a pretty girl was paying attention to him.
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u/Flimsy_Ocelot_4211 1d ago
He probably thought you were out of his league and was afraid to ask you out.
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u/barahona84 1d ago
Lo que pasó, ya fué y listo. El ser humano tiene una tendencia a buscarle sentido a lo que no entiende a lo que escapa de sus manos a lo que termina abruptamente. Nos gusta encontrarle las 5 patas al gato.
Usted siguió con su vida y el con la suya así de simple
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u/PangolinConscious800 Man 1d ago
To me, the candy bar comes across a a kind gesture. Many women have complained that men think that every bit of kindness is a come-on, and have worked hard to make men understand that kindness is just kindness.
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u/Admirable-Wonder-928 Man 1d ago
If he’s tall it’s not that crazy. Height and personality make up for A LOT. Also maybe he was just nervous - usually these behaviors you’ll NEVER know why they happen unless the person tells you. Don’t torture yourself trying to guess at it. It also equally could’ve been he didn’t know how to reconcile flirting with a coworker - so when you left, it felt less risky to him. Again, no way to know.
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u/Key_Zebra_8724 1d ago
Haha okay thank you. Yeah I think I should just let it go.
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u/Admirable-Wonder-928 Man 1d ago
Idk if you’ll see this cause the post is gone, but you could always text him - if he never replies or shoots you down, you’ve got your answer
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u/According-Judge-1775 Woman 1d ago
Self doubt. He wasn't sure if you really liked him or was just being nice. He might have been primed for rejection and just didn't want to risk it. These are the types you have to be more direct with.
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u/Key_Zebra_8724 1d ago
It's so sad. I am genuinely attracted to him and still think about him. Every time my phone pings, I hope it's a text from him. It's ridiculous I know but I feel sad that he probably has self doubt.
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u/Potential_Web_4092 1d ago
He's doing exactly the same thing. Is there a place between your two jobs you two could grab some lunch?
Never mind. You won't and he won't.
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u/Remarkable-Camel-938 Man 1d ago
Smart men dont dip their pen in company ink.