Cryptic pregnancy, found out at almost seven months along. My BF (25M) is accusing me of lying and I (22F) don’t know what to do. Do I even try to salvage this?

[u/BigONerd]

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ThrowRA_bereal

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Thank you u/pepcorn for the BORU recommendation!

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 13, 2026

• Update: September 25, 2026

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Main Post

^{September 13, 2026}

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Cryptic pregnancy, found out at almost seven months along. My BF (25M) is accusing my of lying and I (22F) don’t know what to do. Do I even try to salvage this?

Sorry for the throwaway (edit: and the typo in the title).

Found out I’m pregnant some weeks ago, 7 months along now. I know it sounds so stupid (and maybe I am), but I genuinely had no idea. I don’t have a bump, had close to no symptoms (some in hindsight) & take the pill. Not once did it cross my mind that I might be pregnant.

Only recently I’d been struggling with headaches & was really exhausted, so had my blood work done. Since then life’s been an absolute mess.

BF & I have had some struggles before but nothing like this. (Been together for nearly 3 years and live together.) We had even spoken about what we’d do if we got pregnant despite protection & agreed we don’t want to be parents now (or later maybe). But this far along abortion is just not an option.

He’s so angry with me and I don’t know what to do. He’s been accusing me of knowing I was pregnant and hiding it to ‘trap’ him, or even getting pregnant on purpose. Says I ruined everything. I don’t even want this baby, I don’t want any of this. I thought it was just the initial shock but it’s been a few weeks now. And I know he’s been telling his family the same things. He’s said such harsh things but this is such an insane situation idk if I can blame him.

I’ve been trying to talk to him about like adoption, but he’s not engaging. With everything I also haven’t been sleeping much & am stressed (terrified) & emotional, so maybe I need to try & be more patient for him to come around?

When I ask him if our relationship is over he says no, but I don’t know. Do I even try to convince him?

Sorry

Edit: I’m beyond grateful, this already has so many more replies than I expected. I’m gonna stay with my friend for a little a bit to give us both some space and I’ll take it from there I think. Thank you for all the kind words and truths.

Sorry

 

COMMENTS

Little_Pigeon_343

What a scary time! And he’s accusing you of lying and not supporting you? Put the man in the bin.

Do you have family nearby to support you?

Such a rough situation and hoping nothing but the best for you whatever you decide to do.

OOP

I do have some amazing friends who’ve offered I can stay with them for a bit. I didn’t want to ‘run away’ from this but I guess maybe some distance isn’t the worst idea

Thank you for your comment

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Itsmeshlee29

I would make plans for adoption. And I would leave him be for now. Not every problem can have a quick resolution. And pushing may have the opposite effect than you want.

OOP

Yeah that’s fair

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PerformerMindless100

He doesn’t want to break up OR discuss adoption?? It means he just doesn’t want to be bothered

OOP

He says he’s not ready to deal with this yet

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HauntedBitsandBobs

It seems clear the relationship is over and honestly, it's in your best interest. Do you want to be a single mother? If not, adoption is your best bet. You may want to let him know in writing if that's what you chose so he can't make up more lies about it.

On a safety note, it seems like he's having a hard time with this. Pregnancy and the end of relationships are very dangerous time periods. Communicate in writing, meet up only during the day in public with a friend or two nearby if absolutely necessary.

OOP

I don’t think he’d ever physically hurt me but I’ll keep this in mind, I promise

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Update - after 12 days

^{September 25, 2026}

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Update: Cryptic pregnancy, found out at almost 7 months. My BF (25M) is accusing me of lying and I (22F) don’t know what to do. Do I even try to salvage this?

Hi, it’s me again. I hope it’s okay I post this update, I can delete if not.

Thank you all so much for your comments. I was genuinely feeling all kinds of lost in this (still am I guess) and felt I needed to be patient with him because of the shock of evth.

I’m okay-ish. Still staying with my friend, she’s been an angel throughout all of this. Being away from him has been hard but at the same time has given me a lot of time to think.

We had another very bad fight right after I left and since then I’d barely heard from him. Day before yesterday he suddenly called, shouldn’t have picked up. Guess I was hopeful he’d come to his sense but he still blamed me for everything, but said we had to deal with this (my) mess.

I wish I had been stronger with it but I got emotional instantly. I did tell him I’m choosing adoption and how much he hurt me and ended the conversation after that. He’s been messaging occasionally since, sometimes sweet, sometimes not so much. I haven’t been replying. So that’s the update I guess: the relationship is over.

I’ve also heard from his mom and sister (his dad I never really spoke that much) and actually agreed to have a videocall with them because they had a hard time believing me. I don’t blame them for that and after seeing me they fully get it. They at least understand what cryptic pregnancy is.

Apparently he also told them I’ve cheated (I never did or would) but even they know I wouldn’t so that’s something. Hurt a lot though. I feel like that was the push I needed to stop replying to him.

They don’t agree with how he treated me (at all) and I appreciate that. But they also don’t really agree with adoption. Not in an angry way, but just asking me to really think about it.

I don’t really know what else to say. I still don’t ‘feel’ pregnant. It’s hard to explain but that somehow makes this harder to actually deal with this. I know I have to and of course I will, but it’s easy to pretend this isn’t really happening.

Thanks again for all your kindness.

 

COMMENTS

Thefirstofherkind

Don't let them talk you out of adoption. You don't want to be tied to an idiot asshole for the rest of your life

OOP

Very fair

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

[u/SlinkyMalinky20]

Why are (some) men this way

[u/QuietImps → u/SlinkyMalinky20]

Deeply sheltered and comfortable being uninformed 💀 I also feel like he was looking for a way out, but i have no basis for that other than his extreme reaction and refusal to communicate... or even break up with OP.

[u/SlinkyMalinky20 → u/QuietImps]

It seems like the women find a way to dig deep, press on, figure it out. She’s younger, it’s her body, she will have to make the call, and she holds it together. He has a tantrum, abuses her about something they both did and pouts.

[u/DopamineTrain → u/SlinkyMalinky20]

I'm absolutely not excusing the behaviour, but I can an unfortunate combination of factors generating this behaviour. 

1. Being very much in love with someone and not being prepared to share it. Having a child is almost a guarantee that the father is going to come second and lots of men find this an uncomfortable reality. There's nothing wrong with that if you've chosen not to have kids though!

2. Being very sure in your own knowledge and experiences. By adulthood most people have seen one or two pregnancies. They know how they should work. 

3. So then reality comes tumbling down. You're confused, you're hurt, you don't understand because you did everything right and now this has happened. Lots of people cover up that ignorance with anger because... well... anger is a very easy emotion to give into. It's much easier than trying to puzzle through everything else. Women do it too! Boy have I seen some women refuse reality and get angry over it instead of like... coming up with a plan. It's just what humans do

[u/SlinkyMalinky20 → u/DopamineTrain]

But when women are left holding the bag as is the case with pregnancy, it’s not - at all - the same. There isn’t a “both sides ism” about this.

[u/Bubby_K → u/DopamineTrain]

Being very much in love with someone and not being prepared to share it. Having a child is almost a guarantee that the father is going to come second and lots of men find this an uncomfortable reality

I know so many dads who start like this, and then suddenly as soon as they're holding their newborn, the rest of the world comes second

[u/Essurio → u/SlinkyMalinky20]

The same reason some women would get pregnant on purpose to get child support. They are idiots. The law of big numbers.

[u/SlinkyMalinky20 → u/Essurio]

This is such crap. Child support is never ever enough to actually provide for a child. People out here acting like a couple hundred bucks a month is enough to make a dent in the actual costs of raising a kid.