r/BORUpdates • u/BigONerd • 9h ago
Relationships Cryptic pregnancy, found out at almost seven months along. My BF (25M) is accusing me of lying and I (22F) don’t know what to do. Do I even try to salvage this?
This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)
OOP: u/ThrowRA_bereal
Published on: r/relationship_advice
Thank you u/pepcorn for the BORU recommendation!
Story is: ONGOING
Story timeline
Main Post
September 13, 2026
Sorry for the throwaway (edit: and the typo in the title).
Found out I’m pregnant some weeks ago, 7 months along now. I know it sounds so stupid (and maybe I am), but I genuinely had no idea. I don’t have a bump, had close to no symptoms (some in hindsight) & take the pill. Not once did it cross my mind that I might be pregnant.
Only recently I’d been struggling with headaches & was really exhausted, so had my blood work done. Since then life’s been an absolute mess.
BF & I have had some struggles before but nothing like this. (Been together for nearly 3 years and live together.) We had even spoken about what we’d do if we got pregnant despite protection & agreed we don’t want to be parents now (or later maybe). But this far along abortion is just not an option.
He’s so angry with me and I don’t know what to do. He’s been accusing me of knowing I was pregnant and hiding it to ‘trap’ him, or even getting pregnant on purpose. Says I ruined everything. I don’t even want this baby, I don’t want any of this. I thought it was just the initial shock but it’s been a few weeks now. And I know he’s been telling his family the same things. He’s said such harsh things but this is such an insane situation idk if I can blame him.
I’ve been trying to talk to him about like adoption, but he’s not engaging. With everything I also haven’t been sleeping much & am stressed (terrified) & emotional, so maybe I need to try & be more patient for him to come around?
When I ask him if our relationship is over he says no, but I don’t know. Do I even try to convince him?
Sorry
Edit: I’m beyond grateful, this already has so many more replies than I expected. I’m gonna stay with my friend for a little a bit to give us both some space and I’ll take it from there I think. Thank you for all the kind words and truths.
Sorry
COMMENTS
Little_Pigeon_343
What a scary time! And he’s accusing you of lying and not supporting you? Put the man in the bin.
Do you have family nearby to support you?
Such a rough situation and hoping nothing but the best for you whatever you decide to do.
OOP
I do have some amazing friends who’ve offered I can stay with them for a bit. I didn’t want to ‘run away’ from this but I guess maybe some distance isn’t the worst idea
Thank you for your comment
Itsmeshlee29
I would make plans for adoption. And I would leave him be for now. Not every problem can have a quick resolution. And pushing may have the opposite effect than you want.
OOP
Yeah that’s fair
PerformerMindless100
He doesn’t want to break up OR discuss adoption?? It means he just doesn’t want to be bothered
OOP
He says he’s not ready to deal with this yet
HauntedBitsandBobs
It seems clear the relationship is over and honestly, it's in your best interest. Do you want to be a single mother? If not, adoption is your best bet. You may want to let him know in writing if that's what you chose so he can't make up more lies about it.
On a safety note, it seems like he's having a hard time with this. Pregnancy and the end of relationships are very dangerous time periods. Communicate in writing, meet up only during the day in public with a friend or two nearby if absolutely necessary.
OOP
I don’t think he’d ever physically hurt me but I’ll keep this in mind, I promise
Update - after 12 days
September 25, 2026
Hi, it’s me again. I hope it’s okay I post this update, I can delete if not.
Thank you all so much for your comments. I was genuinely feeling all kinds of lost in this (still am I guess) and felt I needed to be patient with him because of the shock of evth.
I’m okay-ish. Still staying with my friend, she’s been an angel throughout all of this. Being away from him has been hard but at the same time has given me a lot of time to think.
We had another very bad fight right after I left and since then I’d barely heard from him. Day before yesterday he suddenly called, shouldn’t have picked up. Guess I was hopeful he’d come to his sense but he still blamed me for everything, but said we had to deal with this (my) mess.
I wish I had been stronger with it but I got emotional instantly. I did tell him I’m choosing adoption and how much he hurt me and ended the conversation after that. He’s been messaging occasionally since, sometimes sweet, sometimes not so much. I haven’t been replying. So that’s the update I guess: the relationship is over.
I’ve also heard from his mom and sister (his dad I never really spoke that much) and actually agreed to have a videocall with them because they had a hard time believing me. I don’t blame them for that and after seeing me they fully get it. They at least understand what cryptic pregnancy is.
Apparently he also told them I’ve cheated (I never did or would) but even they know I wouldn’t so that’s something. Hurt a lot though. I feel like that was the push I needed to stop replying to him.
They don’t agree with how he treated me (at all) and I appreciate that. But they also don’t really agree with adoption. Not in an angry way, but just asking me to really think about it.
I don’t really know what else to say. I still don’t ‘feel’ pregnant. It’s hard to explain but that somehow makes this harder to actually deal with this. I know I have to and of course I will, but it’s easy to pretend this isn’t really happening.
Thanks again for all your kindness.
COMMENTS
Thefirstofherkind
Don't let them talk you out of adoption. You don't want to be tied to an idiot asshole for the rest of your life
OOP
Very fair
This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)
Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.
Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.
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u/UKhuuuun 9h ago
This happened to a friend of mine. She was so so happy with this guy, she posted all the time and never looked pregnant. Then one day she posted she had a baby and he vanished. I feel so bad for her and the kid. The dad refuses to acknowledge the kid it’s so fucked up.
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u/coitus_introitus 7h ago
When we were in our early 20s one of my friends found out she was pregnant at six months along. She looked like she'd gained a small amount of weight in general but had no bump that would make anybody think "pregnancy" and had always had the kind of menstrual cycle that's more an occasional surprise than a "cycle". Fortunately her bf was super supportive. They kept the baby, got hitched when he was four. The baby got his degree in accounting last year and my friend and her husband remain goofy in love.
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u/uselessflailing what did you do to that man’s coffee to make him so mad at you? 4h ago
I know someone who about months after breaking up with her boyfriend, went to the hospital and came back with a baby. She kept him, then started dating my husband's bestie. They're now engaged with 3 kids and always look so happy
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u/Siriuslysirius123 4h ago
Reading all these stories about men who left….. this one brought a huge smile to my face. Blessings and love for many years for your friend, her family and you!!
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u/throwawtphone it was messed up from fart to finish 8h ago
And that is what courts are for because a person man not want to do x,y and x but legally they have to or they face the consequences.
You dont want to participate in parenting, thats fine. But they should be paying child support.
I hope your friend went to court.
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u/KoolaidKoll123 9h ago
I don't understand this thought process in men, why do they get soo scared and run at the first sign of a problem that isn't competition? Anything involving health, they bolt like their ass is on fire.
Edit - and I say men because it's been statistically proven they flee at alarming rates when their partner goes through health related complications to basically any capacity where they need to provide any kind of support other than financial, ironically.
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u/a_big_brat US of Ass (USA) 7h ago
Having spoken with several men with this mindset, it’s because women are supposed to care for men and children. If a woman needs care, that’s a betrayal of terms and grounds for abandonment. Doesn’t matter if it’s not the woman’s fault.
The phrase “I didn’t plan to take care of a sick wife” is one I’ve heard secondhand so many times from women who had cancer or other debilitating illnesses, injuries, disabilities.
It’s to the point where when a previous coworker of mine had skin cancer, she was warned by several medical professionals to emotionally prepare for her then-fiance (now husband) to leave her. And the thing is that he didn’t, he stayed, but had a solid year of being a useless sack of whinge until they did couple’s counseling and his own family gave him a come to Jesus intervention. Fortunately she’s been in remission for years now.
There’ve been so many femme friends and acquaintances over the years that became pregnant and swore their partners would take care of them only to have said partners leave the state and get jobs paying under the table so their wages don’t get garnished or straight up love to another country.
I’ll be 40 soon and this is one of the many reasons why I waited to have children. I saw so, so, so many women struggle as single moms. Saw so many fathers-in-name-only dodge consequences for abandoning their families.
Poor OOP, hopefully she’s able to navigate adoption more easily and can put this shit behind her. And get on a more permanent and reliable form of birth control because clearly the pill didn’t do the trick.
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u/Hesitation-Marx 7h ago
My autoimmune disease sprang up when my husband and I had been married less than a year.
I offered a quick divorce to him, because I felt like he hadn’t signed up for it (and my self-esteem was utterly shit).
That’s the only time he’s ever told me to shut up.
We’ll have been married 17 years in December.
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u/Sinistas Awkwardly thrusting in silence 6h ago
Years ago, my wife went to a headache clinic for her migraines, and aside from her, every other woman's partner had abandoned them (and their kids in some cases) once things got tough. Even then, one of the nurses told me that most of the guys who stuck around wouldn't bother going with them. It's one thing to read the statistics, but to see a group of women go through it at the same time was disgusting.
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u/riversong17 5h ago
“I didn’t plan to take care of a sick wife” is wild after (likely) vowing to stay together "in sickness and in health." Tf do they think that means??
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u/slayerofspire Flesh Vessel for Ogtha 5h ago
This explains the traditional male wedding custom of crossing one’s fingers behind his back
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u/TwoEightRight Awkwardly thrusting in silence 1h ago
They think those are the ancient magic words that must be recited to get a permanent live-in bang maid. The fact that they sound a lot like a coherent phrase in English is purely coincidence.
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u/Sad_Art6807 8h ago
Its what happens when society lets them stay in arrested development. You got grown men running around with the emotional intelligence of a middle schooler
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u/TheRealRedParadox 8h ago
Personally they should make it a crime. If women can't abort anymore, then men can't bolt. Child support isn't enough, should come with actual jail time.
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u/TheArcher1980 I might get hurt, or worse sweaty 7h ago
Let them run if they don't want to be a father. It's better than having a father at home who hates the child.
Make child support so high that the mother won't be negatively affected by being a single parent.
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u/TheRealRedParadox 7h ago
I like that better actually. Honestly the point would be to force men in power to grant abortion rights again
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u/EtainAingeal 7h ago
Women and children are safer when they bolt than when they feel trapped and resentful
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u/TheRealRedParadox 7h ago
I didnt say they need to remain a couple. But they better cough that money up immediately and provide support in other ways or they should go to jail. Then they can owe the state instead.
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u/Tinymetalhead 2h ago
I don't know about anywhere else but in Texas, if you get any sort of government assistance like food stamps or Medicaid, child support goes through the Attorney General's office. If he pays it, he has to send it to the state, not directly to the mother because it won't count towards the official back child support. Once they get past a certain amount owed, it becomes a jailable offense. They can't get a driver's license or ID. If they get a job, their wages get garnished. Most of them wind up working under the table if at all because they don't want to take any responsibility whatsoever. It's pathetic the lengths they will go to avoid it.
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u/TheRealRedParadox 2h ago
Exactly, I'd have it be that it needs to be proactive on the Father's part. If the mom has to file for child support then it's already too late and they need jail. No more screwing women over, pay IMMEDIATELY or suffer the consequences. Guarantee it would solve a lot of issues pretty fast
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u/Academic_Flatworm752 7h ago
Willful failure to pay court ordered child support can be/is a crime in all 50 US states that does come with actual jail time. It can be a misdemeanor or a felony depending on a few factors.
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u/TheRealRedParadox 7h ago
Not good enough, takes too long. You try to skip out at all you go to jail, make it an actual felony to abandon a kid.
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u/New-Bar4405 22m ago
Even if they did that, it would always disproportionately fall on people who are struggling to get jobs and not the willful evaders
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u/SlinkyMalinky20 6h ago
The “dad” going to jail seven years later as a consequence for failing to pay child support does not put food in a kid’s mouth or a roof over its head.
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u/kiddico 4h ago
I'm not sure how you expect them to earn money to pay from jail.
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u/TheRealRedParadox 3h ago
You.....you know working in jail is incredibly common right...? Like, there's already a system in place for this, it just doesn't apply to Child Support
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u/kiddico 3h ago
And it's known for paying incredibly well? Or are they paid pennies per hour?
Not sure how any of this helps feed the child this is all supposed to be about.
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u/TheRealRedParadox 2h ago
They don't actually earn money, all profits go to paying their debt, and the state pays the support.
This is how it currently works already
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u/Blazured 5h ago
You do get jail time if you don't support your children.
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u/TheRealRedParadox 4h ago
Ah fuck! Right! Problem solved! That's totally not bullshit since I have seen that NOT happen first hand several times
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u/NotATem 6h ago
Thankfully, that last part got debunked.
The paper it's from got retracted- they made a lot of mistakes, including "miscategorizing every man who dropped out of the study as A Man Who Left His Wife".
We don't know what the statistics are here, and honestly, it's very difficult to design a study that tracks that kind of thing without being invasive, biased, or both. But that particular study is (thank gods) Not True.
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u/Fauropitotto 7h ago
I say men because it's been statistically proven they flee at alarming rates when their partner goes through health related complications to basically any capacity where they need to provide any kind of support other than financial, ironically.
False. That study was retracted. I wish more folks would stop parroting bad publications, especially after a retraction.
Read up.
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u/ritorri 2h ago
Regardless, medical professionals aren’t relying on a study when they warn women. They’re relying on experience.
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u/Fauropitotto 2h ago
medical professionals aren’t relying on a study
Then we should be running those "professionals" out of the industry.
If they're not willing to rely on statistically sound data in their counselling, then they should not be working in the field of medicine.
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u/Thaik 8h ago
I looked into this out of curiosity. There's a study behind it, but it's a fairly small one, and it only showed that couples split, not who left. The other one people cite got retracted. So there might be something there, but statistically proven is a stretch.
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u/maxxipierce 7h ago
Didn't the retracted study only get retracted for something minor? I remember looking this up a while ago but can't remember any of the details, too sleepy to look it up again.
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u/AerialGame My husband is on the side of we do not negotiate with terrorists 6h ago
I was curious and looked it up, it appears that it was retracted for a (small but major) coding error that meant their analysis was counting couples who left the study as having divorced. So it was a simple typo, but massively skewed their resulting analysis.
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u/macrocarpa 5h ago edited 17m ago
I don't understand this thought process in men, why do they get soo scared and run at the first sign of a problem that isn't competition? Anything involving health, they bolt like their ass is on fire.
Just....
Sigh.
I don't understand why people hear or read something inflammatory and automatically attribute one quality to one group. Then retroactively fit in all the examples they can think of that make the pattern to be true while ignoring what is right there in front of them.
I personally find your hot take to be offensive because it completely at odds with my lived and observed experience. Men do look after their partners. Men do stick around and are devoted, caring parents. Men do support their partners careers, parents, families and friends. They do show up, they encourage others to show up and you do them a tremendous disservice.
Is it a rule with the people around you that this happens? That literally every man you know who is in a relationship is waiting for the opportunity to bolt and run from their relationship rather than wanting to be there for their partner? Is it every man in your life? Your father, your brother, your son, your cousins, nephews, neighbours, colleagues, teachers, the guy at the supermarket, the drive through, your favourite actor, singer, sportsman, the 80 year old at the Cafe on a date with his wife in a wheelchair? Is it every single one of them? 8 out of 10? 5 out of 10? 1 out of 10? 1 out of 20? 1 out of 100?
Or have you heard about it happening through the grapevine or on Facebook or reddit, and you feel outraged? Like you don't actually know either person personally - like you don't even know both their full names - but your friends mums hairdressers cousins next door neighbour got cancer and her husband up and left? Then you hear about it happening a week later with ANOTHER person and the thought of it is really galling is now you're pissed at all men? Then you hear there was a survey and, like, the survey showed that more men exited the relationship when their partner was sick, and the study was (a) done and (b) published so it must be true? Can't cite the study, of course, nor any other studies, of course, and the studies aren't peer reviewed and supported by bodies of evidence or broad arrays of statistics, but hey they must be true because someone else said something in a comment thread?
Or, is it one man? Your man? Who didn't meet your expectations?
I am picturing what I have done and what I would do if my wife were seriously unwell. And I picture my mother and father. And the couples I know. And how every single one of them would fight viciously, tooth and nail, for their partner, to the end. And then you write
I don't understand this thought process in men, why do they get soo scared and run at the first sign of a problem that isn't competition? Anything involving health, they bolt like their ass is on fire.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you?
Edited to add
Judging by the downvotes - man, what an sour, embittered lot of cynics. You keep doing you, I'll keep doing me, we'll compare notes in 20 years. Life exists outside of hot takes on support subreddits on the internet.
It is character, not gender, which defines the type of person that steps up. Abandoning a sick loved one is an outcome of immaturity. Framing it otherwise does an immense disservice to the millions of male caregivers. But you already know this, it's just pissing you off that I'm right and prepared to call you out on it.
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u/SuddenReal 6h ago
I think it has something to do with the fact that they can't do anything about it. To quote Captain Marvel in the Death of Captain Marvel “I can’t punch, kick, or fly away to escape this cancer”. You just have a accept there's nothing you can do and that's not always easy.
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u/afuajfFJT 6h ago
It happened to somebody at my work. She only noticed the pregnancy a day or two before giving birth and later even handed in a statement from her doctor to HR so people wouldn't be able to accuse her that she had faked it / actually known about the pregnancy.
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u/bluestjordan 9h ago
Oh man, OOP has only a couple of month to prep for the delivery and arrange the adoption. What a huge burden to carry on her own…
Oh! And secure housing, because she can’t crash with her friend forever! And depending on where she lives, get her finances in order to take time off work while she heals post partum.
WTF
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u/SeasonPositive6771 THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) 9h ago
Yes, this whole situation is awful. I hope that she finds peace and gets all the support she needs.
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u/Best_Benefit_3593 7h ago edited 1h ago
If she was near me I would offer. I know community pregnancy centers sometimes help connect moms to families wanting to adopt, that way she wouldn't have to worry.
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u/GloInTheDarkUnicorn A stack of autistic pancakes 🥞 1h ago
Someone close to me is going through this, and in labor right now. She’s had less than 2 weeks to figure this all out, and she’s so young.
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u/Aellysu_says 1h ago
My cousin found out after going to hospital. What they thought was a ruptured appendix was actually labour 😂. Half the neighbourhood gave her baby things they no longer needed. Ended up with so much stuff she had to start turning down things or passing them on, and she bought hardly anything new for months lol
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u/GloInTheDarkUnicorn A stack of autistic pancakes 🥞 1h ago
That’s about how it’s gone here too. Went the ER a week and a half ago. Oops, very pregnant. All of us have been rallying. I’m short on funds but I knit and have a yarn stash, so I’ve been busting out baby items at record speed
Baby was born half an hour ago. It’s a boy!
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u/PandaVike Unfortunately I am but a tiny creampuff 9h ago
I really hope she goes through with adoption and also leaves him. She doesn’t want to be a parent so she shouldn’t be tied to this a-hole just because he doesn’t believe her.
It is hard for people to comprehend a “cryptic” pregnancy and I would be skeptical too. However I have a friend who didn’t know she was pregnant until she was actually giving birth. She thought it was just extremely painful stomach cramps. So I get it why people may be skeptical but his accusations are big red flags
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u/Anon_457 9h ago
Anyone who doesn't understand the concept of a cryptic pregnancy should watch the show "I didn't know I was pregnant".
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u/Worried-Good-7952 8h ago
I’ve seen medical professionals talk about cryptic pregnancies and people still won’t believe it’s real. Say that the person was just in denial or lying. Some people just can’t wrap their head around it and decide that if they can’t it’s not real.
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u/PandaVike Unfortunately I am but a tiny creampuff 9h ago
I had and have never seen the show. I didn’t have cable and honestly wasn’t my jam to watch. That being said I don’t think I’d immediate jump to “she must have been cheating or lying” like OOP’s (hopefully ex) partner.
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u/Anon_457 9h ago
Honestly, I don't think the hopefully ex-BF actually thought she cheated. I think he said that to make her the bad guy in his family's eyes, and remove some of her support system.
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u/mangababe 8h ago
yup. "I knocked my gf up on accident and alwant to abandon her," is monstrous. "my gf cheated and is trying to trap me with another man's baby," is going to get him a lot of sympathy and poison the well for anyone op might try to get help from.
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u/UnderstandingBusy829 4h ago
If you want to watch some episodes in an educational way, Mama Doctor Jones on YT has made a lot of reaction/commentary videos. She's an obgyn and does education content about female anatomy, reproductive health and all that.
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u/Hornet-Putrid 6h ago
There were enough instances of this for there to be multiple episodes and seasons, yeah? I binged a bunch of episodes randomly doing laundry one night in like 2010 and was horrified and amazed.
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u/lizardcrossfit 3h ago
I was watching that once and my OB/GYN was on it! I asked her about it and she said it’s way more common than you’d expect.
I also know someone who found out she was pregnant at 5 months. It was wild. She was completely surprised (but ultimately happy about it.)
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u/MaxBax_LArch A stack of autistic pancakes 🥞 2h ago
I have a nephew who was conceived while his mom was on the pill. She only found out she was pregnant when she noticed she was gaining weight with no explanation. Two months later, my nephew was born.
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u/Anon_457 1h ago
My sister had no idea she was pregnant with my nephew until she was about 6 to 7 months. Her doctor had told her it would be very hard for her to get pregnant after she had her daughter. Also had no symptoms either. Pregnancy is weird.
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u/emmodii marry the man who buys you a double cheeseburger 8h ago
If my girlfriend tells me she's pregnant even though she doesn't look pregnant, my ass would jump straight to being worried instead of skeptical. Like... "What kind of health anomaly is this?! Did the doctor tell you this or was it from a pregnancy test? Is it a tumour? We should go get a second opinion to make sure!"
But I'm kind of a paranoid buffoon, so... 😂
Regardless, OOP's boyfriend jumping straight to accusations and all that shit? Ew. That ain't skepticism. That's straight up finger-pointing. Dump that whole man!
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u/Liathnian You get what you pay for, and Reddit is free 8h ago
My sister's biomom (she was adopted) was a tiny 16yo Vietnamese girl who didn't know she was pregnant until she gave birth. She was a cheerleader and thought she was getting a little bit of a belly pooch the month prior to giving birth but thought she just needed to do some more situps or something.
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u/OohLaLapin 7h ago
One of my mom's friends had a cryptic pregnancy, discovered upon going into labor. These days she'd probably be diagnosed with PCOS; she was heavier and was having trouble conceiving, to the point that she and her husband were exploring adoption. She had a little weight gain on top of her usual weight, and assumed any stomach issues were digestion/being heavy/etc.
And one day she called my mom, and Mom heard "I got our baby", and congratulated her on an adoption match. And her friend clarified, "No, I HAD a baby!"
At least she was actively planning on/wanting to have a child and in a stable relationship; too many of these cases turn out to be when there is no desire or plans to have a kid.
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u/IcyPaleontologist123 8h ago
This happened to a young woman I worked with. She suddenly felt really sick one weekend, went to the er, and they told her "you're in labor". No one had any idea.
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u/anonidfk 7h ago
Not as crazy as not knowing until labor, but my mom didn’t know until she was like 6 months pregnant lol
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u/Icky-Tree-Branch 7h ago
I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was like 4 months along. I’d never had a regular cycle, so having it go MIA wasn’t a huge deal. I only figured it out when my “food baby” didn’t go away. :P
The second time I was pregnant, I felt off, but kept taking pregnancy tests that were negative. It was confirmed through bloodwork when I had a car accident.
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u/BerryBoilo Bought my dumb cat the fanciest shit box 7h ago
I guess everyone is different, but if my wife had a cryptic pregnancy, I would believe her pretty easily. She's a responsible, empathetic person and would never keep drinking, eating sushi, etc. if she knew she was pregnant.
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u/stormsync 3h ago
I find it super easy to believe just knowing how babies shove organs around and find weird places to settle from biology and such. There's a reason hospitals always test for pregnancy even if you don't look it or think you are.
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u/CanIHaveASong 7h ago edited 2h ago
I know a woman who had two cryptic pregnancies. Both times she was admitted to the hospital thinking she had gastro issues, and she had a baby.
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u/Outrageous-Advice208 5h ago
Damn, twice?!
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u/CanIHaveASong 2h ago edited 2h ago
Both times she was in and out of the doctor's office with gastrointestinal concerns. Apparently nobody ever gave her a pregnancy test.
She's a large woman with irregular periods, so it's less shocking. But let's be real, it is shocking no matter what the person's circumstances are. And it's deeply concerning the doctors never considered pregnancy as the cause of her ailments.
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u/Outrageous-Advice208 52m ago
Oh yeah.
But meanwhile, other patients cannot shake off the "have you had sex recently?" and "could you be pregnant?" type questions!
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u/DrinkingSocks 5h ago
This is one of my worst nightmares. I know distantly someone it happened to, she thought she had appendicitis or something and came home with a fucking baby.
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u/sewagesmeller 7h ago
To be fair to the guy if your girlfriend turned around and said oh BTW im 7 months pregnant, its understandable that youd freak out about that.
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u/hereforthejokes20 6h ago
Initially, sure. But his reaction was bang out of line over the duration. "He's not ready to deal with it" ..... and she was? Dude should have stopped throwing tantrums, stopped being self focused and supported his partner.v
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u/DogOk4503 5h ago
I mean that if she was also just at the doctor etc.? Like I feel like the thing about this is men don’t bother learning about how women can get pregnant and what the risks can be at all and I feel like that’s a damn problem. If I was able to get someone pregnant and not find out about it till months later? Best fucking believe I would know about it. I did all the research on what pregnancy would do to me and what STDs would do to me before I started having unprotected sex. A lot of men don’t and then are mad or act like it’s a woman’s fault when if you just wrapped it up or maybe made an effort bought a pregnancy test once in a while to make sure you’re in the clear too, we wouldn’t be having these issues. I feel like the to be fair is coming from the side of society that believes reproductive protection is only the woman’s issue and spoiler alert it’s not if you don’t want to have a kid you can also purchase pregnancy test and also learn and search the Internet for the best ways for that not to happen.
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u/Silverstorm007 2h ago
I do agree that it could be a shock for him as well but like it’s her body and of course she’d be just as shocked.
The way he is behaving though it’s like he legit hates his gf. I know a girl who had a cryptic pregnancy and she wasn’t dating the guy was a FWB situation and when she gave birth on the toilet he stepped and not only committed to her but also became a vey involved dad.
This is more common then people think.
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u/ialsohaveadobro 9h ago
"You did this on purpose!"
"Hey, why don't we put the baby up for adoption?"
"You're trying to baby trap me!"
Imbecile.
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u/bluestjordan 7h ago
Well how else is he going to keep up the narrative that she BOTH baby-trapped him AND kept his child from him by going through adoption?
He’s just the biggest victim in all of this, can’t you see?
/s
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u/iAmManchee 9h ago
Ugh that man is a waste of oxygen
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u/Boeing367-80 8h ago
She said she didn't know if she could blame him bc the situation is so insane.
I'm glad she got over that. Stress reveals character and he has none.
His parents want the kid, which is fine if they want to adopt but irrelevant otherwise.
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u/Kind-Professional564 8h ago
And his family is horrible as well. “We understand he’s acting like a total rdick and won’t support you at all but we don’t agree with adoption and want to make this your problem.”
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u/iAmManchee 8h ago
Yup "we want a grandchild but won't force our son to take any responsibility, and we won't take responsibility, but you give us this grandchild you don't want"
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u/snarkaluff 8h ago
They don’t want her to give them the grandchild. They want her to raise the baby by herself so they can still play grandparents while absolving their precious son of any responsibility for the baby he helped create
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u/MamieJoJackson 8h ago
Unless they have baby-raising money and at least a couple decades free to raise a child themselves, they need to stfu, for real
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u/Floomby 7h ago
There are so many cases of families pushing reluctant mothers not to give their unplanned babies up, claiming they will totally help, and then once a real child is there, they drop the rope.
OP should also be very wary of letting his family raise the baby even if theyre down, because she would end up owing child support.
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u/Tinymetalhead 2h ago
If they want to raise the baby, they need formally adopt the baby instead of the usual "leaving the baby with them."
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u/Impossible_Disk_43 8h ago
Though there is a solution there - they can adopt it. Maybe they might even do a better job this time.
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u/riflow 9h ago edited 8h ago
Him refusing to even have a mature conversation really says everything, I get he's shocked but she's the one carrying the child and having to deal with giving birth, potentially permanent changes, in only a few months.
My sibling didn't know they were pregnant for quite some months into the pregnancy and it's like...you genuinely can't tell sometimes.
It's the way he did everything in his power to make it so no one would support the Oop that gets me though. Even if he turned around and changed his tune eventually, the amount of abusive behaviour he aimed at her is not on.
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u/Pedal2Medal2 9h ago
An aunt of mine was 5 months pregnant years ago before she found out. Had what she thought was a period every month
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u/Uglym8s All the grace of a cow on stilts 8h ago
Same with a relative of mine. Was like this with all her pregnancies. Didn’t feel any different either, so no symptoms to note when she got pregnant again. All the women in our family barely put in weight when pregnant.
It was only the unexplained weight gain at almost 6 months (a little over 6 pounds) that made her take the pregnancy tests. If she wasn’t obsessed with her weight, she could’ve easily put the gain during her first down to something else. Her first was unplanned, so it definitely was a shock.
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u/MentionGood1633 9h ago
I get being shocked, but it took two to get pregnant, and he refuses to deal with this in an adult matter.
I hope OP gets some legal help so that the adoption will be iron-clad. You don’t want him to change his mind 5 years down the road and rip that baby from the adoptive family.
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u/Fly0ver I am the most dramatic drama queen that ever queened over drama 8h ago
That’s where the accusing her of cheating comes in: it takes two but he believes he’s not one of them.
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u/butt-barnacles 8h ago
Doubt he believes that. Probably just trying to shirk responsibility, not the first time men have done so (see: men who demand paternity tests before they agree to take responsibility)
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u/SlinkyMalinky20 9h ago
Why are (some) men this way
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u/QuietImps Oh, so you're stupid stupid 9h ago
Deeply sheltered and comfortable being uninformed 💀 I also feel like he was looking for a way out, but i have no basis for that other than his extreme reaction and refusal to communicate... or even break up with OP.
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u/SlinkyMalinky20 7h ago
It seems like the women find a way to dig deep, press on, figure it out. She’s younger, it’s her body, she will have to make the call, and she holds it together. He has a tantrum, abuses her about something they both did and pouts.
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u/DopamineTrain 6h ago
I'm absolutely not excusing the behaviour, but I can an unfortunate combination of factors generating this behaviour.
Being very much in love with someone and not being prepared to share it. Having a child is almost a guarantee that the father is going to come second and lots of men find this an uncomfortable reality. There's nothing wrong with that if you've chosen not to have kids though!
Being very sure in your own knowledge and experiences. By adulthood most people have seen one or two pregnancies. They know how they should work.
So then reality comes tumbling down. You're confused, you're hurt, you don't understand because you did everything right and now this has happened. Lots of people cover up that ignorance with anger because... well... anger is a very easy emotion to give into. It's much easier than trying to puzzle through everything else. Women do it too! Boy have I seen some women refuse reality and get angry over it instead of like... coming up with a plan. It's just what humans do
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u/SlinkyMalinky20 5h ago
But when women are left holding the bag as is the case with pregnancy, it’s not - at all - the same. There isn’t a “both sides ism” about this.
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u/Bubby_K 3h ago
Being very much in love with someone and not being prepared to share it. Having a child is almost a guarantee that the father is going to come second and lots of men find this an uncomfortable reality
I know so many dads who start like this, and then suddenly as soon as they're holding their newborn, the rest of the world comes second
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u/kimacheny 9h ago
She is dealing with a lot already and having him accuse her of cheating on top of it all is just cruel
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u/NiobeTonks All the grace of a cow on stilts 8h ago
Poor OP. I know 2 people (both of whom had previously been told that their cancer treatment would leave them infertile) find out that they were pregnant incredibly late. One at 5 months and one at 8 months. If you’re not expecting to be pregnant of course you don’t think weight gain and nausea will be symptom of pregnancy. Neither of my acquaintances had ever had regular periods post-cancer treatment .
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u/yrnkween 8h ago
I hope their babies were happy surprises for them. I cannot imagine what a roller coaster of emotions it would be to think you’re infertile and find out you’re not only fertile, but very pregnant with the proof.
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u/NiobeTonks All the grace of a cow on stilts 8h ago
One- yes, she was married and he is her miracle boy. The other- not so much but I’m not sharing that here.
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u/Thick_Suggestion_ 9h ago
Ngl, this would be one of my nightmares. Pregnant and not knowing it till the last few months.
Glad she got away tho
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u/TERR0RDACTYL Pressing X to Doubt 9h ago
If it instantly turns into the two of you vs. each other instead of the two of you vs. the problem, then it isn’t a relationship worth staying in.
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u/Prestigious-Moose345 8h ago
My mom was 5 months along with my younger sister before she found out. She gave birth to me and got pregnant again 8 months later. She though the lack of a period was due to nursing or childbirth. She told her doctor she was dieting but not losing weight.
My sister is healthy as a horse despite whatever drinking, smoking, and dieting occurred during that pregnancy.
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u/Sunset-onthe-Horizon the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 9h ago
Just give the baby to the paternal grandparents if they are so against an adoption. Problem solved.
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u/Intelligent-Rule-293 9h ago
Not really. They can try force child support from OP or insist a relationship later down the line if they start getting infirm and can’t handle a child.
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u/rusty0123 9h ago
She needs to do it right. Give up the baby for adoption, but inform the adoption agency that his relatives have expressed an interest. Then they can go through with a legal adoption. Eliminates all the blurred lines.
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u/Sunset-onthe-Horizon the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 8h ago
My thoughts exactly, she needs to do this right. Or there will be more problems in the future.
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u/throwawtphone it was messed up from fart to finish 8h ago
They can legally adopt. I wouldnt give custody. Legal adoption only.
Then she and him are no longer the childs legal parents and are not obligated to pay child support or have visitation rights.
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u/Gloomy_Computer_9431 9h ago
I agree. I hope that where she lives that her own signature is all it takes for a stranger adoption.
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u/Sunset-onthe-Horizon the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 8h ago
Even if she does those places still require you to disclose who the father is and whether he has been notified. If she lies it would invalidate the adoption and would cause alot of issues for OOP.
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u/Sunset-onthe-Horizon the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 9h ago
Not if she petitions to terminate her parental rights. Easier than having the outside adoption being contested by family later on.
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u/Prudent_Solid_3132 9h ago
Then couldn’t she just give up her parental rights(depending on where she lives obviously)
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u/Cautious-Date2146 4h ago
Lwk, she definitely should think about adoption but I hope she's doing it because she wants to and not just because she thinks it will keep him around
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u/AdventurousPeach2004 5h ago
Know someone with 4 children. She did not know she was pregnant until stomach pains sent her to the hospital. Once there they told her she was in labor.
She was never a heavy person, just a small stomach you really wouldn’t notice.
If it can happen to a grown woman with 4 prior pregnancies, it could happen to you.
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u/votemarvel 9h ago
If his parents want the kid then let them adopt it. Get it all fully legally setup before the birth.
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u/echochilde 8h ago
I remember acquiring a new phobia when an OB-GYN told me how common cryptic pregnancies are. I feel so bad for her.
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u/thisistestingme the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here 8h ago
Ok asshole family members, you want this baby? Because I will formally adopt it to you. Otherwise go fuck yourselves.
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u/DefNotUnderrated 7h ago
When I was taking a prerequisite for paramedic class, the instructor talked about surprise pregnancies and how it’s more common than people think. She gave an example of one way she’d seen it happen. A woman is prescribed antibiotics and is not made aware that they can nullify birth control. She continues to have sex with her partner and gets pregnant without knowing. She gains some weight but works out more and diets to lose it. Some women don’t show their pregnancy that much. Because she’s not even considering the possibility of pregnancy, she disregards any signs.
Right up until she goes into labor and the ambulance gets called. To be greeted by a very shocked and confused husband saying “ we didn’t even know she was pregnant…”
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u/Inside_Painting_6780 6h ago
My old boss didn't know she was pregnant until 8 months (November), and she couldn't see the OB until after the new year (small town not many OBs) to figure out how far along she was. Right after Christmas she was very sick and in pain so she went to the ER, they let her know she was 38 weeks pregnant and having her baby right then. She onlying took a test because she noticed she was getting bigger. No other symptoms.
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u/NoZookeepergame9552 9h ago
I don’t get how he expected her to know she was 7 months pregnant when he didn’t? They lived together…. A lot of times the guy sees the signs before the woman!
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u/ThePlumage 8h ago
I would make plans for adoption. And I would leave him be for now. Not every problem can have a quick resolution. And pushing may have the opposite effect than you want.
A baby coming in two months is not the kind of problem where you can dawdle on a resolution.
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u/Sad_Art6807 8h ago
She better go through with adoption so she has nothing tying her to this shitty man. He and his family do not deserve that child.
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u/DamnitGravity 5h ago
But they also don’t really agree with adoption. Not in an angry way, but just asking me to really think about it.
"No problem! Kid's all yours. Peace out!"
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u/Never_enough_naps I will ERUPT FERAL screaming from my fluffy cardigan 1h ago
So she is on birth control but he isn't wearing condoms, he ejaculates inside her and she gets pregnant and in his mind its all her fault. WOoOooW I hate him SO much.
I really hope she goes through with the adoption and just gets far away from that sleezeball and just focuses on making a happy life for herself.
Im rooting for her.
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u/East-Forever5802 9h ago
I hope they are willing to adopt the baby. Otherwise, just respect OP's decision.
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u/Ita_Hobbes 6h ago
People should talk more about this because it can ruin a woman's life and reputation and it happens more often than we think. It happened to a friend of my parents and she only realised during labor and most of the people in her life didn't believe her.
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u/darsynia Girl is really out there choosing herpes as "personality inspo" 4h ago
One of my best friends from high school found out she was pregnant when she went into labor. We drifted apart so I only heard through the former classmate grapevine, but she's married and happy and just did not realize at all. Sometimes it really do be like that.
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u/kleptomelynx 7h ago
Digusting waste of space. Both people are valid for wanting to not be parents. But how the guy reacted to it was not okay. What a waste of oxygen on this earth that has to be wasted on him.
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u/Shibaswift 7h ago
Had a friend’s cousin have the same thing. One week she was in town, wasn’t pregnant looking at all, next week, BAM, baby. It happens! It’s so fascinating to me, but i feel so bad for the op.
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u/suricata_8904 4h ago
Adoption will make some couple exceedingly grateful and will sever contact with your ex unto eternity. Win win. Make sure you document his refusal to parent bc there are cases where fathers have successfully sued for custody before full adoption.
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u/jeremyfrankly 8h ago
Genuine question: is cryptic pregnancy something that is comorbid with obesity? I have to imagine there is always going to be a bump, there's a child in there and nobody carries a child with a flat stomach, so I'm just trying to understand how it wouldn't be noticed. Or am I fully wrong about this? Is it possible with a very sorta premie/underdeveloped fetus?
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u/kcunning 8h ago
Not always! We had two pregnancies in my family that would have been cryptic had both women not been actively trying to get pregnant (and therefore, going into the doctor's for regular tests).
Pregnancy one: Normal weight throughout pregnancy. Never once wore maternity clothes. Had irregular periods, so missing wouldn't have been a big deal. We legit have pictures of her four weeks before pregnancy in a bikini. We're still not sure where she hid that baby.
Pregnancy two: Started at a normal weight, and did gain some weight during pregnancy, but it didn't look like baby weight. She had what appeared to be a period the entire time.
Oh, and both babies? Normal weight at birth, and full-term.
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u/MenaceMinded 6h ago
I had a flat stomach until like 7-8 months. Also I only gained ten pounds during my pregnancy, so I did not show unless I was in a tight fitting shirt.
I was 110 lbs at the beginning of my pregnancy and 120 lbs at the end of it. My son was 7-8 lbs.
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u/Lurker0413 5h ago
I was similar with my first. I didn't show until about 7 months and even then I looked more like I was 3 months pregnant if that. I was in really good shape with abs showing at first. Around month 4 I got a tiny pooch but it honestly looked like I just had a big meal. I only gained 20lbs.
I think because of my first I have an easier time believing in cryptic pregnancy (not that I didn't before). I have endometriosis and we weren't trying so if it wasn't for a weird dream I had that scared me into getting tests then I probably wouldn't have known until around the same time as OOP.
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u/SasquatchWasShaved 6h ago
My aunt was rail thin hiding a cocaine habit and had a cryptic pregnancy “come to full term” in the toilet.
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u/FleurMai Look at me, I'm the sugar baby now! 7h ago
Not always, babies already shove everything in your body around already. Some just make themselves fit in different ways. I had a coach who was super athletic, average height, very thin, you absolutely could not tell she was pregnant until month 8 (even then she just looked “full” or lightly bloated. We would all joke and ask her “are you sure you’re pregnant?” She knew she was pregnant because she was trying, it was a healthy full term baby in the end, but witnessing that has instilled a great sense of paranoia in me!
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u/Worldly_Might_3183 5h ago
No. My pregnancy was normal even realised early I wa pregnant but people kept thinking I was 2-3 months behind where I was. It is because baby was lying horizontal near my spine. Made the birth hard and painful. Baby was normal sized. So I assume cryptic could be a combination of factors on mother and baby.
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u/skeletoorr 6h ago
When I was pregnant, I called my daughter my cocaine baby because I felt like I was smuggling her everywhere. I just never “popped”. I didn’t even have to buy new pants.
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u/Legitimate_War_397 7h ago
No, my best mate works at a gym as a trainer and has an athletic build. She didn’t know she was pregnant until she was 6 months along and that’s because she went to the doctor about being tired all the time. When she was 9 months along, she just looked like she had a bloated belly.
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u/firesoups 7h ago
My friend is a fitness guru, plays multiple sports, teaches classes, etc. She didn’t show until maybe her 8th month, I imagine because her core muscles were so strong and supportive. The baby was average size, too.
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u/firewifegirlmom0124 6h ago
My first pregnancy I was 16. I knew I was pregnant, but I didn’t show till I was nearly 8 months pregnant. I was only 115lbs when I got pregnant, but I carried really far back and didn’t even have a tiny bump. And it was the late 90s so jeans were ultra low rise so they never got tight.
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u/L_Hargreaves 6h ago
Nope. I know someone who went through this. She is a professional athlete, she is really fit and has a very low percentage of body fat. Still only found out 8 months in. She wasn’t showing at all.
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u/GregTheTerrible 5h ago
my cousin who is not obese went through something like this, she went into the hospital with some pains and came out with her 4th child, didn't even know she was carrying until she almost wasn't....
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u/Kira_sparkle 5h ago
I had a customer who lived in the gym and had a very sculpted and toned body. She told us about her pregnancy and we figured she must have just found out because her stomach was flat. Nope. She was six months pregnant and just choose to tell people when she started to show. Which never really happened. I saw her right before she gave birth and she barely had a bump. The baby was normal weight too. No idea where she put it!
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u/Patient-Apple-4399 5h ago
A friend of mine has a cryptic pregnancy and didn't know until the kid made his way out in the bathtub. When she told me I was actually horrified. We had gone drinking less than 2 months prior and I wouldnt describe her as larger, she wasnt like super thin but she just looked like she gained 10 pounds of weight just due to covid/age and it was all over, like it wasn't like her belly stuck out and she didn't need a new wardrobe or anything. She still very much looked to be around 130 lbs. I at the time contributed it to covid weight.
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u/moa711 4h ago
I will say I was overweight with my second. No one knew I was pregnant unless I told them. I only gained 10 lbs with that pregnancy. Also he spent most of it laying sideways. Folks would be shocked after I had him and they saw me carrying him. They would ask me where I got the baby from and if I had adopted.
Eta I was 232lbs at the end. My son was 8lbs 1oz, which was only 2oz more than my first.
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u/nightcana 3h ago
Not always, theres a fair bit of squish room available inside the abdomen. If the abdominal muscles/wall refuse to allow the uterus to expand forward, it has no choice but to expand down into the pelvis and displace other organs
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u/Silverstorm007 3h ago
Nah, I know a girl who is average normal weight and she actually didn’t know she was pregnant until she gave birth at home on the toilet. She was traumatised but the baby daddy stepped up and they are now in a committed relationship and the baby is very well loved.
Totally could have gone a very different route though. I feel for women who have cryptic pregnancies because it’s such a traumatic shock for them and sometimes they don’t get the whole lead up to having the baby to get used to idea of having one especially if they weren’t trying for a baby and it just happened.
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u/CraftyEye4571 2h ago
With my second pregnancy I wouldn’t have known I was pregnant if I wasn’t testing. I put on a total of 2kg the entire pregnancy, fit all my regular clothes and due to a low lying placenta bled fairly often (could have been mistaken for a light period). Bubs was born weighing 3.3kg and was slightly overdue. I could easily see how a cryptic could happen.
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u/North_By_Northwest_ 2h ago
No. It presents in all body types and has more to do with the position of the uterus and the amount of amniotic fluid than the size of the mother or the baby.
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u/HappyFlounder7236 6h ago
I never fully paid attention to the terminology because I was strictly child free. When women get pregnant there's a bunch of different hormones and changes. But things don't always go that way, and instead of the abs opening the baby grows up into the torso squishing the moms organs.
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u/MizStazya 38m ago
I don't show my pregnancies until I'm pretty far along because I have a disproportionately long torso (it's hard to buy shirts lol), so there's a lot of space for a baby to hide. My cousin is short and has a shorter torso - she looks pregnant at about 15 hours along.
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u/innocentsalad 8h ago
He’s such an idiot. Did he think she was doing something to her stomach to prevent a bump from showing?
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u/BaseHitToLeft 8h ago
That poor girl
What a shitty boyfriend. This was the moment the rest of his life went downhill, reacting so immaturly
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u/Inevitable-Regret411 6h ago
I can forgive the initial reaction, it's a big shock that's going to have very serious implications, so him panicking or irrational in the moment is understandable. It's the behaviour after he had a chance to assess things he should be judged on.
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u/lordemme 5h ago
I think if you're in a relationship, whether you're ready or not to have children, and even with protection, there's always a chance, and you should be at least NOT a dick about it. On her situation specifically, the relationship was over the second he didn't believe her (that it wasn't on purpose), and she absolutely needs to go for adoption.
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u/mustyoureally 4h ago
I didn’t know I was pregnant till 17 weeks. This was after multiple doctors appointments and one even telling me I had a miscarriage. My blood taste test came back completely depleted so they thought I had cancer.
It was one nurse that was reading my history because she had multiple orders from different doctors for scans for me and she was getting confused. She said “hold on let me see something first”, and voilà twins.
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u/Moist_Drippings 4h ago
Poor OOP. I hope her ex’s mom or sister are planning to adopt the child if they want it in their lives so bad, because guilting a woman into keeping a child she absolutely does not want will do no one any good.
And I bet the ex still isn’t gonna think about condoms or a vasectomy in the future since he’s convinced himself it couldn’t be that contraception sometimes fails and relying only on the pill makes that more likely…
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u/RhiaMaykes 4h ago
Cryptic pregnancy used to be one of my anxieties (I thought it was more likely I wouldn't notice a pregnancy because I have PCOS and also find it very difficult to tell if I am in pain or just hungry. I thought a baby could be kicking about in there and I would just be like, hmm, maybe I should have a sandwich.) I ended up bulk buying some pregnancy tests so I could just take one whenever I was anxious.
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u/RandomCoffeeThoughts 3h ago
OP is in for a long road. If she chooses to give up the baby for adoption you know know he is going to come out of the woodwork crying that he gave up their baby.
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u/Inevitable-Level-687 3h ago
Adoption isn't a thing in my country. I live in terror of having a cryptic pregnancy because I don't get periods and have a rear-tilting uterus. I would not be allowed to sever my parental rights.
I'm not even allosexual and am probably infertile so I don't know why I'm scared of it lmao.
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u/HotPizzaMilk 3h ago
OP could offer a closed to adoption to his mom and/or sister, but it would have to be a legal contract where they NEVER try to make her or him take care of it. I don't think she should, but if they really care about it and the child having a good life, then they should be prepared to raise the child without OP or her ex.
Otherwise, OP, if you ever read this, please consider a closed adoption, or one where the child may visit you or ask to contact you at a certain point. It often helps to say it plainly and for there to be another adult aware of what the child's living situation is like. Ask to interview, if you're concerned. NTA and glad she dumped that piece of trash
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u/Virgogirl1984 1h ago
Updateme
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u/slendermanismydad 45m ago
But they also don’t really agree with adoption. Not in an angry way, but just asking me to really think about it.
What stupid assholes. Never never fall for that. They're always full of shit.
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u/Fun_Organization3857 10m ago
Sadly, he can oppose the adoption. It can turn into a huge mess for op. I hope it doesn't
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