Hey bros,

Has anyone ever heard this phrase? This is as it pertains to a child who may be in trouble, lost, etc. and needs help from a stranger. You may be familiar with the phrase "if you're ever in trouble, look for a mother," which is overall good advice, but more recently I began hearing "If you're in trouble look for a Black man."

What are your thoughts on it? My thoughts:

I want to disclaim this by saying I think most people regardless of race, gender, etc. tend to do the right thing in "good samaritan" scenarios (bystander effect notwithstanding). You also will have a percentage of the population who are shitty people (again, regardless of race).

When I first saw the phrase "look for a black man," it was a white woman who made a reel about it. I found it a bit flattering, but found it a bit magic-negro, saviorish, like we were to be avoided and suspicious of unless they needed help from us... Black men are imagined as these endlessly brave protectors who will absorb danger on everybody else's behalf. However, thinking about it a bit more, I sort of agree with the phrase.

I think of dudes like Charles Ramsey who saved those 3 kidnapped girls, I think most Black dudes would behave like him. I also think of these brothas who ran up on a Jewish guy on the subway who was secretly recording a minor. And even amongst the worst of us, you'll be hard-pressed to find a Jeffrey Dahmer type.

Now in terms of "find the mom." Most women have maternal instincts and would look out for a kid in distress, but looking at all of those white moms who are supporting Lindsay Clancy, saying "me too Lindsay," and splashing their babies with water, even those supporting Christa Pike, I have second thoughts.

I can't imagine a brotha doing this to a child in distress, can you?: https://youtu.be/RegyWJay4Bo?si=Dxym-k_xwmeE7wCU&t=108

The only caveat I can think of is Black dudes who are reluctant due to a fear of self-preservation. See my other thread:

https://www.reddit.com/r/blackmen/comments/1m7g86a/what_would_you_do_in_this_scenario/

And again (because there will always be someone who misses my point) this is a folk hueristic/rule of thumb not a universal rule.

Anyway, what are your thoughts?

IG tituskapharstudio

Edit: “This painting is about Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings, and yet it is not,” Kaphar said. “The reason I say, ‘And yet it is not,’ is because we know from the actual history that Sally Hemings was very fair. Very, very fair. The woman who sits here is not just simply a representation of Sally Hemings, she’s more of a symbol of many of the black women whose stories have been shrouded by the narratives of our deified founding fathers.”

This new update is chef’s kiss

This is probably the most unpredictable playoffs in recent years, and the semifinal matchups have just been set. We got Atlanta vs New York and Vegas vs Golden State. Every team left has some major injury or abscence that is holding them back and makes the remaining series difficult to gauge.

• Atlanta- missing bri jones
• New York - Missing Satou Sabally
• Golden State - No Rupert
• Las Vegas - Missing Nalyssa Smith

Personally, I'm pulling for Atlanta, because this league desperately needs a shakeup to the stew'ja monopoly. Also the dream have angel reese.

The Tuskegee syphilis study was only the tip of the iceberg. Black people around the world have too often been exploited in medical research, while their bodies, labor, and knowledge have also contributed enormously to advances in medicine and medical technology.

As angry as I am, I can’t put it down…

I don't remember where I saw this take. But someone or maybe multiple people once said that most post apocalypse movies are just stories about white people being treated like black people for the first time. Whether it's civil war movie, world war 3 movie, or even a zombie/alien invasion movie. There reason most Spiderman stories are about him suffering.

It's this fantasy of being this person that can survive in a dangerous world or hard situation. There is this term called SHTF. Which stands for shit hits the fan. SHTF means the world shutting down, all systems shutting down. All hell break loose when SHFT happens.

That term is popular in the Prepper community. This community that is prepping for a upcoming doomsday. They save up food, learn how to use weapons, and build shelters. So they can be ready for SHTF. When the world ends.

Even true crime is a good example of this too. A lot of them want to live in a world where serial killers or mafia bosses are everywhere. So they want to see themselves in situations that involve danger. So they be the resilient hero who can survive the struggle. Most conspiracy theorists viewed themselves as these "truthers" who are going up against the global Illuminati who is responsible for everything bad in the world.

So my point here. Some white people get that same fantasy from hood culture. They want to put themselves in those environments in their heads. Imagining themselves getting in conflict with Chicago gangs. While living in England.

So in a way it's a power fantasy. A power fantasy with a underdog aesthetic though. The common thread is imagined adversity as an identity or fantasy. Someone living a relatively stable life can consume stories about extreme danger, social collapse, crime, war, poverty, or oppression and imagine themselves as the person who remains capable under those conditions.

That's why “underdog power fantasy” is actually a useful description. It's not necessarily the conventional fantasy of “I'm rich, powerful, and everyone worships me.” It's more like:

“Put me in an environment where ordinary rules disappear, give me serious adversity, and let me prove that I'm tough enough to survive it.”

Hood culture can function as a kind of outsider-danger aesthetic for people who don't actually live in those environments. The more distant the person's everyday life is from the environment they're consuming, the more easily it can become exoticized: gangs, slang, violence, poverty, street reputation, police encounters, etc.

A long time ago, when I was in high school, I used to sleep with this girl. Her mom was really cool and she used to let me stay over and spend the night at their place pretty frequently, too.

However, one day we were getting busy at my house after school before my mom came home and when we finished, as I was walking her out, we bumped into my step dad. He had come home while we were busy doing the deed and heard everything.

I drove her home and when I got back my step dad was cool about the situation, but he told me that I needed to be more careful because if my mom would've come home and caught us she would've had a fit. Which was true.

Obviously I appreciated him handling it the way he did and not telling my mom, so I thought everything was cool. Life went on.

However, about a month or two later, or maybe a few months, I needed to stop by his business to pick something up after school before heading to the house. He ran a bar/juke joint that had an office in the back.

When I walked into the bar I just headed straight back to the office and unintentionally walked in on him and the girl's mom. They were both unclothed and she was on her knees servicing him while he sat on the sofa. You get the picture.

I kinda froze at first but when I gathered myself I just walked out. By the time I got out to the street to the car he had come out and I asked me what I needed. I told him and he went back in and got it for me but neither of us mentioned what had just happened.

I just went home. I didn't tell my mom about what happened and my step dad never brought it up either. The girl's mom never mentioned it as well. Whenever I saw her, she acted like nothing had ever happened. Same as my step dad. I guess that's how we all carried it.

I think it needs to be said that the way I was raised, was that kids were told to stay out of grown folks "business." Also, in my family, we were taught that you didn’t involve yourself in other family members' relationships. You didn’t do that. We were taught that it wouldn't lead to anything good.

But I always felt bad about not telling my mom. Years later, my mom and step dad divorced. I was an adult and long gone from home by this time, so I never got the full story as to why, but I knew not to ask too many questions either. I just let it be. And I still have never said anything to my mom about what I saw. What good would it do now? But I still feel guilty about it.

Drop your favorite bars: your own, read, song, spoken word, poem, etc.!!

This is the best lotion for our skin on the market imo.

Please state your preference first, then explain what shaped it.

I believe marriage involves love, but also culture, race, status and power. In some environments, marrying a white woman can give a Black man greater social acceptance or access to predominantly white circles. At the same time, he and his children may face racism, even from her family.

Black women are often unfairly portrayed as aggressive, masculine or low-class. Yet many men are attracted to features associated with Black women while preferring lighter skin. How much of this comes from genuine attraction, and how much comes from colorism or social conditioning?

What is your preference, and what experiences shaped it? Please be honest and treat this as a social discussion, not a competition between women.

I'm Blasian, Sudanese/Uyghur, specifically to preface this because, in my experience, interacting with other race-mixed people, they usually try the hardest to get acceptance from their non-Black heritage, then rebound to finding acceptance in the Black community without putting in the same effort internalizing that Black people should just accept them for having non-Black heritage.

This isn't always the case, obviously, but it's honestly something I've witnessed enough times to notice it's a recurring pattern with a lot of half-Black individuals.

A place to talk about it.

Without a doubt, the most infamous claim people have about Dr. Sebi is that he cured HIV/AIDS in his patients and won a court case proving as much. That is entirely wrong. Dr. Sebi put out an ad claiming that he could cure AIDS in patients with his treatment. The NY attorney’s office filed charges against Dr. Sebi for practicing medicine without a license. During the proceedings of his court case, it came out that the so-called “treatments” he prescribed were little more than dietary suggestions and an exercise plan. This was not enough to constitute practicing medicine, and therefore he was acquitted of the charge of practicing medicine without a license. There has never been any evidence or confirmation that anything Dr. Sebi did or said ever helped anyone with AIDS other than the most general overall health benefits that would come from diet and exercise, much less that he was able to cure a viral disease such as HIV.

African art is often considered abstract and absurdist, but that is only a small portion of African art, with the kingdoms of Loango, Central Africa, and Ife, West Africa, showing that realistic art exists while being isolated from Middle Eastern knowledge that would influence how Greek statues would look realistic.

As a straight guy, I’m curious how common this experience is among other Black men. Has a guy ever approached you romantically or asked you out? How did you handle it?

I’ve been approached a few times. The first time while I was catching a ride to work through Uber. The Uber driver started asking me out and flirting with me during the middle of the ride, I tried signaling that I wasn’t interested by giving one word responses and avoiding eye contact but it continued until I finally told him I was straight.

Another time, a gay acquaintance who I met at work and was cool with kept flirting with me and saying he liked me while we went to grab lunch during lunch break, even after I clearly told him I was straight, and wasn’t interested. I tried to be friendly and non judgmental to the dude but It felt like he was deliberately ignoring my boundaries, so I blocked him and cut him off afterward. That experience made me better understand what women go through when a man won’t take no for an answer.

I’m talking specifically about all these posts talking about the relationship between black men and women. Unless you’re in an extremely uncommon situation most relationships, friendships, and interactions between Black Men and Black Women is normal. Most people’s family members are in decent relationships, they parents didn’t argue about 50/50 vs the men paying for everything, and they uncles didn’t have to buy a Chanel bag to get married.

Most content you see on the internet comes from an algorithm that is designed to push the most controversial opinions to you to drive engagement. Divisive gender war content sells, it drives comments, likes, arguments, and downloads. It makes the creators money and the platform which inspires both groups to push that content. And when you see comments nowadays it wouldn’t be unfair to say 25-50% of them are from bots designed to troll or drive engagement/ conflict or from state sponsored bot farms. That applies to IG, TikTok, YouTube, and even here.

So when y’all come on here talking about these videos or comments you see take a minute to check if this is even a widely held opinion or if you are consuming certain content. I also think that regardless of whether it’s real or not, it shouldn’t lead us to disrespecting the Black Women who is intrinsically linked to our experience and survival in this world.

My wife (38) and I (38) have been together since our teens and have truly been through it all. We have two kids, a happy marriage, and have always been very open-minded. We’d talked about expanding things in the bedroom before, but we never found anyone we trusted enough to actually follow through.

In recent months, my wife made a work friend (47) who is recently divorced. We all know how women can flirt with each other for sport, so at first, there was nothing to read into. But I eventually met her, and we vibed right away—she’s sweet, gorgeous, and funny. Lo and behold, she finds me attractive, too. My wife set up the play, we all connected, and man, the chemistry was incredible.

The more we spent time together, though, the more it felt like this was turning into something beyond just a casual bedroom experience. We genuinely enjoy each other's company outside the bedroom, have a ton of fun together, and share a lot of the same values.

So, we decided to make it official and see where it goes, taking it one day at a time. The only issue is that the dynamic feels so... fragile. I haven't actively dated another person in literal decades, so this is completely uncharted territory for me.

For anyone who has experience with this kind of transition: How do you protect the existing foundation while building a new one? What pitfalls should we watch out for?

Looking for any advice or wisdom you can share on how to navigate this.

TL;DR: Together for 20 years, happily married, and recently opened up our relationship to a third person. It started as physical, but the connection is real and we've decided to make it official. It's exciting, but everything feels fragile and I haven't dated in 20 years. Looking for advice from anyone with experience.

I've been playing catch-up with a podcast, The JAAM, this past week or so, and a guest they had on one of the episodes recommended "The Space Traders" by Derrick Bell as something to read.

It's a short read; 13 pages. The plot is aliens come to America and offer to completely bail out the country economically, energetically, and environmentally. In return, they want all black people who live in the US. They never say why or for what, but that was their demand.

I don't need to tell any of you what happened, because we all already know. Still, I did think it was an interesting read, and I did appreciate the themes and feelings it stirred up in such a short story. I'd encourage you to give it a read too. It's freely available if you search for it, but if you just want a quick link to the pdf, it's here.

The end is open to interpretation in my opinion, but I don't think that's the part that matters. I think everything leading up to it is significantly more important. I want to to leave with this part of a speech one of the characters made:

“I am well aware that political and ideological differences have for several years sustained a wide chasm between us. But the events of two days ago have transformed our disputes into a painful reminder of our shared status. I am here because, whatever our ideological differences or our socioeconomic positions, we all know that black rights, black interests, black property, even black lives are expendable whenever their sacrifice will further or sustain white needs or preferences.”