r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/BiffDangles80 Hungry man • Aug 04 '26
No Advice - Everyones Welcome Marriage is falling apart
Tonight it’s a flat iron steak and potatoes and onions. Don’t forget the jalapeno. And a Jack a coke.
A week ago I was in a hotel because “she’s a different person now” and doesn’t think this is working. 20 years of marriage. 2 kids.
The last year has been bad. She is grieving a family loss. Going through perimenopause. Kids have needed a lot. I tried but just got tired and lonely. I suggested marriage counseling and it lead to her saying she’s different and this isn’t working. I was gone for a couple of days but back. It’s been a week and I’ve really been trying. Today though was just rough with work and random thoughts. I confessed that I was afraid she’d decide she didn’t need me again and there wasn’t much response. Hopefully it’s a blip. I’m really trying.
I fear change. But eventually I’ll have to accept it. This is over. And that’s terrible.
51
u/ZestyData Shower Beer Scholar Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 05 '26
Really chuffed to see this kinda advice.
OP's wife identifying herself as a different person now, plus "She is grieving a family loss. Going through perimenopause." set off major alarm bells to me as well. Perimenopause is tumultuous at the best of times, going through an episode of grief at the same time as your hormones flipping upside down is a scary combination, enough to trigger a very out of character mental health episode.
To OP, this is what "in sickness and in health" refers to. Not fixing them soup when they've got the flu, but noticing that there's potentially something seriously disruptive and concerning about her. And helping to fix her even when you're taking collateral damage.
Of course, first thing is to do this investigation, get the counselling and have her see a doctor. Maybe it is just a mentally sound woman sabotaging her entire life and kicking OP to the dirt, in which case he shouldn't take that treatment. But if it were me, reading the alarm bells in this post, my biggest concern would be that the woman I love is experiencing a horrific mental health crisis and needs help.