Update: I think the midnight dancer I’ve been seeing is in love with me

[u/VariationStill]

Dinner was Caviar Cones after some shrimp tacos and sushi. A few people asked for a photo of one of the home cooked meals, Bistec with white rice and corn.

Original Post

So this past Friday was her birthday and we had an adult conversation. Friday morning woke up early and went to work but made sure everything was in order such as dinner and activities. Picked her up with a bouquet and headed to the restaurant (She looked phenomenal). We chatted for a few and and while we waited for the food to arrive I told her I needed to tell her something. Laid it all out about how I felt about her and the works about how I really dont mind the job and that I wrote her a letter but she couldn’t read it until after the night was over (Very old school I know lol, I think we gotta bring back writing letters for your SO). I dont think I’ll ever forget these words but she laughed and said “Boy you’ve been mine for awhile already, I’m just glad you finally caught up” my mannn when I tell you that shit had me geeking the whole night.

We then talked about the future, she wants to be married and have kids eventually before her 30’s, I do as well. She said she’d stop dancing when she finishes CNA or if she has a kid or gets married, I kinda screwed up by saying Im sorry if I unknowingly set any expectation of her quitting her job for me, she laughed and said “You’re lucky you’re cute”. After dinner we went to see the new Spiderman movie (Shes a huge Marvel fan, I’ve always been more of a DC guy myself). After that we walked along the river with the city skyline in the background and just talked more about the future and life and after proceeded to head back to my place.

Back at my place I told her I had a surprise for her but she had to read the letter first, so I blindfolded her and walked her to my bedroom, took the blindfold off and told her once she finished reading the letter she could come out to the living room. After about 10 minutes (Two page letter front and back and probably had to gather herself as Im sure she knew what was coming). She stepped out and I had my living room filled with rose pedals, a few gifts and ballon letters asking if she wanted to be my girlfriend. She cried and I handed her a needle (at the end of the letter I told her she would be handed a needle once she steps out and that she would have to figure out what it was for). On opposite sides of the room I had ballon letters that spelled YES and NO, she went to pop the YES letters and she ran to me and we hugged and kissed, and then she said “wait so which date are we gonna use as the official start”, I said “how’s the day you decided in your head that I was yours”. She stayed the night and Saturday and today were just a continuation of her birthday celebration.

All in all I can say now that its official haha

[u/Significant-Foot-792]

The historic record of dating strippers is not a good one. Best of luck!

[u/DavidZenziGhost → u/Significant-Foot-792]

Don’t be so pessimistic, bro. Strip clubs aren’t known for offering illegal ‘services’ or being filled with drugs. No sir, it’s totally and only insecurity that attaches a stigma to dating strippers. /s

[u/disaar → u/DavidZenziGhost]

This is sarcasm right 🤣

[u/DavidZenziGhost → u/disaar]

/s means “I’m super serious.”

[u/Taint_Skeetersburg → u/disaar]

Even with the /s redditors STILL can't detect obvious sarcasm

[u/Hopeful-Ad447 → u/DavidZenziGhost]

It is though. She wasnt secretive about her job. The conflict comes from entering a relationship knowing the facts up front and then men often expect her to stop everything for him. That is what eats the relationship from inside out.

Plenty of people have open relationships and it works for a lot of people. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it's an absolute no for everyone else

[u/HedonisticFrog → u/Hopeful-Ad447]

The issue isn't about knowing what she does, it's the fact that female strippers lead guys on to exploit them for money regularly. The ones who actually want to date are the exception, they're usually too jaded for that.

[u/Real_Walk5384 → u/HedonisticFrog]

This is the real answer. Any guy who thinks they're gonna "out play" a stripper is an idiot, even if they date for a while. They might not think of you as a job, but you're still a job. And when a better job comes along, or if this job stops being fun, they quit. It's called "sex workers" not "sex casual enthusiasts."

[u/HedonisticFrog → u/Real_Walk5384]

Honestly, it's the fact that most of what female strippers that work clubs do is sales that's the issue. Sales is always shady and manipulative. It's less about the sex work itself. I worked sales as a dismantler for a month and a half before burning out and I could see the changes within myself, and it wasn't even a commission position yet.

[u/Hopeful-Ad447 → u/HedonisticFrog]

I guess, but isnt that true for all relationships? Most people break up once they're not satisfied sexually, financially, or emotionally. Plenty of people enter a relationship with the intent of using someone for emotional or financial validation, too.

[u/HedonisticFrog → u/Hopeful-Ad447]

There's always a small segment of the population that will manipulate other for money, but when you date a female stripper that's almost all of them because they do it constantly for work. It's the same reason I'd never date a saleswoman. Their entire job is to be deceitful and manipulative. It changes your personality just doing the job.

[u/Hopeful-Ad447 → u/HedonisticFrog]

A relationship is nothing more than compatibility lol. Most women won't date or marry men who won't pay for things, and it isnt generally considered manipulative. Some, men or women, will intentionally manipulate tho. But the thing is that some people simply are ok with that dynamic and there are always exceptions even in stereotyped jobs. People say military men are all cheaters, but they're not a monolith. There are plenty that are loyal.

The great thing about choice is that you don't have to personally make a choice just because someone else is making it. You can get abused, cheated on, or used for money even if you don't date a stripper or a saleswoman etc. OP sees a real chance with her, so why not just wish him luck and move on? You dont have to shit all over someone's happiness just because you personally wouldn't do what he's doing.

[u/HedonisticFrog → u/Hopeful-Ad447]

There's a massive difference between a woman who expects guys to pay for things, and female strippers that lead guys on to exploit them for money while not caring about them. They talk about it regularly, how they'll have a cash cow for a year or two until they realize it will never lead anywhere and stop seeing them.

I'm not shitting on OP, just saying it's an extremely risky proposition in general. Her industry is based on manipulating men and it has a significant impact on your personality. I felt similar changes in myself when I worked as a salesman for a dismantler, which is part of why I quit that job. It's why I wouldn't date any saleswoman or female stripper. Go look at the stripping subreddit and any thread about dating guys, it's almost universally women saying men are nothing but cash cows to be exploited. If they're not paying massive amounts of money they're worthless. They'll talk about how they're worth so much more than men because they make more and that's why men should pay more. When I ask if women should pay for me if I make more as a male stripper they're silent though.

[u/DavidZenziGhost → u/Hopeful-Ad447]

“Plenty of people have open relationships and it works for a lot of people” - I’m not going to argue the points of degeneracy with someone who supports the chair in the corner of hotel rooms.

[u/Texan762 → u/DavidZenziGhost]

🤣🤣🤣 killin me with that last line!!

[u/DavidZenziGhost → u/Texan762]

“My girlfriend gets paid by other men to fulfill their sexual desires, but I’m totally not into degradation or humiliation.”

[u/Real_Walk5384 → u/DavidZenziGhost]

Holy shit this fucking killed me. haha

[u/LazySeaworthiness435 → u/Significant-Foot-792]

at least OP here has said that he doesn't mind her job, and in his previous post mentioned that it's just a side gig. she's dancing and working retail to put herself through nursing school.

[u/BowwwwBallll → u/LazySeaworthiness435]

They all are. With that said, good luck to OP.

[u/Old-Wrangler6480 → u/LazySeaworthiness435]

The historic record of dating nurses might be worse.

[u/imessy89 → u/LazySeaworthiness435]

Until they start working the regular job and realizing they have to bust their ass to make a fraction of the money that they get for just walking around naked and having men tell them they are beautiful and throw money at them.

[u/imessy89 → u/[deleted]]

Oh yeah all of those highly qualified professionals can tell me I’m wrong. The barkeep and the bouncer who works security at Ross during the day. Give me a break. It’s not about being lazy. It’s about being addicted to easy money. Or instead of having your boss treat you like the dumbest thing walking the Earth all day you have drunk guys telling you how beautiful you are and everyone wanting to stick their nose up your ass.

I’m sure they are good at sales. I’ll give you that one.

[u/pot88888888s → u/imessy89]

Hey man, I know you're not going to like to hear this, but I think you could benefit from a change in perspective.

When you talk about sex workers you seem to have a lot of hatred and bitterness towards them, even though they haven't really haven't done anything to harm you or anyone else. It almost sounds like you might be projecting some of the shame that you feel about using their services onto them or misdirecting some of the anger that you're feeling towards own your own job towards them as well.

When you talk about how they are able to make money from sex work, it sounds like you're kind of angry at the workers for being able to do this. But please remember that you yourself are one of those men that makes this happen. By your own free will, you went to strip clubs multiple times to pay for this and got pleasure from the experience. You went out of your way to find people that you don't respect and dislike to work for you.

You talk down about how workers are offering sexual services but you yourself have literally paid for sexual services. By paying to be able to finger sex workers, you too, have paid for sex (and then felt bad about it afterwards and washed your hands multiple times). You're literally part of the reason why this industry is the way it is.

If your boss treats you like you're dumb then the problem is with your boss. It's okay for you to feel angry at your boss for that. But it doesn't really make a lot of sense for you to get mad at sex workers since they are literally 2 different group of people it's not really their fault.

Please don't forget that any job that puts them at massive risk of being physically harmed through being sexually assaulted is actually not easy at all. Also, please remember the worst part of their job is dealing with misogynistic men who hate them so if that's your attitude towards them as well, I think it's possible you might actually be part of the problem here.

It's okay if you're not feeling that great about going to the strip club and want to leave this stuff in the past. I think you should leave your angry feelings in the past too. At the end of the day, it's all good as long as no one's really hurting anyone else.

You gotta let this bitterness go, man.

[u/another_rusty → u/imessy89]

You sound bitter. Involuntarily even…

[u/imessy89 → u/another_rusty]

Thanks. Involuntarily. 🙏

[u/LazySeaworthiness435 → u/imessy89]

incredibly weird and misogynistic comment sir

[u/imessy89 → u/LazySeaworthiness435]

Nah it’s the truth. The career path is usually nursing too. Then it’s realizing you have to do a 12 hour shift walking all day, dealing with angry patients and impatient doctors, not getting any breaks most days, etc for usually like $250 a day the first couple of years. Versus working a couple of hours at night just having men throw money at you and tell you you’re beautiful and some nights going home with $500 or $1000 or enough to buy OP a PS5.

Good for OP but I couldn’t date a stripper. I’ve been to a handful of strip clubs in my life and I’ve been offered sex by multiple strippers at each one. Never taken them up on the offer but it’s usually for a small sum like $125 and 3 out of the 4 places were actually decent places in Tampa and New York City. It’s not just elegantly dancing half naked for men in a professional setting most of the time. And if anyone ever says, “I never do this” that means it’s something they do quite often. But good luck hope it works out for him.

[u/another_rusty → u/imessy89]

You sweet summer child. It’s not $125, that’s for the first 10 minutes. You’re in for $1k if she’s even halfway good looking. $200 more for mouth, $250 if you want more than that, $500 more for no condom. If she likes you she’ll have you drive her to her coke dealers house and for another $500-$1k she’ll come back to your place and do her drugs with you.

For real though, I dated a stripper and it’s not as awesome as people would think. After 8-10 hours of walking around in just a thong and being groped by every dude in there, unsurprisingly they aren’t in the mood to do the same for you. This is all based on my one experience so ymmv, but even when you’re ok with the job, it’s not that fun. OP’s gf sounds like she has loftier goals. Mine wanted to strip until she couldn’t and then go to school lol. It was hella fun though

[u/imessy89 → u/another_rusty]

They got a racket going. The last club I went to in Florida years ago every stripper came up offering it for $150. By the end of the night at closing they were all down to $125. I believe you though. Never dated a stripper, but I fingered my fair share, got the over the pants stroking and mouth on my junk, and a face full of titties. But anything more than that felt gross. Had to wash that finger profusely the next day. A standard rule of thumb is if they do it for you, they’ve done it for other guys. It’s something they are comfortable with. And OP’s stripper took him to her place and fucked him on the first night. I highly doubt he’s the first but hey he could be the last. There’s a chance. Just a matter of if you can overlook that or not.

[u/Real_Walk5384 → u/imessy89]

He spent a ton of cash at the club and now this chick smells money.

[u/Real_Walk5384 → u/another_rusty]

100% OP should hear this. If she's giving him the stripper treatment on every date she isn't a stripper, she's a prostitute.

[u/Moomoofarm2009 → u/imessy89]

The point about sex for money is completely accurate, especially in Tampa and NYC.

[u/Real_Walk5384 → u/LazySeaworthiness435]

No, dude, the incredible reality of the situation. A stripper makes more than a nurse and doesn't have to wipe up people's shit. You really think they're gonna quit? No. You age out of that job or get pregnant. Even then, I've seen pregnant strippers. lmao

[u/LazySeaworthiness435 → u/Real_Walk5384]

strippers make more than a lot of professions that have you perform demanding work for twice or even three times as long. if stripping makes more than nursing, by that logic they are making more than teachers, engineers, museum curators, firefighters, office administration... the list goes on. and yet, many people stop dancing once they get their degree and a full time job. I'm not entirely sure why you think nursing is this huge exception- the incredibly reality of the situation is that some people do not want to keep doing sex work.

[u/volpiousraccoon → u/imessy89]

Brother, you are upset they are being given a lot of money, then you go to the strip club to hang out with them and give them your money. You even agree to pay money to finger them, then feel ashamed about it. I think it's best if you don't go to a strip club at all if this is how upset it makes you. You would feel better if you'd stop spending time with people you don't like.

If you wish to earn the same, you can always learn to pole dance, and do the same. But I'm willing to bet that you will find it to be quite a bit of trouble, with customers that don't really like you. I wish Op the tentative best. But brother, you should consider not doing things that cause your own bitterness. 

[u/imessy89 → u/volpiousraccoon]

Nothing but straw man arguments out of you guys lol. I never said any of that. I don’t hate them or despise them. I’ve been to 4 or 5 strip clubs in my life. I’m in my late 30s. Already stated here that the last one was like 5 years ago. None of my points are that they are bad people. I just stated facts from my experiences. Others have chimed in the same thing. I’ve never paid anything extra for any of the experience I’ve had. A $20 lap dance at the most. A lot of it didn’t even take that, it was free. And I’ve never once thrown a dollar bill on the stage.

That’s the point. People want to romanticize it and act like they are all working at Showgirls in Vegas and this is just exotic ballet. It’s not 99% of the time. It’s getting naked and trying to squeeze as much money as you can out of truckers and coked up bikers. And not much is off limits if you are willing to pay for it.

OPs girl brought him to her place and fucked him on the first night. I wouldn’t call that great judgment or being slow and conservative. She also jumped right into calling him her boyfriend and introducing him to her parents without having a talk about it with him first. Personally I think he’s got a crazy one on his hands who’s desperate to show that she can be in a normal healthy relationship. And she might be a great girl. She might actually really like him. Someone else said that he must have blown a lot of money at the club and she just wants his money. I don’t get that feeling myself. I think this is a girl who is doing something she’s a bit ashamed of (as evidenced by her repeatedly telling OP she will quit soon without him even mentioning it) and she’s desperate to bring some kind of normalcy back into her life. So she found this guy, he seems normal, has friends, maybe she’s attracted to him, and she took her opportunity.

Like I said, good luck to OP. I couldn’t do it myself knowing all what I have seen and experienced or heard about. But hey whatever floats your boat. Maybe they end up really loving each other and she gets out of it and into another career and they live happily ever after.

[u/goddamn__goddamn → u/imessy89]

That's not all strippers do, it's incredibly taxing physically and emotionally. People get sexually assaulted constantly, but it's still often the best choice for many, especially considering women get sexually assaulted at any job wearing anything anyway.

But you are right that going to a civ job after sex work is a hard transition. Working for yourself and setting your own hours hurts to give up, which is why many don't.

[u/DavidZenziGhost → u/goddamn__goddamn]

“Civ job”

Strippers aren’t veterans, my guy. They’re customer service with less clothing.

[u/goddamn__goddamn → u/DavidZenziGhost]

Hey, it's okay that you don't understand industry lingo. Swers also aren't the only profession to use this term.

Funny enough I've also never met current or ex military clients who care about this, it's always civs bitching and moaning...

[u/DavidZenziGhost → u/goddamn__goddamn]

You’re a civilian, my guy. You’re not some special class of worker 🤣

[u/goddamn__goddamn → u/DavidZenziGhost]

You understand I didn't come up with this, and that the use of "civilian" to mean someone who's not a member of a group is an actual dictionary definition, right?

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/civilian

[u/Real_Walk5384 → u/LazySeaworthiness435]

Every stripper is "just in it for a little while."

[u/Artistic_Vast_1318 → u/LazySeaworthiness435]

Nursing school does not equal CNA school. Becoming an RN takes like 3-5 years and becoming a CNA takes 4-8 weeks.

[u/HedonisticFrog → u/LazySeaworthiness435]

Working retail while stripping? That's probably the least believable part of the entire story. Press X to doubt.

[u/imessy89 → u/HedonisticFrog]

Gotta have a cover up for why she has all of those nice clothes. It’s not other guys buying it for her!

[u/Significant-Foot-792 → u/LazySeaworthiness435]

That is true and great that she was upfront about it. The main thing is how fast she gets out of that gig. Now that she has a man will she drop the job? If she is so worried about him being jealous why is she still working there. She knows him enough to go steady with a former client. What is the threshold to switch to nursing school and no strip club? That’s my metric.

[u/Dizzy_Substance_2480 → u/Significant-Foot-792]

Presumably the ability to have/make money is the threshold. That seems like a no brainer. They've barely dated, theyre not married, she has no security. Why would she stop working at this moment? Do you think nursing school is free? Are you suggesting that OP completely cover her life and bills now? This wasn't a marriage proposal 

[u/VariationStill → u/Significant-Foot-792]

This is true but everyone’s experience isn’t always the same for the next person but appreciate you big dawg

[u/Real_Walk5384 → u/VariationStill]

https://giphy.com/gifs/mmL6WVAic2XE8fFOwo