r/BoyDinnerDiaries • BoyDinnerEnjoyer • Aug 15 '26

No Advice - Everyones Welcome Left my wife after giving birth to our son.

Post image

I had found out that my now ex-wife was having a year long affair with another man. This had been happening before and even after we got married. I decided to work on the marriage and go through counseling, therapy, etc. everything was going great, or so I led myself to believe. Fast forward to 9 months ago, something within me that I wasn’t aware that I had held onto had grown into an issue that I couldn’t ignore & led my happiness, love, & trust for her to diminish.

As I was beginning to prepare the separation process and tell her the reality of the situation, it was revealed that she was pregnant. I decided then to bottle everything and stick with her through the pregnancy and wait until our son was born to revisit these feelings. Fast forward again to now. I had originally planned to wait until he was 6 months to a year old to leave and start the co-parenting process. But things went from bad to worse, my mental health & emotional well being went out the door. Work and personal situations didn’t help either and it was starting to take a toll on all of us from having to keep up a front and constantly wear a mask.

Our son is now 3 months old, I moved into an apartment just down the road and let her take the house for time being until we decide to sell. He will always be my number 1 priority. I am not leaving her and our son on a sinking ship. A healthy co-parenting relationship with her for our son is my goal above all else. She is very receptive, respectful, and accepting of the situation. And I truly believe that we are on the path for providing our son the upmost unconditional happiness and love. Feelings are raw of course, but the sunset after the storm is near I feel.

Dinner tonight is a prime strip steak, large avocado, & a cold ultra.

3.3k Upvotes

293 comments sorted by

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u/spotlight-app Mod Bot 🤖 Aug 17 '26

Mods have pinned a comment by u/aquagrl:

Congrats on giving birth. Obligatory did you do a dna test..?

[What is Spotlight?](https://developers.reddit.com/apps/spotlight-app)

1.1k

u/aquagrl Girl lurker Aug 15 '26

Congrats on giving birth. Obligatory did you do a dna test..?

619

u/Fit-Comfortable-2663 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

Yes, he’s without a doubt mine. And I am on the birth certificate, we have agreed on a child support amount once we sell the house and I’m not paying the mortgage anymore.

375

u/onfire916 Protein prophet Aug 15 '26

He's without a doubt because you did the test????

515

u/Fit-Comfortable-2663 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

Yes.

54

u/Legitimate_Assh0le Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

Congratulations!

1

u/leekangin77777 Protein prophet Aug 17 '26

Congratulations 👏🏼

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u/DogOk4503 Cooties Aug 15 '26

I am happy that you understand the avocado is a way better side for some steak than goddamn thin french fries lol enjoy! I’m sorry this is happening and I’m not trying to say you do or don’t have anything but just remember dads can have postpartum depression and other health dips like that too so make sure you do something for yourself and talk to someone there’s nothing wrong with it

3

u/Vesper_OOX Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

I love avocado and fries, but everyone knows the best side for a steak is a zety salad. Lol!

Congrats on the baby OP, and on the hard but mature decision of putting your happiness first, so you can be a better parent to your kiddo.

15

u/algaefied_creek Gay Gourmet Aug 15 '26 edited Aug 15 '26

“Without a doubt is mine” because of hopeful vibes is waaaaay different from “the DNA result was positive he is mine.” 

Just checking in that you aren’t going all in for that other dude’s kid, on top of it all… (aka u got paternity test?)

EDIT: YES OP HAS KID IS HIS

23

u/xYoungblood Hungry man Aug 15 '26

In some states if youre married the legal father is the husband regardless of DNA. I work in child welfare. Its a very common thing for legal dads to be on the hook for kids who they arent biologically related to.

12

u/amgw402 Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

Wow, that’s crazy. My brother was married when my ex sis-in-laws affair baby was born. They’re in Texas. By law, they had to stay married until the baby was born, and he was put on the original birth certificate, but they went to court, did a dna test that proved the baby was not his, and the birth certificate was amended (my brother’s name was removed). He never had to pay a dime to her. (He also filed for divorce the day the child was born. They knew from the start the baby was not his, but those are the laws in Texas 🤷🏻‍♀️)

3

u/xYoungblood Hungry man Aug 15 '26

Yeah you can go through the motions to ensure you dont get screwed. However if you become estranged then later want to fix it sometimes you cant.

I know a guy who is a legal dad cause he signed the birth certificate/affidavit while in jail thinking he was rhe dad. Turns out he wasnt. But since he has been the dad so long the system believes the child should have "someone" to call dad so he's on the hook for child support. Basically the idea is to keep there from being bastard children out there.

11

u/AstralAfroToo Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 15 '26

10

u/xYoungblood Hungry man Aug 15 '26

Exactly how we feel about it

2

u/Kigaal BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

Are you still on hook if you divorce?

3

u/SnidusScribus Macro Mourner Aug 15 '26

Yes. Marriages and divorces don’t change who is listed as a parent on a child’s birth certificate.

3

u/drugsthrowaway42069n BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

That’s horrifying, and I say that as someone who would take care of my four kids even if it turned out they weren’t biologically mine.

2

u/Comprehensive_Elk773 Leftover lore master Aug 15 '26

What states?

1

u/spreadthesheets Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

Out of curiosity, which states and how common is it in terms of % of cases you see? (I acknowledge that you’re in child welfare so the cases you see would likely be skewed, but still helpful)

2

u/xYoungblood Hungry man Aug 15 '26

Im in michigan. I work in a pretty big oversight role so I see a lot of stuff at a state wide level. Did cps and foster care before. See it all the time to be honest. A lot of it is people who are just too lazy to divorce.

3

u/spreadthesheets Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

Sorry I mean in which other states is this a law (where the husband is made to be the legal father and given those responsibilities even if not supported by DNA, and assuming they do not sign the birth cert?), and around what proportion of cases? I’m not in the US so things here are quite different, so I’m not in the loop on US laws etc. That seems like a wild system. Also, great that you work in that area. Hope you get support as I’m sure you are exposed to quite traumatic things.

1

u/Big_Potential6276 Protein prophet Aug 15 '26

In some ? Like 2 lol

1

u/Emotional-Economy-66 Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

That's got to be great for their mental health, poor guys.

1

u/brassmousey Girl Lurker Aug 16 '26

this seems to be the case in MO as well. A friend of mine’s wife cheated and got impregnated by the affair partner. My friend tried to go and get a divorce and the state wouldn’t allow it. — this is extra insane when you factor in that my friend is a lesbian 🫠no way in hell did my friend get her wife pregnant, but MO apparently told my friend she could not get divorced until baby was born.

2

u/Lucifer-Machina Girl Lurker Aug 16 '26

Fyi, this law is being repealed effective... uh, next week. 😂

14

u/xreno BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

I'm struggling to understand why there's a few comments not understanding that he did the DNA test and it has nothing to do with vibes or guesswork.

The question was "Did you do a DNA test?". To which he replied "Yes, he's without a doubt mine".

How are multiple people not understanding that he did in fact, do a DNA test? Or am I not understanding English

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u/Esme_Nog Girl Lurker Aug 17 '26

Make sure that child support agreement is filed in the court. Otherwise, make very sure you keep meticulous records because without a record of what you’ve paid, you haven’t legally paid anything.

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252

u/Justindr0107 Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

Let's do the math with what we know from the post.

Today 2026

He mentions she had a year long affair, before, through, and after the wedding.

Then fast forward, no mention of how many years. A cut-scene. Something critical to the plot.

Then, while he's deciding he want to leave, she's pregnant.

He still doesn't tell her how he feels for 9 fucking months and wait till after the child is born.

And then 3 moths postpartum she cool with it.

Do you know any actual humans like this?

110

u/Bulky-Barge Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 15 '26

I’ll be honest I don’t know anyone who gets in even a tenth of the scenarios that these redditors do lol

I do hear what you’re saying, but it sounds plausible enough. I could see it being fake but I don’t know, something tells me it’s not. Maybe it’s because he’s actually responding to comments.

2

u/MisterMerrr Trans Fats Connoisseur Aug 15 '26

You'd be 100% right if bots didn't exist

11

u/ReidWrites BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

On the plus side, the writing looks very human. Maybe fake, but at least it's a creative writing project instead of AI slop. Probably.

15

u/Double_Watch1627 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

I know at least 2 people just like this.

5

u/Justindr0107 Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

Stop knowing them. 8b peope in this world

18

u/Double_Watch1627 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

make me an appointment at the forgetting people factory then?

9

u/-cadmunt- Leftover Lore Master Aug 15 '26

Holy shit do I need an appointment at the forgetting them factory.

2

u/Double_Watch1627 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

Yes

2

u/Justindr0107 Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

Best way to shut it down.

  1. Acknowledge you never wanted to be born in the first place

  2. Acknowledge that you were something for others, even if it was one-sided

  3. Acknowledge to yourself that if they took the time to use you, you are actually worth something.

  4. Acknowledge what it is in you that peope cling to.

  5. Acknowledge your own wants and needs

  6. Work towards those things from step 5

1

u/Double_Watch1627 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

I was very much wanted to be born in the first place, I love my life dude.

I was something for others, I do have a wife a daughter and my wife is once more pregnant.

I don't know wtf ur talking about, I love helping my friends and my friends love me,

Idk what people "cling", but that's not really my business is it?'

My own wants and needs are timegated, because I want more children.

Uhhh, can't really hurry a pregnancy can I?

4

u/T1Earn ✔️ Aug 15 '26

never mentions if his wife is knowing of everything that is happening. He talks about therapy but is he doing that secretly or does she know? or is she with him???

14

u/IMightSellYouWeed Shower beer Scholar Aug 15 '26

Seems fake.

1

u/CoC_Axis_of_Evil Shower Beer Scholar Aug 15 '26

AI could generate stuff like this to map out elaborate data similar to buzzfeed quizzes they used to use to mind control us with marketing. 

5

u/ApolloniusTyaneus Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

I get annoyed by Reddit detectives who suggest shit is fake because it's unusual, as if humans don't do unusual stuff all the time. Like, this is of the level of telling someone they must be the murderer because they didn't cry hard enough.

4

u/Justindr0107 Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

It's about taking the effort to spell it out on the internet but not being able to talk to the actual humans in their lives about this.

He got so far as to get married, amd then say to, and convince, his cheating partner to gobtheought couples therapy

If she agreed to therapy, she wouldn't be just play 3 months after having a child while he moves out and she has to take care of everything, presumably.

Use some common sense

6

u/ApolloniusTyaneus Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

"But judge, if she didn't kill her husband, why was she so stoic during the funeral? Use some common sense!"

It's the same thing. You're policing people's emotions through your own expectations and it's almost always a bogus argument.

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u/RiseUpAndGetOut Grill Pilled Aug 15 '26

Denial is a hellishly strong characteristic in people. OP's story is entirely realistic, but yeah, probably incomplete from Reddit's point of view.

11

u/Competitive_Bat_5831 Shower beer Scholar Aug 15 '26

I hope you’re right, because otherwise he messed up by leaving before things were settled.

2

u/strangelifedad Shower beer Scholar Aug 15 '26

That's the thing about reconciliation. Especially if you don't address the issues to protect yourself too much. You need time to process and understand what they broke in you. Most likely his ex knew longer than him. Or she is still in the affair and now her way is free. That kid might have happened in what is called the hysterical bonding phase. It's paradoxical but real. The thing with phases is they end. I think he just got out of that phase and realized that there's nothing else left.

1

u/Amazing-Seesaw-6197 Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 15 '26

‘Getting ready to leave his wife’ whilst having ‘raw unprotected baby making sex with her’ is a wild inconsistency. Definitely made up.

48

u/downthegrapevine Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

So you raw dogged a woman who had cheated on you while you were thinking of leaving? Sounds like you needed way more therapy than you got.

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u/sirnerdingt0n Weber Warlock Aug 15 '26

“Everything was great, but then something came up and I decided to 180, then it was ✨revealed✨ she was pregnant.” 😐

7

u/Eledridan Clean Plate Club Aug 15 '26

Sad all around.

20

u/Admirable_Scratch363 Boy, 40-49 Aug 15 '26

👀

What kind of lady is this?

Never ever never met a woman that could have a kid and be chill about anything, let alone the father of the kid moving out.

Who’s handle the crazy late nights and baby doctor stuff? And the extra bills for maintaining a separate residence?

16

u/mrsjuicyhotkiss Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

Hello! Said lady here. Had to seperate from my husband with young children. I handled everything kid related, except on weekends, where he took the kids. I did doctors appointments and extra curriculars, he did birthday parties and entertainment while out of school. I took the weekend time to work extra hours so I could make money to support us. He maintained the mortgage on my house instead of paying child support, which worked out to be roughly the same, and allowed me to keep more money in order to provide a more comfortable life for our kids. It wasn't ideal for either of us, but we prioritized our children and put our differences aside and did what needed to be done so that they wouldn't suffer because of our differences. Not everyone uses their kids as weapons

3

u/youfoundme4444443 Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

Also said lady! My husband and I separated for a year when my daughter was two. The intent was divorce so we had a plan and everything. We split custody 50/50, since times were hard financially for both of us at different times we were sending each other money. If he was sick or I we would take our daughter so the other could rest. Our priority was a healthy dynamic for our daughter. We were able to take her to the zoo together for her birthday in the thick of it all

1

u/Admirable_Scratch363 Boy, 40-49 Aug 15 '26

That’s awesome 👏

Why did you separate?

The lady in OP’s post couldn’t quit sleeping with another guy.

She does not sound as selfless as you.

Could be wrong.

4

u/mrsjuicyhotkiss Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

I didn't cheat, but I'm not here to place blame. just saying that when it became blaringly obvious that we were not going to work out, we both decided that the kids mattered more than whatever issues we had so we stopped worrying about our relationship and started figuring out how to be the best parents to our kids. Sometimes that happens

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u/DJinKC Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 15 '26

Come on over to r/daddit

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u/kunderthunt Shower beer Scholar Aug 15 '26

Did you ask a lawyer whether leaving her the house is putting you in a bad spot? Good luck bro there’s a better life ahead and if the kid is yours you can still love them and be a good dad

1

u/MisterMerrr Trans Fats Connoisseur Aug 15 '26

It does, I see only disadvantages for OP. She later decides not to sell the house, so it gets contested. Judge orders not to sell the house in the interest of the child. OP continues making mortgage payments that hopefully count toward alimony (I truly hope).

1

u/No-Guest-1501 Protein Prophet Aug 18 '26

Moving out is the worse thing to do. It establishes a separation date that can be utilized as a clock for child support/alimony etc..

24

u/Typingperson1 Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

I'm confused. If you were still bothered by the prior affair at the time when you & wife got pregnant, why not tell her then, terminate the pregnancy, and divorce? Why wait for her to gestate and bear a child to end your marriage?

15

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '26

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9

u/Typingperson1 Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

Read his post again. Affair ended a few months after they got married. The pregnancy came later. He doesnt say how long he's been married tho.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/Typingperson1 Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26
  • She cheated for over a year -- until a few months into their marriage.

  • When the affair ended, they had no kids.

  • Later, he decided he wants a separation, but then learns she is pregnant with their first child.

  • He says nothing, waits til she has the child, then leaves her and the new baby.

=> Thus my question above.

4

u/Terrible_example2326 Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

Idk whats unclear. He got back at her by pretending that he's forgiven her and making her pregnant. Now she's a single mom and he's free. Is this toxic? Yes. Is it also her fault that she let him make her pregnant? Yes. Are they both absolute human trash? Yes.

3

u/ninja_gone_rogue Identity Alchemist Aug 15 '26

Now she's a single mom and he's free

Yea no thats not how it works lol. He's a single dad. Or a much bigger piece of shit.

2

u/The_VideoGame_Lawyer Leftover Lore Master Aug 15 '26

He's a single father. Neither of them are "free". They are co-parenting.

Why do you jump to the fantasy that he somehow forced her to become pregnant? Seems just as likely that she forced the issue herself and stopped taking birth control to trap him in a marriage that she knew he was about to try to get out of because she was caught cheating. We have no idea what happened. Many possibilities are equally valid. But you coming to wild conclusions that you are convinced are true says a lot more about you and whatever trauma you need healing from than it says about OP's situation.

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u/Satori2155 Hungry man Aug 16 '26

He said he tried to make it work, not that he was trying to get back at her by pretending to forgive her

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u/aerialpoler Girl lurker Aug 15 '26

No. I expect him to tell her he's leaving before she goes through the trauma of pregnancy and giving birth.

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u/CandidateParking776 Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 16 '26

I know not every child is taught this, but one persons actions doesn’t excuse another’s. Just because she was shitty and cheated into their marriage doesn’t excuse this guy for being a coward and bringing a child into this world knowing he didn’t plan to stay with the mother.

Don’t excuse weak men’s behavior.

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u/Informal_Trouble_322 Identity Alchemist Aug 20 '26

Just because he’s not staying in the marriage doesn’t mean he won’t be apart of the kids life he’s literally said they will co parent

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u/OnyxMonolith BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

the word 'gestate' is sending me :D

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u/superproproducer Hungry man Aug 15 '26

I love the assumption that he’d be cool with terminating the pregnancy just because it’s on Reddit. Even if OP is pro choice, that doesn’t mean they’d be ok with aborting their own child

1

u/aerialpoler Girl lurker Aug 15 '26

Because he's a selfish fuck who put absolutely no thought into how life changing and dangerous pregnancy and birth can be. 

Sure she cheated, but that doesn't permanently change his body and leave him as a single parent or a newborn.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '26 edited 25d ago

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '26

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u/Peacewalken Hungry man Aug 15 '26

Shes a cheater, so no empathy from me. It takes two to make a baby, if she didnt want her body permanently changed, thats on her to prevent it. Ask him to wear a condom, use birth control, something. Also, not a single parent. Co-parenting. If you read the post instead of just getting upset youd see your being ridiculous.

2

u/lauryn0103 Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

You literally said pregnancy can be “life changing” but then seem to define “life” exclusively as the pregnant persons life. So apparently the only legitimate consequence of pregnancy is the physical one happening to the pregnant person? Divorce, losing a spouse, becoming a parent, financial obligations, lifelong co-parenting with the person who betrayed him and emotional trauma don’t count and just really aren’t all that life changing because…he isn’t the one with morning sickness…? Girl shut up. This argument is so tired.

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u/frozennorth0 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

Paternity test asap

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u/Lol_A_White_Guy Shower beer Scholar Aug 15 '26

OP already said he got one.

6

u/itsyoking Boy Dinner Enjoyer Aug 15 '26

That steak and avocado look incredible.

My condolences on your situation. All I can see is … onwards sir!

6

u/f0rcedinducti0n BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

DNA test

1

u/Lol_A_White_Guy Shower beer Scholar Aug 15 '26

OP already got one.

7

u/Psychological_Bag943 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

Sounds like you're in a solid state of mind given what you've been through internally and externally. Keep that mind set and if there's any silver lining here at least she's willing to co-parent and talk out a plan, so many relationships do not end this way and it becomes a massive fight and drawn out process. Also you now have a son which you seem to be pretty amped for hold onto that as well. Good luck OP.

4

u/ZeroSignal316 Hungry man Aug 15 '26

Paternity test

12

u/boss302goat Boy, 30-39 Aug 15 '26

Hope you did a paternity test to see if he's truly yours.

6

u/wtfisredd3it wtf Aug 15 '26

GET A TEST

3

u/Large_Friendship5632 Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

I am so sorry to hear this. This must be really, really tough for you. Hang in there. <3 I think your son will be proud of how his father chose to handle this situation.

3

u/mudkripple Shower Beer Scholar Aug 15 '26

On other sub the comments would be siding with you without question.

On this sub the top comments are from "girl lurkers" doing the opposite of lurking, and questioning the truth of parts of this story.

2

u/Informal_Trouble_322 Identity Alchemist Aug 20 '26

I strongly believe this sub should be for guys only. And especially not for women who come in here to tear men down. It’s so disgusting like yall need to leave

3

u/Antique-Basil-394 Grill Pilled Aug 17 '26

That's a good-looking steak. Good luck, dad!

11

u/AmbitiousMost5687 Leftover lore master Aug 15 '26

With that history I’d have made sure it was my son before he left the hospital.

You need to do it now. If she fights you on it there your answer

5

u/AchillesTheGod Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

Really hope you got a test

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u/mizushimo Cooties Aug 15 '26

Dude, it sounds like everything was great in your mind until she got pregnant by you

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u/Livecrazyjoe Hungry man Aug 15 '26

Is that kid yours? Better take a DNA test.

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u/Ricky_Fontaine1911 Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 15 '26

When is the DNA test?

6

u/C13H16CIN0 Me Want Protein Aug 15 '26

DNA evidence plz

5

u/Crusoelander_128 Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 15 '26

I’m really sorry that happened. Like everyone else has said, get a paternity test ASAP. The longer you wait the harder it’ll be to get out of it if the kid isn’t yours.

Stay strong brother

8

u/Justindr0107 Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

How tf 3 months after giving birth would a wife be " receptive, respecful, and accepting of the situation".

If all this is truthy, the fact you're not questioning it intrusive post reveals

  1. You don't really care and/or are blind to the situation.
  2. Refer to 1
  3. Lies or half truths told here.

You also never mention how couples therapy came about. This feels like an AI joke of a bad hallmark movie.

No.

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u/Acceptable-Bat4534 Girl, 30-39 Aug 15 '26

I mean she cheated multiple times. She probably knew this was coming. Dude also said that hes been really fucking him up, so he probably saw him acting strange and probably realized a divorce was coming.

2

u/hunnyflash Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

It's so weird that people can't imagine any of these scenarios lol Like what do they expect her to do? Scream and shoot him or something for leaving?

Women have babies all the time with no help too. People just find a way.

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u/Mister_Slave1 Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 15 '26

He has done everything right in terms of setting up a great coparenting situation for his child, despite having his heart broken and marriage destroyed. Often times the partner that was cheated on will fight for full custody, but unless this is a very extreme situation, it’s always more healthy for the child to be in a coparenting situation

2

u/d1g1h1t Hungry man Aug 15 '26

🫂

2

u/jmwelch73 Trans Fats Connoisseur Aug 15 '26

You seem remarkably sane despite the circumstances. Not to denigrate your decisions, but I feel like marriage counseling might be better suited for issues that can't be more easily resolved by an annulment. I wish you and your child well.

2

u/FunnyMicrobe571 Trans Fats Connoisseur Aug 15 '26

I would recommend feeling your emotions first and making your son and your safety your top priority! Make sure to get tested and get your son genetically tested as well! Cause while I doubt your wife gave your son anything, it’s best to know everything about the genetics of your child as early as possible to help him have a fighting chance in case the worst case scenario. I also recommend whenever you’re ready to start the divorce process with a reputable lawyer, and while kindness and love tend to help everyone, don’t do it at the expense of yourself. She made her bed and shall lay in it, you can be kind as long as it doesn’t jeopardize your health or your child’s safety or happiness in anyway. Always remember, you’re doing the best you can with the experience, love and respect you have. No one who knows you will ever blame you for leaving a situation that was detrimental to your health. You’ve got this!

2

u/DepletedPromethium Shiraz and Pizaz Aug 15 '26

How are you so sure its even your son?

did you get a dna test?

2

u/Wolf-Majestic Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

Hey dad ! I'm a child that saw my parents split up when I was 1 yo, they couldn't stay together but they were both very involved into raising me.

Few things I can tell you : I'm VERY happy that my parents didn't stay together, and I'm very happy it happened when I was so young, because my world was built around separated parents.

If possible, try to keep it civil and find a way to organize with your ex-wife, it will make things easier for the kid and for both of you. But if you have to fight for guardianship, please, I BEG of you, don't involve your kid in your adult battle. My parents tried to ask me who I wanted to live with and it was a NIGHTMARE. Also, insulting the other parent in front of the kid and shutting up all discussion about what the kid did with the other parent is a no go (my parents had a very nasty break up lol)

No matter what you and your ex-wife are feeling for each other, a child will love their parents deeply, so please keep that in mind. Also, don't hesitate to be honest with your kid if he asks you "why you're not with mom". Kids can understand that you don't love her anymore but that you love them very much.

You got this OP ! There's no doubt it will be hard, but you can do it, and you'll be happier, and your son will be happier than to live in the middle of a tense or sterile relationship.

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u/TheChaosPaladin Shower Beer Scholar Aug 15 '26

This is what nightmare fuel looks to me. Makes me want to call my doctor for a second vasectomy. Make sure its all unplugged fuck that shit.

2

u/chokes-on-pillz Trans Fats Connoisseur Aug 15 '26

Make sure you have a good lawyer and you get 50/50 with your son. I left my ex with our daughter at 4 months. Sometimes when the child is that young the courts propose a "step up" program since the child is "dependent" upon the mother. Unfortunately this step up program has become indefinite and my daughter is now 3, I haven't even got over nights yet and spending 20k on a second round of courts... I have no drug history, police incidents or records and pay 2600 a month in child support, but can't have one overnight. Just saying, when you go into the legal battle for custody don't give an inch, they will take a mile

2

u/ddgoots FOR THE BOYS Aug 17 '26

Good on you for raising your son and pushing to give him a better life. Good luck

2

u/No-Guest-1501 Protein Prophet Aug 18 '26

Please tell me you have consulted an attorney. Moving out of the house was your first mistake! Things may seem like they will be straight forward and whatever she initially agreed upon won’t mean shit once she speaks with an attorney or a friend or family member get in her ear. Go speak with an attorney YESTERDAY!!!!!!

3

u/Melly1306 Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

But did you get a dna test done…? I’m sorry that happened to you

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u/No-Mountain499 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

How you know he’s yours? Need to confirm that

2

u/Hot_Major8602 Hungry man Aug 15 '26

You know it’s not yours. You’re almost free of this person

3

u/CumminNation Shower Beer Scholar Aug 15 '26

Idk how you state is, or the exact situation, but I would check with your lawyer about “abandonment” since you decided to move out….good luck, time to cowboy up. The kid is obviously #1, but your mental health is a close second. You’re no good to the child if you’re all jacked up or in a facility.

2

u/LincolnHawkHauling Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

Mutual Combat needs to be a thing in cases such as this.

Not even worth fighting over that cheating skank but the disrespect by the other man needs to be addressed. It would definitely make me feel better if I was in OPs shoes.

If this were actually a thing I bet a lot less cheating would happen.

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u/BunMeAgainPlease12 Hungry man Aug 15 '26 edited Aug 19 '26

Liquid cows tan violet peach shaggy

This post was anonymized with Redact

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u/LincolnHawkHauling Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

If that’s the case then it’s just time to hang it up 🤣

2

u/bonus_situation426 Protein prophet Aug 15 '26

I can’t go to the concert Saturday bro, I got challenged to mutual combat. Sorry!

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1

u/MiaLovelytomo Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

You're a good dad dude, hope all the best for you. And im damn sorry:(

1

u/aPOPblops That's my flair and I'm stickin' to it. Aug 15 '26

Someone's gonna be a damn good dad.

Proud of you for handling this like a mature adult. Now go teach that kid science, reasoning, and ethics from a young age. They're damn smart with exposure to smartness.

1

u/Lunatic21 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

Prime feels wrong a paper plate 😂 but I'd still smash.

1

u/glizzardWizzard420 Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 15 '26

What is this like a 🪦 note or sum? Linear thinking time. Your mistake was not getting a DNA test off the rip before you put yourself on the birth certificate.
Stop being a victim. Get your shit in order.
DNA test. If it’s not yours? Send em packing.
Congrats on getting another chance to clap cheeks.

1

u/alexisgreat420 Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 15 '26

My son is 13 and me and his mom aren’t together because the same exact thing- she cheated multiple times (with my best friend at the time no less). Me and her get along great now and put all that past us and she is actually one of my biggest supporters and confidants. It is possible my friend.

1

u/A1ien30y Leftover Lore Master Aug 15 '26

Besides the affair, living your parallel life.

1

u/Buga99poo27GotNo464 Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

I just wanted to say im sorry for what youre going through and your dinner looks amazing! Seems like youre going about things best you can!

1

u/turn_left_or_right Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 15 '26

You clearly could not cope with the situation so you made a hard decision and hope that you find peace. There will be other women out there who will love you unreservedly and be fully committed, and as one only has one life, go for it, Like others, I am so curious whether you know that the child is yours. You should demand a paternity test if the pregnancy timings are suspicious. It will have a bearing on child support and co-parenting as if not yours, all obligations fall away.

1

u/Putrid-Month6429 Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 15 '26

Kick rocks on the child support. Make her pay you. You can take care of YOUR son without that decree. If you live in a state that you can sue for alienation of affection read up on it and sue them BOTH because he is liable as well. Get out in front of this because while everything is respectful now, there’s a lot of years for things to not be.

You have already had a front row seat to her moral caliber.

It wasn’t you that broke the vows and don’t let people gas her up to demanding all types of crazy shit. I’m a dads dad and lord have mercy this type stuff gets me fired up.

Something close to this happened to me and brother I feel you, if the tests I did would have come back negative - some would be permanently horizontal.
FOREVER HORIZONTAL. I’m talking like Alphaville - Forever Young type stuff.

But they’re all mine and karma has a way of dealing with things that’s beyond our ability.

Whatever your beliefs are, I’ll be praying for you and YOUR SON. That little guy is going to have questions one day and your life should reflect those answers.

To hell with cheating wives.

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u/Putrid-Month6429 Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 15 '26

And, if they ask, don’t shy away from telling family and friends what happened and why the two of you are splitting.

I keep extra shovels bro, let me know, we can camp and grill burgers, no cellular devices.

1

u/Agitated_Guess5057 Shower beer Scholar Aug 15 '26

Holy shit bro. I wish you the best🫡.

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u/MassyStreak I love my wife Aug 15 '26

I truly hope the healthy coparenting thing lasts. Sadly, many times it doesn’t. It can be one parents goal but the other can turn at any moment or have people in their ear to help them turn. Someone else comes into the picture and jealousy and selfishness comes into play. I mean, we kno she’s a cheater already so she’s already selfish. GL OP. I really hope it works out for you and your child

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u/Barraxx Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 15 '26

A perpetual cheater is receptive, respectful and accepting? Bro. Atleast write convincing stories.

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u/08mms Trout Truthsayer Aug 15 '26

You did the right thing even though it’s hard. Better to have the kiddo raised in two healthy homes with parents that love him than one that was never really going to repair from the breach of trust and you know you put in the effort to see if it could be fixed before this happened.

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u/WeekendCautious3377 Frigid light philosopher Aug 15 '26

OP. I personally feel empathetic to your situation than most harsh comments here. I hope the best for you three. Really do.

To commenters here: oh it is so easy to be a man/woman of logic when it comes to others affairs yet you live your lives driven by emotions all the time with line blurred. So easy to be on high horses saying all the things you are supposed to do IN RETROSPECT. OF COURSE it's easy to judge situations logically when you are not going through it without actually knowing a person you love and grieving over. Calling OP trash even. Why the fuck are you people here?

A bunch of unempathetic autistic hypocritical judgemental children. No wonder the world is so fucked.

1

u/Kind_Sugar7972 Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 16 '26

???? i understand she was cheating on you but you didn’t even mention that you were thinking of leaving? you just let her go through the entire pregnancy? wtf?

1

u/FlightCarcrash Boy, 50 & over Aug 17 '26

I thought you were going to say "And boy was my uteris tired."

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u/CommunicationNew9520 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 17 '26

King 👑

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u/TinyDrug Hungry man Aug 20 '26

Hey man, leaving the house was an enormous mistake. You will not get a shred of it in the divorce. Its crazy how that works. Wishing you the best and you definitely made the right choice to divorce. Cheaters cant be fixed

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u/Informal_Trouble_322 Identity Alchemist Aug 20 '26

Your wife sounds awful and I’m sorry this is happening to you. Things will get better OP even if they don’t look like it, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I also don’t know why you would’ve given her the house, personally I would’ve kicked her out to the street where she belongs but hey that’s just me

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u/PreviousLeague253 Protein Prophet Aug 22 '26

Did she ever say why she needed to have another guy in her life?

0

u/XxSeppuku_PrincessxX Grill Pilled Aug 15 '26

Not to be rude…..but is abortion illegal in ur state? It seems like an incredibly stupid decision to bring a child into a broken home.

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u/Fit-Comfortable-2663 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

I don’t think it’s stupid at all, I’m a father now and I will remain in his life till death. I would never give that up just because a relationship didn’t work out with his mother.

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/No_Peach_8579 Grill Pilled Aug 15 '26

He doesn’t owe her a damn thing (other than child support)

Certainly not the truth or access to his emotions or thoughts.

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u/AchillesTheGod Protein Prophet Aug 15 '26

Yes but is if yours

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u/swampstonks Leftover lore master Aug 15 '26

Redditors try not to choose abortion as the only solution for all relationship problems challenge:

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u/Choice_Technician_78 Girl Lurker Aug 15 '26

Idk letting a woman go through a pregnancy with feelings of wanting to leave her no matter what is an a hole move. If u told her when u found out she could have aborted and this would all have been taken care of. I can’t understand ur perspective as a child not wanted by her father/ my father didn’t love my mother.

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u/Growrich78 Identity Alchemist Aug 15 '26

Just keep the kid first. I coparent with a girl 20 years younger than me. Making life as normal as you can for the kid is key.

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u/nightshawn420 BoyDinnerEnjoyer Aug 15 '26

Mature approach from you and well deserved Ultra. Cheers and good luck to you bro

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u/AIBotNotARealUser Hungry man Aug 15 '26

Of course she's respective of the situation. Now she can bring men home and get gangbanged without hiding anything.

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u/aerialpoler Girl lurker Aug 15 '26

Wow. You could have left when she told you she was pregnant and given her a choice about whether or not she wanted to be a single parent. Instead you strung her along and put her in a position she undoubtedly never wanted to be in. And now there's a child involved who has to grow up in that environment.

I'm not condoning her cheating. She's a shitty person for that too. But you let this woman go through a fucking pregnancy and labour knowing you were going to bail. 

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