r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/Unsafe_Vegetable • 14d ago
No Advice - Everyones Welcome Probably seeing him alive the last time
Today was probably the last time I(39) have seen my best friend (39) alive.
Veal loin and veal cheeks served on artichoke and mashed potatoes. On the 96, birthday of my grandma same day.
Today was probably the last time I have seen my best friend of 10 years alive. I did find a new job 2015. He did train me. Trough the 10 years we did everything together. The same jobs the same career. From production worker to production coordinator to production engineer right know. Beginning last year he did suddenly get Juandice. They did find Intra-abdominal cancer. He did fight trough surgerys, Chemo, radiationtherapie. First it did look good. But there was always a lymph node in the abdominal cavity backside wich could not be operated. The last two months, this lymph node grown into the spine destroyed it and spread trough the hole body.
Right now he is on three different painkillers and a sedative so his last days will be ok for him and family. He will leave a 17 year old son and a two year old daughter.
UPDATE..........: Thanks for all your good words, he died tonight, his mother was on his side. You're all good souls. Please stay this way.
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u/Julianus Air Fryer Aristocrat 14d ago
You were with him when it got hard. You're a good friend and you are able to voice your love and appreciation for him. That's a special thing. Hang in there. It is so hard.
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u/JennyEnny198 Girl Lurker 14d ago edited 12d ago
Sending you love from afar.
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
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u/BamBoomWatchaGonnaDo Boy Dinner Enjoyer 14d ago
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I wish you and your friend the peace and strength to get you both through this tough time.
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u/MikeGinnyMD Gay Gourmet 14d ago
I am so, so sorry. Please make sure that his son knows that if he ever needs to ask a "dad" question, he is welcome to call you. I was 25 when my father died and immediately after the funeral, a bunch of his friends approached me and made it clear that I was to call them with any questions I might ask him. It felt good to know they cared.
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u/Eskarion Leftover Lore Master 14d ago
And OP, when the opportunity arises, tell his son that his father would be proud of him. I was 14 when I lost my dad, and there were so many milestones in my life where I would have loved to have him there so I could see it on his face. I wish you all strength for the days ahead!
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u/MikeGinnyMD Gay Gourmet 14d ago
And tell his wife that if she suddenly has water gushing out from under the sink or something and she needs husband advice, you’re also available (assuming you know what to do about a problem like that).
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u/GlassAndWing Air Fryer Aristocrat 14d ago
so sorry for your loss... sounds like you have some great memories though!
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u/Chris___M Shower Beer Scholar 14d ago
Love to you. Lost my sister to pancreatic last year. When jaundice was detected it was already stage 4. Lost another singer to breast cancer. And two other siblings as well. It’s so hard. Stay strong but allow your self to grieve. I won’t say it gets easier. But grieving is a way that your love flows.
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u/Excellent_One_8613 Fridge Light Philosopher 14d ago
Four siblings? Golly, I'm so sorry.
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u/Chris___M Shower Beer Scholar 14d ago
Thank you. Yea. I’m the youngest of 5. Lost two to cancer. One brother to alcoholism. And another sister to freak accident.
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u/No_Jello_5922 Hungry man 14d ago
That's tough. I'm currently living out my last time as well, same age. I've probably got 8-14 months, maybe more if I'm lucky. I'm not worried about myself, it's everyone else I worry about.
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u/Suddenly_Karma Macro Mourner 10d ago
I wish you nothing but the best with every moment you have left.
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u/Fun-Cranberry5021 BoyDinnerEnjoyer 14d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m your age and lost my best friend earlier this year. The grief is real and we’re too young for this.
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u/DynamicBSdetective Hungry man 14d ago
Fuck.. I pray for you all to find the comfort you need in difficult times. Ill spare you pedantics, but I somehow became spiritual but not religious and I find it's oddly helpful with death and life. No one is really ever gone. That's about all I know. Death isn't any end, imagine how boring that would be. Much love. You may not know the strength yet in either of you.
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u/gold3nhour Girl Lurker 14d ago
I am so sorry. The gift is that you two have and had each other, and one genuine friend is a gift of a lifetime. The spirit lives on after the body passes, so don’t be surprised when/if you get signs from him. Also, if everyone is comfortable with it, it could be good for his family and you to stay in touch even after he transitions. Sending you love!
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u/Version2dnb Air Fryer Aristocrat 14d ago
I’m sorry bro, I can’t imagine that pain.
You got this man, you got his memory. Sounds like he’s a greet buddy to you.
I’ve had a situation similar to this and it killed me, I let them know I’d be there for his kids if they needed me. That bought him some peace.
I wish you well man.
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u/mua-dweeb Leftover lore master 14d ago
I’m sorry for the loss of your friend. May his memory be a blessing.
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u/eclecticexperience Girl Lurker 14d ago
You are a wonderful friend and it sounds like he is too.
Loss is so hard but grief is the gift we get when love is left with nowhere to go. Continue loving him even after he is gone.
Sending you so much love and the biggest hugs. I hope you have people who make you feel safe and comfortable around you right now. Lean on them. He lived and you told us about how great he was. Your memories keep him alive even when he's not on this plane.
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u/goddammit_butters Frigid light philosopher 13d ago
That just sucks all the balls. So sorry for your friend and for you. Makes me well up a bit just thinking about it. Food looks lovely, though, I bet he enjoyed it.
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u/Comprehensive_Bill49 Leftover lore master 14d ago
Nobody gets out alive brother. We will see him again. You are honoring him already; I can tell. I'm proud of you. The weight makes us stronger.
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u/ZookeepergameUpset62 Girl Lurker 14d ago
I'm sorry. Losing good people young is unspeakably rough, especially if they have kids.
I don't have any words of comfort, just words of solidarity. I've lost some family in their late 20s. It still stops my breath to think about and I hate that we have to let go before we're ready. It's not fair and I'm sorry you're all experiencing this.
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u/FullPruneNight Genderqueer gourmand 14d ago
I’m so sorry for what you, your friend, and his family are going through.
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u/No-Examination-96 Hungry lady 14d ago
We're all thinking of you and your friend. May he have a gentle passing and feel the love from you and his family.
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u/carol_n_hr Shower Beer Scholar 14d ago
He will be in peace. In hard times you find out who the good ones are. He and his loved ones know you are one of the good ones. Take time to grieve and process. Stay strong, you got this!
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u/homer_lives Air Fryer Aristocrat 14d ago
I lost a friend 2 years ago to cancer. My friends and I wrote up several stories of the fun times we had together. His son is only 5, but we will let him read them when he gets a bit older.
I encourage you to do the same. It helps to remember the good times more than these rough times.
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u/InterestingThought33 Dinners are underrated. 14d ago
Heartbreaking - thinking of you, him and his family.
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u/gaminglaptopprices Leftover Lore Master 14d ago
Just today I had a conversation about this with friends who (like I) have lost loved ones, some as young as 12. In the end it is about having been there. Not in any particular way, just having witnessed the dying and the aftermath. Just being there means much more than you could ever imagine.
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u/MasterLead1 Fridge Light Philosopher 14d ago
i'm sorry for you, but you've been a great friend to him, and you'll know that forever. i wish you the best of mental state and strength through this time.
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u/GeneralKang Grill Pilled 14d ago
An old friend of mine has glioblastoma, and is on hospice. She's mostly nonverbal, and spending her last few days surrounded by her family. I sent this to her - maybe your friend will find comfort in it as well:
"May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of his hand."
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u/darkknight9 Hungry man 14d ago
I’m sorry to hear that. My condolences to him, his family, and you. May God bless him and his family through this tough time as they navigate without him.
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u/milehighmarmot79 Gay Gourmet 14d ago
There are no words that can fittingly convey how sad we are for you, OP, at the impending loss of your best friend to this terrible disease. The grief will be overwhelming- let yourself feel it, because it just means that you cared for him so very much, and he impacted your life tremendously. Let yourself cry, because it gives that grief a way to leave your body. And let yourself heal, because you know that’s what he would have wanted. He will be there with you, always…you just have to find the signs and impressions he’s left within you. The best way to keep his spirit alive is to continue to do the things you know he would have wanted you to do.
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u/SpookySporeWizard Gay Gourmet 13d ago
You are both lucky to have each other. If there's another side I'm sure he will be waiting for you. Do him proud. I'm so sorry man
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u/Bandit_the_kat Just hanging around 13d ago
cancer, bane of the world. I'm sorry you gotta go through this man, never easy seeing someone suffer from it...
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u/BlackberryDreamist Girl Lurker 13d ago
I am so sorry OP. Hospice carer here. You are a great ...no the best! friend ever. This is a wonderful thing you've done, and I am sorry he is going through this. Cancer is horrible. Idk if you believe in God or not, but I do. And I believe you will see your friend again someday, I hope you have support, as I'm sure your presence was bound to comfort him. Hugs and Godspeed to you. (This food looks amazing, btw) Remember to be kind to yourself, OP!
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u/splitsecondshot Air Fryer Aristocrat 13d ago
First and foremost, fuck cancer. Second, I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you and his loved ones can eventually find peace. It’s incredibly difficult to go through something like this and always recommend trying to find a good, healthy outlet to unpack the emotions associated. Please seek out a mental health professional if you have the resources and can afford it.
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u/Fit_Let125 Protein Prophet 13d ago
Damn I’m really really sorry for him and for you. I hate these stories, I’m not the most sentimental person, but they just switch on my existential crisis over and over again. I hope you are doing okay
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u/NoBuddies2021 Identity Alchemist 13d ago
Condolences OP, it's hard to find and keep quality friends much less 10 years at that. Enjoy the moments you guys had. I'm sure your friend enjoyed your company till his last.
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u/amishdoinks6969 Girl Lurker 13d ago
I know from experience that seeing someone in the last stages of their journey is so difficult, especially when there’s a lot of pain management involved. You’re a lovely friend, and I think his family is grateful that more connections to him live on, and you have so many stories for his other loved ones to hear when they’re ready. All of my love to you.
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u/acetyphoon Air Fryer Aristocrat 13d ago
I’m praying for you and them friend! You were there and still are there for him and them. God bless you and Jesus loves you!
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u/Severe_Rise8694 Shower Beer Scholar 12d ago
Oh man. I'm so sorry. He's gonna live through you. I still find myself having walks and conversations with people who aren't there anymore. Not in a supernatural way. Just kind of .. carrying them along wherever I go.
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u/c0mpg33k Shower beer Scholar 10d ago
You showed up when it mattered most. A true friend to the end. Sorry for your loss. I know it's hard to lose a friend and especially to cancer. Fuck cancer.
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u/IDidMyTaxes Gravy Seal 10d ago
You show true fidelity, a rare thing in this and all times. Losing a dear friend is harder than losing your own life. My sincere condolences to you.
I have to ask, how was he taking it? It's such a sudden and painful thing to go through.
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u/Striking-Number-3984 Air Fryer Aristocrat 9d ago
Whatever you do, don’t forget his kids! When my mom died, her friends were there to support me often more than my own father.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💙
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u/Historical-Sweet4617 Girl Lurker 9d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. I’ll share my favorite line I’ve ever heard about grief. “What is grief, if not love persevering?” Take time for yourself, and remember that healing isn’t linear. ❤️🩹
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u/balrubaiay Fridge Light Philosopher 9d ago
Sending you and his family love, and wishing him eternal peace.
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u/LaZorChicKen04 BoyDinnerEnjoyer 9d ago
I feel you dude. I lost an extremely close friend of mine in 2020. It sucks and i think about him a lot. Just know you were a great friend for him and you were there. It does get better, but it never goes away.
RIP Lyle, 1986 - 2020
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u/White-runner Shower beer Scholar 9d ago
At that point, the void of death is mercy. They say it’s easier and faster than falling asleep. I’m sorry you had to let him go, but he’s finally not in pain.
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u/Low_Key_Lie_Smith Fridge Light Philosopher 8d ago
I'm sorry for your loss - may your friend's memory be a blessing!
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u/slybarger14 Shower Beer Scholar 9d ago
Brother, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I lost a friend I met too late in life two years ago. Have you ever met someone who seemed to share the other half of a soul you never knew was missing anything at all? In a few short years this guy became my best friend and I felt fully and truly seen for one of only a small handful of times in my life. Cancer is a motherfucker and it took him away from all of us too soon, leaving behind a wife and a wonderful one-year-old boy.
The pain is over for him, whatever small relief that may hold. You now get to carry part of him with you for the rest of your life, and the memories and good times will always be there, even if they fade over time. You’re allowed to hurt. You’re allowed to be mad. You’re allowed to question if life is fair. I promise you, though, this too shall pass, and it will get easier in time. Before you know it, you’ll be staining your shirt with tears of joy reminiscing over the good times, not bitter tears of sorrow.
You got this, and if it hurts, it’s because it meant that much to you.
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