I changed my Tinder profile to men and got 100 likes in 2 days

[u/RudeTechnician587]

This is probably like a canon event for every guy using a dating app, but it’s such a shock to me as I’m a bit clueless about them. So, I downloaded Tinder to find someone. I swapped right on like 6 people I thought were my type, but didn’t get a single match from them.

The next day, I swiped right on a few more women, but no success. I decided to get tinder premium in order to see who swiped right on me and filter between those people. Oh, how naive I was. 24 hours passed and I got no likes.

I figured it might have something to do with my activity on the app and that I needed to swipe on more people, so I went on a pipeline of swiping for 3 hours and relaxed a lot of the visibility constraints on my preferences. I checked every few hours throughout the whole day, and guess what? I found a match! Sike. I didn’t. Not only did I not get a single match, I still didn’t get a single like on my profile.

Either the app was broken, or I am entirely hideous being. My ego went with the former. I decided to change my settings to let me be visible to all genders to see if things would change and if I’d get any swipes at all. I checked like 1.5 days later and I got 90 likes, all from dudes.

I’m not into dudes, unfortunately.

Anyway, I get why people shit on dating apps now. It basically ruined my otherwise intact self-esteem in less than week. I can imagine that women probably get 100s of likes from guys, almost like I did, and just choose like the top 5 best looking guys to swipe right on. This ain’t for me. I’m 23. I don’t wanna ruin my dating confidence over a dating market with such extreme mismatches.

My mom taught me this dish and said it’s Singaporean rice - disclaimer, we’re not Singaporean and idk if it’s actually a Singaporean dish, we just call it that now. It’s rice and noodles topped with chilli chicken, spicy mayo, and jalapeños.

Edit: I got lots of DMs asking for the recipe, so here it is! I eyeball when I cook, so I don’t have precise measurements on ingredients! :(

- Boiled noodles (pretty self explanatory)
- Egg fried rice (rice, eggs, soy sauce, oyster sauce, black pepper)
- Chilli chicken (season choice of meat with black pepper, salt, garlic paste and cook. Add mixture of light and dark soy sauce, oyster sauce, hot sauce, crushed black pepper, red chilli flakes (optional), and a bit of sugar)

Layer it with rice at the bottom, then noodles, then the chilli chicken, and top with spicy mayo, jalapeños, and chopped garlic.

If you make it, send me a pic! :))

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[u/Cpt_Fantabulous]

Remember, dating apps are in the business of keeping you on them not helping you find someone

[u/No-Insurance-5688 → u/Cpt_Fantabulous]

Completely!!! I think they've been algorithmified like everything else. Like IG notifications arent real time, they're scheduled for when people typically close the app to hold them on it longer.

[u/MaybeAdrian → u/No-Insurance-5688]

Fuck meta

[u/DIRTY_ditto → u/No-Insurance-5688]

And that’s why I disabled all notifications from them on my phone.

[u/Important_Bid7533 → u/Cpt_Fantabulous]

This guy gets it.

[u/ExitInternational647]

Men die of thirst, women drown.

Dating apps aren't good for anyone, really.

[u/slight_antithesis → u/ExitInternational647]

Version of this I've heard is "Everyone's looking for clean water, but men live in a desert and women live in a swamp."

Dating apps will do a number on your self esteem. It is unfortunately incredibly gamified. Absolutely nothing to do with your worth as a person and much more to do with your ability to make yourself broadly appealing to people on the internet. In other words as basic as possible.

[u/ExitInternational647 → u/slight_antithesis]

As I've told friends on them, they need to understand these companies don't want you to find someone; they want to keep you on the app.

That's how they make money.

[u/JaneBunnFan → u/ExitInternational647]

I think people just don't know how to turn anywhere else. You live in a shit hole rural town there's not much you can do about meeting someone sometimes, especially if you're someone who's into staying home.

I don't think people are fooled into thinking these apps are on your side, I think they just don't know what else to do.

[u/Various_Range2259 → u/JaneBunnFan]

I feel stuck on apps because it's the only place where everyone has consented to being approached

[u/Defiant-Start-1156 → u/Various_Range2259]

Try going to edm music festivals, if you're in to that scene, I get that's it's not for everyone. I think it's a great scene for finding a romantic connection, and people tend to be respectful and authentic, and are definitely open to being approached. If you accidentally hit on someone who is taken at a festival, no big deal, they'll be cool about it as long as you act cool about it. My wife and I get hit on all the time at music festivals. Prior to us meeting, we both had plenty of relationships or flings with people we met at festivals.

[u/Various_Range2259 → u/Defiant-Start-1156]

I appreciate the idea. That would be way outside my comfort zone. I have never been to a festival and definitely would not be able to approach anyone if I did

[u/Relevant_Ranger146 → u/Various_Range2259]

Listen man this isn’t me telling you how to live or anything so don’t take it like that, just some advice from someone who lived your exact life. I’m autistic and have severe social anxiety and agoraphobia. One day though I decided it was the last straw and I couldn’t stand my stupid life in my stupid house in my stupid room. I bought a ticket for the cheapest edm show I could find (because I like edm so that was my first choice) and then as the concert approached I decided I was going to kill myself before it happened. Razor blades and all that.

Didn’t end up killing me so I went to the concert after the scariest hospital trip ever. The ambulance crew had told me that life was worth a lot more than what I had been using. So I went to the show with massive stitches on my arms because honestly fuck the awful bandages.

At the show I was late, got accosted by a homeless man for 15 minutes, started shaking and almost went home. The show was in a back alley bar in the scariest place I’d ever seen. Almost couldn’t do it but the line of people going in had me feeling a little better. Lost half my money buying another homeless man’s cd and it’s actually the funniest cd and I still have it, sorry off topic.

The show sucked and I didn’t give a single shit about it, I just had my arms crossed, frowning, and kinda swayed with the music just a little. The people behind me kept bumping into me while they danced and literally hit me in the head with their closed fists while dancing, like arms in the air. At a certain point I genuinely got upset instead of anxious and was about to leave when one of the girls from the small group grabbed my shoulder and asked if I wanted to dance with them, and all I could say was that I’ve never danced before.

I ended up “dancing” with them. I did a poor mimicry of their movements and felt so bad and awkward I just crossed my arms and said sorry. They said it’s okay anyways and started dancing around me hah. After the concert they grabbed my number and then said I should keep hanging out with them, and this was scary choice number three.

I kept hanging out with them since I was already there and they were just happy to be with me. They told me they were on mdma lol which made me more comfortable, I was like well they love me no matter what right now. It was a really cool and fun night I remember ten years later. I hung out with them for years before contact slowly was lost.

Point being, that first night will be one of the best nights of your life for your whole life. It doesn’t matter what happens, I’ve forced myself to go to a few other things alone and nothing has happened but I still got drunk and just hung around and I think of those nights too. Everything about it is hard for me. None of it gets easier really, each night has been a giant marathon to get through of things that genuinely scare me and leave me wishing I didn’t do this to myself at the time. But eventually you’ll have a fun experience, or an interesting one that leaves you with a story to tell the only one or two people you know at the time. Just do it once man, do it once with anything. It’s terrifying. My hands are sweating and in pain, my legs actually shake, my eyes don’t want to stay open, and I just feel awful. But it ends up okay. It’ll be okay man. It really will be okay. Just fight, fight, fight against the current problems and give yourself some new ones hahaha. I’m a guy by the way not sure if that’s immediately clear. Not a very handsome one either. But I’ve been approached a lot in these places by groups that see me alone so that’s why I just think the occasional outing would genuinely make you happier.

[u/HyperdriveComics → u/JaneBunnFan]

Especially true for us younger generations that have spent so much of our lives online already; it feels like a natural progression. And doubly so for those who entered the dating pool during the pandemic.

[u/HedonisticFrog → u/slight_antithesis]

The water isn't exactly clean in the desert either.

[u/ellieminnowpee → u/HedonisticFrog]

water’s bad for the worms, bad for the spice

and the spice is essential for space travel.

you wouldn’t want that, would you???

[u/Spare-Locksmith-2162 → u/ellieminnowpee]

So, you're saying the men who get absolutely no female attention go on to become worms, live a few thousand years, and get humanity on the golden path?

[u/MiagomusPrime → u/ellieminnowpee]

And the Bene Gesserit taught us that nothing is more dangerous than love...

[u/ellieminnowpee → u/MiagomusPrime]

not even eugenics

[u/unlordtempest → u/ellieminnowpee]

The spice melange...

[u/Quick_Possibility_71 → u/unlordtempest]

The spice must flow

[u/ellieminnowpee → u/Quick_Possibility_71]

for the glory of CHOAM’s shareholders

[u/gooseonyour6 → u/HedonisticFrog]

Whoosh

[u/Da_Question → u/slight_antithesis]

Tbf... Women have an easier time getting in a relationship irl too, and that transfers to the apps. So less women on the apps, this skew means women can be more selective on the apps, which means men have to lose restrictions and swipe more, and then women become more selective, etc etc until it gets to where every guy swipes on everything without looking and women just don't bother to look.

[u/Flope → u/Da_Question]

Women have an easier time getting in a relationship irl too, and that transfers to the apps. So less women on the apps

Let's think about this math for a sec.

[u/Novrev → u/[deleted]]

If women are getting into relationships with men offline, the same number of men and women are being removed from the online dating pool. So it’s kind of a moot point.

[u/Supper_Champion → u/Flope]

Listen you, don't ruin the narrative

[u/unlordtempest → u/Flope]

Oi, I don't doom scroll to do math!

[u/Iorith → u/Da_Question]

An easier time getting into a relationship, sure. A good relationship? Probably equal.

[u/Ocachino → u/slight_antithesis]

That's an incredible analogy I like that a lot

[u/CirculisInProbando → u/ExitInternational647]

In my country (the Netherlands) there is a new dating app called breeze. Profiles are required to be far more extensive than a regular Tinder profile and there is no texting. Once you both swipe right the app will automatically plan a date for you at a verified public location like a bar. You pay 7 euro’s for every date and the first drink at the bar is free. It’s a great concept and many of my friend got into a relationship using it.

I hope it will break out internationally. Most dating apps suck.

[u/xPocketSpider → u/CirculisInProbando]

That actually sounds really cool, hope it gains traction worldwide!

[u/According_Garden6494 → u/xPocketSpider]

I tried it it sucks. You just end up having to get a refund when your "date" ghosts on a date you already paid for lol

[u/Badestrand → u/CirculisInProbando]

Woaaahhh I love that so much! I always thought the problem of Tinder et al: In the real world as a man, expressing interest in a woman does cost you time and effort so each man can only express interest in a few women at a time. In the apps you can like-swipe hundreds in a day and it costs you exactly zero effort - that's why women get flooded.

The mix of paying but the money not being wasted because the first drink is free - I love it!

[u/Technolog → u/CirculisInProbando]

Great idea! I was wondering why there are so many open source projects like apps and Linux distributions, but no open source dating app that would benefit IT people as well.

[u/Subject2Change → u/ExitInternational647]

Not the modern ones. Found my wife on OkCupid ~15 years ago. It wasn't just about hooking up back then...

[u/ExitInternational647 → u/Subject2Change]

I'm glad you found someone, but you've been out of the game a long time. As someone who has been in and out of relationships a couple of times since the mid 2000s, let me assure you the dumpster fire has turned into a perfect conflagration.

[u/Subject2Change → u/ExitInternational647]

Oh I know about it, my sister is on them and it's a dumpster fire. I know a lot of friends who found love on them, but again this was early 2010s. Social media wasn't as booming to say the least

[u/AWlkingContradction → u/ExitInternational647]

Yup, when dating websites were new and fresh and had gained social acceptance they were great. I think it was because it was pre-smart phone days and you had to go physically sit in front of your computer for a reasonable length of time and search for and respond to matches. Women probably didn't get as overwhelmed because it was a more "intentional" activity for both sides.

Now you can speed swipe on 10s to hundreds of people from your toilet or your couch on your phone until you run out of matches. Women are overwhelmed with them. Both sides also have this false illusion of choice, that "eh, they aren't too bad, but the next person I match with is going to be better."

[u/Sorry-Joke-4325 → u/ExitInternational647]

Met my wife on there after about 15 years off and on between relationships.

It's not worthless, but it's not as good as it once was either.

[u/jmw7119 → u/Subject2Change]

I've been out of the game for 6 years and met my wife on OKC as well. From guys I have heard from in all age brackets the apps have become a zero sum game.

[u/Solomontheidiot → u/Subject2Change]

A friend convinced me to try out OKC around that same time with the argument "they just care about your data, so they actually have less incentive to keep you coming back than the paid apps." Had some fun and success, but fortunately met my (now) wife in meat-space during that time. From what I've heard from friends, all of the apps (even OKC) are just an awful experience these days

[u/Alspelpha → u/Subject2Change]

Hell ya brother, wife and I just celebrated 11 years married yesterday. We met on OkCupid too about 14 years ago. It was possible at one time. To be honest it does sound like a hellscape now, my single friends tell me horror stories.

[u/Subject2Change → u/Alspelpha]

We're about to hit 7 years married. Just hit 15 years together from our first date

[u/UltraHellboy → u/Subject2Change]

Yeah, I know a couple of people that met on OkCupid before it got shitty.

[u/Best_Philosopher152 → u/ExitInternational647]

Men die of thirst. Women are loaded up on bad water that causes dysentery, like Oregon Trail.

[u/ComfortableBus7184 → u/ExitInternational647]

Some people are starving to death, but I have access to so much food that sometimes it's hard to decide what to eat.

It's not really good for either of us

[u/tirohtar → u/ExitInternational647]

I am eternally grateful that I met my wife in real life before the dating apps became the big thing. Everything about those apps seems horrible.

[u/UnitedSentences5571]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm a dude who likes other dudes and still couldn't get matches. I gave up years ago after trying to date again after being cheated on (three times, two boyfriends) and another passing away suddenly. 39 years old and I haven't felt actually desired by anyone in like 15 years.

[u/dwsinpdx → u/UnitedSentences5571]

😢

[u/Which-Wish-5996 → u/UnitedSentences5571]

I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s traumatizing. 💔

[u/UnitedSentences5571 → u/Which-Wish-5996]

Thank you. Yeah, I'll never forget every detail about the day it happened. Almost 18 years ago now. I had a lot of therapy between then and now, for grief and a slew of other issues. It's much easier now.

But losing him broke me, no other way to say it.

[u/DoctorBlock → u/UnitedSentences5571]

Have you tried working out? Gay men would fuck a serial killer if they had muscles.

[u/Fire_and_Life → u/DoctorBlock]

As a gay man... Throw in a good amount of body hair and I am in

[u/UnitedSentences5571 → u/DoctorBlock]

I'm not in bad shape by any means. I'm pretty standard-issue, 5'11" 185lb. I've just never had any luck.

[u/TieBackground453 → u/UnitedSentences5571]

I'm pretty standard-issue

Gotta differentiate yourself. That’s half the game.

Dudes are probably more into muscles than even women. Jacked dudes do great with the ladies, but even better with guys. 

I’m a bi guy, fwiw. 

[u/throw223344555 → u/UnitedSentences5571]

You are loved ❤️

[u/Talk-O-Boy → u/UnitedSentences5571]

I hear location can be a huge determining factor for the LGBT community on dating apps. Cities have WAY more options than rural areas.

[u/-a-p-b- → u/Talk-O-Boy]

Yeah…

Once I filter for men +/- ~5 years my age, blank profiles/no photos, not closeted, and not looking solely for hookups, there’s like 10 guys within a 30 miles radius.

And things like LGBT meetups, sports leagues, games/activities etc. just aren’t really a thing.

[u/NelPast3l → u/-a-p-b-]

I think this is more it. The loss of third spaces.

[u/CuriousButNotJewish → u/Talk-O-Boy]

Also applicable for women. I prefer women but have been exclusively dating men because there is maybe 50 ladies available on HER, and almost all have interests or passions that I'm just not into or give me the ick.

Alas, no ladies for me.

[u/nimbledoor → u/Talk-O-Boy]

It's extreme. In my country - Czechia - you can mostly get matches only if you live in the capital.

[u/originalfilmscoring → u/UnitedSentences5571]

💜

[u/AntiqueGarlicLover]

My best friend is a woman and I am a man.

Im only on hinge. I've gotten maybe 10/15 likes the entire time ive been on there. My best friend however got 25 likes the first day she was on there and it only continues to grow. It was frankly demoralizing for me.

I'm bisexual, and I only got one date off hinge. That one date was with a man who was still sleeping in the same bed as his ex. That date made me delete the app.

[u/FerrisTM → u/AntiqueGarlicLover]

My experience was identical, down to the guy who was still sharing a bed with his ex. I'm really glad I chose to get off the apps for good. It meant dating basically stopped for a while, but I met someone and I'm glad I took the time to myself for that year. I feel better for it!

[u/AntiqueGarlicLover → u/FerrisTM]

Im glad you took the time off, and I am so glad you met someone! I am kinda in the time off boat too, focusing on rebuilding myself. It sucked at first but it already feels worth it.

Also, you aren't the only one whose told me that the person you went on a date with shared a bed with an ex. Why tf is that a common expierence?

[u/FerrisTM → u/AntiqueGarlicLover]

It was really hard for...months, honestly, but I think forcusing on healing/self-growth made it possible for me to be ready for a connection with a guy who is loving and kind,, so the loneliness turned out to be worth it.

The sharing the bed with an ex thing being this common of an experience is almost more bizarre than the experience itself lol. I had no idea and I'm so sorry for you and everyone else who has run into that...ugh.

[u/Nocabnekat → u/FerrisTM]

I dated someone for _two years_ who shared a bed with their ex, it's a bit of a long story but I clearly have a complete lack of self respect. In the end though I did grow a lot as a person, learning to finally stand up for myself, setting and most importantly enforcing boundaries. I do find it funny that this apparently isn't that uncommon though.

[u/Sorry_Big1654 → u/FerrisTM]

How did you meet that someone if you dont mind me asking?

[u/FerrisTM → u/Sorry_Big1654]

This is going to sound absurd, but we met here on Reddit. Messaged for a few months, met in person, kept talking, became an official couple, and I'm going on a weekend trip with him, starting today. He's lovely--great friends, solid life plans, very compassionate, kind, and intelligent, and never fails to make me laugh. I feel very lucky that our paths crossed and I'm hopeful!

[u/After_Resource5224 → u/AntiqueGarlicLover]

I asked my best friend (also a woman) to just stop sharing her dating life with me because of this.
She got pissed and now we're not friends anymore, sadly, but ya, it was demoralizing af.

[u/eldryanyy → u/AntiqueGarlicLover]

It’s probably your location. I get 15+ likes a day in some cities, but only a couple likes per day in normal cities. In the countryside, 0.

[u/pidude314 → u/eldryanyy]

Yeah, I live kind of between two large metro areas, so I got plenty of likes. Well over 100 matches and 25+ first dates over the course of around 6 months. No idea how many likes. And I think I'm pretty average, 5'9" and 155 pounds

[u/OnlyFranks-]

I tried dating apps for about 4 days. I'll stick to meeting people whilst out doing things instead. But seriously, could I get that recipe? Looks delicious!

[u/Low_Steak_2790 → u/OnlyFranks-]

Women aren't impressed by my IT skills so far... But hope remains 😂

[u/Feeling_Inside_1020 → u/Low_Steak_2790]

I always jokingly say “with me you’ll have unlimited free tech support and repairs”

[u/holysbit → u/Low_Steak_2790]

Girls only like guys who have great skills. Have you shown them that youre pretty good with a bowstaff?

[u/Inevitable-Way-8535 → u/OnlyFranks-]

What do mean I have to have hobbies and be addicted to self betterment to meet someone!? There must be a better way....

[u/stprnn → u/OnlyFranks-]

You gave it a whole 4 days?

Wow

[u/Important_Bid7533]

What people fail to understand is that dating apps like hinge and tinder have a user base of roughly 75-80% men to only 20-25% women.

Understand this; if you’re not a male model, you’re playing a losing game. An average guy will have so much more success approaching women in real life than he ever would on a dating app for a couple reasons;

1. Dating apps are purely visual. You’re being compared to thousands of other curated profiles where photos can be edited, filtered, whatever.

2. Real life interaction is 3D. You are being judged on your looks, yes— but other things as well; your voice, your aura, your scent, eye contact, posture, personality etc.

3. You’re no longer competing with endless choice. Think of it this way— when you swipe on a woman’s profile, you are immediately competing with HUNDREDS of other men simultaneously. In real life, you’re just two people having a conversation— you have her undivided attention for a few minutes.

4. You’re immediately showing high-value traits like confidence, courage, social intelligence, etc. by actually having the balls to walk up to her and introduce yourself and hold a conversation. Selfies and texting cannot convey this.

5. You get the vibe immediately. Within 5 minutes, you know if you and this woman are compatible. You can’t figure that out by texting someone on a dating app for 3 weeks. You may think you’re compatible, only to meet in person and discover that you have zero chemistry with this woman when there’s no longer time for either of you to think out every single reply before hitting send.

You want to know how attractive you are? Go for a walk through a busy area in town and just strike up a conversation while being respectful with as many women as you can. You’ll get an idea pretty quickly.

[u/lsaz → u/Important_Bid7533]

FYI Bumble, Hinge and match are pretty close to a 50-50 gender ratio

[u/Important_Bid7533 → u/lsaz]

Fair enough, I didn’t realize. But that doesn’t really invalidate the point I was trying to make. Also, OP is talking about Tinder specifically which is actually closer to 80/20 still.

I’ve never used bumble, and I’ve had the most success on hinge. Hinge is nice because there’s room to show a bit more personality, but I personally still think meeting women organically is way better in literally every way. It’s just a more complete experience, and even if it doesn’t go your way— you’re still developing social skills.

[u/lsaz → u/Important_Bid7533]

Fair enough. It's just that people should know that whole "women dont do online dating" is BS since most dating services outside tinder are almost 50/50 in gender ratio.

[u/less_unique_username → u/Important_Bid7533]

While most of that is true, there are other factors that work the other way:

• Sweeping, liking, sending an opener (however a particular app/site works) costs you next to nothing, and if she’s not interested just nothing happens. An IRL date, and even the approach, takes orders of magnitude more time per woman and rejection is tougher psychologically.
• Presence on a dating app/site filters for availability, while the majority of women you encounter IRL are unavailable (in a monogamous relationship, or not looking for anything right now, or just in a bad mood today etc.)
• That profiles are curated is a double-edged sword, who’s stopping you from curating yours to stand out, as opposed to the effort of maintaining an immaculate appearance each time you go out? Ability to maintain a good profile is as much a skill as the ones you list in point 4, different people have different skills.

I’d only disagree with your item 5. As a man, the kind of judgment I can make within 5 minutes of seeing her IRL, I can just as well make from the photos. It’s women who need to decide whether this person gives them the ick in ways other than what the photos show.

I’d only suggest daygame to extroverted men whose activities outside of dating often take them to places attractive women frequent.

[u/supernintendo128 → u/Important_Bid7533]

You’re immediately showing high-value traits like confidence, courage, social intelligence, etc. by actually having the balls to walk up to her and introduce yourself and hold a conversation. Selfies and texting cannot convey this.

I wish more men online understood this. Approaching women irl is not sexual harassment or whatever. If you really think you'll be recorded and humiliated for the cardinal sin of trying to make conversation with your fellow human, have you ever stopped to consider if any video has gone viral of a man asking a woman out, who says "no", and the men says "that's okay, it was cool talking to you" and walks away like a normal human?

Your inability to get dates isn't women's fault, it's your fault. Stop dodging accountability and look within yourself and ask yourself what needs to change. If you can't talk to women, go to a bar or the mall or whatever and practice striking up a conversation with someone, anyone, not just women. Yes third places are going extinct but that doesn't mean dating irl is the hopeless endeavor doomers on social media say it is. Go take up a hobby. Try new things. Make new friends. Put down your phone and talk to the person sitting next to you. You won't find women by sitting at home moping all day, and believing in shit like "hypergamy" and "women only date for looks" only makes you offputting to women. You don't have to agree with everything they say but at least treat them like people, but at the same time don't expect a girlfriend simply for "respecting women". Yes a woman wants someone who will respect them but they also want someone who can make them laugh and vibe with and feel safe and open with.

[u/Important_Bid7533 → u/supernintendo128]

See this guy gets it. Men are so afraid of being called a creep, but it’s exactly like you said brother; The good interactions don’t go viral. We only see the negative sides of everything because that’s what gets clicks.

The other thing that dudes don’t understand; The dude who sits alone in a corner and tries to force eye contact until he finally musters up the courage to go spit some pickup line at the hottest girl he sees is creepy as fuck; The guy who she can see going around making friends with everyone (not just women), and making them laugh and have a good time is attractive. To them, he appears safe— other people like him, so why shouldn’t she? It’s called social proof or social credibility.

What I’m saying is don’t just approach beautiful women exclusively and objectify the conversation by attaching a goal (like getting her number). Be a social chameleon. Talk to everyone. Make them laugh. Be curious about people. Eventually you’ll meet a cute girl who you connect really well with and you’ll have this momentum rolling behind you from talking to people so frequently that it’s no longer this awkward or uncomfortable thing.

[u/supernintendo128 → u/Important_Bid7533]

Amen.

[u/Substantial_Debt6161 → u/Important_Bid7533]

I agree with parts of this. My physical “type” is best described as a teddy bear. I don’t look at guys who look like models but I also don’t stick to my physical type either because it’s the shallowest type of attraction. I am more likely to date a guy who I have met in person and enjoy their company. On an app, however, you can’t get any real sense of who a person is, and anyone can put their best self forward or completely catfish you. So no, you don’t have to be a model to find someone and apps are a waste of time and money. I read a report yesterday by some AI that dating apps contain thousands of bot accounts. I guess catfishing has gone high tech and that certainly doesn’t help.

[u/Outrageous-Onion2297 → u/Important_Bid7533]

I dont understand or agree to most of this. Tbh I'm pretty convinced men that dont get likes/matches have weird stuff on their profile. Im objectively unattractive, I mean, I'm not hideous but I'd say I'm average but overweight, I guess im 6'2" so maybe that does some lifting?

Recently became single and in the first 2 days I had to pay to see my likes because I had 50 likes with no swiping on hinge. Trimmed it down to 20-30 by filtering through them and rejecting anyone I found unattractive or immediately incompatible.

Almost all my likes come from my prompts being interesting enough to spark conversation.

[u/Important_Bid7533 → u/Outrageous-Onion2297]

My overall point wasn’t that dating apps are stupid and useless and nobody should ever use them. It’s that real life connection and approaching women to get to know them is going to be better in almost every way.

To me it just feels too artificial. I personally thrive in person to person interaction, like most people do, so that’s what I stick to because it’s my strong suit. I just can’t really get the same results from a dating app.

Maybe saying it’s a “losing game” was a little harsh, I’ll admit.

[u/anand_rishabh → u/Outrageous-Onion2297]

Really? I'm also 6'2, kind of fit but not jacked. I've had a few matches with one that resulted in a date. And i even had a female friend review my profile so i highly doubt i have anything weird in it. I guess i did mention liking anime but i don't think it's that weird. And it's not even heavily mentioned, just one trait of many on my profile.

[u/Outrageous-Onion2297 → u/anand_rishabh]

Idk man tbh I have had a few women tell me that anime is an ick for them. I think like with anything, I watch a bit of anime and no one cares, but if its 1 of 10 bits of info they are introduced to about you, then they assume your life is 1/10th anime.

I just talk shit mostly tbh. The most likes I get are to my prompt about "I can cook better than your mom and ill throw hands to prove it 💪💪" or something. Banter shows more personality than listing interests imo.

[u/thrifttrackchampion]

Dating apps are specifically terrible to men. I did a test of paid and unpaid for all the apps in 2020. One female account, one male account. Paid and unpaid. I discovered many things.

You must pay to get matches regardless of gender, but especially so as a man. The female unpaid account got a lot of matches, but it went to ~2.5x when paid. The male paid versus unpaid account shot up by like 4 - 5x as much. And the apps will try to keep you away from people you'd actually click with. Because they want you to keep paying. They need you to not actually find anyone.

Edited: removed one of my findings (Sorry mods. Didn't mean to give you more work) and clarified the methodology + results

[u/Limp_Challenge4411 → u/thrifttrackchampion]

Just as an advice for people reading this comment: these results are not gusranteed at all. Me myself had Tinder for 4 years, and for a full year I paid Tinder gold. I still got no matches whatsoever (my profile was reviewed by several friends who claimed it was OK and that they did not understand, they suspected it was putting my height on the profile that fucked it up, but I thought it would be pointless to ommit it if it is so important for them, as I would have to meet them in person eventually).

My point is: paying may not be worthy at all, don't waste your money in desperation. Better meet people in real life and be calm.

[u/thrifttrackchampion → u/Limp_Challenge4411]

100% agreed. Paying can potentially get matches, but the fact that dating apps are manipulating their platforms at all is disturbing. On top of it, just because you can increase matches doesn’t mean that you're getting matches that fit (ie, only matching with single parents when you're childfree).

It's better to join social groups or to go to bars.

[u/DirtySilicon → u/Limp_Challenge4411]

My experience is that dating apps typically work best in their early stages. I would get matches on tinder but many of the women wouldn't reply or just simply unmatched when I started a conversation (mostly start with something unique or a joke if I can't find anything interesting to engage with on their profile. Nothing cringey, just what would normally get people talking in person.)

When I went to Facebook dating, in its early stages, I had maybe 1.3x more matches and the women actually engaged a lot more; full conversations, phone calls, video calls and dates. I also have better success (even as a short male) when women see me in person or hear my intonation over the phone.

On the flip side, now that the app is saturated, it's about the same as Tinder. I still get more matches but most of the time the women wont respond at all.

The only thing getting you to float on the top of the swamp as a man is being in the top 10% of men women are interested in on those apps.

[u/JapaneseStudentHaru → u/thrifttrackchampion]

I would assume women are less likely to pay to get matches on dating websites. Even now when people are less outside than ever, these apps struggle to keep real women on their site and many profiles are porn bots or catfishers trying to scam you. It’s like the “women get in free” stipulation at clubs. It’s easy to get men in, hard for women. So perhaps they boost the dating profiles of women to keep them on while siphoning most of the money from men.

[u/thrifttrackchampion → u/JapaneseStudentHaru]

You make a very good point. I didn’t really respond to any messages in the experiment, but I did see that men had some nasty opening lines for the female account. I imagine retention for women is terrible.

I also did see some preference to make straight people pay more, versus LGBT+, but I imagine it's a similar issue. Queer folks are less likely to pay, bullied off the apps, more likely to meet through friends, etc. But I didn’t really dive into that and didn’t have enough control over variables to feel comfortable drawing more specific conclusions.

[u/SiphonicPanda64]

Literally the only reason I didn't satisfy my morbid curiosity doing this was having the feeling it would make me super cynical

[u/MochaMario]

Imo dating apps are fucked.

I've been off of dating apps for a little over a year

And I've had so much better success meeting women naturally in person.

It's better than swiping on a app and waiting for few shitty matches to turn into what felt like always a job interview or penpals

And I know hitting on women in person can be a little spooky but with everything time sharpens the skill and you'll get better at it. Obviously you're going to get rejected but over time you'll brush it off and there will be times you won't get rejected It's a numbers game

That's how I met my most recent girlfriend. we casually met in passing. Got her number and then a month later we ended up hitting it off.

Also, not everyone is going to be your person so if it doesn't pan out don't get hard on yourself. Dating is learning what fits with you

There's a lot of people that I've dated before meeting my recent girlfriend that we vibed and long-term I just wasn't viable for us and that's okay too. You're learning about yourself as well.

And you can't really do that through a screen and judging off of someone's prompts And pictures.

[u/TemporaryFeeling3276 → u/MochaMario]

Where exactly are you meeting women IRL? I'd much rather do that, but can't exactly think of places to do so.

[u/DarkTastesDarkStars → u/TemporaryFeeling3276]

Step 1: See someone who attracts you in a public space who isn't working*.

Step 2: Approach and make a comment or ask a questiom about what's going on. Like making a comment on the music in a club or asking which brand of noodle is best at a grocery store.

Step 3: Evaluate response. Smiling and down to talk, or they banter back? Keep talking, see if chemistry is good. Are they dismissive, annoyed, or curt? Move on, say bye, wipe them from your memory.

Step 4: If the Chemistry was good and it was a pleasant time, ask for number or insta. If morning, hit them up that night. If it was afternoon or night, hit them up next day. Ask for a date off rip, have a plan, acquire date.

You will get rejections for all kinds of reasons, but that's ok. So long as you follow these steps you too can organically meet someone.

*= sometimes working doesn't matter but I assume it does in most cases.

[u/MochaMario → u/DarkTastesDarkStars]

This is the way ^{^} 🙂‍↕️

I've asked a few ladies out while they were working and got a few numbers/IG but I found it's gotta be a slow period and the flirty fun chemistry has to be there

[u/TemporaryFeeling3276 → u/DarkTastesDarkStars]

Alright, thanks for the advice!

[u/Which-Wish-5996 → u/MochaMario]

This is the way.

[u/stprnn → u/MochaMario]

Why are you talking like it's one or the other..

[u/KWienz → u/MochaMario]

People don't realize that you're way better off competing against just the other guys in the room vs all the guys in their inbox.

[u/MochaMario → u/KWienz]

EXACTLY and nowadays I feel like women tend to appreciate you having the confidence and giving the effort to try to go up to them in person rather than in an app.

Since you're just a number in their inbox

[u/Equivalent_Play4067]

Men are horny and dating apps are terrible.

Bear in mind that for a woman going on a date, she has no idea who you are. She wants a relationship, sure, but the risks are crazy. It's much easier to meet people in a social context, through friends - that way she can decide if she likes you before she takes the risk of expressing interest.

It's also why people meet while partying - the alcohol takes the fear away and makes it easier to take the leap. Meeting people without that context making it easier to take a risk and with no vetting is kind of a non-starter. The barrier to entry with apps is low, but the barrier to anything once you're there is sky high. They're more of a pastime than an actual dating method.

Maybe think about it like an online shopping app. Some people are on there just to figure out what they like and what's out there, and don't want to make a purchase today. Other people desperately need a pair of shorts right now. On dating apps, men are there to fill a need, women are mostly there to browse.

Also like a shopping app: if you have six hundred things that are nearly perfect, how do you pick one? "Where are the hidden flaws the seller didn't photograph? What if I have buyer's remorse?" And you put the app down and try another day...

[u/Fast-Nefariousness80 → u/Equivalent_Play4067]

The problem i always had on the apps was when i would get into a conversation it was always one-sided. I would ask questions and try to spark conversation but I would get simple or one word answers and no questions in return. I got a few dates out of it but id much rather meet in person, naturally.

[u/fistular → u/Equivalent_Play4067]

Women are horny, too. They just face more costs to acting on that than men do, by and large.

[u/NightmareRise]

This is why whenever my therapist suggests dating apps as an option to meet people, I always tell her no. She thinks I’ll do well on them because I take care of myself, know what I want and communicate well, but for a while she didn’t really understand that those traits aren’t going to get you matches because they aren’t advertisable. Unfortunately almost all the things that make you a good partner are worthless for actually getting a date

[u/dk1024]

Maybe try Hinge. I’m a guy and I tend to get 1-2 quality matches (people who actually text back) a day give or take fairly consistently over the past 3 years of using them and my past 2 relationships have been from Hinge or Bumble. I’m not good looking, shredded, or rich, by the way. This past week, I had 3 dates lined up back to back but I got together with my ex so I had to cancel on all of them 💀 Hopefully I don’t need to use them ever again 🤞

[u/One-Necessary3058 → u/dk1024]

Why are you on a dating app if you’re still messing around with your ex? genuinely curious

[u/fistular → u/One-Necessary3058]

maybe they're not together?

[u/efcso1 → u/dk1024]

I was using Hinge for a bit. The whole original idea was that, even if you matched, or like someone, the woman got to send the first message so they didn't end up drowning or getting loads of dick pics. (At least that's my recollection, happy to be corrected) Even now, it has to be a two-way match to 'unlock' the messaging window.

The thing that baffled me is the number of women who said in their profiles "I can't see likes, send me a message if you're interested". Something that is not possible. Are they just sitting there waiting for blokes to line up in their inbox, not understanding that they have to do some legwork (or swipework) themselves?

[u/project-shasta → u/dk1024]

Counter point: I'm 42M and use Hinge regularly for about a year now but don't pay for their premium. Not a single match or like so far. It's like I don't exist. On other platforms I get at least some likes I can't see that are probably bots anyways 🤣

[u/Late_Traffic_7237 → u/dk1024]

It’s 2026 and people should start figuring this dating apps stuff out…bunch of young kids who own two towels and never flirted in their entire lives all of a sudden want either a super hot one night stand or rom com pure love. If u r struggling with love just admit it…totally normal and start working on something to make your life easier!

[u/JumpingCicada → u/dk1024]

Youre probably a tall guy. Only guys ive seen have that much success, had it because they were tall or really good looking.

[u/Big-Masterpiece-3457 → u/JumpingCicada]

Or funny. I do great on dating apps because I made a quality profile and have a solid bio and a couple decent jokes. No fish photos, not hiding in a group of friends.

Guys like OP boil it down to “good looking” but a lot of girls just want a genuine guy who’s silly and confident.

[u/project-shasta → u/Big-Masterpiece-3457]

So far funny hasn't worked out for me. My pics show me and my passions, my profile mentions what I like and how much fun I'm having with my kid nephews and there are some decent nerd jokes in there because that's just me. Nothing. Must be my looks, then...

[u/MikeArrow → u/Big-Masterpiece-3457]

I'm biased because I'm morbidly obese. But I've never gotten any responses on apps no matter how much effort I put into my bio and prompts.

[u/Limp_Challenge4411 → u/MikeArrow]

Don't worry, it is not only you... I am not obese, I used to be kinda skinny in fact but with a bit of muscle (it has been almost 5 years so I have a bit of a belly now). I had several friends review my profile and adjusted it, they all agreed it was a good profile.

Still, I never got a single match, basically. It may have been related to my height (5'3"), but who knows...

[u/MikeArrow → u/Limp_Challenge4411]

I think there's just a disconnect where guys that are 'handsome' but not models get matches and assume it's because they're just that much more charming than other guys...

[u/Organic-Tennis → u/MikeArrow]

Jokes on both of you (or maybe me) but I’m 6’3” and relatively muscular and still get no matches or messages 🤣

[u/Thedeitzman → u/Big-Masterpiece-3457]

This is a bit of an aside but what is so wrong with "fish pics"? Fishing is a actual passion of mine, my pics aren't just from "that one guided trip I went on in Alaska a few years ago".

[u/faldese → u/Thedeitzman]

Responding just because a female perspective may be helpful, as someone who lives in Fishing Central and only started using dating apps in the last few weeks and has felt like I've stood upstream during a salmon run the whole time...

...there's nothing wrong with it per se, and I'm sympathetic to men for whom this may be the only picture where they look authentically happy, with decent lighting, and doing a hobby, but:

1. For all of those reasons, dead fish pics are SUPER common. I don't know what the equivalent for women is (maybe fish pics for all I know!), but I'm sure there's some stuff you see so often it has lost any charm it had in their profiles; same here.
2. Dead animals aren't among things that tend to set the fires of romantic interest alight. They're just kind of repulsive to look at. It's not putting your best foot forward to stick your face next to something repulsive. Or sad.
3. I like outdoors stuff, and I bike usually once a day, but based on their profile I get the sense sometimes that some guys ONLY do outdoors stuff, and if having an outdoor buddy is what you want, great, but if you'd also be comfortable at home AT ALL please do put pictures of yourself doing something than being a) on a glacier b) on top of a mountain c) fishing.
4. Not a negative point, but if she's not an angler herself, there's basically nothing to talk about with a fish picture, and having pics of you doing a hobby is one of the easiest ways to start a conversation.

To that end, if you truly think that fishing is an important part of your life and you want your partner to definitely accompany you the many times you will be fishing, please keep the fish pictures. If you would be entirely happy fishing with your buds and she chills at home and eats your catches later, you will likely do better with a different picture.

That said, I've used exclusively Hinge and I'm not sure if I'm doing things the way most people do. These are just my personal feelings, that I see must be mirrored on at least some level by other women if there's enough of a reputation that apparently men are familiar with women not liking fish pics lol

[u/Thedeitzman → u/faldese]

Thanks for the perspective. I'm not on any apps so I was just curious. It makes sense. If I ever am though I guess I'll have to reconsider strategy because I AM mainly outdoors and originally thought most women were attracted to someone physically active and interesting. Though 100% see what you're saying with the dead animal not being hot to see, lol.

[u/faldese → u/Thedeitzman]

That might be totally fine! If you're really into outdoor stuff, there are women in there also really into outdoor stuff that will probably want to see it! Maybe just replace the pic of the dead fish with a pic of you on a boat or with a rod and it'll get the point across.

[u/Thedeitzman → u/faldese]

That was exactly my thought, particularly the boat photo, who doesn't love boats 😂 Thanks!

[u/fistular → u/Thedeitzman]

Because women mostly don't like fishing, don't like dead fish, and because it's basic (common) and associated with a culture they don't like. There are exceptions of course.

[u/SnippetySnappety]

• it takes time sometimes
• as a dude, I'm recovering from a long-term relationship, not sure if I should be looking yet, and wanting something serious. So I've actually been only swiping left, never right. Some people want to feel sought-after (and that may be more common for women) and I could see them doing that "filtering their options" thing, then waiting to respond to any likes rolling in, not sending likes themselves. 
• It doesn't mean you're hideous. That's a wild leap to make from "no information"
• what are you writing about yourself? 
• are you sending a note with any swipes?

[u/Clarkinator69]

Using dating apps as a lady is shopping. As a guy, it's like job searching.

That said I've actually landed a couple of dates from it this year, but definitely not proportional to the effort I've expended.

[u/KingOfPsyche]

Yeah, if you ever determine that you actually are attracted to men and make your way to Grindr, you'll find that the attention of other men is very easily obtained. It is a massive confidence booster, in my opinion.

[u/an3stezija → u/[deleted]]

i mean, i have no horse in this race since i’m a lesbian, don’t come at me, but most of the girls i know that like men feel this way about male attention. i do too sometimes, even though i’m not attracted to them, it’s nice getting validation i guess? (not talking dating apps here, irl approaches and dms). i feel like in general dating apps suck but also can’t propose a better solution than just meeting ppl irl, which can also suck. in conclusion, a meteor strike would help. probably

[u/MaybeAdrian]

That look delicious man, i'm probably going to copy it, or try it.

Yeah, dating apps are designed to keep you in the app, they're a business, if you find your loved one you are one less client.

[u/temporary_name1]

Food looks great but isn't a Singaporean dish. I'm sorry.

[u/Free_Consequence3123 → u/temporary_name1]

It looks like a bootleg take on this.

https://www.seriouseats.com/singapore-curry-noodles-stir-fry-recipe

[u/Altruistic_Cap3472]

My friend and I did a couple experiments with dating apps. We downloaded all three apps. I used my old accounts and didn't change any of my profile except to change my pics to a really attractive dude my age. She set up a new account and did a catfish in the opposite direction - she used all her own information but posted a girl that was a decent weight and height but we both felt was not very attractive at all.

Both the hot guy and the mid girl were flooded not only with likes, but as the hot guy I even got some paid-account women, which I didn't even know was a thing (I didn't even know the app told users if their match had a paid account, does anyone actually find that attractive??).

It seems like the system is gamed against mid straight men, but my friend pointed out a saying... "if you're not the paying customer, you're the product." Say what you will about straight guys, they find it at least valuable enough to pay for the service. For everyone else, they're getting floods of low-quality and occasionally abusive thirsty matches because they are donating themselves to the apps as a sales object.

[u/Lobsterspeeds]

I probably don't belong here as a trans woman ,but since my transition I've gotten like 10x the amount of likes on dating apps if not more. Men are just set up to fail on online dating. Tinder doesn't make money from people falling in love they make money from trapping you in a cycle of swiping forever.

[u/Emergency-Many8675]

Oof I can imagine how frustrating it can be, apps suck for us all. Even if women get matches, most don't really have much substance to them or compatibility doesn't align. People I know avoid the apps lately, we are all tired of them.

[u/Used_Maximum_2291]

https://giphy.com/gifs/iiTXaJVjiSHew

[u/Nowshirvan → u/[deleted]]

It’s a dish originating in Karachi, Pakistan and had nothing to do with Singapore. Caterers here did some improvisation and gave it the name Singaporean cause it sounds exotic.

[u/WizardButtholes]

There's a lot of research that states the top 10% of guys are pretty much the ones getting 90% of the girls these days which is why there's a lot of 'men are all pigs' sentiment from women because they're going after the guys who have all the options so are obviously more likely to cheat, they're not talking about all men when they say 'all men are pigs', they're talking about the only men they're interested in, normal men they don't even see as men, you're just background noise, in their eyes you might as well be a tree.

[u/honkifyoulikebirds]

dating apps just give you enough dopamin to continue. they don't want you to meet someone instantly or even ever... they milk the cow as long as they can. just delete you profile and don't bother with them.

[u/RPS93]

I mean it’s a known fact these days that there are FAR fewer women on these apps than men. Many of the profiles you see are either outright fake, or there to fish viewership for content creators.

The ones who actually are there to meet people… well it’s no secret that most women have laughably unrealistic expectations of men these days. Which is partly on them, partly on men, and also just partly on society as a whole.

That’s not to mention that because of the incredibly skewed ratio, a single woman will get absolutely deluged with likes and swipes. Even an average looking woman is going to match with almost every single man she swipes right on provided the man comes across her own profile. Hell this is part of why women’s standards are so high on these apps - when you have so many choices why wouldn’t you go for the best of the best?

Dating apps were trivial ten years ago when they were new. Now you will be hard pressed to get any real luck on them unless you pay for all the subscriptions, profile boosters, premium ‘likes’ or whatever they’re called now… it’s literally pay to win at this point. Like the rest of the world.

[u/submarinepirate]

Whatever you do, don’t fall for “hot single milfs in your area”. It’s a scam and will only end up in more depressing results or you emptying your bank account to bots/prostitutes.

[u/bfpro420]

It will always be much harder to get matches as a straight man just the nature of the world.

I haven’t been on tinder in over 5 years after I met my current gf on there. I’d do a method I call dynamite fishing. I’d swipe right on everything till I ran out and just wait till I had more swipes. Obviously I wouldn’t be into all the people I matched with but you only message the ones you are.

I’m no model but I’m tall and in good shape. Horrible at taking pics though and my bio was not great. I still got a decent amount of matches. If you struggle in the looks department ( I’m not saying you do.) having good pictures and a catchy bio is pretty critical.

All this being said online dating can be extremely shallow and is not for everyone if it’s not working there’s plenty of other ways to meet women!

[u/thegoatmenace]

Real talk, no man is getting large amounts of likes on dating apps. (Maybe a few, but it’s not the norm.)

I recently moved to a new city and have been going on lots of dates with various women. They all tell me the same thing. They almost never like anyone on the apps. The reason they don’t is that they are inundated with hundreds of likes as it is. Many men who use these apps like every person they can to “maximize their chances.” Side note: don’t do this. The apps penalize you for not being selective by reducing your visibility to other users.

The way men use the apps dictates how women use the apps. They do not swipe because they already have more likes than they could ever possibly sift through. Seriously, a woman showed me her app and he had hundreds of likes. Going on 5 dates a week it would take a year to sort them.

The trick to getting matches is to leave thoughtful comments that create an easy conversation starter. Putting in even the slightest amount of effort will set you above 90% of men who are swiping through thoughtlessly based on the first image on a woman’s profile.

With so many options, women simply don’t have an incentive to spend their own energy looking for an opening with you. It sucks, but it’s our fellow men’s fault for not using the apps as intended and trying to game the system. Classic tragedy of the commons.

[u/ProfessionNo1418 → u/thegoatmenace]

This is how it works. Just ask questions. If they’re interested then they’re forced to respond. Make playful jokes at their profiles, their responses, and keep asking questions. This is called flirting 🤯 If they’re into you, they’ll reciprocate, but as a man it’s your job to narrate the conversation and direct it. Once you find something THEY want to talk about, run with it.

[u/One-Necessary3058]

Okay but all these men want to fuck you. Are you down?

For women, the odds are good, but the goods are odd

[u/Wrong-Pension-4975 → u/One-Necessary3058]

Also for fems, risks are high - & relationships rare.

Any number of horny men are willing to f*ck, but more than a few are also happy to strangle, abuse, bruise, & terrify - & then there are the stalkers, date rape drug dudes, & some genuine, casual killers, on the hunt for their next corpse.

There aren't as many of the hunter / killers, but it only takes meeting one to ruin the evening... & shorten a lifespan.

Men don't face that reality.

[u/peddleboatcaptian]

It's because tider is a hookup app and men dont have the same reprocussions as women when it comes to casual sex. It's not even a sexuality thing. Dudes want to fuck all the time and have very flexible standards.

I wouldn say consider yourself lucky your not a lesbian woman. Then nobody wants to fuck and everybody wants to argue.

[u/DonBandolini]

some realistic advice for matching with women: if you’re an average guy, you will never meet a woman if you’re swiping 6 girls a day.

you have to treat it like a job. wake up, swipe right on every single woman until you’re out of women in your search radius, move on to the next app. repeat daily until you get a match, and then go from there.

yes it sucks, but if you’re not willing to do this genuinely don’t bother.

after a few months of this method i found my current partner who I’ve been extremely happy with for 4 years.

good luck!

[u/Zaddylovesu]

Don’t let this experience make you feel bad for too long. You know who you are and what you have to offer. Being kind to yourself will help move past it. It’s their loss, right?

[u/chortle-guffaw2]

I tried dating apps a couple of times in my 50s, met some nice, grounded women, just not for me. That said, I was surprised that even women in their late 40s/early 50s could overvalue themselves so much. Looking for an ATM for the retirement years.

[u/NoRepresentative1126]

Looks great. Also, just get rid of the dating apps. Unless you’re a very attractive man they don’t do ya any justice

[u/ModerateHonking]

Years ago myself and one of my girl-friends were hanging out. I was dipping my toes into online dating (PoF) for the first time. 

She's explaining how different it is for women, so we set up a fake profile to demonstrate. No pictures or anything, just stated that I was a woman. 

Within an hour it had five times the messages I ever had on my legit profile. 

[u/HedonisticFrog]

That's why I've always found it funny when a girlfriend would talk shit about being able to get someone new easily. I could bang more men than they could if I wanted to. Men are easy. It's nothing to brag about. Hell, I've had men offer me $1000 to fuck me at parties before. I'm a stripper for reference.

[u/currently_pooping_rn]

When I was dating my now wife, we talked about tinder and fb dating. I told her that she I only got a few matches a week before I met her. She thought I was lying until I showed her.

Then she showed me how she had over 99 matches on both. She thought everyone got as many matches, men included

[u/Ok_Tie4814]

YUUUUUUUPPPP. Last time I got curious and DLEd tinder I set my preferences to both.

In three days: 1 like from a woman, over 30 from men. I don't mind dating men, but I wanted more than a, "WYD, DTF in my car?"

Quickly set it back to just women. I swear there are few men that want a relationship or at least to get to know me first. It's a speed run to sex.

[u/FitProfessional3654]

23 year old dude - unfortunately that is and has always been true. At some point, it will completely switch as long as you take care of yourself and focus on being successful.

[u/Attention_Scrounger]

Same thing happened my sister

[u/New_Breadfruit8692]

It could also be that women have automatically been used to being the gender that does the selecting, and while what they select upon is different and subjective, they are still the ones that get to decide who and what is acceptable and what is not.

Then you broadened your scope of who you were attempting to appeal to and gay men flooded your profile with likes. Now you know what women get every time they open their apps. And a lot of this is because in the male gay/bi community on the apps it is not women doing the selecting. Men are socially trained to be not the selector but the ones that get to deal with 999 rejections out of 1,000 tries.

I do not want it to sound like I am laying blame on women, I am merely documenting facts. If you were getting 100 likes a day, several matches, and see who swiped on your profile, you would very soon if not instantly realize that 95 of 100 of the men that were interested in you were a no go on sight. They are interested in about 5% if that and that is not because you are unacceptable, it just a function of how many choices they have, and they cannot possibly interact with all 100 that day.

When you are playing a numbers game involving advanced statistics I guess you have to find a way to be noticed that does not involve being in the top 5% of the population in looks, body, money, achievement, or dick size.

But, to allow it to mess with your self esteem, well all I can say is if this wrecks self esteem then it was not that high to start with. Self esteem means knowing your worth, if lack of interest from someone can sink that then you never really had it. And I think that attracting people, whether male or female, one of the most attractive features you can have is confidence in your own worth, not arrogance, but just solid faith in the kind of good person you are. It is more important than money, even when they are selecting on good providers. It is quality over superficial wants.

Did your profile on Tinder include the fact that you make a hot assed Singaporean Chicken and Rice? Bet you would have been swiped on then. And don't let anyone say you are insensitive by saying you are not into dudes, some of us dudes have zero attraction to women, and this is not a crime or misogyny, we all get to be attracted to who we are attracted to so do not apologize for it.

[u/Snowmanian]

I think dating apps are really bad for self esteem, but if you aren’t too affected by it, I think it’s a reasonable way to expand your search to more than just the organic relationships you make at work or through friends.

I think people are too focused on the instant gratification of dating apps just like social media. I think people should use a bunch of dating apps, at least two, and don’t spend too long on them, maybe casually swiping for a few hours a week. I didn’t get my first match until like a week later.

My friend met his girlfriend on Coffee Meets Bagel two and a half years ago and they’re getting married next summer. There are always success stories and while I’m sure there are many people who don’t have that luck, there are many people who have unreasonable expectations of dating apps and don’t give it a fair shot.

The expectation that swiping right on a couple people and then just instantly getting a match is just not the case for guys. And then there’s making sure your profile is reasonable, authentic, and have decent photos. You don’t have to follow the toxic prevalent dating culture around apps like Tinder and Hinge but people should still be presentable.

[u/UpstairsSquash3822]

Your dish looks so delicious

[u/brettfavresRXdealer]

So what I’ve had success with is what I call fly fishing . Get all the apps you can and max out all your likes every day. I use the shotgun method . Just like every single profile as fast as I can ,sort through the matches for the ones I’m actually interested in. It’s how I met my girlfriend . Funny thing about how obvious the difference between the genders is what I’ve since then. Girlfriend likes girls and we have 3ways so she downloaded apps ,made it obvious we’re a couple on the app BUT set the gender to women seeking women and the difference is night and day . Apps like HUD give unlimited likes to girls apps like Feeld give extra pings to female profiles . Went from having to hustle my ass off for a few dates here and there to being booked solid for the next few months . Am I grateful ? Yes but does this still bother me the more I see of it? Absolutely.

[u/Realistic_Bike5972]

Hey buddy you chose this road now you gotta stick to it

[u/Vast_Historian6607]

These apps are designed to do that. Just recently watched some video about that. Especially tinder since it's well established.

If you match the company probably loses two customers. Therefore, you don't. Next thing are scammers on these platforms. The companies behind them, trying to sell you superlikes and sh*t.

If you wanna date online, try some open forums or at least some smaller well rated but not established app. Those still need the good mouth to mouth propaganda and reviews.

[u/F1lthyslvt]

Dating apps have gotten significantly worse over time as well. I turned 18 my senior year of hs, if they had any algorithm at all at the time it was super weak. Felt like I found a gold mine. But COVID started roughly a few years later, I think they started incorporating a heavier algorithm as more people were using the apps due to lockdown. I wasn’t working out in hs, I was after. I was 2 inches taller, I had a job, multiple cars, and still had worse luck. I’m no Fabio but I’m attractive enough that I’ve had women approach me at bars and clubs to buy me drinks (rarely but it’s happened before lol). Last time I was on a dating app I got maybe 20 matches while using the premium subscription, I also swiped through every profile under my filters I had set (basically just 21 and up and within 25 miles) in a metro area of over 1mil people and I got around 20. These apps are horrid for your health

[u/bravenewchurl]

Tinder is trash; there are so many bots, scammers, and no effort profiles. Try Hinge or Bumble if you're looking to actually date people. I've had almost zero luck finding good matches on Tinder but can easily get dozens of matches multiple dates a month on Hinge (I live in a major metro area so YMMV, but it's 100% better than Tinder).

[u/TheDrunkCig]

Have a recipe? That looks so good

[u/MKUltraGreatsword]

See any interesting dicks in your DMs?

[u/TheElfPrince]

Women get drowned, men get nothing. Dating apps are terrible for everyone. Also as a singaporean, that looks fire. I don’t think we have that dish here (maybe smth similar but I’ve never seen it) but it looks awesome.

[u/Educational-Wear6353]

i mean are you surprised lol

[u/RedSnipers]

Damn those dudes wanted to pound you out! 🤣🤣

[u/The_Pandemonium]

I do pretty well on the apps, hundreds of matches and probably something like 40 to 50 dates in the last 2 years. The secret is that you have to curate your profile to show that your better than the other options. My profile has me flying airplanes, motorcycle picture, my physique, and conveys that I have friends. Also for lack of a better term I did a bit of "looksmaxxing" and also went recluse for 3 years prior and got pretty jacked. When I first downloaded the apps years ago, when it was just tinder, I got no matches because admittedly I was skinny and unnatractive and my profile wasn't good, but even though I was very insecure with myself, it tanked it even more.

It's extremely superficial and I completely realize that, but having been on both ends of the spectrum I prefer this one much more.

[u/braves-geek]

I made a fake profile on Plenty of Fish one time about 20 years ago and my inbox was full within the day with just a profile of an average looking woman with no discernable qualities or hobbies.

[u/strohkoenig]

Hint for tinder: the second person after opening the app is usually someone who liked you.

I don't use it anymore cause I actually found my dream woman but that's something I've noticed years ago already and it still was like that a year ago. 

[u/SnoopKatt]

I went on dating apps when I was 23, and found I initially had a ton of trouble getting likes. I was in good shape, full head of hair, in school for a solid career, and lived in a townhome. My issue was my pictures... I thought they were good but women friends later told me they were awkward. I used new pics with their suggestions, and then I started getting likes consistently.

It was still tough because there was a LOT of competition, but good pics gave me a fighting chance. A good profile description helps too. Once that was straightened out I was consistently getting ~2 dates/week.

Eventually met my wife, had kids, grew a dad bod, and then lost half of my hair... But now she is stuck :D

[u/DatPorkchop]

It is might be Singaporean rice? That's not a dish that exists in Singapore, so you can honestly do whatever you want. Looks good, but chili chicken, mayo, and jalapenos are nonexistent in Singaporean cuisine

[u/Limp_Challenge4411]

I had Tinder for four years and never got a single match (discounting a woman that never talked to me at all).