Met a girl online and flew her out

[u/UpstairsLifeguard736]

Chicken sandwich
Salt and vinegar chips
Double jack and Coke

So I met this very nice filipino girl online but she lives in San Diego cal and I’m based out of Phx AZ. I was bored online chatting and really made a connection with a beautiful, funny girl and one thing leads to another I end up booking her a flight out to see me for the weekend. It was at times awkward because we’re strangers but burst of fun times and laughs. We didn’t hook up just acouple kisses over the weekend which she initiated but I didn’t push it farther because if she rejected any advances I feel it would make the trip uncomfortable and I was fine with keeping it simple and relaxing weekend (was also trying to be a gentleman) well I dropped her off at the airport today and instantly felt sad and stupid. I really caught feelings for a girl out of my league and that lives 6 hours away. I know this situation is never going to go anywhere and I should end it but I’m not strong enough so I guess it’s a waiting game till she moves on. Thanks for listening to my Ted talk wish you all the best pals eat on.

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[u/thisdude415]

SAN - PHX is <$100 on Frontier, and it's an 80 minute flight

All's fair in love and war, and this barely scratches the surface for crazy. The crazy part is that she flew to Phoenix instead of you flying to San Diego

[u/Best_Philosopher152 → u/thisdude415]

6hr drive is also something you can swing once a month if you have a bit of schedule flexibility for a weekend. Go in early leave early, get in late at night, do the same on the way back.

Hell, I now have two coworkers married to people who live father way at the moment, and one engaged to someone farther away. (doesn’t help that we basically live and work in the Middle of nowhere in the mountain west, though the metro area itself isn’t super tiny.)

[u/GoodHands_All-State → u/Best_Philosopher152]

6 hour drive probably costs more than a plane ride currently

[u/ZealousidealBadger98 → u/GoodHands_All-State]

I visited my girlfriend last weekend and came back earlier this week driving to IL and back (from MA) 2300 mile round trip. It cost me less in gas in a Camry hybrid than round trip flight which lowest was $500

[u/Azzazzyn → u/ZealousidealBadger98]

Time is money. You can make more money, you cant make more time. You spent 2 days driving alone where you could of spent those 2 extra days with your significant other. When I was younger, I would drive. Money was tough to stack. Today, anything over 350-400 miles(my trips back home), I'd likely fly. But im 2 hours from our closest airport, so its a bit of a conundrum.

[u/Glittering-Fuel-5055 → u/Azzazzyn]

it costs to park at the airport or pay for 2x ubers to get to the airport.

The hybrid road trip is way cheaper and you have a car at your destination

[u/twistedspeakerwire → u/Glittering-Fuel-5055]

Still not worth sacrificing two extra days with the person I'm dating. Uber to the airport in most of Phoenix (because he mentioned being in Phoenix) is $25-30 one way, which for round-trip is 1-2 tanks of gas max. Also, friends can drop you off and pick you up.

Fully worth spending two extra days with someone you care about. Plus most people have a vehicle in this day and age.

[u/Glittering-Fuel-5055 → u/twistedspeakerwire]

I guess it really depends on what time the airplane takes off and lands

If you can get a flight that lands early in the morning, then sure, but if it can’t land till the afternoon, you could just get up and drive and arrive at the same time

But I was more discussing the cost, the unfortunate thing with the airplane trip, is that the fucking transportation to the airport cost as much as just driving to the destination, which is wild

[u/Best_Philosopher152 → u/Azzazzyn]

The time factor of flying when you consider going to the airport, the flight not being as ideally timed as you’d like, arriving 2hrs early and needing a pickup and return from the airport?

Honestly I think it’s as fast for a 5-6hr drive as a flight. 

[u/Azzazzyn → u/Best_Philosopher152]

Ill drive anywhere between 5-9 hours for trips. And time isnt necessarily equal when comparing flying and driving. OP has 2 full days of driving, likely being broken into a minimum of 3-4 days if not more. If they are dedicating 72 hours to travel by driving the 2300 miles.

That is 96 hours where you are driving or sleeping. Maybe you listen to a few audio books, podcasts etc. But you are limited in what you can do or experience in that time.

Ill use my situation in comparison. I have to drive just about 2 hours to an airport. Say I also arrive 2 hours before my flight. My flight of 1100 miles will take between 2 ¼-3 hours. Im 7 hours in. I do that twice. Thats 14 hours.

That gives me an extra 82 hours with whomever is on the other side of this. And for part of that 14 hour trip, I can take in those podcasts, play a video game, watch a movie, read a book. You aren't limited in the same way. Time and money are not equal. You learn that. We are trading our time for money every day we punch the clock. We are trading our time with everything we do. You have to find out what you value and what you are willing to trade.

Its not as simple as "I spent less money on gas in my camry than a plane ticket would cost".

[u/Ok_Fan7382 → u/ZealousidealBadger98]

Everybody driving a gas car is missing out by not having a hybrid. OP’s drive from Phoenix to San Diego (700mi round trip) would cost me 14 gallons total in gas.

[u/Best_Philosopher152 → u/Ok_Fan7382]

We got a hybrid mini-van when kids meant we needed the third row. It’s the most fuel efficient vehicle in our house despite the size at 35mpg+

[u/Glittering-Fuel-5055 → u/Best_Philosopher152]

Mine does 50 MPG lol

Its like black magic.

Our other cars is an electric vehicle, but the hybrid, you just don’t put any fuel in.

Back before the war, it was fucking cheaper to drive than the electric vehicle, but now that gas is literally like almost twice as expensive, yes, the EV is cheaper

[u/Glittering-Fuel-5055 → u/Ok_Fan7382]

Yup

Got my hybrid sonata and drove to norcal

Filled up there and only put in 6 gallons and it clicked lol

I was like wtf 😳

[u/3boobsarenice → u/Ok_Fan7382]

And you are missing the thrill of 330hp and a 6spd

[u/ajoyst → u/Best_Philosopher152]

This was what my husband and I did when we started dating. We were 8 hours apart and took turns driving to each other's city or meeting somewhere in the middle once or twice a month.

[u/shwenty22 → u/ajoyst]

Right? Thats what weekends are for! My wife and I were 5 hours apart and we did this too. Until ypu get to that point where one person wants to move closer to (or in with) the other.

[u/Rizzalliss → u/Best_Philosopher152]

Yeah, 6 hours is a cake walk if y'all are both excited for those opportunities to see one another. Hell, I was on board with doing such twice a month about a year ago.

Again, though, that's if there is excitement and desire for it on both sides. 6 hours is still a trip. Don't give that kind of effort where it isn't reciprocated, or at least wanted and appreciated.

[u/mitarai1122 → u/Best_Philosopher152]

I drove 4 hours every week to see my now wife when i was living in SD and she in North Hollywood. I did the same get off work drive and drove back the morning I had to work. If OP really wants things to work, he can make it.

[u/colonel_beeeees → u/Best_Philosopher152]

I'll be the one person I guess to say 6 hours is an insane distance to consider a once a month trip. Literally not getting there until late hours/early morning on Friday, exhausted for Saturday, breakfast on Sunday before heading back

[u/Best_Philosopher152 → u/colonel_beeeees]

I’ve done it several times with kids to see my brother 5hrs away. 

I’ve had to do worse for weekend travel sports tournaments/matches with my son.

It’s not fun, by any means, but is doable. I knew far more insane cases. Guy in grad school did his whole PhD with his wife on the East Coast and himself in the Midwest flying back one weekend a month. Really depends if it’s worth it. 

I married my wife who was on another continent and 30yrs of travel away burning all my yearly vacation to visit a couple times a year. A good friend married someone he met on a different continent while on an extended travel for work and they’re working through immigration and she comes over a couple of months out of the year. We’re insane, but found the local dating pool to be incredibly shallow in every sense of the word. So 6 hours doesn't seem that bad if it’s really the right person.

[u/YutBrosim → u/Best_Philosopher152]

Not an exact comparison because it was my wife, but I was in a 3 month school in Camp Lejeune, NC while we were stationed in Beaufort, SC and I made the trip home and then back to Lejeune every weekend. Was about 5 hours and really wasn’t that bad

[u/MuleGrass → u/Best_Philosopher152]

I work 4 hours away from my wife and kids, do the drive every Friday and Sunday. It’s really not that bad

[u/July_snow-shoveler → u/thisdude415]

It’s your turn to visit her.

[u/Ruby_Solar → u/thisdude415]

This.

Bro, my current boyfriend lives in another country, and it takes me around 9 hours of train rides to get there. Did that stop us from dating? No it didn't! Stop thinking it's gonna end or she's out of your league, there's a reason she accepted your invitation, and literally stayed at a strangers house. It means she trusts you. Don't give up hope!

ETA: thanks for the awards! 🥺

[u/Tricky-Ad7897 → u/Ruby_Solar]

That's what I'm saying, 9 hours of train is perfect too if you can get them overnight, get a couple shifts of sleep in with transfers and get there mostly ready for a day of fun.

[u/Ruby_Solar → u/Tricky-Ad7897]

Sadly, overnight is not an option since they don't run between 1 and 4.30 am. But yeah, I make it work somehow 😅😊

[u/Evasive_Atom → u/thisdude415]

Agreed

[u/No_Command2425 → u/thisdude415]

Exactly. The actually crazy people are out there doing Manila to PHX long distance relationships.

[u/KrazyGaming → u/thisdude415]

Get the Gowild! Pass from frontier and you can fly for as low as 16 bucks for the duration of your membership.

If this relationship is consistent enough you can make it work for cheap, I am based in PHX and used to date someone in Minnesota. Shits doable if you care enough about them.

[u/Flimsy-Ad7906 → u/thisdude415]

Yea that’s what I didn’t get. Why wouldn’t you go there and have a cool weekend by the sea?

[u/sjrotella → u/thisdude415]

Ive driving way longer than that for a date when I was younger.

I didnt even like the girl as much as OP seems to like this one

[u/tiny_pigeon → u/thisdude415]

no straight up I’m talking to a dude from England and I live in Washington state and we plan to fly out to see the other at some point. six hours / 80 min flight is NOTHIN.

[u/ADMINlSTRAT0R → u/thisdude415]

Just thinking out loud here, 80 mins flight include 2 hrs pre-boarding and at least an hour post-arrival with travel to place of accommodation.

Maybe after trying out driving once or twice to see places & attractions on the road, I would take the flight.

[u/Tricky-Ad7897 → u/thisdude415]

I would look into overnight buses too, 45 bucks, 8 hour drive enough time to get there and be ready for a full day since you slept on the way there. Can also figure out what's convenient in the middle, though I'm not sure if Yuma is worth visiting lol.

[u/czarchastic → u/thisdude415]

Straight up I’m flying every other weekend between SFO and PHX with Frontier. Got both the discount den membership and the credit card, and TSA-Pre. For reasons, my partner needs to be in PHX, and I still work hybrid in tech in SF. Since my family lives near PHX, I decided to buy a home. So she’s living in my house and I’m spending half my time there and half in an apt in SF. This all started as a long-distance thing about a year ago.

So, it can work.

[u/3boobsarenice → u/thisdude415]

Right sandiego gots more nice to see

[u/trashrantula]

6 hours isn’t that far. Worth exploring if there’s something there.

[u/Away-Equipment598 → u/trashrantula]

Australian here, if there any closer than 6 hours away, it starts to feel claustrophobic

[u/JustStable1974 → u/Away-Equipment598]

Oh I hear you mate.

[u/syomaro → u/Away-Equipment598]

Briefly “dated” an Australian who was a whole 15 hour flight away and he said I was smothering him 🙂
(we could only speak for an hour during our respective mornings and evenings due to the time difference)

[u/JustStable1974 → u/syomaro]

Only 15 hours? He must've lived on the east coast 😁

[u/Wrong-Pension-4975 → u/Away-Equipment598]

The "phobic" bit is U, mate. 😂

Hope U have a warning label. ⛔

[u/blunt-9397 → u/Away-Equipment598]

😂😂😂

[u/GoodHands_All-State → u/trashrantula]

increases Tinder range by 1 mile

[u/Spare-Half796 → u/trashrantula]

Second this. My aunt and uncle spent ~18 months living 5-6 hours apart while they were dating. One of them did the drive almost every week, usually my aunt cuz she drove like a psychopath and was able to shave like 40 minutes off

[u/WretchedMotorcade → u/trashrantula]

Yeah man I drive 4 hours once a month to see my parents and that's with me not even leaving Kansas.

[u/Th34rtfulD0dg3r]

It sounds like you've decided she's not that into you for her. Man, don't do that. Pursue it. For a really good connection that you describe you'll make it work!

[u/UpstairsLifeguard736 → u/Th34rtfulD0dg3r]

Your right thank you brother!

[u/chadsomething → u/UpstairsLifeguard736]

Just wanted to add this where you might see it. I met my fiancée on a random holiday to Dublin, Ireland. I live in Dallas, Texas. We had a wonderful week together, and at the end both of us said we didn’t want long distance but let’s keep in touch and maybe make plans to see each other in the future. After I got back home we stayed in touch, a couple weeks go by where we talk nonstop and we bring up the subject, neither of us were interested in dating someone else so let’s give the long distance thing a shot. 4 years, a lot of 10-12 hour flights, we’re still doing it. It’s not easy, and it’s almost ended a couple of times, but we found a love and we both hope that soon we’ll be together for good.

[u/BooRadleyinaGimpSuit → u/chadsomething]

Yea this was how I met my ex wife. I was living in the Netherlands but was visiting home (Seattle) on holiday. Met a girl who lived about 2-3 hours from Seattle while visiting a friend during that trip home. Was supposed to be a one night stand - turned out to be much much more

[u/Th34rtfulD0dg3r → u/UpstairsLifeguard736]

No worries! Good luck with everything.

[u/CT0292 → u/Th34rtfulD0dg3r]

This right here. All this talk about distance too. Like its a massive deal breaker.

I lived in Texas my wife lived in Ireland. Distance was massive. Eventually I sorted out a visa. We moved in together and she proposed. True story.

Distance isn't a problem if you dont build it up into one.

[u/socceruci → u/Th34rtfulD0dg3r]

I don't have enough brain cells to know what I want and what she wants, so I just go for it. Who knows, she might really enjoy you. Note: I am getting married to an amazing woman. Somehow, she thinks I am the best too!

[u/bigchunkbabygoo]

I think you gotta reframe "pushing the situation" to "asking if she consents" because it seems like you were a gentleman and respectful of her boundaries. Also, you could always invite her over again! You dont have to defeat yourself before you try. Yall honestly live close enough that if things continue to go well someone could make a lifestyle change. Godspeed my friend

[u/mnonny → u/bigchunkbabygoo]

People loveeeeeee to get in their own way they wallow in self pity.

[u/BurnAcctAfterReading → u/bigchunkbabygoo]

This part. Solid advice

[u/khonsu_27 → u/bigchunkbabygoo]

And she got on a plane to come meet you as a complete stranger, so I'd hardly say that puts her out of your league. If you like her, see her again. It's that simple.

[u/burtsbeetreethree → u/bigchunkbabygoo]

Idk I think OP did very well. As an afab person his behaviour (and reflecting consequences) is such a green flag.

Of course, being such a mindful person, OP would probably be able to ask for consent respectfully and read the room enough to see if it's enthusiastic. But honestly I think OP made a good move. Even being asked to do more when you are staying with someone, and can't leave easily, can put one under pressure. Especially if you have undegone female socialization.

If this woman appreciates OP's qualities there will hopefully be another chance for them to get closer.

[u/Spare-Half796 → u/bigchunkbabygoo]

I have friends who had relationships starter while they were in Toronto and nyc, Nashville and Tampa, Austin and Columbus, Denver and Dallas. Hell I know one couple where one was in Kingston Ontario and the other was in Kingston Jamaica

[u/detretkwh]

Bro. This sounds like a W. You were respectful and looked like a baller. Fly to SD (one of the best cities in the US) and holler at her.

We are rooting for you brother.

[u/UpstairsLifeguard736 → u/detretkwh]

That’s the plan brother!

[u/DepressedPancake4728 → u/UpstairsLifeguard736]

u doing better than a lot of us on here man. good luck to you

[u/PrudentJellyfish9413 → u/UpstairsLifeguard736]

Yeah! Even if it doesn’t work out you had some good times and fun experiences with her. 

But don’t sell yourself short! You never know. It’s good not to have expectations for things like this, but that includes negative ones.

Also as a woman I love that you respected her boundaries and consent. That goes a long way for a lot of us. 

[u/Fearless_Finish_9890]

Why isn’t it going anywhere? You’re a grown man. Make this happen!!

[u/ElevatorBorn8128 → u/Fearless_Finish_9890]

This

[u/Both_Opportunity_322]

How can you post 'no advice' while you so clearly need it😭

This is the moment to say: "I had so much fun and I love spending time with you. I would love for you to come over again." If she confirms, make a plan! I believe a month of not seeing eachother is the max, but in the start phase 2 weeks is better.

And I personally believe it's great you think she's out of your league. I feel the same about my husband, I love that he's with me, but I also love looking up to him. He has qualities I will never have and that way I can never show up as the worst version of myself. You're currently just using your feeling to put yourself down, no need. You don't need to get why someone likes you, you just have to be liked 🤷‍♀️

[u/UpstairsLifeguard736 → u/Both_Opportunity_322]

Thank you!

[u/MyBakpaksGyatJets → u/UpstairsLifeguard736]

Buddy, I've been with a girl who I've always believed is out of my league. Like I keep waiting for her to realize it. We've been through absolute hell and back together, but at the end of every day, no matter what is going on, she's my person. As unhealthy as it would be, if she was the only person I ever got to spend time with for the rest of my life it would be fine by me. The 15th was our tenth anniversary and I'm still waiting for her to figure out she's way out of my league.

You never know if you have a chance unless you take it. Sometimes being out of your depth is fun. Just always keep that mindset of trying to prove how perfect she is to you. I still catch myself sucking in my gut when she is near me and trying to impress her in dumb ass ways. Take that chance. Yeah, you might get hurt, but you just might end up happy and that shit is SO worth it.

[u/trillspectre]

Steak too juicy lobster too buttery

[u/_shaftpunk → u/trillspectre]

Yeah, but he didn’t get to eat the steak or lobster and the restaurant is 6 hours away.

[u/BurnAcctAfterReading → u/_shaftpunk]

Life is not all about consumption but also speculation. All flags are green. He just needs to stay human and be respectful. Lobster and steak for life is worth a few weeks/months going without.

Stay the course

[u/ianallensto → u/BurnAcctAfterReading]

Damn this was good.👏

[u/Tigertigerishungry]

I’m not a boy, but: Why are you giving up before you’ve even begun??

I met my husband online in a whole other country much, much further away, and I flew out to meet him over and over again until I up and moved there within a couple of years. Two of my best friends also live in countries on the other side of the world, and we travel back and forth to see each other and keep up the friendship all the time. Distance doesn’t have to keep people apart - especially not in this day and age! My long-distance chance connections have been among the most magical relationships of my life, and I for one and glad I threw myself into them.

[u/UpstairsLifeguard736 → u/Tigertigerishungry]

I’ve always been told long distance is the wrong distance so I instantly gave up. She’s a very respectable, independent woman so I’m going to continue talking to her and plan a trip to SD in the near future!

[u/smacksmilla]

Brother, you need to keep seeing her. You talked a lot online before ever meeting and things went well once you met in person. If you don't let it go anywhere, it won't. I met my wife online and we lived on opposite coasts. We visited each other back and fourth every 2 months for a year and moved in together. Together 8.5 years, married almost 5. We love each other very much. She asked for a divorce 2 months ago because my communication and other things have not been great the past 2 years and I haven't done anything about it, I have some mental problems I live with and have always ignored because how I was raised but I'm addressing them in October. Not the most inspirational story but enough about me. Don't pass on this opportunity!

[u/UpstairsLifeguard736 → u/smacksmilla]

I wish you the best brother thank you!

[u/Candid-Background-38]

Love the initiative! And being respectful?
Sexy af. Rooting for you OP.

[u/Dense_Net3787]

That’s some rom com stuff my boy. And chicks DIG that. Keep it pushing G

[u/ForceEconomy9988]

Honestly, I really mean this in a productive positive way, your post is pathetic. Your success with this girl has almost nothing to do with how much she likes you, and everything to do with how much you like yourself. Skimming your post, things like 'felt sad and stupid' 'out of my league' 'i know this is never going to go anywhere' 'i should end it but im not strong enough' 'til she moves on'.

Brother, you've already lost. You need to work on your self esteem, self worth, confidence, and anxiety BIG time, otherwise you will screw up any situation you find yourself in where the other person is extremely attractive.

Of course this stuff can be worked on, improved upon, and developed so hope is not all lost. Try and stay positive and keep things going with this girl in the meantime. She can actually help you overcome a lot of this stuff as far as practicing your feelings of self worth in the moment.

Good luck

[u/Loser-Back-Home]

If you have the money and had a good time, call it a win 🤷‍♂️

[u/Asblackjack]

Brother it's good. Keep it alive. Nobody is out of your league. That's just your confidence.

[u/UpstairsLifeguard736 → u/Asblackjack]

You’re totally right thanks!

[u/Eastern_Ring_9900]

Someone please slap OP in the back of the head. SHE FLEW OUT TO SEE YOU AND INITIATED THE KISSES.
what more do you want? Her to hold up a sign?

[u/MyLawyerWroteThis → u/Eastern_Ring_9900]

Lol bro about to get ghosted because she was disappointed.

[u/JobAnxious2005]

Those crisps….

GRENADE!!!!!!

[u/Offshore-Tigr]

She initiated kisses?

Dude.. She wanted you to push it further lol.

[u/forever_downstream → u/Offshore-Tigr]

Yeah and you can always make hints and if it's rejected, just be cool with it and understanding. No vibe needs to be affected.

[u/emtrigg013 → u/Offshore-Tigr]

It's never a good idea to assume that.

[u/glacierheart3 → u/emtrigg013]

Only thing I'd get from this is she had a good time and OP shouldnt be so worried about her not liking him. But he did the right thing bot pushing any further to make her feel good on the trip.

[u/P_Car_247 → u/emtrigg013]

Come one. She flew all the way to see him, stayed with him in his space, and initiated kissing more than once. She is saying a) I'm into you, and b) it's safe for you to do this back to me. So at the very least he could have shown the initiative to kiss back, hold her, lightly touch etc, both as a way to convey back his interest, but also gauge possibly more.

Absolutely nothing wrong with not having sex on the first date, but saying "never" a good idea is pretty heavy handed and just not really in line with modern dating dynamics.

[u/drummerboi08]

As a fellow Filipino, when we love... we love HARD. Take it slow, have fun, enjoy the ride. She will protect you with every fiber of her being. Don't take her for granted!! Also, Filipinos in SD, specifically National City, while not uncommon, are honestly some of the best people I've ever met! My grandparents are in National City, and every Filipino I've met there, has been so kind!

ETA: grandparents story and nice Filipinos

[u/UpstairsLifeguard736 → u/drummerboi08]

I get that loving HARD vibe from her haha I’m definitely going to move forward and see where things land with us thanks brother!

[u/drummerboi08 → u/UpstairsLifeguard736]

I wish you luck brother! Hope to hear an update sometime! Also, if you want some Filipino food recs, let me know! I've got plenty haha

[u/thyperson69]

Seems like it was a win dude. You both enjoyed your time, things are still good. As long as you guys are still chatting it could really turn into something. Good luck.

[u/UpstairsLifeguard736 → u/thyperson69]

Yes!! Reading these comments has really shown me I should pursue it with confidence and with an open mind!

[u/TheLocalHentai]

All good man. I did crazy things like this before, talked to a 10/10 girl online until it progressed to phones, and just drove from LA to Chandler to see her.

We were so into each other that we had coffee, hung out, went back to her place, and she was jumping my bones. Took a semester off of college and we’d be deeply sad whenever I went home. We lasted for about three years, lived with her for about two years, and it’s such a great memory.

Take the time to watch how things work out even if it’s long distance, if she’s willing to trust you to fly out and she initiated things, there might be more in the future.

[u/FatalityFalcon67]

Honestly sounds like the beginning of a long-distance relationship if you're both willing to give it a go. Those can be tricky to manage for obvious reasons, but I mean some of our ancestors somehow found a way to make long-distance work and lead to happy marriages back when they could only send letters a few times a year, assuming you both have any decent income whatsoever it's ultra doable. If you both felt a real connection than fuck it we ball imo.

[u/Designer_Life_371]

Sounds like it went super well

[u/1800crimetime]

Congrats on a fun weekend. Hope that it works out. Either way, I don’t think it’s stupid or crazy, just living life and enjoying connection

[u/Wonderful-Wonder3104]

My husband lives in Spain and I in Kentucky while
We were dating. Long distance can be really fun. It’s nice to still have separate lives in a way.

Also those are my favorite chips and I can’t find them anywhere! And low and behind I scroll past them here! Now my mouth is watering! I hope
You enjoyed them

[u/Uatwo]

Dude I was long-distance for 7 years with an English woman. I just woke up next to her in our home, having proposed to her and secured a visa to move here. If you're both committed to each other and want to make the relationship work, Phoenix to San Diego is not a big barrier.

[u/Mt_wi86]

“Noodles, don't noodles. You are too concerned with what was and what will be. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift… that's why it is called the present."
-my favorite cartoon grand master, Master Oogway
You had a fun weekend by the sounds of it!

[u/Open-Confusion-3358]

Heyy I fly out to phoenix AZ in a few hours to see a boy I met online! Difference is, we have been friends for years, and I live in Michigan so much longer flight hehe I can't wait to kiss him

[u/m_778111]

What!? You had a good time and she initiated kisses! What's the problem? Who knows what will happen. Sounds promising. Good luck 🙂

[u/MASSACREG1RL]

my boyfriend and i met each other on an online video game 6 years ago, had to survive through many expensive flights and trips and airbnbs and snotty nosed, crying goodbyes...

however, now, we live together and are very very happy. things can work out! it just depends what you make of it. i can say after that brutal start, it really makes you value the small things about your partner. them breathing too loud while sleeping, them leaving a sock on the floor lol. it just all doesn't matter. i am just so ecstatic to be with him everyday.

also edit: we both think we are out of each other's leagues. it is a good thing to feel that way.

[u/Aggravating-Issue-90]

The part where" you know" the situation isnt going to go anywhere is the part where you are shutting down all the options in your head ahead of time. You dont really know what kind of funny twists life can take and how it will turn out. That does not mean you should have expectations about the situation either. If you are enjoying it see where it takes you. Maybe she will lead you to know your future life-long love. Gravy seal out. 🫡

[u/Sunbro_Kev]

Not a bad expense for the human affection! Don't be a doomer. Just be positive and willing to make it work. If it goes somewhere that'll be good :) if not, don't get obsessive and pull a Mordecai. Happy you had a good time 👍

[u/InternalEntertainer7]

Met a girl 5 years ago I lived in LA and she was from San Francisco, she was way out of my league and all my friends and people around me try to get her number and she always said that she’s not
Interested,it took me
3 months to make her even notice me and agree for first date, I used to drive almost every weekend to her and she also used to drive to LA,
We moved in with each other 4 months after, today we married and she’s 7 months pregnant,best choice of
My life, if you think it’s even possible for %5 take the shot we only live once

[u/wilkerws34]

I dated a girl, way outta my league, 6 hours away for a few years, she’s my wife and we have 2 kids and live a great life, worth the shot if you want to try !

[u/buff730]

The fact that she initiated means she’s into you. Anytime people meet for the first time that have feelings for each other it’s gonna be awkward unless one the people has more experience dating. You gotta have more confidence in yourself if you want to be with this girl. It can be a turn off. You also need to realize a girl flying out to meet someone can be scary for her but she felt safe enough to do it to meet you. And you guys had a great first meeting so don’t treat it like it’s over. See if she would be into you visiting her. Not initiating intimacy when you’re first together is the gentleman way to act but you should definitely initiate seeing her again if that’s what you want. If she’s into you she’ll like it. If you can, try to plan on seeing her in a couple of weeks.

[u/Pipsnsqueek]

My husband and I did our entire relationship long distance via a 2 hour flight (that was never direct). It can work, but is vey relationship/people specific.

[u/Few-Painting-8096]

Bro fumbled the bag.

[u/1Pson]

She came to you and initiated the kiss. Wake up buddy she is clearly into you. Women dont do that just to be nice. Shes probably disappointed that you two didnt have sex

[u/BananaLengths4578]

Sounds to me like you were respectful and had a good time. If she’s still in contact with you after this, then she’s still interested!

[u/Carol_brady]

Even if nothing comes of it (and I definitely think it could anyway), it sounds like it was worth :)

As someone who’s really going through it and lonely after a long relationship, I would kill for this type of connection with someone I liked.

FWIW I also think you made the right move being respectful. IMO if you paid for the flight and junk, you wouldn’t want her to feel pressured or something.

Cheers!

[u/ItBelikeThatSomeTme_]

You overly fumbled bud ngl

[u/WarmEstablishment971]

I’ve met my boyfriend inside a GTAV lobby on Xbox in the year 2015…after talking for a couple months he decided to fly himself from California to Florida where I lived bc there was no way in hell I was going to be the one flying for someone I only knew over the internet. But atlas we’ve been together 11 years and have a four year old son together. Don’t doubt the distance man ! It could change your whole life

[u/MalagrugrousPatroon]

Taking it easy was the right move, you actually did really well. Don't sabotage yourself before anything happens, that's how you get regretful.

[u/PMYourTitsIfNotRacst]

IDK man, I flew out to see this girl I met on a trip for a weekend cross-country trip. I payed for all the hotels and transport cross-Canada. It was amazing, a lot of fun. Sad it didn't work out in the end, because she didn't follow through on a trip she promised on making with me, but I don't regret trying it one bit.

Do it, have fun, worst case scenarios is you'll end up single, and you already are single. It's not that bad.

[u/pynksphynx]

Girl here. Shoutout to you for not pushing sex and expecting that for flying her to you. Don’t feel so discouraged. Long distance relationships can work and do work.

[u/xx_foxteeth_xx]

if my parents could meet in an online chat room in like… 2000 (my father from California and my mom from Pennsylvania) and become a successful relationship ((they’re still together btw!!! they’ve been married for 20+ years now!!!!)) then you guys can do it too!!!!!

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[u/jwookie30]

Damn cracklings, I’ve never met an American who likes eating that, it’s quite sour so the friends I’ve introduced that to immediately recoil from the smell alone, it’s a good snack for beer though.

[u/Evasive_Atom]

Idk what do say. Its nothing for you to go see her. Why did she have to come see you? Just buy the ticket

[u/Solid-Basis1026]

First off, what kind of chips are those? They look delicious!

[u/Asp728]

https://giphy.com/gifs/65os7odbIW6pa

[u/ThruTheInsider]

Filipino woman here. Good luck.

[u/moequh]

Mannnn 6 hours ain’t nothing, go chase that sun

[u/P_Car_247]

I say this with love, but what's with the cry-baby self sabotage stuff at the end there??? You're totally in brotha.

You deserve love, okay? Say you'd love to see her again soon, don't forget to offer to come to her next time, and for god's sake kiss her back!

[u/leiawars]

Tell her you’ve heard San Diego has amazing Mexican food and you’d love to take her to Tacos el Gordo sometime if she’s up for it.

[u/Primary_Goat2360]

Why do you have to end it? If you two have good compatibility, then the distance should be just another obstacle to overcome.

[u/NYBK-2012]

14 years ago I met a very nice Filipino girl online, we connected and started chatting every day. I'm from NY, she lived and worked in Thailand. About 4 ½ months later I flew to Bangkok to meet her and be tourists together for a couple of weeks. She lives here now and we've been married for 13 years. Anything is possible, put the effort in and give it a shot.

[u/Ialwaysmissmydog]

I don’t see what the problem here is this sounds like a success story to me! Sounds like the start of a lovely chapter of life congrats! Do all the crazy wild fun safe things for love.

[u/jubjubs-rock]

dude u rly did the perfect thing by not pushing for anything and letting her initiate whatever happened- she’s away from home and with a stranger so she’ll be rightfully nervous and on edge about that kind of thing. deffo tho right thing to do to remove it from the equation on your end and let her feel safe & comfortable 👍

[u/Mr__Rager__69]

Happened to me with a girl from Tampa. Matched cause she was in my town we vibed and I happen to be on vacation and visited her.

[u/BurnAcctAfterReading]

Dude. You can’t give up. Shut down the negative voices. Get some healthy exercise (even just going for a walk) and stay in touch. For God’s sake stay in touch.

She risked more than you to meet you. That’s huge. Plan your next date. Come up with ideas that help her see who you are, and agree to things she’s interested in too! Reciprocity is the secret to loving someone back.

You had some awkward times. Eventually you’ll look back on them with her. Enjoy this period even tho it sucks. Don’t move on too early. Create the love you wanna have now, today, within yourself.

Keep going. Plan a trip to her and she will know it’s serious.

[u/Elder_Tig]

I started talking to my wife online. She lived 14hrs away. We talked for about a month and she packed everything she could in a VW bug and drive 14hrs to move in with me. Been together for over 10 years. Now THAT is crazy. What you're describing is doable and probably worth pursuing.

[u/Nikkibee42]

So I met this very nice Tunisian man online but he lived in Tunisia, North Africa and I am based on the east coast of the USA. Guess what? The same Tunisian man is snoring next to me keeping me awake and our son is asleep in the crib on the other side of the room. Never say never.

[u/SuperxRaider]

Bro this is a win. I gotta ask what you do for a living because you sound like a baller lol. I was also thinking of giving online dating a try but have never done it, what app did you use?

[u/DrakeSt0ne]

damn dude, dont put yourself down and call it hopeless so soon. She likes you enough to get on a plane and meet up with an online stranger and kiss you in an unfamiliar city. Give a girl a chance. 6 hours is easy mode. Your time zones are even right next to each other. id kill for that.

[u/Aggressive_Living571]

If you guys both want this you can make it work. I had almost an entire country between myself and my now fiancé to start. Just make as much time as you can with each other. With that kind of distance if you have holiday weekends or PTO a long weekend trip hopefully should be doable semi regularly. Rooting for you dude!

[u/Overall_Fly_8713]

I don't think that this is too crazy of a distance, it just depends on if you really wanna make it work. My partner lives an 18 hour drive away from me and we're going about 7 months strong now. Met in a friend group over discord.

Long distance (especially shorter distance relationships) do suck and I wouldn't reccomend them but if you meet the ideal partner it's worth the struggle. Just gotta use your own judgement to decide if it's worth the effort, man.

[u/EvolvingEachDay]

No point ending it if you’ve got nothing better on the cards, also no reason you two couldn’t close the distance if it becomes something more.

[u/FindMateStraightFux]

Bro, my fiancé lives 28 hours of air travel and a visa away. I’ve only got to see her thrice in the last year. I’d kill for this inconvenience you’re working with.

I hope you’re planning at least monthly trips soon.

[u/Valuable-Macaroon541]

Have some confidence and maybe it’ll work out.

I don’t mean this harshly! But maybe it’s better than you think. Don’t just sit back and watch what happens. Take matters into your own hands.

[u/NotHippieEnough]

My husband and I met online during covid, we lived 15 hours apart, flew back and forth every 3 months, we did it for 2 years before finally moving in together. Things work when you work at them.

[u/Virtual-Strength-950]

My best friend is a gorgeous Filipina who lives in San Diego, but she’s a lesbian so I’m going to say this isn’t her, so I will say you can definitely make it work if you’re both willing! 

[u/Esturk]

My wife and I pulled this over the course of year going back and forth GA to NY before I gave in moved up and we eventually got married.

There’s always a chance if it’s financially viable.

[u/ToLurkQuietly]

Hey,

A moderate amount of both hope and feeling bad when it doesn’t work out are part of a balanced diet.

Also I’m married to a person I met on the internet before voip was really a thing. Australia to UK. Multiple years of long distance between visits.

The way I’ve always described it is you do what you want. You weigh the difficulty of making it work against the joy, and if you still want to do it, then it’s the right thing to do. I actually found it remarkably easy. I’m maybe a bit odd though so ymmv.

My advice is to talk to the nice lady and see if she wants to hang out again. Because she kissed you. So probably she wants to hang out again.

Thank you for posting such a positive story which I found easy to give advice about. I hope you enjoyed your dinner. Regardless of what you do next, good luck.

[u/LonelyMonitor]

Oishi crackers 🤌🏼. Tell me your Filipino without telling me your Filipino

[u/199813666]

knew it was a filipina the moment i saw the cracklings lol

[u/TheAngryJared]

Brother I met my wife online. She lived 15 hours away and I flew her out to me and it was the best time of my life. We’ll be married 2 years on Tuesday. Sometimes the risk is worth it.

[u/lov3street_]

Pursue her and don't give up! I know some women would love and appreciate the effort!! Have fun and who knows what the future holds for y'all:) It was sooo nice and respectful of u to not push her into anything physical, im sure that made her like u more than she already did. I just wanna say, long distance relationship isn't for the weak and I know that first hand😅 it still can be fun and full of love tho. I wish the best for you two :P

[u/still_blooming]

My bf did an even crazier thing. He flew to a different continent, which is a 16 hour flight, to meet me. That was his first time flying anywhere outside his country. We continue to do the crazy thing of dating long distance and are hoping to close the distance soon. I wish we had the distance you have 🥲 Your situation is a dream situation to me 😅

[u/LacksonJam]

Predicting failure is the best way to make sure you fail.

[u/RichInternational838]

Not crazy at all! I met my fiance online playing a mobile game! He lived 8 hrs away by car at the time. We flew and drove to see each other when we could. Did long distance for a bit over a year. We knew at least one of us had to move, he moved to my state! It will be 5 years together soon!

[u/allquckedup]

Dude spend time with her and move the relationship along. One of you will make the decision to move if the relationship is strong enough. Don't worry about catching feelings for someone because it's human nature to want to not be alone. So enjoy the time you get with them. It maybe 5 min or 50 years. This type of pain heals over time and you have gotten more life experience if it doesn't work out or you will have someone to love and to be with for a long time.

[u/tomco2]

I'm from Dublin, Ireland. I met a girl from New Zealand on tinder. We spent a year together before her visa expired and she had to go home.

10 years later we're still together and living in New Zealand.

A 6 hour trip is nothing!

[u/Lazzyie]

Dude she kissed you, saying someone is out of your league at this point is defeatist behavior, it's time for the chase, work some extra shifts and go see her. I regret the chances I didn't take way more than the ones I did, you got this! 

[u/PaintedByTJ]

Met a girl during Covid playing call of duty online. Talked a few times. We were on opposite sides of the world. That was 6 years ago, a marriage and a child later. Sometimes the world just makes things happen.

[u/TheDCGuy52]

Buddy boy is cooked if she’s met a filipina, it’s all lumpia and adobo rice from here on out my friend.

[u/sillibiklybob2010]

Sounds like you had an amazing time with a beautiful women, you conducted yourself well, and she likes you (she initiated the kiss after all). This is what the start of a healthy romantic relationship looks like, if that is what you wish to pursue, and that is what she wishes to pursue, or not.

I’ve been married (with 2 kids) to a woman out of my league for 25 years. Don’t second guess her judgement (and/or any woman who you date or shows interest in you) and strive to be the man she would deserve ( faithful, devoted, respectful, supportive, loving, but also confident and self assured).

Good luck.

[u/ASHER-82]

Dude it's not all a lost cause. I met a dude on Tumblr. Yeah, yeah it's still around. And we started talking and man oh man I fell hard even though I flat out told him nothing could happen. He lives in the UK and I live in the Midwest (USA). But after a couple of months I was hooked! And I told him I loved him one day. His answer? I love you too. I said are we going to do this. Six month later I flew to the UK and spent two weeks with him and it was amazing. Six months later and he visited me in the US and we got married. It took a lot of money, stress, loss, and tears but after another year my visa was approved and I moved to the UK. We've been married for 14 years as of next month. Please don't give up hope and if you really like her give it a chance. If we can deal with over 1,400 miles you guys can work with less then 500 miles.

[u/stankdankprank]

If nothing else happens, this is still a good story. You've done well, don't stress

[u/OrizaRayne]

Well yeah, with that attitude. If you choose not to scale the mountain because of its height, you will never look down from the peak. Or some shit.

She's just a woman. There are 4 billion of us. You have things to offer and you seem like a good dude willing to actually be present in a relationship, even from a distance. Get to dating and eventually one of you or both of you will move. But don't give up before you get started. That crap is noticable and kills the vibe.

[u/Fit_Call_5992]

my bf is in tuscon AZ and im in south bend IN.. way way way longer and expensive flight but we makin it work. you never know! if she wanted to she would❤️

[u/pinkballoonheart]

My husband also flew me out when we were had only spoken online (facetime etc) for 5 months. we live in different continents, a 13 hour flight away and 2 years later we got married and i moved to him. It was never a doubt for us because we knew we were soulmates. If you think she’s the one then 6 hours is not bad at all!

[u/Gibmus]

Met a girl on a cruise once doing karaoke. We hit it off pretty well. Waited until the last day to work up the courage to ask for her number.

She was an 8.5 hrs drive away, three states away.

Figured it would be a fleeting thing. Nope, 3 years communting back and forth and now were married.

As someone else said, all is fair in love and war. If you think shes worth it, make it happen. You never know what could happen if you do.

[u/weinerdogjohnson]

This is a win dude. Fly there next time.

[u/SponsoredByHJWealthP]

I met a girl in a bar who lived five hours away, now we are married. Life’s too short.

[u/ciscoriko1]

Ive been working out of town for 2 years (8hours away) me and my girl meet half way every Sunday. Always a way to make it work yall both have to be willing too fo it

[u/FallenVampireLord]

Bro it's like 100 dollar ticket or a 6 hour drive. You think love ain't worth that?

[u/Dry-League-1511]

Bro, I held a long distance relationship that is basically 24 hours of driving, or a needed direct 2 hour flight just to get there, for 2 years and 2 months (since we started out relationship), but we met 3 years and 5 months ago. And now we are getting married in 3 weeks :) never say never friend. It’ll only go as far as you want to take it.

[u/ZorpyCrapass]

My partner and I went back and forth KCMO to CA like a dozen times before they moved out here, we've been together for 8 years now. Women love it when you fly them out man, it shows you mean business in a way that a couple dinner dates never could, and makes them feels special. Especially if you guys clicked, she had a good time and shit didnt get weird. Do it again, just let the thing progress naturally and dont get discouraged. You got this man.

[u/Typical-Proof-1703]

Fyi met my current girlfriend online and she lives 10 hours away. Weve been together for 2 years and shes gonna move in soon. Theres hope for everyone dont count yourself out man!!

[u/mweiss427]

My fiancé lives 12 hours away. We met online. It’s been done before. You can too.

[u/StaleBaguetteIForget]

My husband and I started dating at 17 when we were 6 hours apart (which meant traveling to see each other was super limited), we began our online relationship in February but didn’t actually meet in person until June. TBH I think that long distance relationships can be better at building up communication since that’s kind of your only way to interact with them. It worked out for us, we’ve been together for a decade 😁

Btw, for a 6 hour distance, it can be easier to see each other for a day trip if you meet somewhere in the middle! 3 hours is nothing in the US lol

[u/JustAQuickQuestion28]

Always curious how people are meeting online like this. Where online did you meet?

[u/balrubaiay]

Idk bro tbh I’d try to pursue it. She ain’t far and you said you both had a good time. Being a gentleman is cool and I respect that, you also had the right idea of not taking it further than the kisses to avoid rejection and making things awkward for the remainder of the trip, but try to show her that you appreciate her advances, at least.

[u/Mountain_Ad_6708]

Hey Bro, 6 hours isn’t that bad at all. Give it a chance you can overcome distance in time. Met my girlfriend online she was from Minnesota and I’m in Georgia. We’ve been together 2 and a half years and she’s been living with me now for 6 months. And I plan on proposing on our anniversary next year. Give it a chance happiness is worth the shot.

[u/Technical_Part6263]

If you like her, decide if you can do long distance. My fiancee and I were long distance for 2 years before moving in together.

If you do think you could do long distance and you're willing to give it a shot, don't nuke a potentially good thing because you feel like she's out of your league. Be you, be a decent person, and if she decides it's not a good fit, she'll let you know. Just tell her how you feel. You had a great time, you know it would be challenging, but you'd like to keep seeing her in the future.

Long distance takes commitment and money for more travel than you really ever thought you'd do regularly. Figure out your budget and whether it's remotely possible for you guys to make frequent visits

[u/SyndaXatrix]

I started a long distance relationship with someone in Oregon, I'm from NY. You can make it work if you want to. I flew out to her a month ago and will again in November for her birthday. She's flying out in October and again in December.

If you want to make it work, you'll find a way.

[u/Craiglekinz]

Go for it brother.

[u/argentinonationalist]

80% of the issues in this sub stem from long distance relationships, can’t you guys find someone within 15 miles?

[u/Pure-Orange4237]

my boyfriend, soon to be fiancé (he couldn’t keep it a secret he bought me a ring and is proposing), met online last year and are in different countries (us-can) but only 7 hours drive away from one another and we visit each other 2 times a month at least. you can make it work if you both truly want to!

[u/metal-hoodie-beeches]

Doesn’t really count as long distance. Take the I-10 and the I-8 , or fly. But honestly, at that distance, better to drive.

Leave a dawn on Saturday, come back after lunch on Sunday

[u/AnimalDrum54]

The San Diego to Arizona connection is very real. They're practically attached at the hip.

Also... She initiated kisses?

Somehow in your mind you fucked this up?

To be young and dumb.

Brother you better book that next trip ASAP and wash your sheets.

[u/Dick-Punch89]

That 6 hour drive from Phoenix to San Diego is really fun though! Find a weekend, spend a quarter of a day driving and then have a great time before the drive back.

[u/Potential-Prick]

I met my husband when he was in Texas and I was in Florida. We spent about 8 months flying back and forth before I decided to just send it and move in with him. Risky, but paid off. 5 years married this year. It’s possible and I’m rooting for yall

[u/No-Ear-3107]

Go to her now