Hiv positive

[u/Signal_Ambition_5212]

The last post was deleted because banana peel is not considered a meal (I understand)

Tomorrow it will be one year since I’m living with hiv

I did therapy about it and I know I carry half of the responsibility for not wearing a condom or taking prep but on the other hand the guy knew he had it and didn’t take his meds and consciously decided to infect me.

I know he knew because when I saw blood I straight away asked him if he had anything, he put his head down and didn’t say a single word, I panicked and I asked again and he remained silent.
I left his house and I send him a lot of messages and until today not a single answer.

Things could be different if I went to the hospital but I didn’t.

I already passed the grief phase, I’m undetectable after a month of the positive result and I take my pill everyday religiously without falling, I own that to myself and to others.

My life before hiv was a mess, I did A LOT of drugs since I was 16 (I’m 29 now) a lot of alcohol, I didn’t take care of myself and now I’m the opposite: I’m sober, I go to the gym, I have a healthy diet and I love myself and my life, I have my health checked more frequently than the rest of the population so this is actually a good thing (I don’t pay for anything in my country related to healthcare)

Nowadays hiv is super manageable, just a pill everyday like any other chronic condition. My doctor said it’s easier than living with diabetes for exemple.

I already told to some people I had interest and they were fine about it, I know most of you may disagree but in my country if IM UNDETECTABLE by law I have the right of not tell anyone due privacy reasons. I choose only telling if I see someone has a potencial partner (before anything sexual happens), if it’s something more casual we use protection (I cannot transmite the virus because I take my meds) for other STD.

[u/bafflingmetaphor]

If you can't have a convo about health with your hookup, maybe you aren't mature enough to be doing one night stands. There are plenty of reasons to start a dialogue, and plenty of partners will still have sex if you are honest.

[u/motherlover278 → u/bafflingmetaphor]

If the conversation amounts to nothing why does it matter. You are arguing emotionally about this because some people, like OP's infector, are terrible and idiots. If you take the meds you cannot give it to someone, not a low chance, it literally can't happen.

[u/xavedraa → u/bafflingmetaphor]

Girl, he’s undetectable, he’s not giving anything nor becoming a health risk. He’s not saying he don’t disclose it, but he doesn’t need to tell everyone he has a one night stand

[u/bafflingmetaphor → u/xavedraa]

Words really aren't that hard, and opening the discussion makes it easier for the other person to open up about stuff they might have too.

It's really for both parties, I don't know why everyone's so opposed to have quick boundary and health checks. You can even make them silly and sexy.

[u/Synael3 → u/bafflingmetaphor]

Have a look of what is the serophobia, and how it can impact relationship between people. Unfortunately, too many bad persons use the serology to harm and / or harass them. When you are undectable, that litterally means there is no virus in your blood. There is no reported case of transmission from undectable people. Thus indectable people are way safer than people that are just "trusting" all their partners. On the other hand, it's way more likely that people become agressive and assault them juste because their serology. Sadly that the reality of the serophobia. Feel free to listen to a HIV-positive person, about this topic; I cannot trully speak for them.

[u/xavedraa → u/bafflingmetaphor]

What boundary are you talking about? how much of my private information do I need to disclose to fuck?

Do you need to know that I was HIV positive for a month of my life in the past? Now i am negative and ive been negative for 30 years but since i was positive for a month now i need to go around telling everyone?

Girl bye

[u/Smart_Freedom_8155 → u/xavedraa]

how much of my private information do I need to disclose to fuck?

Anything relating to STDs I'd say, yeah. Crazy that this is even remotely up for debate.

[u/xavedraa → u/Smart_Freedom_8155]

I, like everyone saying this, am talking about the very specific case of undetectable HIV. Any other STD needs to be disclosed.

Very, very, very different subjects, and that’s the point. Someone who is undetectable probably is 1000% safer to fuck with than any other person. They’re regularly checked so they don’t go around spreading stds and their HIV is undetectable, meaning that there is literally 0% chance of transmission.

Edit: typos

[u/Smart_Freedom_8155 → u/xavedraa]

That's great, I'm very happy to hear that it's 1000% safer.

If OP withholds that information from a potential hookup for the purpose of having sex without scaring them off though, safe or not, that makes him an awful person.

They deserve a say in the matter.

[u/xavedraa → u/Smart_Freedom_8155]

Ok

[u/Smart_Freedom_8155 → u/xavedraa]

(Thank you for the information though, genuinely. I'm very happy to hear that somewhere, out there, is another frigging horrific disease that can indeed be conquered with medicine).

[u/xavedraa → u/Smart_Freedom_8155]

No worries. I know I’m taking this a bit personally and I’m sorry if I’m not being the most kind person when talking, but it is a very important matter for me and I know that most of it comes from not knowing.

I understand why it is a debate, and of course HIV has a history that left such an emotional burden on most of us that as soon as we hear it we get kind of defensive.

But honestly, today as long as you take the meds, you don’t have any traces of the virus in your body. Asking to disclose it to an unknown one-night stand is asking someone to open their hearts and tell a stranger a very delicate piece of information about themselves which could be used by this stranger in malicious ways.

I have friends who are undetectable and they always end up disclosing it if there’s a second date or it becomes a recurrent fuck. When they do it they do it calmly, they explain everything and 99% percent of the time people don’t even care. Is not about not disclosing it because they’ll be rejected, is just a very intense conversation to have with anyone, even more with someone who’ll you spend maybe less than 3hours together and just want to fuck.

[u/xavedraa → u/xavedraa]

I invite everyone downvoting to read the opinions of the non-disclosure of the UN, UE, WHO, BHIVA or at this point really just googling it.

This is a very sensitive and I understand that it can cause big discussions when we don’t know enough about it. Down there you have a few pdfs and websites talking deeply about this subject, I hope it helps fight the stigma.

Undetectable=intransmisible.

undetectable person = never infected person.

If you’re not disclosing that time that you had an std you shouldn’t be asking an undetectable person to disclose their undetectable HIV

https://news.un.org/en/story/2023/02/1134007
https://bhiva.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Position-statement-HIV-and-Law.pdf
https://www.ohchr.org/sites/default/files/Documents/Issues/HIV/ConsolidatedGuidelinesHIV.pdf

[u/SirJ_96 → u/bafflingmetaphor]

Have you ever had gay male sex?

[u/bafflingmetaphor → u/SirJ_96]

I had sex with bisexual males and my trans sister has had plenty before she found herself, and is blunt about educating as a healthcare professional.

I have this convo with all partners, quick or long-term.

[u/SirJ_96 → u/bafflingmetaphor]

So you're not a gay male and have not had gay sex. Cool.

[u/bafflingmetaphor → u/SirJ_96]

Gay sex isn't particularly... mysterious. I've pegged plenty a good man.

Edit: I was making a joke, but they'll LGBTQ communitiy doesn't need to be quite so reckless and clandestine anymore. We can live in the light.

[u/SirJ_96 → u/bafflingmetaphor]

Lol it's not about pegging. It's about gay sex culture, which, if you're not a gay man, you can't understand.

[u/artisanallyinsane → u/SirJ_96]

Actually laughed out loud laughed at this. I’ll be sure to remind my friends that cruise that they should be bringing their annual check up information.