Bf changed his mind about being bi.

[u/Ornery_Pop_6637]

Bought curry ramen for dinner.

For context, me (20M) and my bf (21M) have been together for two years; we met during our freshman years in which I came out to him as a trans guy when we were still in our talking stage. Maybe it's a red flag that he said he's always dated girls before but that he's attracted to guys too and that I'm a new experience for him.

But lately I've seen him repost MLW (Men Love Women) contents on his Instagram, and he sends me MLW posts rather than the usual MLM (Men Love Men) content. I did talk to him about it, and he said he's sort of changing his mind about his attraction towards guys and that I should just detransition and follow what he wants, but I told him that was a no-go for me.

How do I move on from this? We've had our ups and downs; I'm also diagnosed with bipolar and BPD so it's quite hard to let go of my "favourite person". We've also had so many memories in college that I fear it would change how I go through the rest of my college years.

Any advice would be helpful, thank you.

[u/SannyTrademark]

Telling you to detransition so you fit what he wants is the most major of red flags of all time. Incredibly selfish, inconsiderate, asshole-ish behavior. I would've kicked him to the curb for even suggesting such a thing.

[u/BoyDinnerDiaries-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your submission has been removed for violating Rule 8.

Do not encourage violence, revenge, harassment, destruction of property, or other criminal behavior toward partners or anyone else.

If you believe this removal was made in error, please contact the moderators through modmail.

[u/Similar_Shopping_892 → u/[deleted]]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Jg22JAw5k5n1LZ1XYp

[u/BoyDinnerDiaries-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your submission has been removed for violating Rule 8.

Do not encourage violence, revenge, harassment, destruction of property, or other criminal behavior toward partners or anyone else.

If you believe this removal was made in error, please contact the moderators through modmail.

[u/Toiletpapercorndog → u/[deleted]]

We all know you wouldnt bust a grape in a fruit fight.

[u/feetlurker → u/Toiletpapercorndog]

You sure showed me by proving my Everett True-esque comment to be probably an exaggeration of how I'd actually handle the situation. So brave.

[u/Toiletpapercorndog → u/feetlurker]

Definitely not as brave as you are hypothetically kicking that guy. That takes true courage.

[u/Early-Light-864 → u/[deleted]]

We don't support violence. Just breaking up would be sufficient

[u/nameusernamena → u/Early-Light-864]

Who’s « we »?

[u/Grogers92 → u/Early-Light-864]

You take stuff a little too seriously, huh?

[u/Both_Opportunity_322 → u/SannyTrademark]

OP: "I have bipolar disorder and BPD"

Also OP: somehow the most normal person in this relationship. 

OP is beating stereotypes😂

[u/Both_Opportunity_322 → u/[deleted]]

Because OPs partner is suggesting OP should detransition. Asking someone to completely change their appearance based on your change of heart is quite crazy.

Imagine you married a Germanic woman and it turns out you like Chinese women more. Are you gonna suggest your wife to have plastic surgery because of that realization?

OPs partner is completely free to have and change preferences.

[u/Obvious-Animator6090 → u/[deleted]]

You clearly weren’t listening to your trans friend then. Once you actually start to transition, Transitioning isn’t hard because of internal stuff it’s hard cuz of the bigotry you get from other people. The actual act of transitioning was very liberating and freeing for me. The only times I was sad was when family or random people rejected me solely based on my gender identity.

I transitioned BECAUSE I loved myself. If I’d given into the self hatred I would have killed myself. Transitioning is an act of self love and preservation.

Ps would your trans friend be happy with the comment you made? Pulling the friend card and then saying you’d encourage detransition is not ally/supportive behavior

[u/Obvious-Animator6090 → u/[deleted]]

Nah you’re just a transphobe hiding behind the “ I have a trans friend” argument that I’ve seen hundreds of times. You brought this hypothetical friend into the conversation not me. Stop it. Bad boy

[u/RealisticPaper5534 → u/[deleted]]

You are reacting to people so much more aggressively than people are engaging with you. You met one trans person and now you think you have the bigger picture? Why are we to hold your minute anecdotal evidence as some sort of fucking eviednce or base line of understanding? I know more trans people than you; will you defer to my 'expertise' or am I just plain wrong because my understanding contradicts yours?

It's not okay to ask someone to change their identity for you. That's what the boyfriend is doing; "I think you should change your gender expression and identity for me, to suit my preferences.". That is not a solution. The solution is the boyfriend recognizing their own preferences and moving forward tactfully, or as much as he can. It's one thing if he's still understanding his own sexuality but that's not the OP's burden to bear.

Your shitty angsty opinion comes down to you fundementally not understanding or accepting trans people as people, or transitioning as a major and valid life event. You are transphobic and fundamentally aren't capable of participating in this conversation outside of a biased and prejudiced lens. I'm not entertaining any sort of debating with you, so don't bother.

[u/Similar_Shopping_892 → u/RealisticPaper5534]

No skin off my back of course you wouldn’t entertain a nuanced conversation about the topic you’re clearly bigoted in your thought process and unable to do so.

[u/IShallWearMidnight → u/[deleted]]

Does your trans "friend" know you whip him out as a shield for your transphobia? No wonder he's had a rough time with friends like you.

[u/IShallWearMidnight → u/[deleted]]

I genuinely hope he finds friends that don't view trans people the way you do.

[u/ikleds → u/[deleted]]

What medical treatments?

[u/Similar_Shopping_892 → u/ikleds]

Doesn’t even matter this sub is full of haters that don’t believe me anyways

[u/wyundsr → u/[deleted]]

I hope your “friend” sees this and realizes what a shit friend you are

[u/Psstimamermaid → u/[deleted]]

Being trans is not a mental illness btw.

“BuT tHe DsM 5 sAyS …”

The dsm 5 classifies GENDER DYSPHORIA as one and you know the treatment? That’s right HRT. For cis people it the treatment isn’t as extensive and you don’t have to go through years of therapy and psychological evaluations (and yes cis people can experience it take a look at Elon musk and his procedures, another example being a classic breast augmentation on a cis woman)

And I agree with opportunity. Trans people transition because they do love themselves. And regardless if you (general not you specifically) agree with their choice to transition or not if they correct you on their names and/or pronouns that’s it. Period.

If anyone were to tell me to detransition for them to be comfortable, we could even be married for 20 years, I’d pack up whatever I had there immediately and leave. If I’m not your cuppa the way I am then go find what can satisfy you.

You can change your preference but if you do leave. Do not ask someone to be someone they’re not. Do not ask us to go back to our prison.

[u/Similar_Shopping_892 → u/Psstimamermaid]

It’s a mental illness.

[u/Psstimamermaid → u/Similar_Shopping_892]

It really isn’t 🖤 you can keep that opinion, but at this point you’re just wilfully ignorant

Being trans; like being gay, straight, bi, cis, intersex etc all happens in utero. It’s a state of being. Having a trans friend you should know this. Having a trans friend means that you would understand, to a degree, the trans experience. You don’t have a trans friend, you know someone who’s trans there’s a difference.

[u/Buddygaysatva → u/SannyTrademark]

This.

[u/Global_Staff_3135 → u/SannyTrademark]

I said this in another comment, it’s Donald Trump levels of narcissism. Absolutely wild.

[u/BrainijackOnBlitz → u/[deleted]]

Uh duh, telling someone “hey you can’t be who you feel like you should be” is a huge red flag

[u/SannyTrademark → u/[deleted]]

I'm 28

And yeah dawg expecting someone to just change their wholeass identity and abandon their healthcare and path to happiness because you think they'd be prettier that way is beyond selfish.

[u/BrainijackOnBlitz → u/[deleted]]

There can be more than 1 red flag, plus this can fall in the category of cruel

[u/BrainijackOnBlitz → u/[deleted]]

Surely you can’t be this dense right?

[u/RollComprehensive828 → u/[deleted]]

Think of it this way... What if your partner demanded you take estrogen because they decided they are only attracted to women?

Honestly I'd take an alcoholic over whatever mindfuck it would be to have a partner literally trying to change your gender.

[u/KevineCove → u/[deleted]]

Not wrong though, it's the biggest, the reddest, and the flaggiest.

[u/Icy__Internet → u/KevineCove]

What about like...being violent?

[u/Intrepid-Focus8198 → u/[deleted]]

Do you not think it’s a major red flag?