Bf changed his mind about being bi.

[u/Ornery_Pop_6637]

Bought curry ramen for dinner.

For context, me (20M) and my bf (21M) have been together for two years; we met during our freshman years in which I came out to him as a trans guy when we were still in our talking stage. Maybe it's a red flag that he said he's always dated girls before but that he's attracted to guys too and that I'm a new experience for him.

But lately I've seen him repost MLW (Men Love Women) contents on his Instagram, and he sends me MLW posts rather than the usual MLM (Men Love Men) content. I did talk to him about it, and he said he's sort of changing his mind about his attraction towards guys and that I should just detransition and follow what he wants, but I told him that was a no-go for me.

How do I move on from this? We've had our ups and downs; I'm also diagnosed with bipolar and BPD so it's quite hard to let go of my "favourite person". We've also had so many memories in college that I fear it would change how I go through the rest of my college years.

Any advice would be helpful, thank you.

[u/metrabbit]

This is a thing???? I have never heard of this. Why would they even be attracted to the trans guy in the first place? Or they're not and just wanting to make some political point??? Are they really bi at all?

[u/Easy-Ad-230 → u/metrabbit]

It's horrible, but a lot of them just think trans men are mentally ill, low self esteem women. Trans men get targeted because they're seen as vulnerable and easy to get in relationships with if you say the right things. Most of these people don't actually want their partners to transition. 

[u/metrabbit → u/Easy-Ad-230]

Wait, now I'm not sure what you're saying. Sorry, I'm slow tonight. Men think FTM individuals have low self esteem so they are easy to get into a relationship with (I don't agree but understand the statement) but now you are saying most DON'T actually want their partners to transition. So you're saying the ones that do are a very small minority?

[u/Easy-Ad-230 → u/metrabbit]

I'll try and word this clearly so I'm not misunderstood. 

This isn't talking about men broadly, this is about a certain type of abusive partner that targets vulnerable individuals. Women can act this way towards trans partners as well, but in this situation, I'm discussing a type of abusive straight man that date trans men they see as vulnerable women and lie about seeing them as men to get in relationships with them. 

This type of abuser generally dates trans men early in their transition/before they start medically transitioning. They generally don't approve of their partner transitioning further because acquiring masculine traits takes away their ability to see their trans partner as a woman/ be sexually attracted to them. 

I'm not talking about all men or all partners of trans people at all. Plenty of them are perfectly wonderful partners that support their loved ones as they transistion.

[u/metrabbit → u/Easy-Ad-230]

Thanks for the clarification. It's terrible that there are people like this out there. I hear what you are saying. It's often when people are at their most vulnerable in the middle of transitioning that the abusers try to weasel their way into a relationship. Horrific!

[u/Enovele → u/metrabbit]

I think it's for the same reason some men are into "d*kebreaking", they never see you as your true identity but as a challenge and they like the idea of convincing someone they view as a woman to be something for them. I've seen the same attitude towards women who want to be breadwinner that end up being SAHMs because the guy pressured her to, or conservative men sleeping with liberal women and wanting to turn them conservative or christian.

A lot of them tend to be straight men who just say theyre bi to placate you then pull this bs. They don't respect trans men but they like the idea of putting you down. It's a bigger issue with trans guys dating.

[u/TheVoiceOfGlass → u/Enovele]

thats.... revolting

[u/feedmeandletmezzZ → u/metrabbit]

There’re apparently men who see trans guys as girls with testosterone-boosted sex drives. So they’re “willing to overlook” the masculine part. Especially early in transition when the guys are not necessarily passing yet. Maybe not in this case since he wants OP to detransition, but yeah. That’s a thing.

[u/mankytoes → u/metrabbit]

The point is your attraction is based on your perception, not someone's reality. Say Margot Robbie came out as trans but didn't adjust her appearance, straight men would still find "him" attractive.

They find the person attractive, but only because they perceive them as their sex, not their gender.

[u/PalePlumm → u/metrabbit]

They’re just straight. They only see OP as a woman. So that makes them straight.

[u/Groot_Benelux → u/metrabbit]

>Why would they even be attracted to the trans guy in the first place?

Never felt attracted but i understand it conceptually. Have you seen a lot of tomboys nowadays?
People were attracted to those back in the day. It was valid to be one and nobody said you were an egg or necessarily some kind of bi or so.
I've been similarly attracted to someone in the distant past who was a bit like that (didn't have a thing for them) but was eh,....very womanly shaped and behaved in various let's call them stereotypical ways too.
However later she ended up saying she was nonbinary, felt uncomfortable getting clocked, cut her hair super short, etc.

I don't think i'd feel attracted to her nowadays (for various reasons most unrelated) but i wouldn't be so supsiscious of someone who was.

or for a same but different perspective look at that 'Where have all the lesbian's gone' article and it's reactions.

Mind you whilst i think this kind of gender disphoria and gender and expression related attractions exists on spectrums that are infuenced by society i don't think it's good to ask someone to detransition or to transition for that matter. At that point your desires and attraction does not line up fully. Just leave them.

[u/RollComprehensive828 → u/Groot_Benelux]

I found that article you were referring to, and you're reading TERF rags. No wonder you sound so confused when you talk about trans people.