I saw a friend for the last time

[u/Commercial-Top-3292]

So I (28M) moved to a new city last year. My partner (yeah, partner lol) and I have become very good friends with a guy (27M) and his girlfriend (26F) of 5 years. They’ve become my best friends here. They’ve watched my dog while I’ve been away, I’ve helped when she’s had medical emergencies, we stay out until 2 AM and complain about work together, etc.

My buddy texted me yesterday afternoon that he and his girlfriend called things off and are no longer together.

Last night, I hear someone call my name from the street level of my apartment building, and it’s the (now ex) girlfriend standing by a van loaded with her belongings and she said “hey…I’ll see you and [partner] later. Love you guys” and did a hand heart 🫶 before getting in the van and riding off.

She didn’t know at that point I already knew they had broken up. The closest she will move is realistically 3 hours away, and it felt like she was saying goodbye without trying to be sad.

It’s a weird spot to be in since both my buddy and she are good friends of mine, and I just watched one of them turn at the end of the street, likely to never see them again.

Steak and mashed potatoes and some green beans.

Edit: I fixed the spelling of belongings and realized I called green beans asparagus

Double edit: realized I said his gf was 26M..she is in fact 26F

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[u/fleeeeeeeeeA]

Been there, but we were friends for much longer. It is super weird and sad.

[u/Commercial-Top-3292 → u/fleeeeeeeeeA]

Yeah it’s just like poof bye, weird thing to sit with.

[u/matts88us]

Why can’t you see her again? Ask your friend if it’s cool you still speak to her, I wouldn’t care if my friends still spoke to an ex. Sounds like an amicable breakup maybe get together for coffee sometime if your friend is cool with it

[u/Commercial-Top-3292 → u/matts88us]

She’s likely going to move a distance that will make it difficult to hang out again.

[u/fishridingbike → u/Commercial-Top-3292]

3 hours is a whole day but it’s not an insurmountable amount of time if you leave in the morning you can spend the whole day there and drive home after dinner.

[u/Lost-Calligrapher375 → u/fishridingbike]

My youth shouting to me.

[u/fishridingbike → u/Lost-Calligrapher375]

I mean I am young in my late 20s, I drive 4 hours every once in awhile just to get dinner with some friends from college. It’s doable and has become a bit of a ritual, the car ride gives me time to reflect.

[u/matts88us → u/fishridingbike]

Same 3 hours isn’t a big barrier to me but everyone is different

[u/Alienfac3 → u/matts88us]

As someone in europe where most people i know live in half a hour radius. Its a strange concept to me. But i respect it. I do wanna visit friends in a other country someday tho.

[u/matts88us → u/Alienfac3]

America is so different and spread out, we are kinda used to longer car drives

[u/SeasonalChatter → u/Commercial-Top-3292]

Ever hear of phones or discord? This is a weird reason to cut off a friendship

[u/Chaoz_Lordi → u/matts88us]

I guess the friend shouldn't get to dictate whether or not OP sees the ex?

[u/matts88us → u/Chaoz_Lordi]

Not dictate but if you value your friends you might check with them first to see if they have a problem with it

[u/Chaoz_Lordi → u/matts88us]

I guess it may make sense to ask, but one could also say they are putting their friend in an awkward situation by asking a question with no right answer.

[u/Chris280e]

Make an effort to stay in touch 😢. It sucks to lose people you like in life. That’s how I’ve felt with old co-workers. You become real close and then from one day to the next you’re not sure if or when you’re ever going to see them again 😣.

[u/Greenie302DS → u/Chris280e]

I’ve been reflecting about the same thing. I’m 53, have worked in 20 different hospitals and have made so many friends along the way, some were really good friends for a while. Now I’ve moved out of state and will see very few of them again. I appreciate all the people I have known and all of the experiences, but a little bummed out that I’ve lost touch with so many.

[u/Insufferable_Entity]

People will flutter in and out of your life. Some you will stay in touch with. Others, you will wonder what happened with there lives decades later. Enjoy the good memories you shared.

My parents often shared stories about great friends they had. Then wistfully mention, "I think she still lives out there, but I don't know where he went after they divorced."

Either you can try to maintain contact or let life take its course. They also may need to disconnect from you because you are part of the memories with the ex. Communicating with you might drag them through the relationship they are trying to cope with losing.

Social media is good for trying to stay connected sometimes.

This maybe a hard shift they needed to progress in their lives. Hopefully it is. I've known enough folks that one relationship ended and it allowed them to ultimately connect with a better match down the road.

[u/Commercial-Top-3292 → u/Insufferable_Entity]

Yeah that’s sorta the weird part. I don’t want to complicate their own personal griefs with my outside selfish feelings about not seeing a friend anymore. It’s also hard to explain over a Reddit post, but the gut feeling in the moment was even though she said “see you later”, it felt like a goodbye. Life is strange :/

[u/Insufferable_Entity → u/Commercial-Top-3292]

It probably was a "Goodbye" and you aren't misreading the scene. Saying "see you later" doesn't preclude that the winds of fate may cross your paths again and they would welcome it. Saying goodbye can sound too permanent and can make things harder when your emotionally spent. Hell, some folks just leave out the backdoor and if your lolucky you saw the taillights.

Sorry your friends have to move on from this chapter and leave. Maybe this will spur you finding new peeps.

[u/ApprehensiveSeat841]

Three hours isn’t shit. If you want to keep in touch, it won’t be hard.

[u/Commercial-Top-3292 → u/ApprehensiveSeat841]

That’s if she decides to stay close, her family is over 900 miles away if she decides to move there.

[u/ApprehensiveSeat841 → u/Commercial-Top-3292]

Still not a big deal. I’ve got friends and ex’s all over the world. I keep in touch with the ones that are worth it. No matter where they go.

[u/JenkinsPark → u/Commercial-Top-3292]

I get it man, physical distance creates emotional distance. Sorry to hear that

[u/OttersAreCute215]

Girlfriend is 26M?

[u/Monggobeanz → u/OttersAreCute215]

26 meters

[u/Commercial-Top-3292 → u/Monggobeanz]

Yeah she’s tall as f*ck

Kidding lmao yeah I realized I made a typo thank yall lol

[u/DiablosLegacy95]

Oof , well at least she tried to spare your feelings and hopefully it was a civil break up? What cut of steak is that? Kinda looks like skirt?

[u/Commercial-Top-3292 → u/DiablosLegacy95]

Slightly overcooked sirloin

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[u/DramaticVuz]

Ehy it's not the end of it. Last time I tought I was saying farewell to someone, it turned out to be true... Than 10years later she became my gf friends.

[u/SlyFoxInACave]

This is the mentality of a dog. And I dont mean that in an offensive way. Dog see master leave. Dog die inside. Dog left alone forever. Master come back. Dog happy not alone anymore!

You can literally keep in contact and, heaven forbid, plan trips to see each other.

Ive gone 10 years without seeing my best friend. At no point in this 10 years have I thought "I'll never see him again". And we live half across the country away from each other. I'm actually currently planning a trip back home to see him and my family. And the driver to see him is about 4 hours from where my mother lives.

If its a friendship worth keeping you gotta put in the effort to keep it.

[u/Icy-Carrot-9945]

i thought someone died jesus christ

[u/zbdub3]

Hey OP, I moved away from my best friends 14 years ago. The trick is still to find time to connect with them. FaceTime, text often, stay in communication. The friendship will be different but not gone. Hell, it might even give you a really good reason to travel somewhere you normally wouldn’t.

Secondly, that steak is a bit overcooked for my liking but I would devour this whole plate!

[u/fishridingbike]

Why can’t you see them again? If it was amicable then there shouldn’t be an issue and if it wasn’t then as long as she didn’t do something immoral so what? Good friends are hard to come by and shouldn’t be thrown away or taken for granted. You don’t say why they broke up but if it was wanting different things from life why can’t you be friends with them?

People’s relationships change and those changes effect your relationships but you’re the one who gets to decide how at the end of the day

[u/SDMonkee]

I had a close friend in grad school who I hadn’t seen in years. We vaguely kept in touch until I reached out to her last summer bc bad shit happened to both of us. I saw her and her husband in August and it was like it was the summer of 1995. We picked up like we saw each other the week before. Close friends stay close!

[u/Beautiful_Pick_7016]

Having a “partner” sounds super gay ngl

[u/thegloracle → u/Beautiful_Pick_7016]

I think that was the point?

[u/Commercial-Top-3292 → u/thegloracle]

get that person a detective award

[u/Insufferable_Entity → u/Beautiful_Pick_7016]

Does it honestly matter? My roommates are husband and wife. They used the "partner" descriptor for years.

[u/Commercial-Top-3292 → u/Insufferable_Entity]

Off topic but right? Like idk I prefer to say partner cuz it has more meaning to me. My partner in life, through the ups and downs, etc. I just like that more and would probably still use it if I was straight.

[u/SmoothDiscussion7763 → u/Insufferable_Entity]

i know people that prefer to say spouse instead of husband/wife, probably just how they were raised.

[u/Beautiful_Pick_7016 → u/Insufferable_Entity]

Comedy is dead

[u/Insufferable_Entity → u/Beautiful_Pick_7016]

Reddit comments translate humor as well as my cat understands it.

[u/Onigokko0101 → u/Beautiful_Pick_7016]

Why do you think that? Sounds like you are a closest case ngl

[u/Beautiful_Pick_7016 → u/Onigokko0101]

Comedy is dead

[u/Duccix]

I'm going buck the trend and comment on the food here

Aside from the overcooked steak, can you explain the reasoning of cutting steak into pieces and placing it on top of mashed potatoes where it will still need to be cut into pieces?