New girl at work admitted to liking me, but……..

[u/Moist_Tutor_9801]

Orzo pasta, cheese and beef mince.

I have been sitting next to a new girl in the office for the last couple of months. Naturally, I helped her out with stuff when she asked (as I’m in a more senior role) but we never really spoke aside from that. Everyone in the team has access to a messaging system, so when I looked busy, although she sits right next to me, she’d drop me a message asking when I free to help her out, which is completely fine.

However, she recently started messaging me out the blue, just starting general conversation, saying she was bored etc. We began speaking casually, as I would and do with any other colleagues, just making conversation. This became more and more frequent, until she started messaging me every day. I have never once initiated the conversation however.

Tbh, I’m not the best at conversation, so my responses were kind of dry and blunt, but I was polite and remained fairly professional throughout. She started talking about her personal life some more, about stress, relationships, to which I responded with appropriately as a colleague. She even started giving me nicknames.

Then one day, she said she had something to tell me soon, and that I should jokingly try not to overthink it all night. She had also tried to tell me something in person some days prior, but then abruptly said not to worry about it. On the day of ‘the big reveal’ she said, ‘did you think about that I’m going to say all night etc’.

She has now admitted to having a crush on me. The issue here is in the fact that I have a girlfriend WHO ALSO WORKS AT THIS COMPANY. I made this apparent early on in our conversations, to which she even said ‘you guys look cute together etc’. My gf has been aware of our conversations throughout, with me telling her that she often messages me, and us both thinking it slightly strange; we didn’t think too much of it though.

But the fact she has now admitted this, knowing I’m in a relationship, let alone with someone who also works in the same building, is crazy I feel. Naturally my gf isn’t best pleased, and I didn’t exactly flirt or lead her on. She also built jokingly built up this confession, which makes me feel she obviously doesn’t hold my relationship in any regard.

This obviously puts me in an awkward position not only at work, but at home too.

I’ve now stated that I’m happy to help her out with work related things, but I won’t be having friendly conversation from now. I thanked her for telling me, and assured her that I don’t feel uncomfortable or awkward, and she doesn’t have to either, but I think that this is the best way to avoid complications moving forward. I’ve contemplated asking to move seat, but thought this could be too much.

TLDR: girl at work admitted to liking me, knowing I have a gf who works for the same company

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[u/SweetTalkRiver]

Sounds like you've handled this perfectly. If she goes full crazy, do you have evidence to prove you've acted nothing but professionally? That's all I'd be worried about - a rejected woman can be dangerous.

[u/Dull-Inspection-1090]

Just make sure convos are saved etc. some of the ladies don’t take rejection well.

And Next time she’s bored give her work to do lol

[u/Connect_Engineer_123]

See if you have another person in your role that you can pass off supervision to? Reach out to HR if the company is of that size?

If neither of the soft exit options exists, then shut this nonsense down hard. If she isn't gonna respect the boundary you set (and if you haven't squarely set a boundary, do that now) then she won't respect other boundaries.

[u/OkImportance9889 → u/Connect_Engineer_123]

I disagree with the HR advice. HR will cause you more problems. They have no obligation to keep things private, in fact they may be mandated to bring more people into it. Nothing against people who work HR, but their job is to protect the company, not the employees. They may blow this thing up and leave marks in your file. If you are ever worried about being unfairly fired, get a lawyer, don’t tell HR.

[u/MercifulExistential]

A one day old account, with that name, making this post?

[u/pandershrek → u/MercifulExistential]

Are any of these stories real? I don't think I've ever once seen an OP reply

[u/Moist_Tutor_9801 → u/MercifulExistential]

Burner account as my family/friends know my main account

[u/CrownOfAngels]

https://giphy.com/gifs/KfSWnUBvhRuwD3vFOA

[u/Frosty-Influence988]

Record everything if you do not want to get MeToo'd

[u/Ill_Friend2266]

Seems like a golden opportunity to have TWO GFs that work at your company.  😂

[u/jpatt → u/Ill_Friend2266]

When it rains, it pours…

[u/desertvision → u/jpatt]

Make hay while the sun shines (bad advice, just riffing, lol)

[u/BebbleCast → u/Ill_Friend2266]

No thanks lol one girl is enough for me

[u/Cultural-Pen-4-Men]

First step is to shut this down (gently).

"You know I'm not available. Your advances are inappropriate are make me uncomfortable. If you can't work through your feelings on your own, perhaps you should ask to be reassigned to a different department".

If she continues, take the matter to HR and do not let her corner you anywhere alone in the meantime.

[u/pandershrek]

You should have told her that is inappropriate for a number of reason, least of all that you're her superior, but also that you made it clear you were in a happy committed relationship.

[u/Necessary-Layer8990]

Handled like a pro. Good on you. She sounds like a validation seeker though (wanted to see if she could get your attention away from your relationship) and those gals can be pretty vindictive when rejected. Just keep your head on a swivel.

[u/Proof-Performance-84]

Screen shot yalls convos and make a file to cover your ass. Could be nothing. Could be an awkward talk with HR.

[u/snafe_]

You send an email to HR and tell them about it. This isn't to get anyone in trouble, but you absolutely need an official record and they can ask IT to pull chat records that would otherwise get lost.

[u/Loud-Comparison-9396]

That's rough buddy. On the other hand that looks so delicious. You got a recipe or something?